X/story: 14 August 1998
Slashx: 16 August 1998
Early Morning Interlude
by Ekiedro
Category: M/K
Rating: PG-13 for language, m/m implied
Spoilers: Pretty much every Krycek ep through "The Red and The Black"
Disclaimers: They belong to Fox, 1013, and CC, and I certainly am not making money off of this.
Feedback: Any and all is appreciated and answered at Ekiedro@aol.com
Archive: Yes, please.
Notes: Sequel to "One Kiss, Two Kiss, Red Kiss, Black Kiss" Just a little Krycek stream of consciousness thing.
Thanks to feklahr for both betaing and putting up with some big time procrastination on my part.

Early Morning Interlude

It was the silence that woke me. Mulder's apartment may not be on the upscale end of the market, but it does have thick walls. (probably the only thing that's saved him from being evicted on more than one occasion.) Much thicker than the fleatraps I've spent too much time in during the last few years. But at least there you're afforded the illusion of privacy. The barracks I got stuck in during my sojourn in Russia didn't even have that. So the silence this morning was quite a change.

Despite being slightly surprised at where I was, I wasn't disoriented I wouldn't have lived this long if I was slow to wake up. I knew where I was right away. Why I was there took a little longer. It was ironic, because, no matter how I wanted him, it wasn't why I had come here.

I hadn't been surprised to hear he was looking for me. Everything I had done that day, including the kiss, had been done to pique his curiosity. Mulder has a lot of evidence that following his curiosity gets him into trouble, but that has never stopped him in the past. I was counting on that working again and it had. My sources had let me know the outcome of his little adventure at the base. The memory wipe would just make him dig harder. I wasn't surprised he was looking for me, but I was annoyed at his methods.

For someone who had been dealing with conspiracies most of his adult life, the man has no concept of discretion. Paranoia, yes; concern for the safety of the saintly Scully, definitely; discretion or subtlety, not a chance in Hell. He has no idea of the danger he put me in by looking for me so directly. But then, he's never been one for thinking about the consequences of his actions. At least, I don't think he does, since I can't think of any other explanation for most of the damn-fool things he does. That combination of paranoia and naivete is what makes him who he is, so I suppose changing him is out of the question. Although, a little more concern for my skin would be nice. Given last night, maybe I can get a little of that partnerly concern extended to me.

Last night. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't want it, that I hadn't dreamed about it for years, but it did surprise me. When I came to see him, I figured it would be one of our usual exchanges. I'd be cryptic, he'd shove me around a bit, I'd relent just enough to give him a tidbit or two, and he'd be off on the hunt again. Things started out pretty normally, but then he threw me a curve. I would have been willing to bet a significant amount of money that he would never have asked me about the kiss. I knew he wanted to know, but even asking about it would have opened up the possibility that there was something between us, and I didn't think he'd ever admit to that. Obviously he'd had a revelation about me. I'm still not sure what that revelation was. Understanding his thought processes is damn near impossible even for those of us who know him. I'm not sure which threw me more, that he was willing to sleep with me or that he trusts me with Scully.

Scully. For one terrifying moment last night I thought I'd lost him to her. Not that I had him at that point, but there was always the possibility. The two of them getting together would be the one thing I couldn't get around. I know I briefly let my guard down last night, but finding out she had kissed him was almost too much. I mean, she had five years of opportunity, and she had to kiss him on the same goddamned afternoon that I did.

I wonder what made her finally make a move on him? He would never make the first move. Not just with her, with anyone. Hell, that's why I jumped him yesterday. I think he's been hurt in the past when he's reached out. He's stopped reaching out, now he waits for others to make the first move.

But she did make the first move, and he rebuffed her. Why? Somehow, I doubt he'll ever tell me. Guess it'll just have to stay a mystery. Since I seem to have won this little contest, I can live with a little mystery.

And he wants to meet with her. I'm really going to have to watch myself. I mean, I never liked her, and I think the immediate antipathy was pretty much mutual. It's going to be even worse now. I want to rub her nose in it, but if I even mentioned it, they'd both kill me. And then she'd shoot him, just on general principles. But if I want this to last (and I do), I had better not piss off Scully. Besides the personal side, there is also a professional side to this that is also important. It kills me to admit it, to function properly, he needs her. I mean look at the period when they had her. One measly little vampire case. No serious meddling, no uncovering of plots, nothing. He might have just taken a three-month vacation for all he got done. So, make nice with the doctor to save the human race. I've had to do worse things in my line of work (Marita comes immediately to mind).

Maybe if we straighten things out about her sister, it'll be OK. I don't know what Cardinale told her, but it was enough to let her sit by while Mulder tried to beat the shit out of me. Yeah, I was there, but I didn't shoot Melissa, Luis did. I never would have shot the wrong person; I don't make stupid mistakes. No I have to take that back. I do make stupid mistakes; the fact that I only have one arm certainly bears witness to that. And when we were in her apartment, waiting, I didn't really care. I thought he was dead, so it didn't matter to me what happened to her. If I had known that he wasn't (I should've known. He always gets out of it, somehow), I would have protected her. Because he needs her.

Damn it all, he needs her.

I don't know where that leaves me in this little arrangement, but out in the cold seems likely. But he stopped her when they kissed. And he didn't stop me. So I have at least one advantage over her. Maybe that'll be enough to overcome my jealousy and let me work with her.

Pathetic that I'm jealous of her, but it's the truth. I was jealous of her before we ever met, from the moment of that first phone call on the Cole case, I knew she was my rival for Mulder, and she had all the advantages. And by that point I already knew I wanted him. I mean, hell, from the moment I saw his picture, it was lust at first sight. And in person, oh my, pictures do not do the man justice. But by the time she called (and that was pretty early in the case), I already knew it was something more. Don't know how or why, especially the way he was acting, but I knew. The same way Mulder knows something on a case. We are far more alike than he realizes.

And so, there I was, I'd barely known the guy for a day, most of which he'd been a complete asshole, and I'm jealous of a voice on a phone. And that jealousy blinded me to how much he needed her. I wanted to be able to replace her, fill all his needs. At that point, I thought I could. So I let them take her. Hell, I encouraged them to take her. Mulder was a wreck. And I had done it. Even before I left, I realized how much of a mistake taking her had been. I wanted to undo it. To return my rival, because her absence hurt him so much. That was the point where I realized how hard I had fallen for him. It scared me. Never in my entire life had I cared that much about one person. I was almost glad that I got pulled out of the Bureau. It got me away from him, and at that point, that seemed like a good thing. I was young and stupid.

Being away from him was even worse than being with him, no matter how scary the latter was. It's taken me three years to rectify my mistakes, but I finally have, and I'm finally where I want to be. With him.

I'm watching him sleep, and it's still hard to convince myself it really happened. The one and only thing I have truly wanted in my life, and suddenly I have it. It's rather disconcerting to have your greatest wish handed to you on a silver platter. Not that any of this is going to be easy. Getting him was one thing, keeping him is going to be another thing entirely. My past is not nice, to put it mildly.

I didn't kill his dad, but there are plenty of other things I've done that he's going to choke on. Especially lately. I've always been a firm believer in the ends justifying the means, and since the ends are the survival of the human race, I've been pretty damn ruthless. I don't know how he's going to take it, though. Probably badly. He'll want me to change. The damning thing is, for him I would, but not in this case. The stakes are too high. I have to keep being ruthless, because if I don't... Well, it's not even worth thinking about. I was a drone for one of those alien bastards once. Never again. I'll eat my gun if it comes to that. If it comes to that, I'll kill both of them and then myself. No one should have to endure that. No one. And then to leave me in that damned silo. I take it back, if anyone deserves it, the black-lunged son of a bitch does. Yeah, that would be a fitting revenge. Lock him and the alien in a silo...

I've got stop this. I'm safe, and I'm in Mulder's bed. Life is good.

Damn, shouldn't have thought about the silo. I'm shaking, and it's going to wake him up. Shit, it has. He's studying me, concern in his eyes. Please don't let him ask questions that'll just make it worse. He starts to say something, and then stops himself. Instead, he just moves closer and takes me in his arms. I don't know how long we sit like that. I just concentrate on his nearness, and slowly the panic fades. Once the shaking stops, he lays me down and pulls me down next to him. He closes his eyes and is asleep again. I banish all thoughts of aliens, silos, and Scully, and do my best to follow his lead.