The Color of Danger

by inlaterdays

[Story Headers]

The car door opened; a piece of flying red fabric hit Alex Krycek in the face.

"Mulder - what - "

"A little something to liven up your evening," Mulder said, sliding into the passenger seat.

Krycek held the object up, distastefully. "What the hell is this?"

"It's a thong."

"A //bright red// thong. Great. As if this boring stakeout wasn't bad enough, now I've got you hitting me in the face with evidence of your latest conquest. What is she, a stripper?"

"FBI Agent."

Krycek's eyebrows rose.

"And it's not from a girl. It's for you. A present."

"What the hell am I supposed to do with it? Hang it from my rearview mirror?"

"You're supposed to wear it."

//Are you high?// Krycek wanted to ask him, but he just blinked, mouth open in astonishment. This had to be some kind of joke. "No offense, but - it's not exactly my style."

"And that is exactly why I got it for you," Mulder beamed. "I've seen the way you look at my Speedo when I'm getting changed for the pool and you're going to the gym. I know you've been wishing you had the guts to wear something like it."

"You know squat," Krycek muttered into the top of his long-empty coffee cup, the tips of his ears going crimson.

"Yeah, right. I've decided I'm going to help you with your body issues."

"Thanks, but I don't have any."

"Oh come //on//, Alex," Mulder insisted. "You're a young guy, well-built, but you wear sweats to work out in, and I've //seen// that old-man underwear you walk around in at the hotel." He made a face.

"I don't wear old-man underwear."

"White t-shirt, boxers - "

" - there's nothing wrong with - "

" - sock garters - "

"Fuck you, Mulder! I don't - "

" - truss - "

Krycek threw the offending thong back at him, catching him on the side of the head. Mulder laughed.

"You're lucky my coffee's gone," Krycek said. "The reason I look at your stupid swimsuit is because it's bright fucking fire-engine red. It's kind of hard to miss. Like a neon sign. Only in worse taste."

"You don't like red?"

"I don't like to call that much attention to myself."

"Red is the color of passion," Mulder said, still laughing.

"And of stop signs," Krycek said meaningfully. "Anyway, maybe you're the one with body issues. You only wear that thing because you want to be noticed."

"Well...I'm getting noticed, aren't I?"

Krycek frowned, looking back down at his coffee cup. He'd bitten all around the rim. A nervous habit. A bad one, he thought. "What do you want from me?" he asked, finally.

"I just want you to loosen up a little," Mulder said, looking back out at the street. "Relax. If we're going to be working together we might as well get to know each other."

//Oh, no we won't. Unfortunately...// Krycek reined in his thoughts; looked over at the other man again. "You buy underwear for all your partners?" he asked, lightly.

"Nope," said Mulder evenly, turning to look him straight in the eye.

Krycek dropped his gaze first, unwillingly, saying nothing. Mulder tossed the thong back to him; this time the younger man caught it on the fly, without looking up.

"Fine," he said. "Think what you like. But I'm not wearing it. Anyway, it's your shift. There's been no action all night. On the stakeout."

Mulder grinned, clearly pleased at having flustered his partner.

//It's all a game for you. I wish it was for me.// Krycek opened his door; got out. "Good luck."

"You can model it for me sometime," Mulder called. Kryeck rolled his eyes. "Fair's fair, and you've seen me in less. Let me see how you look in it."

//Yeah, like that's gonna happen.// Krycek slammed the door.

"- or out of it."

Krycek stood stock-still for a moment, then shook his head. He hadn't just heard that.

He straightened his tie, shoved the bright red abomination into his pocket, and mentally cursed Mulder.

//Dammit. Dammit! This assignment was supposed to have been so uncomplicated. But there was nothing at all uncomplicated about the man he was working with. His motives were impossible to guess; his movements were likewise impossible to anticipate. He hadn't seen this coming, that was for sure.

...and it was really damned hard to walk in this condition.//


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Title:  The Color of Danger
Author:  inlaterdays   [email/website]
Details:  Standalone  |  PG-13  |  4k  |  01/09/09
Pairings:  Mulder/Krycek
Category:  Humor, Story, UST, Pre-slash
Summary:  Fluff. Implied pre-slash. Takes place between "Sleepless" and "Duane Barry". No sex, just silly banter.

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