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So Why So Sad (Absolutely Perfect)
Chapter 7
Fandom: the X Files/ Supernatural
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Alex Krycek
POV: Krycek's
Rating: R throughout
Beta'd by Courtney Gray (HUGE thanks to her!) Dedicated: to Lu, LID, Warped, absrip, Phantomas, SibSkys - the partners in crime!
9.10 am
SundayHe had not felt so out of control of his situation since he had had to undergo two months of reconstructive surgery and physical rehabilitation in St-Petersburg three years ago.
Alex knocked at the door. It was still unlocked, just as he'd left it, an hour before. When Dean opened it, he looked like he'd just woken up, hair tousled, sleep lines on his cheek. He had his cell phone in his hand.
Alex immediately took the shotgun from under his jacket and thrust it in Dean's free hand, "I came to return your family heirloom."
Dean took the gun, but barely looked at it, shoving it on the bedside table. His eyes were on Alex.
"What? You've seen a ...demon again?" Alex could not come up with a better joke, but Dean Winchester in his dirty jeans and his tee shirt riding up, cheek bruised and all big eyes looked like he was seeing a good omen.
"Dude...it's a sign that you came back," said Dean with a sigh of genuine relief.
Alex felt rooted to the spot. He could not just turn away and leave after such a cordial welcome. Alex had come prepared to face a mood swing, but not a positive one.
"A sign of what? Or are you talking to someone else in this room?"
Dean shook his head, he did not look comfortable at all when he spoke again.
"I just had a call, from Waterry, that was the pawnbroker I left the Impala two days ago..."
"And what?" Alex closed the door behind him, he did not want to cause any attention dealing with this obviously certifiable hotass.
"I have to buy it back - my car - today, or they will put it for sale tomorrow. I thought I had time, till next Wednesday, but no. They have the IRS checking tomorrow or some shit: they won't keep any extra assets on their...ummm... balance sheets..."
Dean's eyes were brighter than Krycek's ever seen them, the irises almost yellow. His breath caught a little as he told his story, clearly starting to panic. This car must be one of a kind, if he was so crazy about it. Or it was all he had left of a home.
Krycek cocked his head, he felt...duped. It was uncanny how he'd been lured back. Possibly he indeed was causing Dean a spell of bad luck, or he had set some weird thing that connected them, in motion. He nudged Fate, it nudged him back. It was as if it was pushing Dean into his lap. If only he could figure out why.
"How much do you owe?" he asked before his mind caught up with his mouth. Had it been anyone else, the mere suggestion of a loan would never pass his lips. He was not a rich man, he just enjoyed small comforts of life when he could. It was his own fault if Dean had gotten a different impression. Compassion wasn't his forte either. He should shrug it off "Another bad day for you, buddy," and close the door. He wasn't supposed to care. He did because he'd learnt more about Dean than he should have. Dysfunctional family, childhood trauma, possibly a missing sibling, life of petty crime...the whole shebang. He did not ask if Dean had someone else to help him out. When people turned to Alex Krycek for help, he was truly their last resort.
In Dean's eyes Alex could see hope reviving. Then Dean licked his lips making Alex even more reluctant to leave. Alex only hoped that Dean hadn't pawned a vintage car that could cost up to twenty thousands. Alex didn't let himself be led around by his dick; and now was one of those difficult moments when Dean's appeal was affecting his reasoning. He wanted that ass again, and the untried mouth and the whole family mystery as a bonus pack. But with steely resolution he told himself that he couldn't afford to leave that big a money trail. For Alex, money was essential for freedom of choice and movement, and he had often paid in pieces of his flesh for his stash. So why did he feel like he'd be a real scumsucker if he just let the unfortunate ghost-hunter solve his financial troubles on his own?
"Three grand."
Alex admitted to himself that he could spare the cash and the terms of repayment could be interesting. He paused, letting the silence stretch, and it was not just because he wanted to savor that helpless stare. He listened to "himself," to the inner voice he relied on to give him that final warning, but there was nothing.
"Please, dude. I...I know it's a lot. I'll do anything. Anything. I'll...work to pay it back." Dean's face flushed, wide-eyed, and brutally hopeful. Alex took a moment to wonder about it. He had to admit that subconsciously from the moment he woke up, he wanted a reason to stay and learn more, maybe even get an advantage on this guy. It was the kind of fun he had lost when Mulder headed off to his rendezvous with the aliens. So here was his chance for the taking. He didn't even have to invent anything.
"You realize...it's a serious arrangement," Alex warned, unbuttoning his jacket and leaning against the doorframe. He looked at Dean unflinchingly. He wanted it to be clear without spelling it out. It was actually easier to choose the manner of conversation now when he'd learnt some of Dean's background. Dean was street smart: he must be aware of the basic, unwritten laws. He must know that every kind action had a not-so-kind reaction. He knew that Dean might regret it. He knew that if Dean ran out on him, payback would be a mean bitch.
"I...was a lousy lay. But I was wasted...whipped. I... can do better...," added Dean hastily. He seemed to be grasping for some way to persuade Krycek even as he fought to veil the reluctance and humiliation in his eyes, in his voice.
"Don't sell yourself so cheap," thought Alex, but aloud he noted, "Broaden your options, cowboy. There could be other useful things you could do for me." Of course, he had no idea yet what Dean could do. He had learnt this morning what Dean apparently had been doing to earn his living. There still could be more surprises ahead. Being alone was Alex's conscious choice. All the partners he'd ever had were either ones he'd been assigned to keep tabs on or were there to keep him under control. At best they tried not to get in his way. At worst he always managed to arrange to have them removed. He only recalled one who could give him a decent blowjob and he'd never learnt his real name before Spender had transferred him to a different assignment. Of course he didn't consider Dean a serious partner for anything other than a wild goose hunt. But what he knew for sure, it wasn't just that pretty face he wanted.
"I...don't know what you are talking about now, but... I'm up for what you want...I just NEED that money...now."
"I can see that," Alex noted tersely, "You really mean it, being up for what I want?"
"I'll deal with it," Dean meant to sound confident, but it was more like he was trying to convince himself.
"Okay. Just remember I don't do charity."
"Are you giving me a warning?" Finally looked like an alarm bell went off in Dean's head.
"Maybe."
"I'm not a fool. And I'm not a child." Dean stated hotly. "Do you think I don't know what I'm getting into with a hardboiled guy who prefers backdoor action and looks like he's just stepped out of a Tarantino movie?"
Alex was not immune to vanity. Dean had just flattered him, even if he said it without thinking.
"Yes, I don't think you know. But that will not be counted as an excuse for me to take advantage of you later." This was as honest as Alex ever got.
Dean looked puzzled, then brooding. But he quickly swallowed it down, looking relieved.
"Just...Ok. Deal me in."
There was a cash-machine around the corner. Dean was jittery with pent-up energy when Alex told him to wait in the room.
When he returned, Dean was fully dressed, smelling of Colgate and cold water and a bit of lavender. He had his dirty jacket on and ready to go.
Alex put the money on the table.
"Deal then?" Dean was still not convinced it wasn't a hoax on Alex's part.
"Deal," Alex nodded. They did not shake hands, as Dean took the money without counting it, stuffing it inside his jacket. Relief smoothed his features.
"Thank you, buddy," Alex nearly jumped when Dean stepped up and gave him an awkward, but cordial bear hug.
This was the moment to remind Dean that life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
"So am I still all about bad luck... Dean Winchester?"
Alex saved the effect for the last moment as he spoke to Dean's back. He could not help it, he had a weakness for theatrical effects. But this was not a slip of the tongue. What others would have called stupidly blowing his cover, demonstrating he was a sneaky bastard, was what Alex felt had to do to ease his own mind. He just wanted Dean to know that he could learn. The timing was the best, so that Dean knows the truth from the start and deals with the consequences. And Alex in his turn will deal with Dean.
When Dean turned, shock covered his features. His jaw flexed, eyes narrowed.
"How...the...hell."
"Must have googled you while you were asleep," Alex was ready to meet him head on.
"You went through my pockets!" snapped Dean indignantly. It took him just a second to realize. It looked like he was ready to attack Alex, but barely held himself back. Instead he rubbed his chin, ran his hand roughly through his hair, finally adding bitterly, "Jeez, am I not an idiot. But why? Wasn't it enough that you've had me once?"
Alex forbade himself to give in to the genuinely hurt look Dean gave him. Dean could still thank him for being honest later. If Dean just started to realize he'd stumbled on a crook who was way out of his league, he had to find a way to deal with it. Alex always hated that part; he did not want to pretend he was better than he was, running on half-truths. He had been there with Mulder, and Mulder had never forgiven him for ruining the image he had constructed of Alex while they were in the FBI. Alex forbade himself to think of where he could have been now if he had told Mulder the truth when he'd had the chance.
"Call me passionately curious. Or maybe you thought I'd give my money to a total stranger without any return security? What if I needed to track you down?"
He must have said something that cut Dean to the quick on some deeper level, more than the fact that he went through his pockets.
"Total stranger, eh? Oh fuck you!"
That Alex managed not get a firm punch right in the left eye was because he ducked in time, expecting Dean to turn his anger on him. Dean's fist grazed his cheekbone and when Dean swung at him again, Alex was prepared and they were chest to chest, Dean's wrist in Alex's grip and their free hands bunched in each others' clothes.
"You sneak up on me like that again, I won't give a shit if you're the one with the gun!" Dean said with feeling, his face flushing with color.
Alex swallowed the urge to laugh out loud. Dean could not even imagine how often he'd been through this before. He definitely KNEW how to derail the young man from his little outburst of righteous anger. Regardless of who was on the receiving end, Mulder just could not forgive himself for having sex with Alex unless it was masked as a forced act. And because Mulder was sex on legs to him, Alex played along. Always. But he would not wouldn't take more violence and temper than he deserved from anyone else.
"Reminds me...we've been this close before," Alex wheezed, "And it felt good. Wanna do it again?"
It did not have the expected derailing effect, Dean did not draw away. Their foreheads were almost touching, a nerve ticked under Dean's lower eyelid, his eyes narrowed. Alex wedged his knee between Dean's legs as a warning to think twice before he decided to strike. Alex could not help but stare at Dean's half-open mouth as he breathed through his teeth. Dean gave him the already familiar "you bitch" grimace but did not make further attempts at manhandling. Alex was the first to reluctantly release Dean's wrist. The other man uncurled his fingers from the lapel of his jacket as Alex pushed him half-heartedly away.
"Easy, cowboy."
Dean seemed to regain his nerve and stepped toward Alex, puffing out his chest. It was as if he was trying to compensate for their height difference with a surplus of bluster. "You knew I was down and out. I didn't have anything worth taking. You did it... just for the kicks?"
"No, I wanted clues about who you are. It was the quickest way to learn what I wanted. People lie, you know that." Alex put his hands on his hips, his stance mirroring Dean's.
"And you don't like to wait to get what you want, right?"
"Absolutely," Alex nodded. He watched Dean's eyes darken, but he didn't speak, didn't move, only seemed poised to take flight. In fact, Alex was a patient man, but in this particular situation he preferred for Dean to misunderstand him.
"So why the fuck did you have to tell me now?" Dean looked like he wanted to hit or throw something. He kicked the bed-frame halfheartedly and sat down, muttering another curse under his breath.
"I thought it would be fair, so that you'd really know who you were doing business with." Alex shrugged with easy artifice. "And besides... Winchester is a much sexier fit on you than a Turner."
Dean looked up at his last comment, visibly reeling between anger and indecision. Meanwhile Alex waited for Dean to throw his blood money in his face. Then he could react with a good punch and they could both go their separate ways.
When Dean finally spoke, it looked like he'd subdued his anger in favor of his most pressing priority.
"Okay, mister. Point taken. You've got some nerve. We'll talk about fair play later."
Alex nearly rolled his eyes at that. Sure, any time you want.
Dean rammed his hands into his pockets, the air of righteous indignation still coming off him so strongly that Alex felt as if there was an icy wall around him. It did not make Alex comfortable, but it was too late to kick himself for being too honest. So all he could advise Dean to do was to pucker up and swallow it.
"How are you getting to Waterry?" Alex asked, as if no confrontation had just taken place, assuming a cute and harmless air.
"There is a bus, it takes less than half an hour to get there. I'll be back in a couple of hours max. We'll meet here then."
Alex felt suddenly goaded. Did Dean take him for a fool?
"What? You're taking a bus? Look at yourself!" Dean's clothes were covered with dried mud, even though it looked like he had tried to scrub off his leather jacket, though with little success.
"I will try not to rub against anyone. I'm leaving it here," said Dean with a nod towards the shotgun.
"I see. What kind of crap are you giving me this time? The bad luck shit again? If I go with you, will we get in an accident? Will a meteorite hit us? How stupid do you think I am?"
"Chill out, dude." Dean raised his voice at that. "You do have serious trust issues!"
Alex had a hard time containing himself at the comment. Dean, in his turn, sounded and looked affronted. Then he apparently reconsidered, admitting that Alex probably had good reason to believe that Dean would light out once he got his car back. As he got up and buttoned his jacket, he tried to explain:
"I don't need an escort. You don't have to be afraid I'll run away. I just gave you my word!"
"Is it worth its weight in gold?" asked Alex sarcastically. Credibility was Dean's forte, but Alex knew that everybody lied. He wished Dean was an exception. It might have changed his view on the order of the universe.
"It's just...I need some time on my own, ok?" Dean's hand paused at the doorjamb. Then he turned and looked back at Alex challengingly: "So what's your real name, while we're at it?"
Alex considered lying for a moment, not that Dean could check him out anyway. But then he decided to take the dangerous risk and tell the truth.
"Alex. Alex Krycek." He felt a short rush of adrenaline, as he revealed himself. He was a junkie, after all.
Dean's lips moved, he apparently tried to memorize the unusual pronunciation.
"You'll have to take a few things on faith, then, Alex Cry-chick," he mis-pronounced his last name with intent. Alex did not react, just quirked his brow, urging him to go on, "And the first one, if you haven't already made a note is that I don't break deals, as long as they're not made with the Devil..." Dean pointed out and the gravity of his tone made Alex feel strangely uncomfortable, even stupid. It was also the first time Dean had called him by his first name since they met.
->TBC
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Title: So Why So Sad (Absolutely Perfect), ch 7
Author: Griva [email/website]
Details: Standalone | R | 16k | 04/20/08
Pairings: Crossover Pairing | Alex Krycek/Dean Winchester
Category: Story, Crossover | X Files / Supernatural
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