far away xx

by carolelained

[Story Headers]

God life can't get anymore boring than this same old shit day after day just waiting around for a contact. Why for just once in my life can't someone just arrive on fuckin time.

Well they have 15 minutes and im out of here to hell with it after that the consortium can deal with their own shit. Finally 10 minutes later they decide to show. Im going to kill someone before this day ends, all that time just to be told to go somewhere else and wait in the morning. Great what a waste of an entire day. I guess the smoking bastard wants to piss me off or see if he can trust me. Well its easier for me if he thinks he can trust me 100%. Right i might as well get the hell out of here a hot shower and a few beers and sleep yeah alex liked the sound of his own ideas .
Well the shower helped but i decided on the vodka to help me sleep tonight. I had always suffered from nightmares fom a very young age and hated going to sleep. So i decided to take care of my other problem first fuck i had a hard on to the point it hurt. So i lay on the sofa pulling down my clothes, i started to think about the one and only fantasy i knew would help me achieve release. I lay there thinking about his gorgeous eyes and the pouting lips that could give any man a blow job with ease. I imagine him here with me stroking my cock and kissing me with those insatible lips and taking my cock into his lush mouth. Within no time at all i find the release my body so much needed. I have to make the most of my fantasies as i know the man i want and love is well beyond my reach. So goodnight my sweet Fox wherever you are xx.

Well its morning again and no hangover so at least thats something i guess fuck i hate morning's why do men always have to wake with a hard on. I lay here thinking of Fox who most probably will be in the shower and getting ready for work now. God thats a nice mental picture Fox in the shower, how i would love to get my hands on that cute little ass of his pin him up against the shower wall and fuck the life out of him until he screamed my name. That would show him just what he's missing out on. Oh just fuckin great i got carried away so much my cock hurts, great due to going out i think a cold shower is much needed.

One hour later i am where i was told to be. Oh life can be so much fun i know i am going to like this job. Thing's are looking up the cancerous bastard believes Mulder's up to something. My strict order's are to install a camera in his flat and keep a very close eye on him. Well i always liked keeping an eye or two on Fox so i guess the camera will be an added bonus.

I have been informed that Mulder will be away for one more night on a case so i guess i will be paying a visit to 42 hagel place. (Unoffical visit of course)
Well its now 4am so i guess now will be as good time as any to get the camera in position. Great i must be mad its freezing and i am soaking wet, i swear if this was not Mulders apartment i would make the smoking bastard do it himself. Well here goes there's no one around so i slip up to the 4th floor via the stairs and pick the lock on door 42.

Its not a problem as i have done it before and Mulders very lax on security for an F.B.I agent. Well its all quite at least my source got it right for once, well i must get to work there's just so many distractions around here god i can even smell him as if he was here. I guess not a lots changed in his life still lots of porn magazines and videos. still no girlfriend yet then Fox.
I still cant understand how someone so fuckin gorgeousi is still single at his age. Well less of the thinking i know i will only get close to him in my fantasies and no one can stop them not even Fox. God what am i doing fuck i am here to do a job, hard to concentrate now with a raging hard on. Right i set up the camera, have one last look around and creep back into the night just me and my shadow.

Home at last Mulders not back for a few hours, so time to eat shower and sleep. The smoking man gave orders for me to keep an eye on Mulder and follow him if he goes anywhere. I guess it will be a piece of cake then, Mulder goes home every night from work and as the camera is in place i bet i wont even need to leave here. The hot shower and pizza made me sleepy but i will have to jerk myself off, all this thinking about Fox has made me harder than ever. I lay here yet again with my hands sliding up and down my cock, imagining its Mulders sexy hands jerking me off. thinking about Mulder i come hard and fast and fall aslep within minutes.

I awoke a few hours later, well time to swich on the moniter and see if Fox has arrived home yet. Oh great you stupid fuckin prick Alex, i was so turned on at Mulders apartment i forgot to turn the bloody camera on. I will have to drive by and see if the lights are on so i know if he's home yet. Finally back home, i drove by the apartment and the lights were on i hung around until they went off.

I have reported to the smoking man that it was a quite night and nothing happened. He seemed okay with my report for now.
But now i will have to risk going to Mulders during the day while he's at work. I managed to get in easy and unseen, i did the job fast and got out before i became horny again. I have wired the camera so i have a good view of his apartment. So i intend to sit here with a bottle of vodka and see what Fox gets up to when he's home alone.

I am sure by watching Fox i will find something to do to entertain myself. So here's to a pleasant evening Fox.
Great if any thing else goes wrong i will go mad. The night i finally get the camera sorted out Fox is a no show. Well there goes my fun night fuck it i will have to drive around there and see where he is.

I have been here for over an hour now and still no sign of Fox. I go and hide near the building as i cant stand it in the car any longer, i need some air.
I i knew i should not have knocked the vodka back as fast as i did, well on the bright side at least i managed to drive over without wrapping the car around a lampost.

" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING AROUND HERE KRYCEK "

Fuck i freeze i would recognize that sexy voice anywhere. I turn to find his gorgeous eyes staring at me and i am at a total loss for words, god i have to get a grip on things this is not like me. I am a hard tough man when i need to be but at the moment i have turned to jelly, shit shit think fast. Well to late now i spent that long daydreaming that he now has hold of me by my jacket and is demanding to know what i am playing at. He informs me i am a murderer liar and overall scum and always up to no good, nice to see Fox as his usual self.

I cant think my mind wont register anything he is so close to me his mouth so close to my own lips. I mumble something hell i dont even know what i said but the next minute he punches me and i fall to the ground. Oh shit he is sitting on the top of me what a turn on. At that moment i realise something else and comment (Shit i could dig my own grave with my mouth).

"Is that how you get turned on Mulder hitting people".

He looks at me like i am strange

"what the fuck are going on about now Krycek"

"Well unless i am mistaken that is one hell of a hard on you have there Mulder"

Well i did say i had a big mouth as he dragged me to my feet and punched me again.

"You ar nothing but a filthy sad murdering lying pervert"

He pushes me and tells me to fuck off and get lost far away from him, then he strode away. Hell i need to go home and think about what happened here tonight i need to work out what the hell was with mulder i believed him to be straight. And he will never realise that even though he hit me (twice) and it still hurts like hell it was a big turn on having his hands on me. Shit an even bigger turn on was having him sit on top of me with that rock hard cock pressing against me.

I so need to think, first i must do something about my own poor hard cock thats straining against my tight jeans.

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God i dont think i even understand myself or my feelings at the moment. I seem to be able to go from one extreme to another in a matter of seconds. How do i go from been really happy to yelling my eyes out like a babyand feeling so depressed. Life,s just so lonely i always got by before, hell maybe its my age or something and the thought of a life time alone. I just can't take much more of this i feel mlike im going under big time. All i want is for someone to love me hold me and let me know everything will be ok.

I feel like i have nobody in my life, what do i come home too nothing thats what. Special agent Fox Mulder young not bad looking but still all alone (how sad am i) but still i sit here night after night feeling sorry for myself and i do nothing to change my life. I need to stop drinking so much and maybe watch less porn and get a real life, god im so fucked up. Come on Mulder snap out of it start with tonight what was i thinking over that carry on with Krycek.

How the hell did someone like him turn me on in the first place well i suppose he is gorgeous oh shit now im going mad. And i have to admit it even if its only to myself, i was so turned on i had to get away from him. Fuck Krycek must have wondered what the hell all that was about. What the hell will happen next time i see him as i swear i wont be able to tough him, shit Krycek will never let me live this down.

I have had feelings towards men before and wondered about my sexual prefrences but why him, he's nothing but filth and scum and a lot more. I need to know if it was just him or if close contact with any man would do this to me. It could just be all the years spent alone and any human contact would have the same effect on me. Shit i hope it was just a one off or my job will become extremly difficult trying to arrest anyone. And then there's Scully what would she think if i walked around all the time with a hard on.

Scully's own mother thinks we would make a great couple and that we should go out together. Scully is my best friend and i love her like my sister would she still feel the same way about me if i was gay, hell im just so mixed up and confused life's just one long battle at work and at home. I just feel so alone in this world spooky Mulder with his weird ideas and thoughts and im so tired there is no peace in my life. Just face it Mulder im so fucked up they will be sending the men in white coats and have me in a nice padded cell by the weekend.

I have so much anger and rage inside me when i am anywhere near Krycek nothing more. No hang on a minute if i go back a bit i remember the very first day in the bullpen when i met him and i had this sudden strange sensation and i was thinking about how gorgeous he was but i pushed the thoughts away because he was a man. God maybe i had feelings towards him all along but then he went and betrayed me.

I have profiled many men for the FBI but i could never manage to work Krycek out and i dont know what he really thinks about me. When i hit him he just has this strange look it's like he is a wild animal so why wont he fight back and hit me he most probably could knock me out if he really wanted too.

Sod this at this moment in time i need some sleep i will think later about my own life and where it's going and what to do about it all. Great now my cock is throbbing as bad as my head, i undo my trousers and release it from it's tight prison and start caressing and stroking it getting faster i keep pumping it to give myself the release i so much need.

I find myself thinking about him and before i know it i am coming hard and fast. But what scare's me more than anything is hearing myself shout his name as i came fuck it was not like i even shouted Krycek. I had reffered to him by his first name. Fuck where did thatcome from as i had always called him Krycek.

Fuck this i need sleep now. I am left unable to think straight, too many revelations in one night.

A few hours later i swich off my alarm and shower just another work day ahead. I slept very little during the night but i have made a few decisions regarding my life and future.

Friday night i have decided to go out to a club have a few drinks and see where it leads. I need to know if it is just Krycek or if i am gay.

I know its time i found the true me the real Fox Mulder and be willing to deal with it. Well it will soon be friday.

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Well i watched Fox for most of the day. I now sit waiting for him to arrive home. The camera is all set up and ready so i guees all thats left to do is wait. Fuck i hate waiting around.

But when it comes to Fox it's worth it and i am looking forward to an evening watching and learning what he does when alone.

6pm well on with the show Fox dearest has arrived back home. Fuck this could be boring as he's brought Scully back with him.

I cant believe i listened to Cancerman and only installed a camera in his dam apartment. I need a bug it might have made it more intresting with sound. Oh well i will have to make do with what i have got.

They seem to be just talking at the moment i am unsure what Mulder's sexual preferences are but with her he seems relaxed like she is his sister or something. Well not like i could ever have him anyway. If Mulder was gay and i was the last man alive he would still kill me rather than fuck me. Fuck im feeling sorry for myself yet again.

Well Mulder spent the next hour eating pizza and talking. How i sat there wishing that was my cock in his mouth instead of that pizza oh god and when he put those fingers inside his mouth and sucked them clean. God i find my hand inside my jeans wishing it was his hand on me. Fuck i am enjoying myself.

out of the corner of my eye i notice Scully leaving, she just pats him on the shoulder and gives him a hug. No long kisses hell maybe i am right they are just close friend's.

I jerk my swollen cock even harder until i shudder and come thinking about the only man i want. God i love him.

When i finally finish i look back at the moniter and find Fox not in his livingroom. I only put a camera in that room as i know he sleeps on the sofa and has since i met him. maybe he went for a shower, I dont want him too go to sleep just yet.

Well twenty minutes later Fox enter's the room. he has changed his clothes and just sit's down on the couch. I feel more relaxed it looks like i was right. He had just showered and changed.

Fuck it the vodka has started to really kick in now as i feel very drunk. I am unsure if Fox has gone to sleep sat up as he has not moved for over an hour now. He suddenly look's up fuck all i see is so much hurt and pain in his eyes. I want to cry he look's so sad and unhappy.

Then he moved off the couch oh well it was just to put a video on then wend back to the couch and lay down. The next minute his hand's went inside his boxer's. Well thing's might be looking up after all for me. He pulls his large cock free.

Fuck i have felt him against me and i will never forget the sight of him in those red speedo's. But this is unreal nothing between seeing what Fox has got. Great now i am aware of the bulge in my own pant's. I study Fox for a while just enjoying the sight of him then decide to jerk myself off while watching.

God it feel's great i can almost imagine him here with me. I would love to know what goes on in head what he is realy thinking about while he jerks off. God Fox is smiling whoever or whatever he is thinking about must have made him happy even for a short while. I would love him to be happy more as he has the most gorgeous smile.

I finally manage to come god that was so easy doing it while watching Fox i should have known i would not last long. I notice his mouth moving as he came fuck i would love to know what he said. I will have to bug the apartment soon then i just find out.

I watch the moniter and notice Fox no longer smiling. He seems very upset again that whatever it was making him happy has ended and he is all alone again. He finally fall's asleep yet seem's so restless.

I watch Fox for over an hour before i decide to sleep myself. In that hour i noticed how bad he did sleep always moving around. Shit even in his sleep he had a bloody frown on his gorgeous face. I guess his mind found no peace at all. I would love to make him smile a lot more as he seem's to have a worse life than me if that's possible.

I have decide to watch him a lot closer as he seem's so depressed. I would never survive or forgive myself if anything was to happen to my sweet gorgeous Fox.

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Mulder let himself into his apartment it had been a long day he was glad it was the weekend. He thought about the plan's he had made for tonight. He was very nervous but determined to go through with it. He had picked up a bottle of very strong vodka on the way home and decided it would be a good idea to have a few drinks first for courage and to relax.

A couple of hour's later and some alcohol inside him he thought it was about time he showered and changed. After the shower and shave he got dressed in close fitting black jeans and a black shirt, he did his hair and was about as ready as he ever would be.

He walked into the livingroom and realised he had hardly ate a thing all day. But he decided just to have another vodka instead. At least he knew he was drunk and had already ordered a taxi for 7pm. All he had to do was wait.

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I had watched Mulder for the past hour. Not a lot to report as he had just sat there drinking vodka. He looked like he was deep in thought about something.

Watching Fox had alway's turned me on and i believed he was just going too drink himself to sleep so expected a quite evening. With this in mind i removed my jeans and placed my hand around my cock wich was as hard as rock. Fuck i needed to come bad.

I noticed Fox leave the room but was not worried as the camera covered the apartment door. So knowing Fox was still in his apartment i finished the task at hand. Rubbing my hand up and down the lengh of my cock. Thinking of that lush body and his lips kissing me. Fuck in no time at all i was coming yelling his name.

Suddenly all that was forgotten as i noticed movement on the moniter. Hell i could not believe the gorgeous vision in front of me. Fox Mulder dressed to kill shit i was starting to get hard again already. What's he playing at and shit he keep's drinking more and more.

Shit i have a really bad feeling about all this Fox dressed to kill knocking back the vodka like tap water. God he never even ate while at home.

I realised that fox must be going out dressed like that. But hell how could he go out when he was only just managing to stand up. Fuck it i knew i had to move and fast.
Getting in to my jeans with an erection this hard was slowing me down and fastening them was a nightmare. I finally managed to dress and grab my leather jacket then my gun and keys.

I sat waiting in my car as i knew he would be waiting for a cab. Hell even Mulder was not stupid enough to drive that pissed. Finally a cab showed up.
Oh shit Mulder came towards the waiting car shit he was totally drunk. He struggled in to the cab nearly falling over. Where the hell was he going in that state.

I waited for the cab to pull away and followed it. Shit i don't know what worries me the most. How Fox is acting and how he look's or my own emotions. At this moment in time i want him more than anything.

I tried to block out my own feeling's shit life was simple when i only had myself to worry about. Shit think about it later as at the moment i only have one concern. One rather drunk gorgeous Fox Mulder.

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I followed the cab heading toward's the main nightlife scene. twenty minutes later the cab came to a halt and Fox almost fell out of the door. Shit i know this place as i have been here before it's also a gay bar. Well you are full of suprise's Fox.

I wait for him to go inside then exit my own car locking it behind me. I have a quick look around before i go inside the club. It get's a bit more difficult now as i don't want him to see me. If i remain patient i will see what his plan's are for the evening. Even though my guess is that he will be out cold soon.

I manage to stay in the shadow's hidden from his view i know i will see no harm come to him. I will only reveal myself if i really have too. From where i stand i have a very clear view of Fox fuck how can he still keep drinking. Shit Fox is acting like a fuckin slut and is all over anyone who show's him any attention. Maybe thats what he want's not like i can give him any.

Fuck i knew it would not take long, how on this earth could any man in this joint turn down Fox. His gorgeous eyes and sexy mouth that's just screaming fuck me. This is not going to well i am so turned on and i won't watch come other man traet him like a whore. Fuck i needed to calm down before i pull out my gun and shoot someone.

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I ordered another drink fuck this will be the worst hangover in history. Fuck i had to see this through as i was not willing to believe only Krycek turned me on. Oh great i come for a night out and start thinking about him why i don't know when i hate him. Great i appear to have company.

" hi can i buy you a drink you look lost sat there all alone "

I look up to see an average man in his thirties nothing special but what the hell.

" yeah sounds great i'll have another vodka. By the way the name's Mulder "

" pleased to meet you , are you here waiting for someone "

" Nope im all alone in this world "

" hell well let's see if we can change that shall we "

I accepted the drink and realised i was that drunk i didn't care anymore what the hell happened i would offer myself to anyone even the devil himself if he offered. We had a few more drink's the man had told me his name was Carl. Oh shit he had his arm around me and was rubbing his hand up and down my leg. Then i felt him kiss me on the lip's.

" Let's get out of here Fox and i will give you the best fuck you have ever had "

" the sound's great Alex come on then let's get the hell out of here"

" well i don't know who the hell Alex is but he is one hell of a lucky bloke. But tonight it's just me and you "

" Alex is just someone i know sorry my mind was elsewhere "

I stood to leave and everything spun around fuck it i was totally pissed. I then felt Carl's arm go around me and lead me outside.

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I had watched all that had gone on between Mulder and this stranger. Fuck i was starting to get very angry and pissed off. Not a good sign as when i am like this i will end up hurting someone.

Shit i just got back to my car in time to see Fox mauled by this man. Fuck he was kissing him and had his hand down Fox's pant's. Fox should be mine and mine only.
As much as i would like to kill the man i must wait. I need to see the outcome even if it kill's me.

I see the man herald a cab and them both climb in. After i have follered for a short time iit hit's me. Shit Fox is taking the bloke back to his own apartment. Fox is mine i will not let himself be fucked like this when he's to drunk to know what he wants.

I see a set of traffic light's ahead shit i know the cab will make it through the light's. And they would change before i got there. Shit i was just about to go through the red light when i noticed the cop car behind. I have no choice but to wait as i can't risk getting pulled over.

The light changes and the cab's nowhere in sight. I drive at a normal speed until the cop car is out of sight. I hit the pedal and head toward's his apartment. I just hope i get there before Fox does something he might regret later.

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Shit i need to sit down but i can't even get the key into my apartment door. Suddenly a hand grab's the key and open's it for me. Fuck the next thing i remember was Carl dragging me toward's the bedroom and shoving me hard onto the bed. What the fuck had i done. I felt my trouser's unfastening then his hand's removing them. Shit i passed out.

I finally come round to feel Carl slapping my face.

" Come on foxy get with it i want you awake. I want you to see me and feel me i'm not fuckin a corpse you know"

"I'm so sorry please Carl i don't want this"

"To late to go back now foxy"

Fuck what had i done to get myself in this position. The worst was the fact i was to pissed to stop Carl. I must be the most pathetic person alive. Everything i do i fuck up i am my own nightmare. I struggle day to day with the x files my search for Sam. O h let's not forget my feeling's for a certain dirty little fuckin rat.

Oh god no i can hear someone else moving around. Please don't tell me he invited anyone else. Why cant i just pass out again. I feel his hands grab my cock real hard and start to stroke it.

"please let me go Carl"

Fuck it's to dark to see but now i hear a third voice yelling.

"Get the fuck away from my lover now and believe me i mean right now "

Shit within a second i realise two things, the voice belong's to Krycek and he had just removed the saftey catch on his gun. I hear myself screaming out.
Fuck Krycek is trigger happy at the best of times. Shit he would not think twice about killing Carl.

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I use the gun just to scare the man. Even though i would love to put a bullet in his head. I just told him Fox was my two timing lover and to get the hell out of here. Oh i did add that if i see him again i would kill him. Well that did the trick. The bloke grabbed his clothes and left in a hurry. I shut the apartment door and go check on Fox. First i put the safety catch back on my gun and holster it under my jacket. I don't want to scare Fox anymore than he already is.

I walk into his bedroom to find him on the bed. Shit he is sobbing and shaking really bad. Shit what do i do i can't leave him like this. I sit on the edge of the bed and pull Fox toward's me. I stroke his hair.

"It's ok Fox you are safe now. Everything will be ok."

Shit i know he is hungover but i worry like hell what he might do to himself. And what he might do if he sober's up and find's me here. I decide to take a chance as i can't sit in this position much longer. I sit up on the bed and lean against the headboard and wait. Suddenly i feel Fox wrap his arm's around me and lean on my chest. I know he is in shock but he just keep's repeating the same thing over and over again.

"Please don't leave please Alex don't leave me"

"It's ok Fox i promise i will stay for a while until you sleep."

That's intresting he called me Alex. I held Fox until he stopped shaking and fell asleep. I decided to stay for a short time to make sure he was ok. Also i knew i would never get to be this close and hold him in my arm's again.

I opened my eyes and realised i had fallen asleep along with Fox. I had slept for a few hour's and knew i had to leave. Fox was still asleep but i would have to move him off me. Stupid me i could not resist those sensous lip's and had to kiss him.

I suddenly realised Fox had his eyes wide open staring at me. Oh fuck i'm a dead man. I jumped up off the bed but Fox was fast and the next minute i was pinned against the wall.

"What the fuck did you do to me Krycek you bastard"

"Please let me go Fox i never hurt you i only wanted to help."

"Don't yo dare call me Fox you filthy rat bastard"

Shit i could not believe he blamed me.
The next thing i felt was him punching me in the mouth.

"i will kill you Krycek if you don't tell me now what you did".

" You are a clever man Mulder and with the memory you have you will figure it out"

"You son of a bitch Krycek maybe i might just get my gun and shoot you where you stand.

I knew i never had it in me to hit Fox but i had to get away. So i just shoved him as hard as i could. He fell backwards onto the bed. I walked out of the door slamming it hard behind me. At that moment i hoped he did have a hangover.

I knew Alex was right. It was only a matter of time before i would remember everything. Some rest and lot's of black coffee and every little detail came flooding back. What the hell had i done i risked getting raped or even worse just to find out if i'm gay. I also knew it was Alex who had stopped anything going on. But that left unanswered question's. Why was Alex here and how did he know i needed help. Fuck he also remembered where he woke up. Alex Krycek's arm's and that kiss, god he was so gentle. What the fuck did Alex want from him in the future. A big part of me wishes the kiss had been genuine. Well it's Alex so he must have done it to use against me in the future. It would not matter what i told myself. It was not just the kiss even though i will never forget that. It was waking up in someone's arm's and feeling safe and loved. Hell where did the love bit come from.
Shit i was getting turned on again by a murder and liar.

I started to think about my whole life. I had nothing worth living and fighting for. I lay on the couch and yelled my eyes out like the pathetic man i have become.

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When i finally arrived back homei took a long shower then examined my lip in the mirror. Shit Fox you made one hell of a mess. My lip's are swollen and cut that won't go down well with Cancerman. I need to eat something. I grab a quick sandwich i will have to risk getting shopping soon. Fuck it at least i still have half a bottle of vodka left. Hell that's all i would need for now.

I could not get the image out of my head. The warmth and happiness i had felt when i felt his soft lip's. Deep down i knew i should have left straight away. No i would never have left Fox in that state alone. Well back to work i guess, my vodka and watching him. I swtich on the moniter. I guess it will be safer watching Fox from a distance. I watched Fox for a while just drinking coffee one after another. I knew by his facial expression's that he was trying to remember everything.

I could see the torment on his gorgeous face. Hell i could not believe it when Fox started sobbing. I was praying that it was not me who had left him in such a bad way. I love him and would do anything to help. At this moment i wish so much that Fox never hated me. I watched him for over an hour until finally Fox gave in and fell asleep.

I know i will have to put my own feeling's on hold. I realise Fox is going to need a lot of help. I guess in a way i feel partly to blame. Why did i stay and god only know's what possesed me to kiss him. Shit i don't even know what to do for him. I guess he need's time alone to think.

I finally decide Fox won't be going anywhere soon not in his state. After all the vodka and the previous night i need sleep. Over an hour later i awoke shit my head hurt. I knew i had a job to do and now it was for personal reason's.

I look over at the moniter. Shit where the fuck did i put my key's. I grab my shoes and head out of the door not even locking it. Once i am in my car i hit the pedal and go as fast as i dare to Fox's apartment. I have only one image in my head. Fox sat down pointing a gun to his own head. God help me but if i don't get there in time and he dies , i will end my own life. It's not like i will have any reason left to carry on.

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I sat there knowing i have lost so much in my life. Shit what reason was there to stay alive. If i could pull the trigger. One bullet and all the pain and suffering would end. Shit i was so lost in my own thought's i had never even heard anyone enter. Hell the next thing i know i'm on the floor and the gun slid away from me.

I look up into the eyes of Alex Krycek. Suddenly something snap's i want him dead. I need someone to blame and i don't know if i even love him or hate him. But at this moment i blame him for everthing bad.

I walked into Fox's apartment as quite as i could then jumped him. Hell at least it got the gun away from him. Fuck our eye's met. I swear i had never ever seen so much hate in all my life. Shit i was really scared. I let go of him and backed away. God Fox jumped me and pushed me to the floor. I really thought he was going to kill me. Fuck i realised he was tearing my clothes off. Shit he was out of control like a wild beast.

"Fox what the fuck are you doing"

"Unfastening your trouser's Alex what's it look like"

"Please Fox don't do it not like this"

"Just shut the fuck up and lay still"

"Please Fox i'm begging just stop"

"fuck you Alex you wanted me as some sextoy. You wanted to get into my head then use it against me"

"Fox please i never wanted you like i toy. I respect you too much"

"You lying piece of scum you don't respect anyone"

Shit i knew i had to act fast as i felt his hand around my hard cock.

"If you dont want me Alex why have you got a hard on then."

"Please Fox i don't want to hurt you but this is the last time i will ask you to stop."

The last thing Fox remembered was the sudden pain in the side of his head. Then nothing only darkness.

Oh shit i could not believe it. I had hit Fox and knocked him out cold. Why now i had alway's controlled myself before. Well i had never seen Fox this bad. Fuck what would i do now. I knew he would wake soon. I carried him onto his bed and lay him there. I went in search of what i needed.

By the time i returned he was begining to stir i had no choice in what i did. In no time at all i had the cuff's around one of his hand's. I attached the other to the bedpost.
I removed the cartridge from Fox's own gun then placed it on the drawer. Then i walked into the kitchen and poured a stiff drink. I had a feeling i was going to need it as i sat and waited.

Fuck i had only sat for about 10 minutes and was drifting into sleep. I was jolted awake by the screaming coming from the bedroom. I walked into the bedroom and saw Fox.
He was sat on the bed pointing the gun at me.

" You fuckin bastard Alex release me right now. "

" I am sorry Fox but i can't do that "

" You do it now Alex or i swear i will shoot you."

Fox aimed the gun at Alex's head and pulled the trigger. He realised the gun was empty.

" I hate you Krycek "

" You really that i was stupid enough to leave it loaded. "

" You murdering scum what are you going to do Alex. Kill me like you killled my father "

Fox threw the gun as hard as he could at Alex. Alex saw it coming and managed to duck out of the way. The gun landed somewhere behind him.

" look Fox i will give you some time alone to calm down. We need to talk it's time we sorted a few thing's out. I have plenty of time so call me when you have calmed enough to listen. "

Alex walked back into the room and sat back on the couch. Fox started calling me over an hour later so i went to him.

" Fuck it Alex i guess the only way i will get rid of you is to listen to your'e bullshit and lies. "

" Look Fox no lies just the truth. Please listen and try to understand.

" Just get the hell on with it Alex. "

" When i came to work with you i was an idealist and wanted what was right. I was told by certain people you was posing a threat and had to be dealt with. Fuck what an idiot i believed every word they said. When i met you something just clicked. If you want honesty i idolised you for who you were. I know that everyone called you spooky but you just ignored them. You were so passionate in your'e work and belief's. Do you remember the night i shot Cole yeah i bet you do. I belived he had a gun Fox i thought you was about to die. That's when i realised i loved you and had no choice.

It was you or him but belive what you want. Cole was the first person i had ever killed and it was for you.

" Shit Alex i what can i say. You really are in love with me "

" Please Fox just listen to the rest then ask question's "

" Sorry just get on with it my arm hurt's cuffed here "

" Then there was the Duanne Barry incident. I was given an order not to let you reach the top of the mountain. You Fox was the one who decided to climb out. I never wanted you to get hurt please believe that.

Anyway everything went to hell. You trusted me and i blew it big time. But i guess it's the death of you're own father that matter's most. I was sent to spy and report back to Cancerman what you had learned. When i heard someone coming toward's the bathroom i hid behind the shower curtain.

Thats when i heard the shot and saw you're father dead. Shit i had to run i knew you would blame me. You alway's blamed me for everything Fox. Just promise you will think about it all "

" Ok i will think about it but i will promise nothing Alex "

" I know you despise me and think of me as a cold blooded killer but i only killed in self defence. "

" All i wanted Alex was for you to be honest "

" You want the truth Fox. I love yo i have followed you and kept watch. Can you begin to imagine how i felt when you brought that man back here. Shit i wanted to kill him. You was so drunk and he took advantage. I thought you might regret it later taking back the first bloke who looked at you. "

" O k i admit that was stupid but you tried to help. all i did was try and rape you. "

" Look i dont hold that against you. But if you ever fucked me Fox i would want it to be love not rape."

" What make's you think i could love you Alex "

" I really don't know Fox. But this time i am going away for good. I guess i just needed to let you know before i went.

" Fuck Alex please don't cry i don't know what i want. Look i need some thinking time."

" It's ok Fox you dont have to explain to me anymore "

" I never said to go look will you let me think. I want you to do two thing's for me "

" If i can i will Fox as i owe you so much "

" First i want you to promise not to run away. and return in a couple of day's when i have had some time to think. Secondly please remove the cuff's before you leave.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alex returned home to his apartment. He knew the next two day's would be extremely hard. He spent those day's drinking vodka and trying hard not to think about what Fox might decide. Shit he did not want to get his hope's up.

Alex swore to himself that he would not spie on Fox. He could not help himself he needed to know. He turned on the moniter to find Fox looking so thoughtful and unhappy. Fuck it he just drank more and turned it off.

Finally the day arrived that he promised to return. Alex was now sober shaved and presentable. All he had to do was wait.

Meanwhile Fox had taken a couple of day's leave from work. He needed the time to sort out this whole mess. He sat and waited for the knock not even knowing if Alex would keep mhis word. Eight pm Fox heard the quite knock on his apartment door. He found Alex stood there. God he was amazed he'd shown up.

" Sit down Alex while i get us a drink "

Alex was quite and sat on the couch. Fox got them a stiff drink he had a feeling he would need it. He had to be honest and tell Alex everything.

" I know you have told me about all the thing's you have done Alex. Believe me i thought about nothing else for the past two day's. Shit my own motto through out life was trust no one. But i find myself trusting and believing you. I have a lot to consider in my life. Hell by right's i should cuff you and turn you in. Let Skinner deal with you and sort it out "

Fox lost track of what he was saying he noticed Alex shaking at the mention of Skinner.

" I know you don't like Skinner Alex but look at it from his point of view. You was an F.B.I. agent one of us yet you betrayed us all. Hell i had started to like you and even trust you. it's hard after been betrayed to trust again. Anyway back to the point like i said i believe that you are now been honest. Hell i know what my father was in the past. He was no saint. But i need my own life back Alex. I have a job that i took leave from. So you see i am taking you serious.
I have no grudge for you handcuffing me to the bed that was my fault. You saved me i had no right attacking you like that. All i want to know now Alex is what you really want from me. Why did you kiss me that night anyway.

Alex sat for a few minute's thinking and deciding where to start.

" Shit it's hard knowing where to start Fox. Yes i was watching you that night and i felt you was making a big mistake. You might not believe it but i was looking out for you. I really wish thing's had worked out different between us but i can't change the past. I am just trying to deal with the here and now.

Alex grabbed the glass and drank the content's in no time.

" I have tried to explain myself to you. I am so tired of everything and feel alone. There was a time i liked been alone it was a lot easier. But then i met you. You ask what i want from you Fox. I don't know maybe for you to stop hitting me and to see me as a person. I know it's hard for you as you just see me as a cold blooded killer nothing more. Shit i am human i have feeling's.you wanted honesty Fox. Well i will be ".

Alex sat watching to see how Fox was taking it all before he went on.

" I love you Fox and have fro m the time i met you. Guess i fucked up everything as usual. I could not believe it when you attacked me. I could have let you do it but i wanted you to really want me. Love me not hate me and rape me.
I am really sorry for hitting you and cuffing you but you left me little choice. You don't realise i have spent so long resisting the urge to touch you. Guess i could not help myself when i kissed you. I really don't know what else to say Fox. "

Fuck Fox was at a loss for word's. He knew deep down he cared for Alex and had feeling's for him. He never had thought for one minute Alex had felt such deep passion and love for him.

" Please listen to me Alex and understand i do have feeling's for you. I guess i have had for a while now but you must realise nothing could ever become of this. We are opposite's i work for the F.B.I. have the x file's my career.

Fox noticed the tear's running down Alex's cheek's.

" Please i don't want to upset you Alex. I have realised that men turn me on more than women. Shit i really find you gorgeous but hell i felt bad after i tried to rip you're clothes off. I thought it was just another game lure Fox in get him hooked and dump him. But i can tell looking at you that you're intention was never too harm me. All i can promise is to try and stay out of you're way and not hit you anymore. I do see you as a person fuck Alex you have shown me the real you. I think you should finish the drink and get yourself home. "

Alex sat there and all of a sudden he could not stop the tear's. He had learnt that Fox had feeling's for him but nothing would ever become of them. His tear's turned to deep sob's his whole body shook. Alex lost all control. Then he felt an arm around him

" It's ok Alex just let it all out and cry. It will be o.k you're strong. "

Ale felt Fox close breathing against him his lip's so close. Before he could stop himself he turned toward's the mouth of the man he loved. He started to kiss Fox with passion and love. He the realised Fox was kissing him back.

Suddenly Fox pulled away as he knew this would not help. Shit Alex stood up and all Fox saw was the hurt and pain on the younger man's face.

" I hope you have a nice life Fox. Just remember someone really did love you. "

Before Fox could answer Alex had fled the apartment. He knew by the departing word's he would never see him again. Fox felt like a huge part of himself had died. Shit maybe he was lying to himself because right now he wanted Alex more than anything in his life.

Alex returned to his car knowing he would never have the one person he loved. Shit what was the point. He stopped off to buy lot's of vodka and drove home. He realised that even the word home was a joke. He had no real place of his own for long. And worse no one to share a home with. His home was wherever he managed to sleep. Sometimes even in his car. But at least anywhere was better than that dam silo.

Alex planned to get very drunk and blot out everything. Even if only for one night the pain might go away. He drove home.

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Fox tried to get his own life back on track. It was hard now knowing what Alex felt for him. His mind kept going over and over everything. He believed Alex really loved him as he had seen the pain and hurt in his eyes. He realised that no one had ever really loved him before. but deep down he knew he also loved Alex.

Fox belived if he kept lying to himself eventualy the pain would ease. So here he was back at work listening to Scully. Not that he heard a word she said.

" Mulder i don't know what the hell's wrong with you. But you could at least listen too me. "

" I'm sorry Scully i just had a bad night i will be o.k. "

Fox tried to sit up straight and concentrate on the file in front of him. Just then the door opened he looked up to see Skinner grinning.

" It's not often we see you down here sir. "

" Well agent Mulder i thought you might want to know it's you're lucky day. Now you have one less enemy too worry about. "

"Sir everone take's the piss and call's me Spooky Mulder. I have many enemie's. So go on which one is it. "

Skiner looked at Fox and smiled.

"Only you're number one enemy. The one and only Alex Krycek. "

Fox felt like he had been hit by a ton of brick's. He knew he had to pull himself together to find out what happened to Alex.

" So what happened to Krycek then Sir. "

" From the blood test result's it would appear Krycek consumed a very large amount of vodka. I am amazed he managed to walk let alone drive. "

"Please sir just get on with it."

"Well it would appear that Krycek made it to his car then drove it straight into a brick wall. There were no skid mark's or anything to indicate he tried to avoid it."

"So you believe he wanted to die Sir."

"It would appear that Krycek had wanted to die yes."

Shit Fox knew he had to ask but was afraid of the answer.

"So Skinner did he manage to die then."

"I know it's hard Fox and you hate him but Krycek is still alive. He suffered two broken rib's and internal bleeding oh and plus a fractured skull."

"So will he live Sir."

"We don't know Mulder. The hopital will know more if he wake's from the coma."

" Sir i feel very sick all of a sudden. I am sorry but i need to go home."

"That's to be expected agent Mulder. what with the death of you're father and everything else. Just take the remainder of the day as leave and rest."

"Thank you Sir."

Fox grabbed his jacket and drove straight home. He then just lay on the couch. He knew Alex had tried to end his life. And he also knew it was because he rejected him.

He now realised just what he was throwing away. He loved Alex so much and the pain would never go in time.

He must have cried himself to sleep. When he opened his eye's it was evening. Shit he realised he never asked which hospital he was in. Fox grabbed the phone and on the third attemp located Alex. He showered and drove over to the hospital.

He was greeted by the agent who sat outside the door. Of course they still wanted Alex for questioning.

"Look agent Taylor i was visiting someone. Go take a break i will stay watch."

"Are you sure agent Mulder you don't mind."

" No it's fine just be back in one hour."

"Thanks agent Mulder i will see you in an hour."

Fox was pleased to have rid of the other agent. No one would question him he was doing a job.

The smile vanished when he entered the room and saw the man on the bed. He could not take in the sight all the cut's and bruise's. Fox sat beside the bed and held Alex's hand.

"What did i do to you. That's what you meant when you told me to have a good life. You planned to end your're own so you would never have too see me again. The kiss we shared Alex believe me i wanted you so much. Shit i thought it was for the best to reject you. I saw the hurt in you're gorgeous eye's Alex. I turned away from you because i wanted to cry. It would not have helped matter's if you thought i was weak. Please Alex wake up for me i need you more than you know. I don't want to live without you."

Fox bent and kissed Alex ever so gently on the forehead then left the room. He waited for the other agent to return and drove home. When home he just lay there on the couch so tired.

Shit over an hour later he was still awake. He kept playing images over and over of Alex. Whatthe hell had he been thinking to do thatto himself. God he so wanted to see those gorgeous eye's open. Fuck who was he trying to kid as no one even knew if Alex would awake from the coma. He finally cried himself to sleep.

Fox went to work and tried to act his normal self. He visited Alex for a couple of hour's every single day. Fox just sat there talking to him not knowing if Alex could even hear.

"Shit i swear i will find a way to sort this mess out. I need you Alex. Hell i know know i will never be able to live without you. I love you."
Fox rose from the chair kissed Alex and walked out.

He knew he had to keep the promise he had just made to Alex. The first problem would be Skinner and Scully. Fox returned to the F.B.I headquarter's and retrieved all files relating to Alex Krycek. Shit this was hard as when he opened the file he saw the photo of the man he deeply loved. He tried not to cry as he remembered back to when Alex was his partner. Fox took what he needed and set off to see Skinner.

Fox knocked on the door and heard the baratone voice tell him to enter. He entered and sat down not knowing where the hell to start.

"Sir i need to know if there is anything we can charge Krycek with. I have checked all the data all the evidence seem's to be circumstancial. He appear's to be an innocent man."

Skinner felt sorry for Mulder he knew that he was looking for a way to bring Krycek down. Shit this worried him as Krycek was still in the coma.

"I know that it hurt's Agent Mulder because of you're father. And as much as i dislike Krycek do you really think this is a good idea."

"Sorry sir what do you mean."

"Shit Mulder you are planning to arrest a man who may never even wake up again. You have to let go of the past despite what he did he's still a person Mulder. And by the action's he took the that day i would say Krycek has had enough of everything."

Mulder could not believe it. Skinner was defending Alex despite the past. He just sat there taking it all in.

"Look if you want the honest truth just let it go. The man has sufferd and paid enough for his crime's. And we could question him over and over again and find nothing on him. Not enough for a prison sentence anyway."

"I am sorry for all the questions sir but i needed to know if he had any chance of a normal future."

"I am sorry but yes we can't hold him for anything.You are not the only one to have looked into this Mulder. If Krycek wake's he will be a free man."

"I am not sorry that he will be free. Alex is in the coma because of me."

Skinner looked at Mulder and was totally confussed.

"Sir i know this will be hard for you to understand but i want him to have a future. And i want that future to be with me.
I am sorry if this come's as a shock but i am in love with Alex Krycek. He will alway's come first and i am willing to quit my job for him."

Skinner sat in silence foe a while.

"I am shocked i will not lie to you Mulder but i have no control over you're personal life. As Krycek is not a wanted man there is no need for you to quit. You are a good agent i wish Krycek had turned out the same. Just one more thing you said he crashed the car because of you . I take it he's also in love with you then."

"Yes sir but i was all messed up and i rejected him."

Skinner stood and held out his hand to Mulder and shook his.

"We will get through this Mulder. i will help in any way possible"

"Thank you sir."

Mulder left the room. He could not believe how well Skinner had taken the news. He visited Alex and went home.
He had to think of a way to tell Scully.

Mulder arrived for work to find Scully already there. He decided to be careful and let her know of Alex's condition. Shit he had to know how she felt toward's him.

"I thought you might want to know Scully that Alex's body has healed well over the past two month's but he remain's in the coma."

"As much as i dislike what he did Mulder i am a catholic and believe everyone deserve's another chance. Krycek is strong and now i believe it will be his inner self that decide's his future."

"What do you mean his inner self."

"He need's a reason to live Mulder. His mind will be weighing up the reason to live or die."

Mulder could feel the tears run free down his face then he sat in his chair covering his face. He felt Scully put her arm around him and hug him.

"It will be o.k Mulder but you have to get over the past. Stop hurting him all the time as you only hurt yourself. I love you like a brother and it really hurts to see you like this."

Mulder hugged Scully back. He then told her what he told Skinner. But as he felt so close to her he told her everything. Alll the thing's he could not tell Skinner.

"I fucked up Scully i picked up some bloke one night let's just say i was nearly raped but Alex saved me tried to help me see who i really am. Shit do you know what i did in return, i attacked him tried to tear his clothes off and rape him. I wanted him but hated myself for feeling this way."

"It's ok Mulder tell me in you're own time but i take it you never did rape him."

"I'm sorry Scully it's just hard to talk about it. And no i never raped him. Do you know why i never did it. Because he knocked me out shit i might have done it.. And do you know what he said to me Scully, He would only let me touch him if i did it out of love not hate."

"So Alex really must love you Mulder to not just let you do it."

"We talked he addmited he was deeply in love with me. We kissed then i told him we had no future and to leave. Alex told me to remember there was someone who had loved him. Shit Scully he drove straight into that wall because i never wanted him and rejected him. I put him in that coma."

"Fox Alex is a fighter just give it time but i can't stand in you're way if you really love him. I told you you are like a brother and i will stand by you."

"Thank's Scully that mean's so much to me. I want him to wake up tell him i love him. Hell his last thoght's about me would be that rejection."

"Look if you really want to do something Mulder you need to find a away to free him from Cancerman. Do something good with the time and make a future for him. You know that myself and Skinner will be right behind you to help."

"Thank you so much Scully it mean's so much to me."

"It will take some time ajusting to you and Alex as a couple. But i promise for you i am willing to deal with this."

Mulder worked the rest of the day and just tried to keep his mind on the job. He knew at least he had two relly good friend's. The lone gunmen did not worry him hell they thought everything he did was wacky.

Later that day he visited Alex again, Still no change. Fox never spoke to him that night he just sat crying for over two hours. He kissed Alex and left.

Scully was right he still had her and Skinner hell he even still had his job. But that did leave the bastard who claimed to be his own father. Fox took a couple of day's leave. Shit he had sorted out all the people in his own life. Now he had to sort out the people in Alex's. People who would want him back.

The sheer thought of having to speak to that cancerous bastard made him sick. He knew he was left with no choice if he wanted Alex.

Fox spent the following day very busy.
He had hired four saftey deposit boxes and bought four large padded envolope's. Shit he never even knew if his plan would work.

He then visited four people giving each one a key and instruction's. After he was done he went for his daily visit with Alex.

Now all the cut's had healed Alex looked peaceful and just asleep. He sat and talked for a while.

"I love you babe please wake up for me. Shit i need you here with me. You look gorgeous Alex now you no longer have that dumb ass haircut. I have to go now as i have a future to plan and people to see. a future for me and you Alex."
He kissed Alex tenderly on the lip's and left.

One hour later he was sat in a room opposite the one man he really hated.

"Good evening agent Mulder what do i owe this pleasure."

"Look cut the crap you know i hate you so let's just get to the point shall we."

"Go ahead Fox i am intrested to know what brings you here."

"When Alex wake's from his coma he does not belong to you. He will never work for you again do you understand me."

"Look Fox i don't know who you think you are but he is one of mine and will alway's work for me."

"Do you think i am that stupid just to expect you to agree."

"No Fox i believe that our bloodline is very strong."

"Do not start over again with all that. As far as i am concerened my father is dead. I take it you heard about me catching Alex in Hong Kong. Well Alex had the dat tape and was selling the information to stay alive. He gave me some of that same information if i let him go. I was holding on to it for the future. Well the future is now. That information is now in four saftey deposit boxes and four people all hold a key."

"You are bluffing Mulder you have nothing."

Mulder knew by the look on the other man's face he was unsure.

"Do you understand you black lunged bastard. If anything happen's to myself or Alex you will be finished. I have left instruction's to all four people to open them if the time arise's. So maybe it might be in you're best intrest to look out for us."

Fox stood and prayed he had got away with the lie. He had reached the door when Cancerman spoke.

"You can have it you're way Fox no one will harm either of you. Shit what does it matter Alex is as good as dead and may never wake up. what's it to you anyway."

Fox turned to face him, he wished the man would just curl up and die. He held his ground and spoke.

"First it's not if it's when he wake's up he is not dead yet. Secondly the reason i am helping Alex is because i love him. That's what lovers do help each other."

"You really believe Alex is capable of loving you."

"Fuck you i see what he never let's anyone else see".

Fox opened the door and walked out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fuck my eyes feel so heavyi have to force them open. I can hear a female voice telling me how pleased they are i'm awake. I force my eye's open once more shit where am i. Ok calm down my vision clear's and i see the nurse looking at me and smiling.

"I will go get the doctor to check you and tell you what happened."

Alex just lay there waiting and wondering. Finally the doctor came.

"Good day Mr Krycek it's good to see you awake and with us. We was worried about you due to the lengh of time you where in the coma. The rest of you're injuries all healed while you slept. We will run a few test's when you feel up to it. I suggest you just rest."

"Gee thank's doc like i have'nt rested enough."

The doctor just smiled and left.
Shit i realise i had not listened to a word he said. Fuck it i suddenly remembered everything. The kiss the rejection. Shit i can still feel the deep pain in my chest. I call the nurse over.

"Do you know if there were any visitor's during my time here."

"Yes Mr Krycek you had an F.B.I. agent here every night but that's all i know."

I thanked her and she returned to her job. Fuck i had to get out of here. When i am left alone i search my locker. Well someone was looking out for me. A full set of clean clothes hell even my leather jacket was clean. I dress and slip out away from the hospital unseen.

My guess is that Cancerman left the clothes the bastard would want me back. I know i never listened to the doc but suddenly i feel sick. He mentioned car crash broken rib's.
Yeah right like my rib's were broken that would have needed week's to heal. Well no time to dwell on that right now. At least if i find Cancerman he will give me a job.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I realised i had left my mobile on the desk at work. Upon arriving at home i decided to check my messages. I could not believe it the hospital left a message. Alex had awoke from the coma.
I grabbed my key's and headed to see him.

"What the fuck do you mean he's not here, where the hell is he."

"Please calm down Sir and we will tell you all we know."

Fox tried to calm down but how the hell could he with Alex gone.

"Mr Krycek awoke a few hour's ago. He spoke to the doctor and nurse. But when we went to check on him the room was empty."

"He seemed to be in a world of his own. But we did let him know he had avisitor here every night."

God i suddenly felt sick.

"Who did you say his visitor was."

"He had been told that someone from the F.B.I. had been her."

Shit Alex will think we planned to arrest him if he woke up. Three month's of waiting and still i can't see him. God Alex is one hard man to find when he dissapear's.

I got everyone to help but nothing Alex Krycek had gone again. Me i was left with no choice but to return to work. It was to be three week's before i would see that gorgeous face again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I really missed Fox but i had to move on. I finally caught up with Cancerman but was even more mixed up. Fuck he just told me to go away as i was of no use to him anymore.

"What the fuck do you mean why now."

"Alex you know i think a lot of you but someone bought you out secured you're freedom."

"What no one would ever do anything for me.Just tell me who the fuck it was."

"You are a very bright boy Alex work it out for yourself."

Fuck what would i do now. I contacted some of the people i had met from my past. I needed to work or go mad.
All i thought about was the kiss and Fox turning away. I wish i had died that night. I would give anything for the pain to end. I found myself offering my services to anyone who would have me.

Three week's later i found myself in the passenger side of a truck on the way to a warehouse. i kept telling myself it was just another job. The van had slowed down and the next minute there was loud shouting and a load of gunfire. The driver had tried to speed up and lost control. Oh shit i'm sat here unable to get away and surrounded by fed's. shit i heard the voice only just over all the commotion.

"Exit the van with you're hand's up. Out of the van now."

I knew i had no choice at all but to get out of the truck. I threw my gun out of the window and opened the door. Shit i knew i had to move slow or they might shoot. It was dark and hard to see the face because of the helmet. I knew the voice.

"You bastard Alex you fuckin bastard".

The pain exploded in my stomach as he hit me with the gun.

He looked up into the eye's of Fox Mulder.

Fuck i knew i had hit him hard.
Deep down i believed Alex had used me just fucked me over again. i went to cuff him but never expected the outburst. Alex was like a cornered beast kicking and screaming.

"I hope you have a hard on you bastard it's the only way you ever get them Mulder. you are a fuckin bastard take you're hand's off me and stay away."

"I can't believe you Alex it should be me who hates you."

"I hope you do hate me you shit head beacause i despise you."

"Alex just get in the car please or i will use force."

"I bet you can't wait you're one sick liitle fuck Mulder.

Fox pinned Alex down and cuffed him.
he then dragged him into his own car.

" I need you're help Scully as you are the one person i really trust at the moment."

"I don't understand Mulder what do you want from me."

"Look just tell Skinner i am sick whatever. I am taking Alex away for a few day's. I will tell him that it's a safe house make him think he will be safe he might calm down. Shit Scully he believes if i take him in he will die."

"Look personally i think you are taking a big risk Mulder but i will agree. But i want you to take some sedatives with you to use if he get's to much. You also have to phone me everyday."

"I can't thank you enough Scully for giving me this chance."

"Just be careful Mulder he can be dangerous."

"I will but i have to at least try. I really do love him."

I was so pissed at been stuck in the car handcuffed. When Fox returned i could not even bring myself to look at him.

"We are going to a safe house Alex for a few day's so no one can get to you."

Oh fuck no a few days just us. I know this will kill me with him but unable to touch him.

"Hey Mulder when i was young they taught me how to build a wall in my head, just block everything out.That's how i survived. Well guess what that's what i will be doing for the whole fucking time i spend with you."

"Well Alex if you think that you are so clever at building wall's just answer one question."

"What Mulder you think i wont do it."

"Why not block me out then the night you tried to fucking kill yourself."

"You bastard i swear you are my curse in life. You think you have a smart answer for everything. I can block you out you just watch."

Alex closed his mouth and remained silent. Fox parked the car and got out. He made Alex walk in front of him, hell he was not leaving him in the car. He entered his apartment and packed a bag phoned Scully to say thanks. Fox then fed his fish.

"Right Alex it's time we left."

Alex was starting to get very worried by Mulder. Shit he just wished he knew where they were going . Never know he might even have a chance to escape.

"The middle of nowhere Alex so dont even think about escaping."

Fuck Fox is really spooky i never even spoke out loud. Shit what was it he said the middle of nowhere. Well i guess i am well and truly fucked.

Fox new Alex was starting to panic and was not at all happy. He led Alex to the car and made him get in.

"Well let's go. The middle of nowhere he we come."

Fox drove away from his home not knowing if he was doing the right thing. Only time would tell.

It took over five hours to reach the cabin that Scully had arranged for them. Fox was pleased it was very secluded and that he had only stopped once on the journey here. When they entered the cabin Alex was left cuffed and told to sit on the couch.

"I want you to listen to me Alex and know you will be safe here."

"How the fuck can i be safe when you're here Mulder".

"Look Alex you can do this the hard way if you want. But i will hide my mobile and keys so do not get any idea's of escaping."

"Fuck you Mulder."

"I will remove the cuff's shortly if you calm down. A word of advice attack me and i will use what ever force i need to deal with you. Not that you would survive outside anyway as it's freezing."

"Fine whatever but just because i am here with you does not mean i have to talk to you."

Fox removed the handcuff's and showed Alex where his bedroom was. All he got in return was the bedroom door slamming shut on him. He knew it would be a long week but if this was not sorted out he knew he would never see Alex again.

Fox tried everything but two day's later Alex still refused to speak to him. He was pissed off now and had to do something. Alex was in the kitchen sat drinking coffee so he decided now was a good time as any. He walked into the kitchen and shut the door .

"It's time to talk Alex this has gone on long enough."

"Just move Mulder and let me out of here."

"Do you ever just shut you're mouth and listen."

Alex could not deal with this right now hi own heart was tearing him apart.

"You remember that night you brought that bloke back, all you wanted was fuck nothing more. Same as when you ripped my clothes off. That's all you want a fuck toy. You can fuck em and shove them away when you have finished. Well i wont be you're fuck toy Mulder."

"Jesus Alex is that what you really think of me. you really think i want to use you."

"I would rather take my chances out there than be here with you. You think you can just fuck me and fuck how i feel. Well i have had enough of all this.
Why dont you just get it over with, fuck me and let me go."

Alex pushed a very shocked Fox out of the way and headed for the shower.

Fox knew it was over he could do no more. He phoned Scully and asked her to drive over. He knew she had booked herself in to a hotel close. Good old Scully always there when needed. He had about two hours before she would arrive. Fox walked into Alex's bedroom and waited behind the door with his handcuff's.

Alex had a quick shower he knew he had to escape. He wrapped a towel around his waist and went to his room to dress. Fuck the next thing he knew was been forced face down onto the bed. then he heard the click of the cuffs.

Fuck it he realised he was handcuffed to the headboard. Then he felt the towel pulled away leaving him naked and exposed.

"Please Mulder what the hell do you think you're doing."

"Shut the fuck up Alex, you told me to fuck you and let you go. Well guess what, that's exactly what i plan to do."

Alex felt the cold liquid against his ass. Shit he nearly jumped off the bed as Fox shoved two fingers straight up his ass. He felt those long fingers hitting his prostate over and over again then they were gone. Shit his own cock was throbbing hard and painful.

"I will not rape you Alex this can end right here right now. Do you want me to stop."

Alex realised he had to go through with it. If this was the only way he could feel his beloved Fox inside him.

"Please Fox dont stop just fuck me."

Alex felt the tip of Fox's cock at his entrance then the intense pain as it entered him. This soon turned to pleasure. Fox rammed into him setting a rhythm then he felt Fox grab his cock jerking him off. Fuck what with the hand on his cock and Fox deep inside him, he shuddered and cried out as he came. He also felt the heat explode inside his ass when Fox came only seconds later.

Alex felt the weight of Fox against his body, shit he never wanted this to end. five minutes later he felt the weight leave him.

Fox stood looking down at the gorgeous naked body on the bed. But he knew he had to keep his word and let him go.

"Alex i am going out for a couple of hours i need time alone. Scully will be here soon and will release you. I have left my car key's on the table. Please Alex just make sure you have left when i return."

Fox walked in to the livingroom just as Scully arrived.

"Look i am really sorry for bringing you here Scully it's just i will need a lift home. Alex has my car key's and will be gone soon."

"I am sorry Mulder but i really dont understand this, i thought you loved him."

"Belive me i love him with all my heart, but i can't force him to love me in return."

Scully handed Mulder her car key's So he could go for a drive. He had no intention of watching Alex walk out of his life.

Alex lay there on the bed. He heard the door open and saw Scully. She walked over and freed him from the cuffs.

"Alex are you o.k i just need to know do you have any feeling's for Mulder."

"I love him but he does not love me. Shit he even waited to arrest me at the hospital."

Scully noticed that Alex was crying. God they loved each other not even realising it.

"Alex will you please hear me out before you leave. If you still feel the same way and leave, i promise no one will bother you again."

"Fine just say it so i can leave here."

"I will be as honest as possible but i will have to start from the begining. Is that ok."

"What ever but it wont change anything."

"First you and Mulder are as stubborn as each other. I know about Mulder taking that man back to his apartment and you helping him. I also know he blamed you and hurt you. Please correct me Alex if i get any of this wrong."

"No what you said happened."

"Well anyway you went to his apartment to sort thing's out and ended up kissing. He asked you to leave, he rejected you Alex and never even looked at you. Mulder let you go Alex because he belived it was the right thing to do. When he knew he would never see you again it really hit him hard. He was and is in love with you."

"He really loves me Scully. He never told me."

"Mulder returned to work and tried to get over you. I guess he never did. The next time he heard you're name mentioned was to say you had crashed a car."

"I am sorry for that but i could not live without him."

"He drove straight to the hospital to see you Alex. It was not enough that you had broken bones and other injuries, you was also in a coma for three months"

"Shit i never even realised"

"Well Mulder visited you every single day he wanted a life with you. He even warned me and Skinner that he would quit his job if he was forced to choose. You came first before anyone or anything else. He even made sure there was no crimes you could be chared with. Hell he even went to Cancerman to secure you're freedom."

Alex sat there crying unable to take in all he was hearing.

"I am so sorry i never knew."

"Do you know everytime he visited you that he kissed you, told you he loved you. But when you woke you just vanish and go back to crime. Mulder believed that you had never loved him. That it was all a game to destroy his mind finish him totally."

"What the fuck have i done i never knew i swear Scully. That night he rejected me so i went home and drank myself stupid. I got totally pissed and wanted to die. So i went for a drive. When i woke up in a hospital i never even listened to what i had recovered from. I thought about Fox and the rejection. I wished i had died in that crash.

"So why did you run away Alex."

"Shit he had rejected me, when i was told about his visits, hell i thought he wanted to arrest me. I would rather die than face prison so i ran."

"So the big question now Alex is do you still want to leave him."

"How can i leave i need to see him sort all this out."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fox returned from his drive over two hours later. Shit he saw his own car and knew Alex had not left. He wanted to just drive away but he could not just leave Scully to deal with Alex. He entered the cabin to find all quiet. Scully sat on the couch waiting.

"Look Mulder it's to late to drive back tonight. I will come back in the morning, just phone me."

I let her go as i knew she was right. Hell it was too late at night to make the five hour drive. Fuck that meant Alex must be in his room still avoiding me. Fox was so tired he knew he needed some sleep. He went to his own bedroom and drifted into sleep.

He awoke some time later to the sound of crying. That meant Alex was here in the room. Shit Fox could not cope right now with this. He lay there unmoving and quiet.

Alex knew he had to tell Fox everything or loose him, hell maybe it was already too late.

"Shit i dont know where to begin. I am sorry for everything , the car crash , running away. I swear i really thought you planned to arrest me when i woke up. I could not face prison or you rejecting me so i fled. I did not realise i was in the coma so long. I just woke and everything hurt, my heart was breaking all over again. My life is nothing without you, you are my life. I love you Fox more than life itself."

Fox had heard every word shit what a mess.

"Please Alex we both fucked up big time and pushed each other away. Just come and lay on the bed with me, i love you Alex so much."

Alex went over and lay next to Fox his body shaking and the tears flowing. Fox held him close stroking his hair and cheek.

"We need sleep Alex but i promise that i will be here in the morning. How can i leave when i have the person i love more than anything right here."

They lay just holding each other until sleep claimed them both.

Fox woke early, he had managed to get some sleep but shit he missed his own couch. He realised if Alex was going to stay with him that he would have to sleep in a bed. He looked down at the bed, Alex was slowly starting to wake. Fox had noticed that Alex had clung to him all night.

"Alex are you awake."

Alex opened his eyes Fox was still here.

"Will you kiss me so i know this is all real and you are still here."

He bent down over Alex and found his lip's. The passion got the better of him along with another part of his anatomy. Shit his cock was screaming out for attention. He lay with Alex on the bed and closed his eyes overwhelmed by everything.

Suddenly he felt Alex's warm mouth wrapped around his cock. The pace increased and Fox knew he would not last long. Then he felt empty as Alex moved away.

"Fox do i really turn you on all the time."

"Fuck you really need to ask. please Alex i am desperate here."

Great now he felt quilty, he knew Alex needed to hear it.

"Look you remember the airport at Hong kong where i waited for you. Shit when you turned around i nearly came just watching you're cute ass. You know when i pushed you againt the phone i was hard you felt it. I was so hard it hurt, I had you pinned there and all i wanted was to fuck you. God are you happy now."

Alex looked into Fox's eyes and knew it was all true. And yes he had felt Fox in Hong kong.

"How did it feel Fox when you cuffed me to the bed and fucked me. Because that's what i plan to do right now."

Alex pounced on him but stopped real fast. The look on Fox's face was one of total fear nothing else. He thought for a minute then he suddenly knew.

"You have never gone that far with a man have you Fox."

"Shit i have only kissed men Alex, you was the first man i had any real sexual contact with."

"I swear Fox i will not hurt you. we can go as slow as you want or do something else. Hell we have plenty of time in the future for cuffs and whips."

Shit he shut up fast before he scared him any more.

"I want to do this feel you deep inside me. I love you and trust you so just get on with it."

"Hmm my bossy lover, you're wish is my command."

Alex made sure that he used plenty of lube before he entered his finger into him. Fox lost all rational thought as he felt the finger enter him. It was a deep intence pin then it was gone. then he felt two fingers deep within him working like scissors to loosen him up. Fuck he was going out of his mind as his prostate was hit again and again.

Then he felt the tip of Alex's cock penetrate him. The pain turned to extreme pleasure fuck it felt so intense. Shit his head and his cock would explode soon. Then he felt Alex grab his cock and and jerk him off. Alex also came deep within him.

They lay there quiet for a while until Alex spoke:

"Fox talk to me are you alright babe."

"Fuck you want to know if i am alright. That was the most amazing sex in my life Alex."

"It works two ways believe me. Come on we can have a shower then eat."

Maybe going for a shower toghether had not been such a good idea. Fox found himself hard again just from the sight of Alex's naked body. Fox spun him around and fucked him harder than he thought possible.

"Fuck me harder Fox ." Alex pleaded

They both came again for the second time that morning.

Alex made bacon and egg's for breakfast. Fox was ordered out of the kitchen due to his wandering hands. They finished eating and both moved to the couch.

"If we want this to work we have to be honest. No more lies and no more job's Alex you are free from that line of work."

"I am willing to try anything, i dont want to mess up what i have. You gave me my life back Fox without you i would have been dead within a year."

"I promise we will work toghether Alex."

"I am supposed to a trained assassin to look out for danger. Shit that day in the airport i had a feeling i was been watched but after seeing you earlier i was like jelly. If it had been anyone else i would have been dead."

"I have to return to work soon , we need to pack and leave. Please Alex come home and live with me i need you."

"Shit i dont know what to say, yes Fox i want it more than anything."

Fox could not wait to have someone there who loved him. It would finally feel like a real home.

They would work everything out as long as they had each other.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fox had returned to his apartment along with Alex and all was going well. They had talked a lot , had fantastic sex. They had even had Scully over for dinner. He felt that his life was perfect.
Alex seemed to have ajusted to been here with him and was happy. He was quiet at times, Fox just put it down to Alex never having anyone or a real home.

Then came the day he and Scully had to go away on a case. Two whole nights without Alex. They would have to make the most of tonight before he left.

"Do you fancy going to bed babe."

Alex looked happy and was in the bedroom in minute's.

"Strip for me Fox and lay on the bed."

Fox undressed and lay naked on the bed. He then saw Alex with the cuffs ,within second's he was secured the headboard.

"Do you want me babe."

Alex started kissing him then licking his neck. He was highly amused as he bit Fox's nipple and he started begging.

"Please Alex just fuck me i need you NOW ..."

Alex enjoyed teasing him and for the next two hours they made love. They both lay there panting and out of breath.

"I love you Fox and will alway's belong to you."

"I love you too babe , you hold my heart and i will always belong too you."

"Will you just cuddle me and hold me Fox."

"I am sorry Alex but the answers no."

"Please Fox why wont you hold me."

"Because my dear beloved you left me cuffed too the fuckin bed."

Alex realised and slapped Fox on the thigh. He unlocked the cuffs and they just held each other. Alex never wanted morning to come.
All alone for two whole days and nights.

Fox awoke to the sound of the alarm clock. 5am he had two hours before Scully would arrive. He showered and dressed. Alex was still fast asleep. Fox kissed him and told him he loved him and left. Shit it would be two very long days.

Fox phoned Alex three times a day. He knew by the sound of his voice that Alex also was suffering and missed him. It just went to show how quick you get used to having someone there.

They had even talked for a couple of hours on the second night. He missed Alex so much. He told him that he would be home by 7pm the following day.

The minute he entered the apartment Alex was there. Fox realised that Alex was clinging to him and was not letting go.

"Alex i know you missed me but please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing."

"Shit nothing is that all you have to say."

Alex could see the pain this was causing Fox.

"I guess i just got used to you been here. I just felt alone."

"I am here now babe but i need a shower after the drive. You can join me if you want."

"I have tea to make Fox , we need to eat."

Alex went into the kitchen and left him just stood there. He went for a shower but had a feeling something was wrong. Really wrong.

Alex had made lasange for tea and they ate in silence. Afterward's they both sat on the couch just cuddling and holding each other. Fox could feel Alex's hand inside his shirt. fuck he was playing with his nipple. Shit Alex really knew how to turn him on.

He jumped up and grabbed Alex's hand.

"Come on babe it's lat lets go to bed. I will just turn everything off and be with you in a minute."

He walked into the bedroom to find Alex already in bed under the covers. He undressed and climbed into bed putting his arm around his lover.

"Alex are you ill or something."

Fox waited , great no reply.

"Alex babe please answer me."

"No i am fine just tired please just go to sleep."

"Hell Alex if you're not ill why do you still have the t shirt and boxers on. Shit you even have a thick cover over you."

Fox hugged Alex close to him , fuck he could feel him shaking. He knew that Alex was crying.

"Alex will you please talk to me."

"It's nothing Fox."

"Fuck you Alex i need a glass of water."

Shit Alex knew he had fucked up and needed to talk to Fox. Fox returned and leaned over to kiss him. That kiss never came Fox had cuffed him to the bed. Then he heard the safey catch on the gun.

Fox flicked on the lamp. Oh shit he could see the sheer terror in Alex's eyes.

"Calm down Alex i over reacted with the gun. Alex look at me please. The gun has gone i am so sorry i never meant to scare you. Shit Alex i would never shoot you.
But the handcuff's will remain until you talk to me."

When Fox got no reply he was starting to get really pissed off.

"I have really had enough just talk to me babe."

Alex lay there crying and unwilling to talk.

"Ok i guess whatever's bothering you i will have to work it out myself. How i see it you hate me and dont want me near you or you are hiding something."

Shit when he still got no reply he lost his temper. He needed to get through to Alex but would not hit him ever again. Within seconds Fox sat on Alex's legs pinning him down. Fox took both his own hands and instead of hitting Alex he tore his t shirt away. Fox froze at the sight before him.

Shit the body he loved so much was covered in cuts. The cuts were of various size some even very deep. Fuck he removed the cuffs and hugged him. Fox could not control the tears.

Finally he knew he had to move. He left the room and returned with the first aid kit. He then cleaned every cut covering the deepest ones. He looked into Alex's dull lifeless eye's.

"Please babe i am begging here, come back to me."

He knew from the past that Alex was very good at building his imaginary wall , and blocking everyone out.

"Please Alex i know that you're in there somewhere. Just come back."

Finally Fox noticed his eyes had some life and was not dull anymore.

"Welcome back babe please don't ever leave me again like that. i love you."

Alex threw his arms around Fox and would not let go.

"Please Alex i need to know what happened who did this."

"I went for a walk it was someone i used to know."

"Why did they hurt you babe."

Fox noticed Alex seemed to take a while to answer. Shit it was almost like he was thinking of what to say.

"They said i was a pansie boy now not a real man anymore."

"Does that bother you Alex , people knowing that you're gay."

" Shit no Fox i have been gay nearly all my life."

"So why could you not tell me then about the cuts."

Fox was hurt and shocked by the answer he recieved.

"Because i thought if you saw them you would no longer want me or love me."

Fox held him tight in his arms.

"I still want you Alex and i love you no matter what. You once said you're mine and believe me i will alway's belong to you. Shit i still have the bite mark on my ass to prove it."

Alex started to cry. Shit Fox knew he was insecure but for someone to attack him on top of it all. He would kill the person if he ever got hold of them. They spent a while just enjoying each other and making love before falling asleep.

Fox was sure Alex was ok now. He seemed a lot happier. Fox got up for work as usual but before he left his mobile rang. Fuck fuck fuck.

Some new lead had come up on the case he had to go away again. How the hell after last night could he leave Alex.

"Alex babe wake up i need you to listen to me."

"I am awake and listening what's up."

"The case has had some sort of development. I am sorry but i have to go back out there. I will stay if you want me here."

"Fuck Fox it's you're job you have to go. I can look after myself for just one night Fox."

They share a long deep kiss then Fox left.

Fox could not believe his luck. they had dealt with the case in less than half a day. He could go home, no having to sleep over. Fox was going to phone Alex but decided to suprise him instead.

A couple of hours later Fox arrived home. Shit he walked in to find Alex sat on the kitchen floor. Fox saw the blood all over his hand.

"Shit Alex what the hell happened."

Fox walked over to take a look and clean Alex up.

"Please it's ok Fox i just slipped with the knife. Hell it's not that bad."

Fox took kissed Alex and led him to the couch.

"I swear you will have to be careful or my lover will look like a mummie soon."

"I am ok just tired."

"Tell you what you go have a sleep while i nip out and get some beer."

"Just promise you will be back soon."

"I promise.

Alex went to have a sleep.
Fox decided to visit Scully.

Fox explained the best he could about Alex.

" I need you're help. I need you to cover for me in the morning. Tell Skinner i am sick."

"What are you planning Fox"

"Look as soon as i know what is going on i will let you know. I could have phoned myself but Alex must think i am at work."

Mulder thanked Scully for all her help kissed her and left. He remembered to call at a shop for beer on the way home.

When he entered the apartment all was quite. Fox pulled out a microphone and set it up in the livingroom , careful to keep it hidden. He then put the listening device in his jacket pocket.

It was a very quite evening they ate and had an early night.

Fox got up at the normal time. He had to make it look like he was going to work. Just another normal day.

He knew he would have been no use at work anyway. Fox had one image playing over and over in his head. Alex sat on the floor with the knife.
He claimed that he had slipped while using it. But Fox remembered the scene there had been no food out at all. So why did he have the knife.

He kissed Alex told him he loved him and left.

Once in the car Fox turned on the listening device. A few hours later he was starting to feel fed up. He had heard Alex get up and the usual noises kettle etc... Maybe it was time to call it a day and go home. He could tell Alex he had finished early.

Suddenly his thoughts were interupted by the loud shouting. Fuck it never even sounded like Alex.

"That's right Alex just keep cutting i am nothing. i am not worth shit. Fox can do so much better than me.
I am a worthless lying bastard.
Fox would be better off i was dead.
Come on give Fox his life back.
I am a man just a few more cut's that's all. Fox will forget me."

Fox was so scared he turned the car around an sped home asa fast as he could. Driving far faster than was safe but Alex's voice had been so cold. Fox was so worried as to what he might find.

He refused to wait for the elevater and took the stairs two at a time. Fox got his breath back anr entered the apartment very quitlely. He was going to be careful incase Alex reacted bad to his presense.

Fuck when Fox entered Alex was sat holding the knife. He was covered with a lot of blood.

"Alex i am home , it's me babe. Put down the knife and come to me please."

"You dont understand Fox it's better this way."

While Alex was talking Fox had made his way as close as he could get. He grabbed Alex's hand and bent it, Alex dropped the knife. He would never leave him again. He hugged Alex and located his mobile. He phoned Scully.
Alex clung to Fox like a frightened child.

"I am so sorry Fox , sorry for all the lies. Please Fox dont stop loving me."

Fox wanted to cry. Alex was so mixed up and needed his help. H realised that Alex had never even been attacked. He had done every single cut himself.

"Alex can you look at me please babe just look."

"Sorry."

"It's ok Alex i know you are sorry. listen do you really love me Alex and want me to be happy."

"Yes."

"To make it fair Alex i love you , cant live without you , you end you're life i will end mine. Do you understand me Alex."

"Yes but dont do this i never want you to hurt."

"Alex i am hurting right now and cant stand to see you like this. So you hate yourself Alex shit you had to do things to stay alive. You made one mistake and that was trusting Spender's lies. I love you Alex and will help you i promise."

"Please Fox i cant go to hospital.
Shit i worried about a cold prison cell , i mention aliens and i will get a nice padded one instead"

Shit Fox knew Alex was right.

"No Alex i will take some time off work and help you. Hey you can be my prisoner how does that sound."

"If i am to be a prisoner Fox i still want sex and to make love to you."

Fox kissed Alex over and over again.
He knew the wall was down temporary and Alex was letting him in. He had the man he loved back with him but for how long.

The doorbell rang.

Fox opened the door to Scully.

"Thank's for coming over. Please Scully can you just treat the cuts without saying to much, i promise we will talk later."

"Thats fine Mulder just please tell me this is not you're work."

"Shit Scully i love him but he is sick and need's help. Alex inflicted all the wounds to himself. Please Scully not now."

"Ok Mulder but call me."

Scully treated Alex and gave him something for the pain. She made sure both men were ok and quitely left.

Alex had gone to lay down the painkillers made him tired. Shit he was so fustrated over the past few year's there was only one person he wanted. Alex Krycek the biggest fuck up walking. Hell he had what he wanted but was pushing him away. Alex switched off the light and tried to block out everything.

Fox knew he had a hard time ahead of him. Shit how could he make Alex understand he wanted and needed him. He knew he had to find a way.

He finally decided to go to bed. Even in his sleep Alex was clinging to him. Fox could see Alex's face in the light from the window. His heart ached at the sight.Alex was like a sleeping angel , so innocent and young looking.

Fox was going to do the best he could for Alex. Deep down he was scared that his best would not be enough.

"Kiss me Fox."

"I thought you was asleep."

"Just kiss me please Fox."

He gave Alex a long deep kiss and had to stop to draw breath.

"Make love to me Fox."

Shit Fox cringed it had sounded like the voice of a young child. maybe that was it Alex had resorted to the need's of a child. Fox knew he would have to be cruel to be kind.

"Alex you keep telling me i can do better yet you want me to make love why?"

Fox knew Alex was sobbing.

"Please Fox i dont want to be alone."

" I am here Alex and will always be here. You are not alone babe you have me.
I love you."

He held Alex close and stroked his hair. Within minutes Alex was fast asleep. Fox lay there wide awake thinking.
Deep down he believed Alex thought he stayed just for sex. Alex had spent most of his life alone living in the shadow's.

Fox realised the problem was not the silo and alien shit. It was Alex he was unable to handle the fact someone loved and wanted him. He had to make him learn what it meant to have someone love him. He loved Alex and cared for him but the man believed he was not worth it. The time to deal with all this was now, not later.

The next morning Fox made coffee and sat down with Alex.

"Look if you want me to help you Alex , you need to talk tell me how you feel. Why do you think that you are unworthy of love."

Shit Alex realised he had not answered Fox. He had to talk now or Fox might give up on him forever.

"You know who i worked for Fox.
I was just a toy to be used when needed then put away. To most of them i was a killer or fucktoy. Do you know how it feel's to have to suck a cock or have a bullet in the head. Passed around to fuck or kill whichever they wanted."

"So you believe no one can love you now Alex."

"I was trained in the F.B.I. and sent to work with you. I had heard about you before i met you and believed their lies. After a short time i learnt my place and was trapped. Work for them or die."

"You never had much chioce Alex. You are not to blame."

"Yeah but to me it was just another job then i saw the photo of you. Shit it may sound stupid but i swear it was love at first sight. The first day i met you i was so relieved i was wearing that naf suit. If i had been in my jeans you would have noticed the hard on."

"So you are saying that i turned you on from day one."

"Yeah but i swear you hated me , you ditched me all the time. Shit when i looked at Scully i was so jealous. All i wanted was for you to notice me."

"I did notice you Alex but i was so messed up at the time."

"Well i swear after i shot Cole you really saw me for who i was. I remember the look you had and the time you ran you hand down my arm. I am sure you can imagine what that did to me Fox. But then it all went wrong. Shit i had to go back to killing and been their whore. I hated the fucking consortium and all the bastards in it."

Alex took a deep breath and realised he had been shouting Shit he needed to calm dow.

"It's ok Alex i want you to let it all out, just take the time you need. I am here for you."

"We kept bumping into each other. Do you really think i was incapable of hurting you. Shit that came out wrong ,I am incapable of hurting you because of love not how weak i am. I took punch after punch but could not hit you back Fox. I knew i loved you. Shit i am such a sad fuck , while you beat me i just thought of us together. Hell at the time i never even knew if you liked a man sexually. Then you hit me shit i felt what was in you're trousers.."

Alex went to get a drink then returned.

"Ok i cant say i know what it was like for you but we need to move on. I love you Alex and you claim to love me. So why do i need to find someone better."

Fox was suprised by Alex's cold harsh voice.

"I am nothing Fox dont you get it.
I am something you would wipe off you're shoe or leave in the gutter. Leave to die not help.
if you love me Fox you are a bigger idiot than i thought."

Is that what you want Alex for me to say i dont love you. Hell so you can just walk away instead of dealing with it. Well it will never happen I LOVE YOU so fuckin deal with it."

Alex sat there in silence. He finally went into the kitchen for a drink. Fox decided they had at least made a start Alex had opened up a bit more. Fuck the biggest problem was making Alex realise just how much he was loved. Fox needed caffine he went to make coffee and froze.

Shit Alex had his back to him but Fox could see the knife.

"Give me the knife Alex."

"You fuckin idiot Fox i am not worth it. Please just let me die."

Fox walked toward's Alex and spoke softly to him.

"Do it Alex kill yourself, cut you're fuckin wrists open."

Alex's head snapped up and his eye's met Fox's.

"Do it but believe me the minute you do it and drop the knife i will use it on myself. I have never lied to you Alex so believe me i will do it. I need you."

The knife fell to the floor and Alex fled from the room. Fox decided it might be safe to hide the knife and put it away safe. He walked toward's the bedroom door and could hear Alex crying.

Fox knew he could not handle this anymore. He needed space shit he loved Alex so much, this was not the Alex he fell in love with. He also knew if they remained with each other Alex would end up killing himself. Shit he could not win stay or go Alex still might end his own life.

Over an hour later Fox entered the bedroom. He walked straight over to the wardrobe and grabbed a bag. He then started to fill it with his own clothes.

"Fox what are you doing, please Fox i need to know."

"Leaving Alex why."

"I need you Fox please dont leave me alone."

"I will be staying in a hotel for a couple of night's. Shit Alex i need to sort my own head out."

"Please Fox i am begging you dont go.
Shit i need you here.
please please dont leave."

Fox could take no more and could not stop his own mouth.

"You are pathetic Alex, you are not even the man i fell in love with. Big assassin , hit man , trained killer take a good fuckin look in the mirror Alex. You are a pathetic big baby and i have had enough of you. Fuck even Cancerman was right to get rid of you. I did everything even blackmail so we could be with each other.."

Alex felt sick the one man he loved hated him. He threw himself at Fox hugging him .

"Please Fox."

Fox wanted Alex off him and away from him. Shit he could not even stand his touch. He ended up doing the one thing he swore he would never do again. Fox grabbed Alex punched him hard , and shoved him on the bed.

"Just fuck off Alex hell maybe i might find someone better than you."

Before Alex could reply Fox grabbed the bag and left.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alex lay on the bed and heard the door slam shut. Fuck fuck he was alone again.
He went and cleaned the blood from his face. He then went and lay on the bed.
Fuck Fox fuck them all he needed no one. It was ok he could put the wall back up block it all out.

Alex sat up on the bed scared more now than ever. The sudden reality of all the feeling's he had within him. He realised that no matter how hard he tried , he could not block them out.

Alex lay there sobbing , overcome by the deep pain in his heart. Shit by blocking everything out he had lost Fox , lost everything. He had to accept Fox had never lied to him and must really love him. Fox had done so much for him. he belived Fox leaving had forced him to face his own feelings.

For the first time Alex felt alive and needed to talk to Fox. He got the phone and started calling all the hotels. He had to find his lover and get him back.

Fox just sat in the chair, at least it was quiet and he could think. Fuck how could he have been so stupid to hit Alex then tell him he might find someone else. Fox knew there would never be anyone else his heart ached for Alex. He loved him so much.

He had a friend who had helped him when he was low himself. Fox decided to call him for advice.
Mike arranged to meet Fox later that evening. He decided to get some rest until then. Fox needed help and to get Alex back.

Alex had finally managed to trace the hotel where Fox was staying. He decided to give Fox a couple more hours alone to calm down. Fuck he did not plan on getting punched again. Alex showered and dressed, he felt naked without his gun. It was ok he knew where Fox hid everything. Alex grabbed his car key and went to find Fox.

Alex parked his car in the large hotel car park and sat there thinking. He was just about to get out, then he saw Fox getting into his own car. Alex waited then followed him.
He knew how to trail someone as he had done it so many times before. Fox finally pulled into another car park.

He waited then pulled in. It was dark so he stayed in the distance unseen. Alex watched Fox god how much he wanted him, then Fox was gone. Fox had entered a bar. Shit did he think that getting drunk would help.

Alex followed him inside. It took a few minutes to locate Fox. Shit Alex wished he had not found him.
His beloved Fox was sat in the corner , drinking with another man Sat too close to one another.

Alex started to struggle for breath he had to get out of there. He fled back to his car unsure of what to do. His whole world had just fallen apart.
He could not cope with the pain he wanted it to end.

Fox had to sit very close to Mike just to hear him. He should have picked somewhere a bit less noisy. He sat for over an hour listening to the advice. Maybe there was hope for him and Alex and the future.

Fox walked to his car, he had offered Mike a lift home on the way. By the time they reached the car Fox could not stop crying. He felt so stupid but Mike hugged him.

"You will work this out Fox trust me. It just takes time."

"The question is do i have the time."

Alex had sat in the car watching them hugging. Shit he could take no more, maybe Fox had found someone better. Alex climbed out of the car and walked upto Fox.

"Well i see you found someone better to love than me Fox."

"Alex."

"You look suprised to see me. Cant i have just one kiss before i leave you behind."

Fox stood there in shock and was going to explain everything. Shit Alex belived he had someone else.
Then he noticed the gun in Alex's hand. Fuck Alex had said he wanted a kiss before he left.

Alex lifted the gun and pointed it to his own head.

"Goodbye Fox."

Fox just collapsed on his knees crying hysterical. His own life was over now.

Alex could not do it he dropped the gun. Shit he could see the pain within Fox. He bent down and kissed his head then hugged Fox close to him.

" I am so sorry what have i done. Fuck you tried so hard for me."

Fox was far beyond everything.

"You must be Alex. look please we can talk later just get him in the car."

Alex left his own car he would collect it later. He helped the other man get Fox into the car and then sat holding him. Mike drove the pair of them home.

When they entered the apartment Alex lay Fox on the bed. He lay beside the sobbing man until Fox fell asleep, he then went to see Mike.

"Thank you for getting us both home. Just one question , who the hell are you."

"I have known Fox for years Alex and he needed my help. He wanted a shoulder to cry on and advice.

"Advice about what."

"Fox wanted to help you Alex, he loves you so much. Hell he thinks he will lose you.
Look it's time i left."

"Thanks for everything i will have to sort this out. Shit i get everything wrong.

He thanked Mike again and saw him out of the apartment. Alex then went back to Fox just to hold him.

"I dont know if you are listening or can even hear me Fox I am so sorry i just wanted to die when i saw that man. You made me feel again Fox to understand myself. I love you so much babe.
You did everything to give me a life and i fucked up. You have never ever lied to me Fox ,hell if you still want me i am here. I love you."

Alex fell asleep holding on to his lover.

Fox felt Alex moving, then he was greeted with the most gorgeous green eyes. He remembered Alex talking the night before.

"We belong to each other Alex and i wont let go. I love you and we have been far away from each other for far to long."

Things went well for a few months , Alex had settled and they loved each other. Then one morning Fox found the note.

Dear Fox
This is hard for me to write believe me. I love you but cant be with you anymore. Shit i dont even know if i am making sense. Dont get me wrong we should be with each other, It's not you Fox it's me i am feeling lost. I cant explain i guess it's the pain of just waiting. Fuck i am waiting for the day you realise who i am. The longer i stay the harder it will be when that day comes. Just remember i love you babe so much.
Please find it in you're heart to forgive me. Alex xxxxx

Far away part 2

One year later :

Fox knew that things were not going well on the case. Shit four dead men all left to blead to death. No leads nothing exept that all the dead had been gay.

He now found himself sat outside a gay bar doing a stakeout alone. Fox knew it was against all F.B.I. regulation's , but he was not known for doing things by the book.

He recognised the man stood at the entrance of the bar. Tall dark hair and dressed all in black. Fuck he was gorgeous. No he would not go there. Shit why was he thinking of Alex in this way. Fox had given him everything even his fuckin heart.

Fox climbed out of the car and followed Alex keeping a safe distance. Up ahead Alex had stopped to tie his shoe lace. Fox pulled out his gun and aimed.

"Turn around slowly Alex with you're hands in the air."

"Well look who it is, long time no see Fox. Are you here to fuck me over or kiss me. Then again you could just shoot me."

"You bastard after what you did to me i should shoot you. Oh and as for fucking you over that can be arranged, believe me."

"Fox it was over a long time ago just walk away."

"I dont think so Alex."

Fox searched Alex removing his gun. Shit his cock leapt into life.

"Fuck you Fox. Just finish it."

"It's ok thanks for the offer but i would rather fuck you."

"Fox you are one sick man."

"Drop you're trousers and underwear Alex now."

" Fox have you lost you're mind."

Fox aimed the gun to the right of Alex and fired.

"No Alex my mind is working fine and so is my aim, next time it will be you. Drop them now. You screwed with my head and fucked up my life. Now you will pay Alex for breaking my heart."

"Please Fox dont do this it's rape, shit you will regret it later."

Fox knew what Alex said was true but a part of him wanted this. He knew he could not stop now it had gone beyond that. He removed the saftey catch

"Last chance Alex fuckin drop them now. if i shot you people would believe me over you."

Alex stared at Fox and found himself pulling his clothes down.

Fox realised how gorgeous Alex was , he missed him so much.

"Bend over that bin now Alex."

Fox walked up behind him and felt the body he had missed. He stroked his backside then grabbed his cock.

"Alex you are still soft, do i not turn you on anymore like i once did."

Fox felt the soft cock stir in his hand. He let go of Alex and put his hand over his mouth. His other hand found Alex's secret hole and shoved a finger in.

"Scream Alex and i will kill you, do you understand."

"Please Fox no."

"Look you liittle fuckin shit , DO YOU UNDERSTAND."

Alex nodded his head as he felt the two fingers shove into him hard. Fuck it felt like he was been torn in two. Then Fox hit his prostate, he knew his own cock had gone hard. Shit he did not want to encourage Fox.

Fox removed his fingers and used the pre cum from Alex, he then shoved his cock in hard.

Alex tried so hard not to scream fuck it hurt, the pain turned to pleasure. He wanted to throw up. How could Fox do this to him.

Fox felt amazing inside Alex the heat tight around his cock. Shit Fox knew he would not last long.
He grabbed Alex's cock jerking him off at the same time.

"Nice to see i still turn you on Alex.
I alway's knew deep down you are nothing but a fuckin slut."

Fox fucked Alex harder and harder until they both climaxed. He then realised just what he had done. Fuck he had raped a man. Not just any man only the one he claimed to love. He pulled up his trousers and fastened them. Shit he could hear Alex crying.

"Get up and go home Alex , i am so sorry for what i have done please forgive me."

Alex stood and sorted out his clothes.

"You should have just shot me Fox. I dont think you realise just what you have done too me. Go home and think about it Agent Mulder."

Alex turned and walked away.

Fox returned home.
What had he done he was a fuckin F.B.I. agent. He had raped Alex raped the man he still loved so much. Fox had wanted him. He realised he had him once only to loose him. Why did he have to be so gorgeous , fuck he realised his cock was hard.

He was a sick man getting hard over the man he just raped. Sit he had wanted Alex so bad and even commit rape to get him.

The next morning Fox phoned in sick, he wanted a week's leave effective straight away. He could not face anyone. He made no plans he just lay there thinking. He knew he was just going to go over and over it until he went mad.

The phone woke him from a restless sleep. He had known it would be Scully. He explained he needed some time alone. And no he did not need her to come over. He went back to sleep on the couch.
Shit he refused to sleep in that bed without Alex, to many memories.

Alex had gone back to what passed as his home. He had no one to talk to about Fox, hell Fox was the only person he had ever had. He was not here to listen Alex was Alone. Alex realised that Fox had raped him forced himself on him. Shit had hurt so much , he had to bottle all his love for Fox up. Alex Krycek was not willing to let anyone get away with raping him,not even Fox.

Well Special Agent Fox Mulder revenge would be sweet, and entertaining. I am guessing you feel bad about yourself Fox to take a whole week off work. Alex was still good at hacking into personal files.

Alex entered apartment 42 with great ease, it helped he still had a key. He found Fox asleep on the couch. He never even gave the man time to move before he shoved the needle into him.

Fox opened his eyes when he felt the needle. Shit he jumped up when he saw Alex. Then he was pushed back down.

"Sit Fox because within a minute or two you will be out cold."

Fox felt his eyelids getting heavy and closing. The last image he saw was the look of hate on Alex's face.

When Fox was out cold Alex set to work. He removed all the rubbish from the bed making it useable. He then managed to drag the sleeping form of Fox onto the bed. Alex took great pleasure in undressing Fox , playing with his nipples then his cock. God how he wanted to fuck him. That would have to wait as he wanted Fox awake to have the pleasure. He cuffed Fox to the bed shit Fox was so gorgeous. Fuck he remember that night so long ago when he had cuffed Fox.

Alex went to his car and parked it away from the apartment. He grabbed the shopping and walked back. All he had to do was wait for Fox to wake up.

"Well well look who has decided to wake up."

"Let me go Alex now."

"Shut up Fox , do you really think you are in a position to tell me what to do."

"Please Alex."

"Shut the fuck up Fox after what you did to me. I swear piss me off and i will kill you."

Alex removed all his clothes and stood there naked.

"I am going to fuck you Fox and i will watch that pretty face while i do it."

"Fuck no Alex i am so sorry."

Alex never answered him.
He pushed Fox's knees up and shoved a pillow under his ass. Then he opened the lube ready to fuck him. All he got in return was Fox kicking him off the bed.

"So you want it the hard way Fox."

"Fuck you."

Alex left the room only to return with another needle, in injected Fox. He had only given him enough to knock him out for a few minutes.

When Fox came back around he found himself face down on the bed. He could feel the weight of Alex on him.

"I want oh fuck please i just want you to stop Alex please."

"To late babe payback can be a bitch."

Fox felt his ass cheeks parted.
Alex sat with the lube then threw it on the pillow.

"Fuck you Fox you had the chance to do it the easy way. Now we do it the hard way."

Alex was pissed of that Fox had kicked him off the bed. His cock was like stone yet he forced it into Fox. Fox started to scream until Alex shoved the pillow in his mouth. Alex knew Fox must be extreme pain but no longer cared.

"So fucking tight Fox you not had any for a while. Shit i bet you spent a whole year missing me. Well i am here now to fuck you're hot tight ass."

Alex reached and grabbed Fox's cock.

"Come for me babe, you know you want too."

Alex pulled his cock all the way out then to shove it back in hard. He jerked Fox off and as Fox came so did he. Alex removed the pillow from Fox's mouth. When he rolled off Fox he saw the tears.

"Why cry Fox i only did what you saw fit to do to me."

Alex licked the tears away and kissed him.

"Fuck i still have memories of that sexy mouth around my cock, shit you would bite it off now."

"Fuck you i hate you , i HATE you Alex."

"Fox calm down ."

Alex shoved just his jeans on and grabbed the key and his gun.

"I will need to take the cuffs off to move you from the bed. Behave Fox until i put them back on."

Alex removed the cuffs from the bed and fastened Fox's hands toghether with them. He led Fox to the toilet then the kitchen.

"Sit Fox while i make coffee."

Fox found sitting very painful, shit his ass hurt.

"I never wanted to hurt you Alex please believe me. I wanted you so much , we was good once just the two of us."

"Fox i have you here as a prisoner of course you would say that. Anything to make me let you go."

Alex decided to make scrambled eggs.

"I am going to make us some food Fox so eat it or i feed you."

Fox forced himself to eat he wanted Alex no where near him.

"Look Alex i have done what you want but can i please have some clothes."

"Sorry lover but i like the look of you as you are. Hey maybe if you be good i might buy you a collar and lead."

"You sick fuck you expect to walk around with no clothes just to please you."

"Well you see dear Fox you wont be doing a lot of walking around. I plan to keep you in bed for a few day's. Well you did phone in sick at work. I guess i get to play doctor , that sounds like fun."

Fox remained silent just sitting there. Alex cleaned the kitchen and looked at Fox.

"Come on babe shower and back to bed."

Alex led Fox to the shower he turned on the water, he then made Fox get in. He removed his own jeans but kept hold of the gun. He joined Fox in the shower.

Alex shoved Fox against the tiles and then caressed his body. He felt every muscle in Fox's body tense up.

"Dont worry Fox i wont hurt you next time if you behave. Get down on you're knees Fox and suck my cock. If i feel them teeth i will shoot you."

Fox found it very distressing giving Alex a blowjob with a gun to his head He gave everything he could to please Alex , despite everything his own cock was hard. Fuck Alex was large, he then felt and tasted Alex as he came in his mouth.

"Please Alex i do love you."

"Shut up Fox."

Alex dried them both and led Fox back to bed. He lay next to him until Fox fell asleep. He then held him close in his arms.

"Why did you rape me babe , shit i would have given myself to you. Fuck what have we turned into Fox.
There are times i wish i was still here , just to hold you every night. I love you so much Fox."

Alex fell asleep not letting go of Fox.

Fox had heard every word. Shit he only had himself to blame for this. He knew he should never have raped Alex. The next morning he woke up alone then saw the note on the pillow.

Dearest Fox
Gone for supplies i will be back soon
Be a good boy as you cant escape.
love
Alex
XXX

Great alone and Alex leaves me a note
Shit what was with the love and kisses. Well he was left with no chice but to wait.

Sometime later left with only his own thoughts Fox was glad to have Alex return.

"Good morning lover did you sleep well. I have bought you a present."

Fox remembered Alex's words from the night before. He believed Alex still really loved him, maybe it was time to play him at his own game.

"So babe what present did you buy me then."

He knew by the look on Alex's face that calling him babe hurt. Alex must still have feelings for him.

Alex pulled the collar from the bag and fitted it around Fox's neck.

"Well Fox you call me babe so you are trying to piss me off or you really are a slut."

Alex undressed

"Fuck it Fox you are really turning me on at the moment. God i could fuck you to death."

Alex climbed on top of Fox , he slapped him twice hard across his thigh.

"I will have you this way Fox and watch that pretty face. Kick me of again and it will hurt worse than last time."

Alex applied plenty of lube to his own cock then shoved it into Fox hard.

"Enjoy yourself Fox i want to watch you come."

Fox spat in his face

"I will never enjoy it Alex so just finish it."

Alex grabbed the bag and removed something. He fit the cock ring onto Fox.

"So you dont want to come or enjoy it , good this way you dont have too. But i can guarantee by tonight you will be begging to come."

Alex rammed into Fox hard feeling the pleasure of his tight hot ass. He finally came deep inside Fox. He looked down and planted a kiss on the end of Fox's very hard cock.

"You bastard."

"Fox babe you was the one who never wanted to come. Well we might aswell go eat then."

Fox found himself back on the kitchen chair. He was going to die if Alex touched his cock again.

"You are very hard Fox for a man who does not want to come."

"Alex please dont do this i am so sorry for what i did. I wanted you then and i want you now.
Please Alex remove the cuffs and let me make love too you."

"Do you think i am really that stupid., you hate me and want me to let you go."

"Please Alex i want you , hell i love you so much."

Fox was grabbed by the hair and returned to the bedroom.

"Please Alex why cant you just listen to me."

"Shut the fuck up Fox i dont want to hear the lies or you're fuckin mouth again."

"Please Alex i love you and i know you love me."

Fox knew he had gone to far when Alex punched him in the mouth. Alex grabbed the gag out of his bag and shoved in Fox's mouth.

"Look what you made me do Fox. I told you to shut up now i have hurt you."

Alex left the room slamming the door shut. Shit Fox wondered what he would do if Alex had gone. Fuck he was unable to shout or move.
Hell he could not even come.
Fox cried himself to sleep.

Alex loved Fox but had hurt him maybe he should leave. Fuck it he decided to wait around for a while. Alex knew when all this was over he would never see Fox again. He bent down removed the gag and cleaned the split lip he had done to Fox. Alex then kissed him on the lips shit he realised Fox was kissing him back.

"Fuck me Alex please, i need to feel you inside me."

"What's up Fox am i good enough now you have no one else."

Alex removed his clothes and lay with Fox. He used the lube and made Fox loose then let his cock enter him. Fuck it felt so good but Alex knew it would be the last time. Shit he had to let Fox go.
He felt the hot tears on his own cheeks as he came. Fuck he only ever cried with Fox , he had to get away as he was falling apart.

"Shit Alex you wanted me to beg. Hell i am fuckin plading with you remove the cockring.

Alex realised he had forgot about Fox.
He grabbed Fox's cock and saw him come within seconds. Shit Fox had shouted out his name as he came.

"Alex please listen i love you."

Alex could take no more.

"You dont get it do you Fox , i know you will say anything to make me release you. I wont hurt you as i have always loved you Fox. I just cant stand the pain of you having to lie to me. Alex left the room and returned yet again with a syringe.

"Oh fuck no Alex please not again, i did nothing wrong this time. Please dont put me to sleep again."

Alex bent down and gave Fox a long hard kiss.

"I am not going to hurt you just put you to sleep. When you wake up you will be free no handcuffs and no me."

"Shit no please i am begging i dont want you to go. I love you so much."

Alex injected the contents of the syringe into Fox.

"No more lies babe it's over. You dont have to tell me you love me Fox. Just sleep then i will be gone for good. I will stay until you fall asleep and i am sorry for everything. Just remember i still love you."

Fox managed one sentence before he fell asleep,

"I love you Alex."

Alex grabbed all his stuff and removed the cuffs. He then walked out on Fox for the second time.

Alex sat in front of his pc, shit where did he start. Well honesty would be good, He decided to go with his feelings.

Hi Fox
Yeah i guess you will have screened this email, and know it's from me. All i ask Fox is for you too please read it. I will warn you beforehand it might not make sense at times. I