There it was again. Peace. Peace and normal life along with vacations, normal Christmas brakes and alienless job. It's hard to live in peace after years of war. After you've seen things, which can gave the strongest people nightmares. After you've lost everything from before the rough times, you give it away, so you could be more useful.
And you won. And there was nothing to come back to.
Once upon a time you've got a family. Your sister was the first victim. Killed for none better reason than in a dim light she looked like you for assassins. You've lost her and even if you wanted to blame as many people as possible, you couldn't change the fact, which you were so aware of - she died because of you. She paid for your faults, died for your case.
You've also had a brother. And he's still alive, but it's as well as if he'd be dead. You don't see each other almost ever, and when you meet, you have no idea what to talk about. There are these cold walls between you that you can't get through. You even stopped trying.
You've had a mother. You're still meeting her. You talk. She's the only one you still have at least some kind of contact. But you can't not see that she's like the only link to your old life, which you still keep. And that you're planning to cut. She helped you a lot, but now she's living in peaceful times and she wants to take care of her grandchildren. She doesn't understand why can't you settle down, even Fox did.
Yes, he did. After the war he confronted his the best informant and the man that helped him win this war. You were afraid he'd finally kill him, now that he wasn't useful anymore. You were afraid that your partner will lower himself to this, but deep in your heart you've prayed for it. It will be just perfect. After bringing down the shadow government, you should as well kill this rat bastard. The only one of them that was visible for so much longer. He should die along his old bosses. But nothing like that happened. Mulder wanted to talk to him and disappeared for almost whole three weeks. You thought Krycek managed to kill the last part of your family that you still have, but no. His plan was far more complicated. Mulder finally came back and announced that he loves Alex, always did just never fully understand his feelings. He talked about his passion that he spent on hitting Krycek, and about the kiss that made him start thinking. How clich.
He wanted you to accept Krycek. The rat bastard that was responsible for so many bad things, who was so treacherous that he probably himself couldn't remember when he was on which side. You couldn't do that. You hate Krycek with every cell of your body. Especially after he dulled your partner in so awful manner. You wanted to shake some sense in Mulder. You've made him choose - you or Krycek. He told you than that you're his best friend, that he loves you like sister and you're almost as much important to him as his real sister was. But. There is always this on little awful word "but". But he loves Alex the kind of love he never knew is possible and he's afraid he may die without his beloved one. He chose him. After all those years. After you rescued his life more times than you can count. After you got in danger, just for him. After yours investigations, fighting for life of each other, food fights and watching old horror movies at late Friday's nights. After that he chose this lying, cheating, murderous rat! It hurt. A lot.
He was your closest family and now he's having some kind of small Christmas' dinner with his lover. And you're sitting in your new, bigger office and write some reports than definitely could wait. You could go home earlier, but where is the rush? No one is waiting for you; no one is going to miss you.
You take the report and go to A.D. office. There aren't many people. Even Kim went home earlier and you just knock to Skinner's office door. Who like who, but he'll be at work until the end of the day. Good to know, you're not the only lonely freak in the building.
You may say he's quite shocked to see you. He was pulling on his cloak, obviously heading back home.
"Umm... Sorry sir, I thought I'll live this report before I go home."
You see this sad, almost regretful look he's giving to you. You can sense guilt in him.
"It could wait, agent Scully, you shouldn't have to bother. Even I was planning on leaving a little earlier, it's Christmas Eve and I haven't this peaceful Christmas in a long time, I must say."
"Certainly, sir. I just had some free time and no reason to leave earlier, so I thought I'll end this report, while I have a moment."
He looks at you again and suddenly you know, that he's perfectly aware why you've stayed. He knows how pathetic and alone you've become. He probably even knows that you took care for some lonely cat, so you wouldn't feel so strange, when there is no one to talk to. You just sigh silently and put the report on his desk, pivoting and heading for the door, before he'll ask about your plans for Christmas. You've laid about that enough of times.
Damn. You didn't manage.
"I can't help, but wonder if you'd like to go for a drink or two with me?"
You look at him and see his eyes, he tries to keep your look and don't cast them down as he wants to. There is just a slight sight of hope in those warm, brown orbs, and you know that he really wants your company. And suddenly you remember that if things haven't changed lately, he doesn't have even cat to come back home to. You smile.
"I'd love to, sir."
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Title: As Alone As Am I?
Author: Andrea Deer [email/website]
Details: Standalone | PG-13 | 5k | 07/07/07
Pairings: Skinner (Pre/Non-slash) | M/K in the background, Skinner/Scully in plain view
Category: Drama, Relationship, Angst, AU (Alternate Universe)
Summary: The war is over. Every bad guy paid for his faults, but some characters where left alone after the fight ended. Hopefully they could still match…
Notes: One word "damn" and some mentioning of slash relationship. A little angsty and christmasy.
It's slightly AU, but covers most of the XF episodes. After War, when there is a happy ending of fighting with bad aliens.
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