by Cherusha

by Cherusha

I've been your companion, your supporter, your friend.

You were my everything.

I've seen things you've seen, I've done things you've done, and no one -- no ONE -- can possibly understand like I do. It's always been just me and you. Since the very beginning.

I remember that day, the day so many years ago when I came into your life, as if it were yesterday. You were perfect for me, so young, so naive but with so much pain and hatred for the world. You intoxicated me, and I just had to have you.

And you needed me to make you mine.

When you touched me, oh God, when you touched me... It was like coming alive for the first time. I can still feel your fingers running down my length, stroking me, caressing me. I can still see the wonder in your eyes as you gripped me firmly in your fist, as if you wanted and yet were too frightened to believe that this was truly happening. I was your first, wasn't I?

You were fantastic that first night. And skittish as a newborn calf. Your fingers were trembling terribly as you stripped me from my barriers, your hand sweaty as you grasped my hardness. But I knew you were determined to go through with it. And then I felt your fingers winding around, pushing in, the pressure building higher and higher until finally, I exploded into blissful white-hot brilliance. And he never say it coming. You were so beautiful.

From then on, we were the perfect team, a masterpiece for the ages. There have been others from time to time, but in the end you always came back to me for I was the only one that could please you. The only one who appreciated you. You never knew it, but you were always mine.

But then he came into your life and stole everything from us.

I could tell, even from the beginning, that things were going to be terribly wrong when you hesitated to use me that night. You never hesitate. And yet you did because he told you to. It was the worst night of my existence. The moment came, the seconds ticked by like hours in some horrifically convoluted story, and I could only watch with disbelieving shock.

It was your case. Do you even know what it's like to not be able to sleep? It's perfection when you're with me. But when you're gone, when I've no idea if or when you might be coming back, it's hell pure and true. It's me lying naked in a darkened room waiting for you to come hold me again and knowing that you're out with that fucking FBI agent doing God knows what! Because you've suddenly decided that you'd rather give up your life for him than to come back where you truly belong: At my side.

Why did you choose him over me? In the beginning he hardly even noticed you. You were gum stuck to his expensive, pristine shoe in his eyes, and you were a beautiful and terrifying god in mine. And yet, he was the one you went to.

He's the result of all your sufferings. My heart would break at the sight of the pain he's inflicted upon you, upon your perfect face. Why do you love him when he hates you so much? I wanted to hurt him back, to kill him, and it tortured me that I was helpless to do so, to end your pain. And you kept crawling back for more.

I don't understand.

Who had always been at your side during your lowest times? Who could you count on to solve your problems? Where was he when you had returned after losing your arm in that cold Russian forest? I was you only comfort, your only confidant then. The only one who could help you get through those dark hours and bring you back to the magnificence you once were.

But you were never the same again. The fire in your eyes that had always lit up each time you held me had now disappeared forever, it seemed, and I cry out for the loss. What has he done to you, my all, my perfect angel of death?

You hang on to this impossible notion that he'll accept you one day, maybe even love you. He does not even understand the meaning of the word! No one could possibly love you the way I do. You only find true happiness when you're with me.

You need me. We complete each other. And we cannot have him getting in the way of our future -- our destiny! We have to stop him once and for all.

There's one bullet left. Use me once more. Aim for his heart.

Because you he'll only desert you in the end. And when he leaves, I'll be there to pick up the pieces. It'll be just you and me again. Always. Forever. .

I'll be waiting.


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