TITLE: Surfacing
AUTHOR: Chad Moore
FANDOM: XF
DATE: October 9th, 2001
SERIES: Dangerous Undercurrents and Conundrum.
E-MAIL: Mulderholic@webtv.net
FEEDBACK: Please! Always welcome!
RATING: PG (Chapter 1)
CATEGORY: M/O
ARCHIVE: Yes, please
KEYWORDS: Slash, Romance, Angst
SUMMARY: Having saved Jamie from the Cult of Azathoth, Mulder is determined to win back his first love.
WARNINGS: WIP
SPOILERS: This story takes place after "Existence," with references to past seasons.
DISCLAIMER: All familiar characters belong to CC, 1013 and Fox TV; any others were conceived in my warped imagination.
SPECIAL THANKS: To Bertina and Michele. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you.
DEDICATION: For Neige and Vyper
"Just one step at a time and closer to destiny..."
=====
Chapter One: Against The Tide
"Come on, Jamie, jump! It's a piece of cake."
Peril stood in her way-too-tight pink top, and way-too-tight matching miniskirt (but hey, the Pat Benatar look was in and that's what guys seemed to like) staring up at the roof.
Jamie peered uncertainly out of the high bedroom window as the warm summer night air blasted his face. Soon his shadowy figure clambered onto the roof tiles, making his way down. Suddenly Jamie gave a little "whoop" and Peril could hear his shoes scraping.
"Jamie, for pete's sake, be careful!" she hissed.
Hopefully the noise had not woken Grams. Especially if they ever hoped to make it to the club in one piece. Jamie was three years younger and needed to be brought out of his shell. He was all go for adventure but it had taken quite a bit of persuading on Peril's part to get him to go with her.
She had strategically planned this weekend with her cousin. Their last bit of fun before he went off to college, or university as he kept correcting her.
As Grams often told her, she more than lived up to her name, especially with her rather large rebellious streak. Thankfully, this had rubbed off on Jamie. Combined with his own natural feisty demeanour, he would be a match to be reckoned with.
Sliding down the tiles, Jamie landed in an undignified heap beside her. Peril laughed. She couldn't help it. He looked so cute sprawled on the ground.
Helping him up, she smiled. "Ready for some fun?"
He smiled back. "I'm ready for anything."
That happy time seemed like a million years ago.
Peril jogged down the clinical white corridors, a concerned, worried frown creasing her beautiful features. The telephone conversation with Aunt Janine had left her shocked and perplexed. Grams had been right, insisting all these years that Jamie was still alive.
An hour ago Peril's phone rang. Janine was taking the first flight out. Peril was the closest. A man named Fox Mulder (why did that name sound so familiar?) had found Jamie and they had been taken to San Francisco Memorial. Jamie, her favorite cousin -- so young and handsome and bright -- assumed dead, now miraculously resurrected after eighteen years. Within minutes of the call, Peril left her Bodega Bay apartment en route to the hospital emergency room.
Bursting through a set of metallic blue doors and into the emergency room, Peril pushed past a gurney, and flock of nurses, running to the front desk.
"Hi!" she said breathlessly, leaning over the counter.
The desk attendant seemed more absorbed in the text on her computer screen than Peril Bellamy's insistent voice.
"Uh, nursey!" Peril slammed her palm down, finally gaining her attention. "Hi! Can you tell me where I can find my cousin?"
"What's your cousin's name?" asked the desk attendant, as if she were exhausted by the effort of speaking.
"James, Jamie Grayson."
The nurse glanced down at a clipboard. "Dr. Scully will see you in a few moments. Please have a seat in the waiting room."
"Why can't I see Jamie now?"
"I'm sure the doctor will be able to answer all of your questions." Her tone was dismissive. "If you'll have a seat I'll page her."
"Ok, thanks."
The attendant swiveled in her chair. Peril made a face at her back then began her search for the waiting room.
*****
Walter Skinner sat in a small, air conditioned room surrounded by plastic plants, prehistoric back issues, and colorful Matisse paintings intended to soothe.
He wondered how much longer the wait would be. He had to be getting back to D.C. soon. Luckily he'd been able to take over the police inquiries and help explain why Avatar exploded in the blink of an eye.
Thinking of the explosion, he sat forward and examined the bandage on his right forearm. It had been burnt badly during his flight with Krycek. Skinner had managed to haul him out of the building just as it went up like a Roman candle.
Alex Krycek. He shook his head, marvelling at the irony of it all. Several months ago he'd shot the psychopathic double-agent dead in a parking garage. That turned out to be a clone. Just a few days ago he'd grabbed Krycek by the scruff of the neck and saved his life. Mulder would classify that action as an X-File in itself. Yeah, Walter thought, especially if he knew...
He was startled from his thoughts when a very attractive young woman walked inside the waiting room. She sat down with a heavy sigh. She looked so upset that Walter moved closer to her.
"Miss? Are you sick?"
Peril gave him a half-smile. "No, I'm not sick."
Something was wrong, because she looked so sad. "Is it a family member?"
She nodded. "My cousin's here and they don't know what's wrong with him."
"I'm waiting to hear about a friend of mine, too."
"What is your name?"
"Walter."
"Well, hello, Walter. I'm Peril."
Walter smiled. "That's an unusual name."
"Yeah, I'm told I live up to it."
They turned their heads as a doctor, followed by a trio of medical students, walked inside the waiting room. Dr. Walker stopped before Peril.
"Peril Bellamy?"
Peril stood up. "Yes?"
"I'm Dr. Michael Walker. I'm consulting on your cousin's case."
"Hi." As she made to follow the doctor, she turned back to Walter. "Bye, it was nice to meet you. I hope everything works out with your friend."
Walter watched the woman hurry after the group. Then he gazed down at his watch. Maybe 'his friend' would be ready now.
Out in the bustling hall, Peril caught up with Dr. Walker. "Um, where's Dr. Scully?" she questioned.
"She's with your cousin now."
Peril stared back at the young students following like goslings. "Who are they?"
"They're studying under the same specialist field."
"Specialist?" Peril froze. The details of Jamie's condition were sketchy. She didn't realize it was this bad. "Wait!"
*****
With a soft chime, the elevator doors opened. Dana Scully emerged and headed deeper into the catacomb corridors of the intensive care unit.
She wiped a little tear from the corner of her eye. She'd just finished a telephone conversation with her mother -the tenth one in the last few hours- just to hear William's gurgling voice.
She hated being separated from him for this long, but she'd made a promise to herself and Mulder to remain long enough to see to Jamie's care.
Although the destruction of Avatar had only been a couple of days ago, it seemed like a lifetime now.
Mulder had managed to pull her out of the exploding research facility in the nick of time. She'd sustained a few minor cuts and bruises. To be honest, she remembered very little except for the dust and debris falling all around.
Despite the danger, they had succeeded in their mission. Jamie, Mulder's first love, who had been possessed by an evil no one could truly comprehend, was rescued and freed -thanks to Mulder's great courage. However, Jamie remained in critical condition and Scully was feeling more and more worried.
Jamie had not stirred once. His tests all came back inconclusive.
Suddenly she turned a corner leading to a small treatment room. Dana gently pushed open the door and was not shocked or surprised to find Mulder's ever present figure sitting beside Jamie's hospital bed. His eyes remained fixed on his comatose form lying flat on a wide bed, IV tubes snaking up from Jamie's arms, an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth.
The cool air was filled with the sound of humming machinery, and the steady bleeping of a heart monitor.
This had become his home ever since they arrived. Keeping vigil for countless hours, regailing the unconscious Jamie with stories. At the moment he was recounting one of their early X-Files.
"Then I told Scully it would be a nice trip to the woods," he was saying.
"Morning," she said, approaching the bed. "Don't tell me you haven't been to sleep yet."
Mulder, tousled and unshaven, barely looked up to register her presence.
"All right, I won't tell you," he replied, in an attempt at his usual dry humor. "I don't wanna leave him, in case he wakes up."
"Mulder, you have to take care of yourself, too. It won't do him any good if you have to be admitted as well."
Squeezing Jamie's hand, Mulder looked up at her. His eyes looked haunted. "It's like he's sleeping. I just can't wake him up."
Dana moved to his side, running a comforting hand across his tense shoulders. "I promise you we're doing everything we can."
The sound of Jamie's slow, pained breathing filled the silence as Mulder gazed at him.
"You know he always said that we were meant to be together."
"Fate, Mulder?"
In all the time she'd known him, Dana's best friend was obsessively passionate. This romantic side was something new.
"Fate?" He pursed his lips and pondered the word. "Never heard of it."
She smiled warmly, knowing better.
Approaching voices caught their attention. Scully glanced up as Dr. Walker and his students walked in, with a concerned woman about her own age.
Peril gasped at the sight before her. Jamie! Unconscious, his breathing labored, but alive. She was too stunned to even talk when a shortish, red-headed woman in a doctor's coat walked toward her.
"Are you the doctor?" she asked, anxious to get a closer look.
Dana shook her hand. "Yes, I'm Dana Scully and-" She turned to find Dr. Walker and his students moving in to examine Jamie. Mulder reluctantly stood up and came toward them. "This is Fox Mulder."
Peril peered at the approaching, disshevelled man. "You're the guy who found my cousin?"
Mulder simply nodded.
"He's going to be okay, right?" she asked Scully. "This isn't life threatening..."
Dana saw the hope in her eyes. The same hope reflected in Mulder's. "Jamie's body is recovering from a massive shock," she explained. "We're treating him as best we can. We'll know more after we've run more tests, which I really need to see about." She turned. "Mulder, why don't you rest in the waiting room with..."
"Peril."
"Peril and relax, okay?"
With a longing look at the still figure hovered over by white coats, Mulder walked out into the hall with Peril.
As soon as they left the room, Peril exploded. "How did this happen?" she asked, gripping Mulder's arm. "Jamie's been missing all these years without a single word..."
"It's not his fault," Mulder was quick to defend.
"Tell me the truth," Peril said. "He's going to be all right, isn't he?"
Mulder shook his weary head. "They really don't know anything," he admitted.
They passed into the little waiting area. Peril noticed that the surly man with the wire-rims had departed. She sat back down and started flipping through a well-thumbed Cosmo.
Mulder made his way to a nearby vending machine, buying himself a bag of nachos and a coke. Scully would have his hide if he didn't eat something.
Gripping her trembling hands, Peril watched him as he sat down next to her. She still couldn't believe it. Jamie, alive. There was something in Mulder's deep, hazel eyes that tugged at her heart. Something that told her he obviously cared a great deal for her cousin.
"He's going to be fine," she said, comforting both herself and him.
"It's just that after everything I've seen -and believe me, I've seen some scary stuff- it takes a lot to scare me," Mulder sighed, sadly. "This time, I'm really scared."
She blinked as a light of recognition went on in her head. "So you and my cousin were..."
"Lovers, yes," Mulder finished.
Now Peril knew why she recognized his name! This was Jamie's roomate when he went to Oxford. He talked about Mulder in his letters just before his disappearance. She had a trillion questions! But one thought stood out more: Aunt Janine's reaction to all this.
Well, she'd cross that bridge when her aunt arrived.
She peered closely at the man beside her. Yes, she could definitely imagine Jamie falling for him. He was extremely good-looking, not exactly her type. He was probably a little too smart for his own good, but the nose suggested that his brain wasn't the only endowed body part. As soon as Jamie woke up, they'd have to have a little talk... And he would wake up.
Mulder took a sip of his coke, licking away the fizzing residue from his bottom lip. "It's bad enough that things are always biting me in the ass," he muttered angrily, half to himself. "This should've never happened to him."
Not for the first time, Peril wondered exactly what HAD happened. "He's not going to give up," she stated, confidently. "Jamie was always a fighter."
"I know," Mulder replied, quietly.
*****
Walter had traded one waiting area for another. He sat outside a little hospital room listening as a doctor prescribed some pain killers for Krycek.
The Russian had come out of it the worse of the four. With a concussion and a set of broken ribs. He'd risked his life to help save Jamie and stop Avatar's plans. Walter had gotten in some visiting time with Krycek while helping with the investigation.
Walter could tell he really liked him. More than he would have thought possible. The "real" Alex Krycek -the person, not the rat bastard- was a surprise. There was just something about him...
At that moment, Krycek stepped out of the room and could not hide the surprise on his face.
"You okay?" Walter asked, standing up.
Alex shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, I'll live. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health."
"Good," Walter replied, gruffly. "How are you dealing?"
"Like I said-"
"That's not what I meant."
It may have been the morphine, but one evening Krycek confided his doubts. He was having a hard time dealing being seduced and initiated into a demonic cult, and used by a supernatural spirit.
Alex understood his meaning and shied away. "I don't know," he admitted.
"You've gotta give it some time."
They started to walk. Alex kept an arm wrapped around his bandaged ribs, and Walter noticed his usual jaunty stride was missing. Krycek kept his eyes straight ahead, but he was very glad of Skinner's company.
He sighed. "Jamie was completely taken over by evil and he fought it every step of the way."
"What you did was a big thing."
Alex looked up and smiled. A compliment from the AD! If he didn't know better he was still knocked out from the medication.
They paused outside of a waiting room. Walter caught a glimpse of Mulder talking with Peril, the woman he'd met earlier.
Mulder was becoming restless. "How long do tests take, anyway?"
"Well, the doctor didn't seem too worried," Peril lied.
"Yeah, I know." Mulder blew out his breath, frustrated. "I just want to stay with him."
Walter cleared his throat and stepped inside the room. "Any news?" he asked.
Mulder stood up and shook his head. "None. Scully's running tests with the specialist she brought in." His voice trailed away when Krycek appeared. "What the hell is he still doing here?"
"I'm not going anywhere until I know Jamie's all right," Alex snapped.
Peril felt her heart flip in her chest at the impossibly beautiful man.
Before Mulder could lash out further, he felt a very insistent elbow nudging into him. Peril stared at Krycek flirtatiously.
"Oh, this is Jamie's cousin, Peril," he said, ignoring Krycek and addressing Walter.
"Hi!" She waved and winked. He looks like a cover model for a romance novel, she thought.
"You're Jamie's cousin?" Walter echoed. "Small world."
"We met earlier," she told an incredulous Mulder.
"Peril, would you give us a few moments alone?" Skinner asked.
"Um, sure."
He watched her slide past Alex with a cocky little grin. Poor girl. She was awestruck by him. As soon as the door closed, he turned to Mulder and Krycek.
"Okay, you two," he growled.
Alex folded his arms and stared hard at Mulder. "Thanks, Alex," he spat out, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "Thanks for taking care of Jamie and stopping the world from ending."
Mulder's mouth fell open. Trust Krycek to expect gratitude when Jamie was so ill. "Thank you?" he shouted, then dropped his voice. "I don't believe you! None of this would have happened if you'd just told us the truth!"
"Any more of your lip and you'll get a fat one!"
Walter sighed and rolled his eyes heavenwards. "Looks like everything's back to normal."
Suddenly the door opened to reveal Peril's distressed face. "You'd better come quick!" she told them.
Mulder rushed down the hallway, his heart thumping, his face tingling. Fear gripped him at the sight of the doctors and nurses running into Jamie's room. These are the last seconds, he thought, of being able to pretend everything is all right.
Standing at the door, he frantically called to Scully. "What's happening? What's wrong?"
"We're not moving from this spot until we find out," Walter's firm voice said behind him.
Dana moved forward. Swallowing, she said sadly, "Mulder, I'm sorry. His condition has worsened."
"What can I -what do you do now?"
"There's nothing more we can do."
"What is that supposed to mean?" asked a desperate Peril.
"Either Jamie pulls out of the coma on his own... or I'm afraid he's not going to make it."
Peril started crying.
Through glittering eyes, Mulder stared across the room at Jamie, clinging to life by a thread.
[Next Episode: Is Your Love Strong Enough?]
TITLE: Surfacing
AUTHOR: Chad Moore
FANDOM: XF
DATE: October 10th, 2001
SERIES: Dangerous Undercurrents and Conundrum.
E-MAIL: Mulderholic@webtv.net
RATING: PG (Chapter 2)
CATEGORY: M/O
ARCHIVE: Yes, please
KEYWORDS: Slash, Romance, Angst
WARNINGS: WIP
SPOILERS: This story takes place after "Existence," with references to past seasons.
DISCLAIMER: All familiar characters belong to CC, 1013 and Fox TV; any others were conceived in my warped imagination.
BETA THANKS: To Bertina for support.
SPECIAL THANKS: To Michele for encouragement.
DEDICATION: For Neige and Vyper
Chapter Two: Lost Treasure
Gracefully, a jet glided down to San Francisco International Airport, its slipstream ruffling the grass along the runway.
Within the hectic concourse Peril watched passengers reuniting with loved ones through numb eyes. She had not stopped crying until she reached the airport. Jamie was back in her life, but now he was slowly slipping away. Her heart also bled for Fox Mulder, who looked as if he'd been kicked in the stomach.
She glanced up at an information monitor, cursing the same message:
Flight originating from Atlanta, GA delayed
What was she going to tell Aunt Janine when she finally arrived?
*****
An exhausted Scully leaned against the frame of the treatment room door. She felt completely and utterly helpless, having done everything medically possible to speed Jamie's recovery. Neither she nor Dr. Walker understood why his condition had deteriorated. The shocking turn of events had left her reeling. Right now Mulder was doing the best thing for him. Across the room she could hear his words of comfort.
"You're going to be fine. You're going to pull through this."
Mulder clasping his still hand, and begging him to hang on, broke Dana's heart. It was all so unfair. For Mulder to have risked so much... With a heavy sigh, she moved away and down the hall.
She swept past the waiting room and glanced inside. Skinner sat talking with Krycek, who paced like a caged tiger. The two former enemies had struck up a friendship. Dana often wondered exactly what had happened to change the animosity between them. She hurried along to consult with her colleague.
In a burst of anger Alex kicked a wastepaper basket, and immediately regretted it. Wincing, he clutched at his aching ribs.
Instantly, Walter was by his side. "Hey, you're going to have to take it easy," he admonished.
"He's been through a lot and for this to happen," Krycek began, then let his voice trail away.
Walter understood the frustration he felt. The pair had spent a great deal of time together, and the former double-agent had grown to care about him.
"There's a limit to how much a person can take, believe me." He thought back with disgust at striking the Faustian deal with Avatar. "A lot has happened to me in the past year and a half. It's changed me. It's made me wanna make changes."
"So what are you gonna do?"
"I don't know. Just take some time. Figure it out. Look, I had a little wake up call and I realize that life is too short to be wasting my time doing something I really don't wanna be doing."
"Krycek," Walter said, indicating the empty chairs. "Alex, come here. There's something I want to talk to you about."
*****
Mulder held Jamie's cold hand close against his chest, willing him to feel just one heartbeat. Was he asking too much? He reached out and soothingly brushed back stray locks of hair from Jamie's face. He could no longer fight the tears, the emotions burst forth from the cracked dam.
"I love you, Jamie," he said, his voice breaking. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Leaning forward, he pressed his trembling lips gently against Jamie's forehead.
"Please don't leave me," Mulder desperately pleaded. "So much has happened to us, so much time lost. You will always be a part of me, forever."
He drew his warm breath close to Jamie. "Can you hear me? I love you, Jamie. Please hear me."
Mulder sat back, weeping freely, his body shaking with sobs. A tear trailed down his cheek, falling on Jamie's hand.
Slowly, Jamie's index finger twitched into life. Mulder looked up, his eyes glistening with hope.
"Jamie?"
Suddenly, Jamie gasped aloud and coughed against the oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth.
"Oh, Jamie!" Mulder exclaimed through an ocean of joyous tears. "Thank God!"
Jamie pulled the mask away and gazed up at him. "Mulder?" he said, hoarsely.
"Are you okay?" Mulder caressed his cheek, then leaned forward to warmly embrace him.
At the same time, Dr. Walker came rushing inside. "When did this happen?" he asked, moving close to examine his patient. "Mr. Grayson, are you feeling all right?"
Dana and two other nurses hurried into the room. "Mulder, is he-" She froze in her tracks, seeing Jamie awake. "Oh my God, he's okay?!"
"Yes, he's okay," Mulder said with a surge of relief.
"Mulder," whispered Jamie, disoriented.
Mulder kissed and hugged him. Dana moved up and, taking Mulder by the arm, pulled him gently away so that the nurses could do their work. She hugged Mulder tightly, and he squeezed back.
"This is incredible!" she cried.
"B.P. 105 over 60. Pulse is strong," a nurse reported.
Dr. Walker was in awe. "All of his vitals are normal. I've never seen anything like it." He quickly turned to the nurse. "Draw some blood. I want to run some comparatives."
"Yes, doctor."
Breaking away, Dana rushed out of the room to share the good news. Both Walter and Krycek stood up the instant she entered the waiting area. She was too excited to notice that the two men had been in the middle of a deep conversation.
"He's awake!" she proclaimed.
"What? That's great," Walter smiled.
"Yeah, we're going to run some tests to confirm a few suspicions."
"Whoa, wait, back up," Alex said. "Jamie's really okay?"
Dana nodded. "Yes. I don't know how Mulder did it, but he brought him back. He's achieved what would've taken specialists weeks. It's a miracle, it really is."
*****
Peril craned her neck, trying to get a first glimpse of her aunt. The flight had finally arrived and the passengers were disembarking at a snail's pace. She was anxious to get back up to the hospital.
She heaved a huge sigh of relief as Janine, elegantly attired in an expensive suede pantsuit, appeared behind the stragglers. Peril squeezed by a couple searching for the luggage claim and rushed toward her.
"Peril," Janine said, giving her niece a hug. "Have you seen him?"
Peril felt a sting of sadness at the news she would have to give her.
"It's true. He's alive, it's just..."
Janine swept her sunglasses up into her blonde tresses and noted the worried statement on her face. "Peril, what is it? Is he all right?"
"Look," she said, awkwardly. "Let's get up to the hospital, fast. I'll tell you about it on the way."
*****
"He's waking up."
Mulder's voice seemed to echo down a long tunnel. Slowly, Jamie's eyes flickered open. Blurred images coalesced into the handsome, smiling features of Fox Mulder. Dazed and weak, Jamie could only gaze up at him.
"Hey, angel," Mulder beamed.
At the foot of his bed Scully folded her arms and smiled back. "How are you feeling?"
Getting his bearings, Jamie inhaled deeply. "A little tired," he replied, weakly. "Which is a good thing." He turned to Mulder and reached for his hand, memories flooding back. "Thank you for-"
"For what? Stabbing you?"
"Yeah." Jamie gave him a faint little grin. "Couldn't think of a better plan, huh?"
Mulder shook his head. "Nope." He leaned forward and kissed Jamie tenderly on the forehead. "I couldn't let you die."
Fighting tears, Jamie swallowed. "I'm very glad you couldn't."
Dana found herself wiping at her eye. A light tap at the door drew their attention away. A sheepish Walter Skinner peeked his head inside.
"Hey, you're awake," he said, walking inside bearing a large white teddy bear with a bouquet of multi-colored balloons attached to its collar.
"Are those for me?" asked Jamie, trying to sit up.
Mulder quickly took an extra pillow to support him as Walter placed the gift on the bedside table. He couldn't get over the change in Jamie. The paleness of his skin had disappeared to be replaced by a rosey hue in his cheeks.
"Jamie, do you remember meeting my best friend?" Mulder asked.
Jamie flashed his green eyes and said with mock-hurt, "I thought I was your best friend."
Dana nodded. "Um-hum, he tells me the same thing."
Mulder flushed with embarrassment. "I've gotta stop telling people they're my best friend."
Walter laughed heartily, and Dana hid her own smile with a slender hand. Meantime, Jamie marveled at the lover he thought he'd never see again.
"I'm not dreaming, am I?" he asked Mulder.
"No, you're not. This is all real," he replied, comfortingly.
Jamie peered around and suddenly asked, "Where's Alex? I wanted to thank him." He saw the looks being exchanged. "He is okay, isn't he?"
Mulder suppressed a twinge of irritation. He reminded himself -as mad as it seemed- that Krycek did help Jamie.
"Yeah," Walter nodded. "He'll be in to see you later."
Jamie scratched his chin absently and looked up at Dana. "Can I leave now? Um, 'cause no offense or anything, but I hate hospitals."
Mulder softly laughed, climbed onto the bed and wrapped Jamie in his arms. He felt Jamie tremble like a leaf from his touch.
"We want to get you up and walking around soon," Scully told him, back in doctor mode. "If you keep progressing so well, maybe in a day or two."
Jamie gave a start of surprise as a shrill ringing filled the room. Immediately he thought something was terribly wrong with the heart monitor. His eyes widened when Walter extracted a small, compact phone from his jacket. Seeing the curious glances around him, Jamie felt what would be the first in a long series of impulses of doubt.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that." He shrugged his shoulders. "Guess I've got a lot to catch up on."
Mulder realized that there were no cell phones back in 1983 -which was the last time Jamie had clear memories before being possessed. He had to adjust to being away from society for so long, and to all the changes. He lost so many years. Mulder knew that he and Jamie had a long road ahead, getting to know one another all over again. And he to a Jamie that essentially had not grown since he was last with him.
With no warning, Peril's astonished voice cried out from the doorway. "Oh my God! I don't believe it!"
The assembled group turned to find a stunned Peril and an older woman staring across at Jamie. They looked like they had just seen a ghost. Mulder got to his feet as the astonished pair hurried toward the bed.
"Oh, honey, are you okay?" Peril, crying, threw her arms around her cousin.
"Jamie," breathed Janine, embracing her son. She felt inept. She was eighteen years out of practice at parenting Jamie. What, really, could she say? Until she'd received that phone call, she had completely given up hope of ever seeing him again.
"Mom," he said, simply.
She sat on the bed and smoothed back his hair. "Just rest now. Everything will be all right."
Walter cleared his throat, embarrassed to be privy to this family moment.
"We'll give you some time alone," offered Mulder.
"Thank you," Janine told him, cooly.
Mulder felt a distinct chill from her insincere smile and Arctic blue eyes. Taking him by the arm, Dana gently pulled him away.
As they left, Mulder's gaze lingered on Jamie, who looked completely lost. And Peril, watching him, saw the look in Mulder's eyes, and it nearly took her breath away.
Out in the hall, Dr. Walker watched the trio departing. Before the door could close, he pushed it open a tad. "Excuse me," he interrupted. "Mrs. Hunter, if you can keep this visit short."
"Of course, doctor," she nodded, then turned back to Jamie. To look at her son hurt Janine. He had suffered and survived, and she had done nothing to help find him. Well, she would not lose him again.
"Mrs. Hunter?" stammered Jamie. He looked down at his mother's hand. There was a wedding ring.
Janine cast a nervous glance at Peril, then took a deep breath. "Yes, ah- Baby, do you remember Marc Hunter?"
"Vaguely." Jamie frowned. A lawyer, wasn't he?
"He was a wonderful help to me when you..." She chose her words carefully, "...went away."
The implication sank in.
"What else is different?" Jamie asked, quietly.
"You have a little sister, Erin. She's fifteen and very anxious to meet her big brother."
A sister. After all this time. "What about Grams?" continued Jamie. "Where is she?"
Peril chimed in, happily. "Same old Grams. She's on a cruise."
"A cruise? I'm back and she's on a cruise?"
"Darling, she didn't know," Janine interjected.
Peril nodded. "She's on her way back now. The moment she heard, I'm sure she had the captain turn the ship around."
This was all too much for Jamie. "You know, I'm really tired," he said, exhaling and sinking against the pillows.
"Of course, sweetheart," his mother replied, clamly. "We'll let you get some sleep."
"We'll see you later, ok?" Peril added.
As soon as the lights were out and the door shut, Jamie slumped dejectedly into the bed. Deep inside, all the changes bothered him profoundly. In reality, Jamie was more sad and confused than he wanted to be or knew how to deal with.
After the door closed behind them, Janine turned to Peril. "He's going to be fine, now that we're both here to look after him."
Peril sighed and put a gentle hand on her aunt's arm. "You have to take it easy. I've met Fox Mulder and he really loves him."
"That's what worries me." Janine crossed her arms over her chest. "I want to have a talk with that doctor and get Jamie out of here as soon as possible."
[Next Episode: Out From The Deep]
TITLE: Surfacing, Chapter Three: Undertow
AUTHOR: Chad Moore
FANDOM: XF
DATE: October 17th, 2001
SERIES: Dangerous Undercurrents and Conundrum.
E-MAIL: Mulderholic@webtv.net
FEEDBACK: Please! Always welcome!
RATING: PG13 (Chapter 3)
CATEGORY: M/O
ARCHIVE: Yes, please
KEYWORDS: Slash, Romance, Angst
WARNINGS: WIP
SPOILERS: This story takes place after "Existence," with references to past seasons.
DISCLAIMER: All familiar characters belong to CC, 1013 and Fox TV; any others were conceived in my warped imagination.
BETA READER: Bertina
EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS: Goddess Michele
DEDICATION: For Neige and Vyper
Chapter Three: Undertow
The setting sun cast vivid splashes of golden orange across the sky. Light sparkled in Mulder's bright, hazel eyes. He checked his watch again. It was 7:32 --two minutes later than the last time he'd checked. He had not been able to visit with Jamie at all since his cousin and rather icy mother arrived. Plus, the fact that Scully and Dr. Walker ran endless tests.
Out of all the miraculous and terrifying things he'd seen in his life, one thing still gave him the creeps: hospitals. However, because of Jamie, he couldn't wait to get back to San Francisco Memorial.
Scully had insisted that he have a good meal and brought him to this restuarant, while Jamie had his first walk. She'd wanted Skinner to come along, but he was busy making arrangements to return to D.C.
Sighing, Mulder picked up his fork and absently played with a lettuce leaf dripping with some unidentifiable subtance. He decided it was either alien ectoplasm or some new style of ranch dressing.
Across the table, Scully cocked an eyebrow and swallowed her bite of salad. "It's nice just sitting here talking," she observed.
"Hmm?"
"Mulder, I said: isn't it amazing that the man behind you just morphed into an alien?"
"Yeah, great."
"Mulder, you've not heard a single word I've said!"
"Huh? What? Oh, Scully, I'm sorry. My mind's on..."
"Jamie?"
Mulder nodded and took a gulp of his ice water. "Are you absolutely sure he's going to be all right?"
"Physically, yes. Emotionally, well, I think he's got a long way to go. I definitely think you can help him through the trauma. After all, you two have a lot in common."
"How do you mean?"
"Coming back from the dead, ring any bells, Mulder?"
"Several," he smiled. A sudden thought struck him. "Did you just make a joke?"
Scully just shook her head with a light laugh. Mulder noticed that she'd nearly finished her dinner. And he saw something else, as well. A glint in her eye that always suggested something was on her mind.
"Something's worrying you, Scully," he said, pointedly. "What is it?"
She sat down her fork and pushed her plate away. "I have to tell you that Jamie's mother is pushing for both Dr. Walker and I to release him into her care." She paused as a young waitress, who'd been shamelessly flirting with Mulder -- winking, smiling, catching glimpses of his crotch -- returned to take away her dishes. Dana smiled politely, thinking 'you're really barking up the wrong tree, sister.' Propping her elbows up on the table, she resumed once the waitress left. "It's difficult to explain to his mother why Jamie needs time when-"
Mulder broke in. "I know. I don't think anyone would believe us if we tried."
That was an understatement. Dana had a hard enough time with Dr. Walker's questions. To be honest, she didn't particularly care for Janine Hunter's attitude toward Mulder, who was willing to sacrifice everything for Jamie.
Hoisting the strap of her purse over a shoulder, Dana asked, "Do you want a lift back to the hotel?"
Mulder wiped dressing from his lips. "No," he adamantly replied, "I want to check on Jamie one more time."
Dana was not surprised. She didn't think Mulder had spent one moment in the hotel room she'd booked for him. Mulder read her expression.
"Scully, don't give me that look. I promise to get some rest after I see him."
"All right. But I'm gonna hold you to it."
*****
Sleep for Jamie remained elusive. His first walk had not gone so well. The second he stood on his feet, the world began to spin. He'd barely made it back to his bed unaided, which only added injured pride to the many issues whirling through his confused, and now aching mind.
Jamie slumped down into the starched sheets, wanting to bury his face in the pillow. He'd been pricked and prodded every thirty minutes or so, and his walk up and down the hospital corridor had left him equally drained.
Rolling onto his side, Jamie grimaced from a slight burning sensation, and righted himself once more. Ah, Mulder, he thought, nothing says I love you like a knife in the gut. Jamie had survived a prophecy, and Mulder had brought him back.
He concentrated on the air conditioner hum, and tried to sleep.
"Hey!" a voice whispered.
Jamie blinked open his eyes and turned. A shadowy figure stood in the doorway. Before his blurry eyes it seemed cowled and imposing. Jamie bit down a gasp.
"It's me," Alex Krycek told him, fully entering the room.
Jamie heaved an enormous sigh of relief.
"I saw a nurse leave a little while ago," Alex explained, walking toward the bed.
Turning on one of the flourescent lights behind him, Jamie offered some illumination. He smiled wryly at his friend and stretched out an arm. "Yeah, she took like a quart of blood. I'm starting to wonder if vampires are in charge of this place."
Alex smirked and pulled up a chair. "With our luck, you never know."
"True." Jamie looked up at him with warmth in his eyes. Alex, thank you for everything--"
Certainly not used to gratitude, Krycek swiftly changed the subject. "Are you okay?"
"If I only had a dollar for each time someone's asked me that."
"I know what you mean." Alex touched the side of Jamie's forehead. "Just a lot going on in here, huh?"
"I'm trying to be as normal as possible," he confided, sadly, "but it's like everyone's staring at me. The ghost boy who fell from outer space."
Alex snorted. Understanding all too well what Jamie was going through. "Yeah, they'll never understand what happened. So what are you gonna do?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do."
"You mean about your family and Mulder?"
"It's not so much them, but what I need to do for me. I just feel so..." Jamie struggled to find the words. Part of him wanted to cry, another wanted to laugh, and the next just plain wanted to scream. He wanted to understand why this had all happened to him. And he certainly did not want to put the people he loved through any more pain -- especially Mulder.
"I'm just so ashamed," he admitted. "Alex, what if I can't forget?"
"You didn't do anything wrong." Alex sighed, deeply. "The important thing is that we can all get on with our lives."
Easy for you to say, thought Jamie.
"I just wanted to see you before I leave."
"You're leaving?"
Alex could feel his emotions building and he hated that. He felt very protective of Jamie, like a surrogate brother. He stood up and ruffled his hair. "You take care of yourself, you hear me? And If anyone gives you any problems, I'll personally kick their ass for you." He winked. "'Cause you know I will."
A light laugh fell from Jamie's lips, and it felt good. Alex wore a huge grin. "Knew I could make 'ya smile."
Jamie peered closely at him. "What about you? You need someone to take care of you."
Displaying the bandages wrapped snuggly round his chest, Krycek said, "Hey, I'm indestructible." Catching the concerned glint in Jamie's eye, Alex smiled mysteriously and looked at him as if he'd thought of a private joke. "Don't worry, all right? I'm not alone anymore."
With a little wave, a pensive Jamie sank back into the bed. What does he mean, he's not alone?
*****
A while later, Mulder silently opened a hospital room door, and found that Jamie had drifted off to sleep. All he wanted to do was take Jamie into his arms and make everything go away.
"What are you doing?" a harsh voice hissed near his ear.
He turned to find Jamie's mother staring daggers at him. "Just checking that he's resting okay," he replied.
Janine reached forward and closed the door. "Mr. Mulder, I'd like a word with you."
Mulder sensed the animosity radiating from her. Now was as good a time as any to talk. "I know Jamie must seem distant right now. He's been through an ordeal. He's going to need time to get his life back."
"It seems to me that whenever he's around you his life is turned upside down," she replied, hotly. "I have my son back and that's all that matters."
Mulder exhaled. She was aiming her anger at him. The same way he had at Krycek. She was feeling the same fear -- afraid of losing Jamie again.
"I know exactly what you're feeling," he offered, gently. "When someone you love's been taken away you feel like it's the end of the world. Something terrible happened. Something you might never understand."
It was all very well to tell her to let Jamie have time. But her ideas and his were totally at odds.
Janine ignored his advice. "No, what I understand is that Jamie will be fine once I take him back home."
With that she whirled on her heel and stalked away. Mulder's frown deepened. How could he make her understand? The worst thing in the world to do was push Jamie.
Walter came striding up the corridor, glancing at the irate Janine's retreating back. "Mulder, I heard. I'm so sorry," he said.
"She's just hurt and confused," Mulder replied, trying his damndest not to let it get to him. "What are you doing here this time of night?"
Walter held up is bandaged arm. "Just one last check before I head back."
Mulder gave him a boyish grin. "Another war wound. Walter, look, I've never been any good at expressing my feelings--"
"What? You are kidding, right? You brought Jamie back, didn't you?"
Mulder blushed. "What I'm trying to say is thank you. I could have never saved him without you."
Skinner was completely taken by surprise when Mulder gave him a quick hug. Not for the first time he thought just how lucky Jamie was.
*****
Restlessly, Jamie stirred in his sleep. Shadows swirled and rippled. A deep rumble of mocking laughter shook the walls. A dark mist crept up, beneath covers, invading every fibre of his being. He opened his mouth to cry out, but felt himself choking. Suddenly Mulder appeared. As if in slow motion, he waded through the darkness.
"Jamie," he called, shaking his shoulders. "Jamie, wake up!"
Jamie's eyes shot open and he fell, sweating and panting, into Mulder's arms. "Azathoth's trying to come back!"
Mulder held his face in his hands. "Jamie, it was just a bad dream," he explained, gently.
"No, it wasn't. It was real." Jamie shook his head and Mulder wiped away the tears from his cheeks. "I don't understand. Why is this happening to me?"
Taking him back into his arms, Mulder massaged his back comfortingly. "Jamie, everything's all right now," he whispered softly in his ear. "I promise you, it's over."
Jamie sat back, his entire body shaking. "It's over," he echoed. "Or is it?" He looked thoughtful. "Mulder, do you ever get the feeling that nothing's really over? It keeps coming back. Do you know what I mean?"
Mulder chewed on his bottom lip, suddenly remembering that endless Monday morning a few years back.
"If it'll make you feel better, I'll stay right here with you," offered Mulder, sliding up next to him. "The nurses'll have to drag me out of here, okay?"
Jamie didn't want to argue. Mulder's suggestion was the best thing he'd heard all day.
Tenderly, Mulder pulled Jamie close, and eased his head down. "Now close your eyes," he instructed. He looked down and found those grey-green pools wide open. "Close them," he repeated, in a whispered voice.
Jamie did, and felt a light touch as Mulder slowly stroked his hair. Mulder smiled to himself as Jamie's muscles relaxed and their fingers entwined. Soon, Jamie's chest began a gentle rise and fall. For the first time, he truly felt safe.
*****
The bright, early morning sun pierced through a window as Jamie gazed out of a window at the soft blue sky, dotted with puffy white clouds. He'd woken at half past nine, feeling refreshed. Mulder had left a note, sitting on Mr. Skinner's Teddy bear, which stated that he'd left to shower and change but would be back later.
He secretly hoped later would be sooner. Jamie managed to sleep a little better with Mulder in the same room. His reasurring presence helped quell the doubts in Jamie's mind. At the memory of Mulder's warm body beside him, Jamie felt a tingle run all over his skin.
Turning, he supported himself along the wall, moving back toward the bed where his breakfast lay stone cold. Sitting back, he exhaled and closed his eyes. Another round of tests and walking up and down the hall had left him drained. He hoped he could get out of this place soon. Then again, he had a number of important decisions awaiting him.
A knock at the door made his hopeful eyes look up. Instead of Mulder it was Peril. With an infectious smile, she came in, jumped on the bed and smothered Jamie's cheek with kisses.
"How's the patient this morning?"
"Fine," he lied.
Peril stared down at the neglected toast and jelly. "Doesn't look too appetizing," she observed. "I think these places do it on purpose so folks will leave sooner. Ya think?"
No answer. Jamie was staring into space. Peril waved a hand in front of her younger's cousin's face. "Earth to Planet Jamie?"
Jamie gave a start of surprise. "Huh?"
She smiled. "You're quiet this morning."
Jamie looked down at the tray, then back up again. "You're different. You're different, too, he stated sadly. "The way you look at me."
"I am not different!" she adamantly told him. Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she continued more tactfully. "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I know this must be very difficult for you."
"It is," he quietly replied.
"But I don't think anyone wants to make you uncomfortable."
"Is this the way it's going to be from now on? Second guessing everyone?"
Peril didn't know how to answer him. She wished her cousin would confide exactly what had happened to him. Maybe she could help him. At that moment the door opened and Janine walked in with a handful of shopping bags. Peril was grateful for the change in topic.
"Been shopping, have you?"
Janine dumped the bags on the bed and started handing Jamie shirts and jeans.
"Mom, I don't think I need this many," Jamie said, eyeing the unfamiliar brand names. Styles sure have changed, he thought.
"Honey, you will when you leave." Janine sat on the bed's edge and nervously brushed Jamie's hair back. "Baby, I should have never left you go to that school."
With a heavy sigh, Jamie discarded the Tommy Hilfiger shirt and looked his mom straight in the eye. "Mom, you don't understand--"
"What I understand is that you'll be much better off once you're back home."
"Home?" Jamie's eyes widened with shock. "Woah! Please, this is going way too fast for me." He glanced at his mom and winced at the gathering frown he saw.
Janine's eyes glinted with determination. He was coming back home and that was final. "You've been away for so long. I just want this time with you."
Peril rolled her eyes. Guilt-trip, anyone?
Jamie slumped back in defeat. A heavy weight settled on his spirit. How on earth was he going to tell Mulder?
Triumphant, Janine nodded at her niece. "Peril, why don't you take Jamie for a walk while I talk with his doctors?"
After Janine left on her one-woman crusade, Peril shrugged her shoulders helplessly. "You know, you don't have to go if you don't want to."
"If I don't, mom will never forgive me."
Helping him off the bed, Peril led him out into the hallway. She decided to engage him in some small talk. "Have you seen Alex Krycek?" she wondered.
Jamie nodded. "He came to see me just before he left last night. Why?"
"Oh, nothing. He's very..." She stuck her tongue out, thinking about the gorgeous man she'd briefly met. "...interesting. Of course, anyone that cute can't possibly be straight." Her attmept at levity went unnoticed. She decided it was time to boost Jamie's morale. "Sweetie, maybe going home won't be so bad. You'll get to recuperate in peace and quiet. Plus, I'm sure Mulder will visit." If Aunt Janine will let him past the door, she thought, grimly. "And by the time you get there, Grams should be back."
"Grams," he repeated, quietly.
"Hey, you're getting stronger," Peril observed, then decided to keep chatting. "Oh Jamie, you would've been so proud of her. She never feel apart once when you were lost. She even stood up in the middle of your memorial service and told them to call it off..."
As if he'd been slapped, Jamie made a quick gasp of surprise. "My what?!"
"Oh, crap! You didn't know."
Jamie's legs felt weak as water. "I think I need to sit down," he said, slipping out of Peril's grip and heading back to his room.
Peril smacked herself in the forehead. "Good job, Peril," she said, aloud. "Way to go."
Shutting himself in the bathroom, Jamie's eyes sparkled, the mirror reflecting the hurt. How could they do that? Then the rational part of his mind took over. He could imagine his family receiving the tragic news.
Suddenly nauseated, he leaned over the sink and splashed cold water over his face. They thought I was dead. They believed I was dead. I'm supposed to be dead. It had been eighteen years --what else could they think?
Jamie remembered nothing else until he woke up back in his bed. Peril heard his anguished cry, and at the sound of his collapse, had rushed to find an orderly.
Peril felt awful. Telling Jamie his own family had given up and buried him -- oh how she wished she could take it all back. It would not be easy for Jamie to get over that fact. And she was right.
Janine was mortified when she heard Peril had spilt the beans. Despite her quick declarations of love, Jamie could not bear to talk and remained quiet for the rest of the afternoon while decisions were made around him. Both Dr. Scully and Dr. Walker advised against moving him too quickly. As far as Janine was concerned, there was no debating the subject -- Jamie was returning home.
*****
Freshly showered, shaved, and wearing a midnight blue dress shirt, and dark brown slacks, Mulder exited the elevator thinking things were as cool as cool could be. Last night had been like a dream, just holding Jamie while he slept, as if there was no one in the world but the two of them.
All the way up to the hospital, Mulder sang along to a Queen song playing on his rental car's radio. Jamie was being released tonight and that meant Scully knew he was going to be all right. He knew that Jamie would be nervous and Mulder was determined to be there for support, and ensure things went smoothly for him.
He found Jamie's hospital room door opened, and the patient himself fully dressed in brand new clothes standing beside the bed packing his few belongings.
"Jamie?" he said, venturing inside.
"Mulder." Jamie turned, with a nervous little grin. "This day has been weird."
Mulder paused to close the door and chuckled. "Jamie, call me Fox."
Now it was Jamie's turn to laugh. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that," he said, shaking his head. He turned back to the little case supplied by the hospital. "They're springing me from this joint today."
Mulder nodded. "Scully told me." He tried unsuccessfully to keep his eyes off Jamie. Does he still feel it? he wondered. Does he still want to touch me as much as I want to touch him?
"I've almost forgotten what the outside world looks like," Jamie continued. "It's been a beautiful day."
Mulder's bright, hazel eyes wandered up the fine cut of Jamie's jeans. His senses began to overload faster than a nuclear reactor.
"Mulder?" Jamie called.
"Hmm? Beautiful," he said, dreamily. Mulder could not hold back any longer. He wanted to hold Jamie so badly that he thought his bones might crack. With one hand, he turned Jamie round to face him. "Jamie, I'm going crazy here. I've been waiting for this, for us, for so long that I don't want to wait any longer."
Jamie felt a thrill of excitement run through him. "Are you kidding? I want that more than anything. I don't want to lose you again."
With one deep breath, Mulder reached out to him. The contact was electric. His hands felt as if they were on fire. Jamie gasped, his pulse hammering. He raised his glittering eyes to his. Cupping Jamie's face in both hands, Mulder bent forward and began to kiss him.
Jamie felt as if he were drowning. His heartbeat roared in his ears. Every inch of his skin tingled, so much that he shivered. Mulder's arms came around his waist and pressed him into the warmth of his body. His hands roamed up and down, caressing his back.
Lust and love mingled intimately, then took over as Jamie searched and fumbled with the buttons on Mulder's shirt. Opening and discarding it with primal desire.
Mulder explored the hot recesses of Jamie's willing mouth with his probing tongue. He savoured him, wanting to devour him. The kiss went on and on.
Suddenly, the door flew open and Peril barged in. "WHOAAA!" she cried, immediately turning her back.
Mulder and Jamie, surprised, finally broke away. Their breathing ragged, their lips red and swollen.
"I should've knocked," Peril apologized. "I'm so sorry." She backed out and closed the door.
Mulder stared at Jamie, dazed and breathless. In turn, Jamie's cheeks were hot, and his lips throbbed where they had been pressed against Mulder's.
"I-I guess I'd better go see what she wants," Jamie stammered, gesturing toward the door.
Mulder's heart cried out, no! don't go! Then he realized he was pushing Jamie and he needed time. He nodded, trying to pick up his shirt with trembling fingers.
"Yeah, all right." Mulder's voice was slightly hoarse.
"Right," Jamie breathed, reaching for the door.
Out in the hall, he leaned back and groaned. "This is so frustrating!"
Peril approached him timidly. "I didn't see anything!" she exclaimed.
Jamie's eyes softened. "Not that." He sighed. How could he possibly explain it? She would never understand. "Suddenly things are moving so fast."
"And that's a bad thing?" Peril leaned in with a wicked grin. "I gotta tell you, Mulder looks so fine."
Jamie arched an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't see anything?"
"Well, nothing good." She rubbed his arm. "So, sweetie, have you told him yet?"
"No. And that's the problem. I'm so scared of hurting him." He looked at Peril with sad eyes. "Why do things have to be so complicated?"
With a heavy heart, Jamie walked back inside the room. "Mulder," he spoke lightly, feeling a sharp disappointment to find that Mulder had put his shirt back on.
Mulder smiled warmly and took him back into his arms. Jamie hesitated and placed a finger on his plump, bottom lip which sent a shiver through him.
"Wait," he managed to say.
"But you just said," Mulder protested. He was right. Jamie was pulling away from him.
"I know," Jamie said with great difficulty. "Mulder, my mother wants me to go back with them."
"She told me."
Jamie blinked, and gaped at him. "She what? She did what? She had no right to do that."
Mulder have a sudden, boyish grin. A little of the old fire in Jamie was returning. But he knew in his heart that Jamie needed this time to heal and reconnect with his family.
"Jamie, she only wants what's best for you," he said, putting on a brave front. "You've got to give it some time."
"I don't want to go but... there's just some things I have to work out for myself." His eyes read Mulder's downcast face. "Mulder, are you mad at me?"
"Of course not." He pushed a hand through Jamie's blonde hair. "I just wish I could help you with everything you're facing. Reclaiming your identity, dealing with your family."
"Hey, you're talking to a guy who's survived being possessed and stalked by a cult." Jamie tried to smile. "You don't think I can handle this?"
"I know you can handle anything." Mulder's gaze was impossibly tender. He pulled Jamie close. "I don't know if I can handle saying good-bye again."
"Me, too. It's really wonderful to be with someone who really knows me. Who understands what we've both been through."
"Listen to us reminiscing about the good old days." Mulder rolled his eyes. "We must be nuts."
Jamie shook his head. "No, we're perfectly sane. It's the rest of the world that's nuts."
*****
Jamie was in tears when he emerged from the room. Peril took his little suitcase and instinctively wrapped an arm round his shoulders.
Janine, who had just arrived after signing his release papers, asked, "Are you ready?" Her eyes glinted dissapproval.
Jamie raised his head to look at her, eye to eye. "Mother, why did you tell him I was leaving?" he snapped. "I am an adult and I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions."
"I know you are, darling," she cooed. "Now let's hurry or we'll be late for our flight."
[Next Episode: If I Fall]
TITLE: Surfacing, Chapter Four: A Family Affair
AUTHOR: Chad Moore
FANDOM: XF
DATE: October 23rd, 2001
SERIES: Dangerous Undercurrents and Conundrum
E-MAIL: Mulderholic@webtv.net
FEEDBACK: PLEASE, always welcome!
RATING: PG (Chapter 4)
CATEGORY: M/O
ARCHIVE: Yes, please
KEYWORDS: Slash, Romance, Drama, Angst
WARNINGS: WIP
SPOILERS: This story takes place after "Existence," with references to past seasons.
DISCLAIMER: All familiar characters belong to CC, 1013 and Fox TV; any others were conceived in my warped imagination.
BETA READER: Bertina
EXTRA MEGA SPECIAL THANKS: Goddess Michele
DEDICATION: For Neige and Vyper
Chapter Four: A Family Affair
"I can't stay. No, I appreciate the offer, but really, I can't."
Scully was overwhelmed by the admiration of her colleagues. Caring for Jamie over the past several days reminded her of how much she wanted to be in the medical profession. However, something far more important awaited her at home. A precious baby boy she was dying to get back to, and a mother who would kill her if she didn't return home soon.
Hefting the cellophane-wrapped gift basket -- complete with gaudy pink bow -- in one hand, while carrying an already overloaded shoulderbag, Dana smiled politely and thanked the nurses and Dr. Walker. She gazed past them when Mulder, looking as if he just lost his last friend in the world, appeared up the other corridor.
"Mulder," she called, anxious to have a word with him.
He eyed the larger-than-life basket nestled in her arms. "Let me guess, you won first prize at the car wash?"
"That's not funny." Her blue eyes pratically glittered. "Mulder, after all you've done to get Jamie back in your life. I can't believe you let him go."
He visibly bristled, his mouth turned down. "Scully, I encouraged him to go."
"What? Why, for heaven's sake?"
Mulder found it hard to explain. He could still feel his lost love in his arms, the scorching kiss they'd shared moments earlier... And the pain, the uncertainty in Jamie's eyes. He took a deep breath.
"If we're going to have any future together, he needs this time to heal and re-establish a relationship with his family. He needs to know he still has roots, something to cling to."
Dana took him by the arm, finding it difficult with her gift, and walked him away from prying ears. "Mulder, don't give me that psychology crap. What Jamie needs is you." She exhaled and rolled her eyes. "His mother couldn't get him out of here and on a plane fast enough."
Mulder gaped at her. "What? She's taking him back home tonight?"
"I don't think he had much of a choice." Indeed, Scully had been quite taken aback at the sight of Janine Hunter with a firm grip on Jamie's arm, striding toward the elevators. Jamie had caught Dana's eye and given her a sad little wave. She couldn't believe that Mulder was just letting him go.
She was startled from her thoughts when Mulder gripped her wrist and hauled her toward the first lift, in a bizarre parody of what she'd seen earlier with Jamie.
"Mulder!" she protested.
*****
The San Francisco International Airport was lit up like an overgrown Christmas tree. From her position in the waiting area, Peril glanced over at Jamie. He'd been pretty quiet ever since they'd left the hospital. She couldn't blame him. Decisions were being made for him, without asking what he needed, what he wanted. Beside him, Aunt Janine sat stoically, waiting. She was eaten up with guilt for giving up on her son, and she was definitely taking things above and beyond the call of duty. Even though her cousin was nearing his late-thirties, her aunt was still treating him like a teenager.
The terminal building buzzed with people waiting for flights. Peril had tried to make Jamie laugh by pointing out all the weird-as-hell people you only see in airports, but to no avail. She wished that she could tag along back to Georgia, but work commitments would keep her in California for the next two days.
Janine stood up to peer at one of the information monitors. She turned jubilantly. "It's almost time to leave."
Peril wore a troubled frown. This was not going to go well for Jamie. She noticed him visibly shiver and he turned slightly to look behind them. Peril remembered well how her cousin used to get certain "feelings" about things. She also turned and her eyes widened.
Fox Mulder was running across the concourse toward them, dragging Dr. Scully behind him.
Janine looked as if she'd swallowed a wasp. Peril mentally counted DOWN the fireworks... 5,4,3...
A breathless Mulder caught up with Jamie, and gripped his arms. "I couldn't let you leave without saying good-bye," he said between breaths. "I had no idea you were leaving this soon."
Jamie nodded. "Neither did I."
...2,1 -- Kaboom!
"What are you doing here?" Janine asked, her eyes narrowing. "Is something wrong?" she continued, this time addressing her question to Scully. Dana bit her lip, quickly trying to think of an excuse. She'd barely survived Mulder's drag race from the hospital, and subterfuge on the spot was more Mulder's forte than her own.
"Just give us a minute, please," Jamie requested, pleadingly, not taking his eyes off of Mulder for one second.
"Well, hurry. We don't have time to waste."
"Mother!" Jamie exclaimed, this time looking at her. As soon as she, Peril and Scully moved away, a chorus of embarrassed chuckles burst from Jamie. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry," he groaned.
Mulder smiled softly, and played along. "What for?"
"Every time we're together, I always seem to land you in trouble."
"I'm not complaining," he replied, tenderly. He rested his hands on Jamie's shoulders and gazed into his eyes. "Jamie, I know that you're scared--"
But Mulder couldn't finish because Jamie embraced him, and the honey-cinnamon scent of his hair was a distraction. Lifting his chin, Mulder told him, "In the back of my mind, I always knew that somehow, someway we would get another chance." From the corner of his eye, he could see Janine approaching. The gold flecks in Mulder's eyes flashed defiantly. "I also know that I'm going to fight for you."
"Excuse us," Janine interrupted, dryly. She looped an arm round Jamie's arm. "I think we're ready to go."
Peril, who had been watching the scene unfold, hugged her cousin warmly, wished him luck and promised to see him soon. But Jamie was torn with conflicting emotions and could barely speak. The look in his eyes nearly broke her heart in two. Peril had never seen him look so defeated. Somehow, she had to help fix this.
In that moment, Mulder wrenchingly missed Jamie even though he was still standing right in front of him. He had been through so much, and deserved a purple heart for courage. Mulder was seriously worried about him. Jamie's mom was hovering all over him -- as if that helped and made up for anything. Mulder knew that he could handle that woman -- the frost queen. You've got to know how to deal with people like that, and he was certain Jamie did not.
In his heart, Mulder knew that Jamie returning home wouldn't totally heal the pain of what he'd lost, but it might put everything into perspective. The only way they could have a future together was if Jamie healed, physically and mentally. I'd like nothing better than to be there with him, Mulder thought.
Dana moved closer and placed a comforting hand on Mulder's shoulder.
Behind the tinted concave glass parition, Jamie paused at the boarding entrance. He turned and silently mouthed "I love you" to Mulder before being swept away.
*****
The world danced by in shades of red, green and deep browns. Leaving the window down, Jamie breathed in the intoxicating Georgia autumn air. Funny how a smell can bring on a flood of memories.
He peered out at his hometown, the gentle breeze whipping through his hair. The old familiar buildings stood out like a long-forgotten dream, while the sparkling new shopping centers brought on a feeling of displacement.
As comforting as the idyllic scenery was, without Mulder's reasurring smile, the truth was Jamie remained disoriented. On the airplane, Jamie had swallowed every stinging tear, resolving himself to believe that what he was doing was for the best.
He was horribly aware of all the things that had taken place during his possession. He felt separated from the rest of the world, an outcast, searching for answers, and the piece of himself that got away. He really wasn't certain about anything any more. He needed this time to think and work out all the reasons why. The only thing he held safely in his heart was the knowledge that Fox Mulder was the love of his life.
But Jamie was scared to death of the niggling doubts, the demons which plagued his dreams, and the thought that there must be something inherently evil about him.
Janine glanced over at him. "So, how does it feel to be back?"
He just stared back at her, uncertainly.
She didn't notice the flicker of doubt, so wrapped up in her own issues with Jamie's return. "I have so many good things planned for you."
The car made a sharp turn onto an unfamiliar street. Jamie took in the rows of large, two-story Victorian homes with their manicured lawns and porch swings, wondering where they were going.
In many ways it mirrored the path his emotions were on, reflecting a road that he didn't recognize, couldn't follow and hadn't any idea where it was leading.
"This isn't the way home," he piped up.
"Yes, it is, darling," his mother answered, smiling. "We sold the old place a long time ago. We have a wonderful new house that you're going to love."
Jamie gazed back out of the window. With every blinding curve that appeared, all of the changes were soon to drive him right around the bend.
The journey ended outside of what appeared to be a manor. It was beautiful, with its dark red wood, and stained-glass windows, and would look perfectly fine in a classy New England suburb, but in Georgia... the style stuck out like a sore thumb.
"Here we are," Janine told him, shutting off the engine. "What do you think?"
"It's nice." Jamie grabbed his little suitcase and stepped out into the sunshine. Together they started up a set of wide steps, framed by rosebushes, and toward the polished French doors.
They opened before them to reveal a middle-aged man, with thining brown hair, wearing an Izod sweater and khaki pants.
"Hi," Marc Hunter smiled, and shook his hand. "How are you?"
Mom's new husband, Jamie thought. He recognized the man instantly as the lawyer who'd handled his father's estate so many years ago. Jamie's hazy memory recalled him being quite nice at the time, but the notion that the very same man had married his mother just plain gave him the creeps.
"Alive and kicking," Jamie replied, trying to take in his mother's elegant new home. Stepping into the foyer, he was greeted by a pretty young girl twirling her long, sandy-blonde hair on one finger. She sported indigo stirrup pants, and a tee shirt depicting five guys called N'Sync, whoever they were.
While Jamie introduced himself to his little sister, Erin, Marc took his wife aside and whispered, "So, how is he?"
Janine frowned. "He's just, I don't know... distant. Not anything I can really put my finger on, it's just right now, there's no connection."
"Has he said where he's been all this time?"
The question which had been preying on Marc's mind went unanswered for Janine rushed forward and led her son across the foyer and into the living room.
"Now, while we were gone your sister and stepfather cleared out a room for you," she began, as if entertaining a guest.
"Which used to be my dance room," Erin mumbled under her breath.
Janine shot her a look. "And we're going to have all of your favorites for dinner tonight. How does that sound?"
"Great," Jamie replied, although his tone didn't inspire much enthusiasm.
*****
Evening, and the family, along with their newest member, sat at the dining room table. Marc had attempted to engage Jamie in a series of questions, each one neatly deflected by Janine. Jamie just stared at the pot roast cooling on his plate.
"Jamie!" Erin said. No response. "Jamie!" This time, she nudged him.
Back on earth, Jamie blinked at her. "Fine! I'm fine."
"Good!" Erin looked at him like he was the world's biggest space cadet. "Would you like some more potatoes?"
Jamie took the bowl and started dishing mashed potatoes out onto his plate. Though his stomach rumbled and complained, he had no desire to eat. Instead, he sat propping up his chin and doodling with his fork. Beneath the soft-lit chandelier, the name "Mulder" appeared in the white mass.
"What were you thinking about, dear?" Janine asked.
"Nothing."
"Oh, come on," Marc prodded. "You can tell us your deep, dark secrets. We're your family."
Jamie shifted uncomfortably. "I wasn't thinking about anything, really."
"What'd you do on the plane?" Erin wondered, spearing a piece of broccoli dripping with melted cheese.
"Just slept. I had weird dreams."
"Dreams are meaningful," Marc said, giving him a knowing glance.
"Shh!" Janine chided her husband, then turned back to Jamie. "Tell us about it. Just so long as it wasn't about Mr. Mulder. I really don't want him involved."
"I'll bet," Jamie muttered under his breath. What on earth did she have against Mulder? He didn't have long to contemplate as Marc slammed a hand down on the table.
"Jamie!" he said, angrily.
Jamie stood up. "What is it?"
"You're going to have to deal with this, sooner or later."
"Well, I'll deal with it." Jamie was suddenly very confused. "This is my problem, not yours."
Marc got to his feet and walked toward him. "Oh, I don't know. I mean," he began to chuckle, "I've possessed you once, it shouldn't be too difficult to do it again."
"What?" Jamie gasped in shock.
Marc took a hard backhand swing at his face, knocking Jamie down onto the table. He jumped on top of him and started to choke the life out of Jamie. At opposite ends, Janine and Erin just sat and chewed away at their food. Erin nodded and smiled at her mother.
Jamie reached up to Marc's face and desperately tried to push him off. Crying out, Jamie clawed at him, and suddenly his stepfather's face dissolved, revealing a thick, black mist underneath. Jamie stared up at him in wide-eyed terror.
He woke from his nightmare with a start. Taking a deep breath, he looked around the freshly-painted sky blue bedroom in a daze. Sitting up, he reached for a glass of water on the nightstand. Taking a long drink, he put the glass down and rubbed his face.
Suddenly, the telephone started to ring, shrilling along his nerves.
"Hello?"
"Mind a late night call from your favorite cousin?" Peril's friendly voice answered back.
"You woke me from a really good dream," Jamie lied.
"I'm sorry. How are things?"
"Tense." Jamie wasn't sure if that was a strong enough word to describe the atmosphere of the past few days.
Resentment toward the prodigal son was setting in. Janine was refocusing her energy formerly directed toward Marc and Erin to Jamie. His mother was compensating for lost time -- by shopping. More clothes than he could shake a stick at, a new stereo system, and a computer that he didn't even know how to turn on. Jamie would take his mother's love any way he could get it, however, rebuilding a relationship with her was difficult. She glossed over everything, and stealthily avoided talking. Added to this was her hostile attitude at the mere mention of Mulder's name, and it was infuriating Jamie to no end. He'd never felt more alone in his life.
Jamie was trying to pick up where he'd left off at age nineteen, when he'd first left home. So many things had changed that the least little event came as a constant shock. He didn't know how much longer he could bear the sympathetic looks from his family.
Peril's voice shook him out of his reverie. "Well, I have some good news. I'm on a plane right now headed your way."
"That's great," he replied, diving down into the pillows.
"So why do you sound so depressed?"
"It's nothing, really." His voice became tinged with sadness. "I just feel a little out of place right now."
Peril thought back to high school when her cousin had bravely stood up to a bully who consistently picked on him.
"Correct me if I'm wrong," she said, "but the Jamie I know doesn't run away from anything."
"Smarty."
*****
"Jamie, telephone!" Erin's voice called.
It was mid-afternoon and Jamie had already been for a long walk around the neighborhood, something which had become a regular habit. It seemed to be helping, a little.
Coming out of his room, Erin handed him the portable. "Don't be long," she warned. "I'm waiting for my boyfriend to call."
Jamie raised his eyebrows at her. Having a teenaged sister was strange, to say the least.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hey."
The second Jamie heard Mulder's silky monotone, he felt a surge of relief wash over him.
"I miss you," Mulder continued.
Jamie sighed, and leaned against a wall. "I miss you, too."
"So have they driven you crazy yet?" Mulder asked, trying to get him to smile.
"I've had good moments, and some not so good ones," Jamie confessed. "I'm still having bad dreams."
Bad dreams were Mulder's field of expertise. "It's just your mind's way of dealing with the trauma. Have you tried keeping a journal? It might help."
"I'll try that. I just don't want to be confused any more." Jamie closed his eyes and tried to imagine Mulder standing directly in front of him, those beautiful hazel eyes soft and warm.
"Jamie!" Erin's insistent voice called.
"What's that?" wondered Mulder.
He peered down the hallway. "My little sister who keeps reminding me that she's waiting for her boyfriend to call." Sliding down the wall, Jamie made himself comfortable. "I'm going to take another walk into town this evening," he continued, "Just clear my head."
"I promise it will get better." Mulder took a deep breath. "You can't keep what your feeling bottled up inside forever, or you'll explode, believe me. And I don't want squashed Jamie all over the walls." He could actually hear Jamie smiling on the other end.
Jamie found himself suddenly saying things he swore he never would. He didn't want Mulder worried. "Mulder, I've been away from them for so long. I don't feel like I fit in any more, with them or any where."
Mulder's voice came back, husky and comforting. "Jamie, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. A year ago, I went through a life-altering experience and I thought I'd never fit in again. Try talking to your family. Having Scully and Skinner there for me, helped a lot. I'm still searching for answers, but I believe that we can find them together." Mulder decided to test the water further. "I'm the same guy you fell in love with. The same guy who fell in love with you. Just remember that and know that, even though we're apart right now, I'm not giving up."
Jamie's whole body suddenly felt hot and flushed. He wanted to tell Mulder everything he was feeling, his fears, his hopes, his dreams. But he drew back. If he ever hoped to find his feet again, he had to do it himself.
*****
Mulder sighed a long sigh and shook his head as he hung up the phone. He wished that Jamie would lean on him instead of trying to do everything himself.
'Jamie's convinced himself he'll be the only one to pick himself up', he thought, 'or so he thinks...'
Discarding his jeans and sweater, Mulder snapped the elastic on his midnight-blue boxer briefs. He stretched the length of his exhausted body across the bed and snuggled up with a pillow.
*****
With a dreamy look in his eyes, Jamie placed the telephone into Erin's outstretched hand. She nodded curtly and trotted back into her own room. Moving down the hall, Jamie felt a bit of his confidence returning. Mulder's advice had struck a chord. Maybe he could find it in himself to confront the chaos and confusion swirling inside, and try confiding in his mom again.
Chin high and at attention, Janine turned the corner and came face to face with her son. "Who was on the phone?" she asked, curiously.
"Mulder," he replied. "He called to check on me."
Janine eyed her son with an angry disapproval. Well, having a civilized conversation with his mother was obviously out of the question.
"What?" Jamie gave her a double-take. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"That guy hurt you!"
"You blame Mulder?" Jamie shook his head. He couldn't believe this. "Mother, mom -- he saved my life!"
"He's made our life a misery."
"What are you talking about?"
Taking him by the arm, Janine lead him toward the stairs. "When you disappeared, he didn't say a word to the police. If he'd came forward with just one little bit of information, you'd have been home sooner."
"There are a lot of things you don't know," Jamie replied, quietly. "It's not his fault. He lost his memory."
"Darling, why are you getting angry at me? I just want you to be safe. You're acting like a stranger--" Janine's voice faded. She immediately regretted her choice of words.
Jamie felt a sweet flame of anger roar in his heart. "That's right, it's just me. I'm the one who's different. I'm the one who's changed!"
"Stop putting words in my mouth."
"Then stop pretending like everything is fine when it's not."
Janine rubbed her tired eyes. "Jamie, it's very trying..."
"It's trying for you? What about me and everything I've been through? Have you stopped to ask once what really happened?"
"Have you thought for one second what I went through? I thought I'd lost you forever."
Irritated, Jamie narrowed his eyes. "Are you trying to make me feel guilty?"
"No, I want you to forgive me."
Jamie stalked downstairs, his emotions and adrenalin creating an explosive combination. "I would have never buried your memory. I would have never given up hope!"
Catching up with her son, Janine stepped in front of him. "Do you think it was that easy?" Her brow furrowed. "This must be that Mulder's influence, because my Jamie would never talk to me this way. We've never had any problems before..."
Jamie glared at her, the flame burning brighter. "When you say things like that, we definitely have a problem." Moving past her, he descended the stairs, turned and headed toward the foyer.
"Where are you going?" Janine insisted.
"To the cemetery." He'd put it off long enough. "I have to see it."
Janine froze. She knew exactly what Jamie was talking about. He was going to see his memorial. She hurried forward and grabbed her coat. "Well, I'm coming with you."
"No! I need to do this by myself."
Shrugging into a beige jacket, he opened the front door and left.
Janine could only watch, too angry and confused to stop him, as Jamie slammed the door behind him.
*****
Some time later, Peril, newly arrived from the airport, sat listening to her aunt tearfully related Jamie's outburst.
"Peril, I just don't know what to do," Janine finished, her eyes stained red.
"When I talked to Jamie last night, he said that things had been tense."
"Tense?" Janine was wounded. "I've done everything to make him feel welcome."
Peril felt sure her aunt had suffocated him to death. "Where did he go?"
*****
Jamie stood amongst the chalk-grey stones, freezing, numb, cheeks wet with tears. Cemeteries were either the coldest or warmest places on earth, depending on the season. Right now, he could feel the Siberian silence straight down to his toes.
JAMES McKENZIE GRAYSON 1964 - 1983 Beloved Son and Grandson
The surreal headstone sat next to his late father's, Frank Grayson. Jamie flashed back to 1983 and the secret Oxford cemetery he and Mulder had discovered. A grave had been prepared for him even then.
All he'd done since he'd been back was close his eyes, bite his lip and swallow every tear. He was trying so hard to stand his ground, be strong -- and act just plain normal. He still had so far to go, and he was the only one to help himself. 'If only Mulder were here...'
"I heard you were out here," Peril said, her shoes crunching the fallen leaves underfoot.
Jamie turned. "I'm glad you're here," he replied, his voice quiet. "I'm really glad you're here."
"I took an extra week's vacation." She gazed at her cousin carefully. "Jamie, what made you come out here? It's just going to upset you."
"No, I've moved past upset to pissed off!" he shouted. "I'm a good person and I could've had a damn great life."
"Jamie, why don't you tell me what happened?"
"I don't care any more. I just want a normal life, like I had before," he told her, then winced at the hurt on her face. "Peril, I'm sorry. I don't know how I can believe in anything any more. I just want..." his sad little voice trailed away.
"Mulder back?" she finished for him.
Jamie's head whipped up, and he stared past Peril to a clump of oak trees. "What's that? I thought someone was there."
Peril rolled her eyes. "Nice try. The distraction technique only worked when you were seven."
Jamie rocked back on his heels, a faraway look in his eyes. "I love Mulder so much," he said, "but I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Peril, it's been eighteen years! What if..."
Peril brushed her hair out of her eyes. She wasn't about to let Jamie continue with his doubts. "Sugar, I saw the kiss he gave you! I have never seen anyone look at you the way he does, and that's beautiful."
Jamie nodded, then pointed to his memorial marker. "Yes, and he can say he's in love with a guy who died in 1983."
"Well, sure, but then he can smile proudly and say, Yes! I am a necrophiliac!" she told him, cheekily.
"Peril!" Jamie burst out laughing, and it felt wonderful. She joined in and he grimaced. "Excuse me, but I have issues."
His older cousin wrapped a warm arm round his shoulders, and lead him away from the cemetery. "I know you do. I just want you loved, sweet boy." She pressed a kiss to his cheek, then winked. "Come on, we really need to get you laid!"
*****
After walking around the block, the two cousins returned to the Hunter home. Jamie's spirits had lifted since Peril's arrival, plus an odd little feeling he had that...
His thoughts were broken by the sound of raised voices in the living room. Jamie didn't even bother to take off his jacket. He walked to the threshold and saw his mother sitting, patiently listening as her husband paced up and down before her.
"Janine, it makes no sense!" Marc was saying. "He turns up with no explanation. He's a spoiled brat if he could disappear for eighteen years without leaving one message. Are you trying to tell me he was whisked away by an U.F.O.?!"
Peril cleared her throat, and Marc came to a standstill; the conversation ended abruptly. "That was harsh," she said.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Jamie told Marc, angrily.
Wringing her hands, Janine swiftly moved forward. "Jamie, we were just..."
"I know. I heard." Jamie's piercing eyes flashed electric green at his stepfather. "I was not abducted by aliens, trust me!" He looked thoughtful. "But I could probably introduce you to someone who was."
Marc folded his arms and eyed his stepson up and down. "Well, listen to the mouth on you!"
"I would have done anything to come home!" Jamie exclaimed. "I almost died."
"Are you for real?"
Jamie exhaled and looked heavenwards. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation." He turned and marched back out into the foyer.
Shooting daggers at Marc, Janine hurried after her son. "No, Jamie, wait! You just can't come into the middle of something and assume you know what's going on."
"Isn't that just what I've done?"
Janine started to protest. "Jamie, you know--"
He whirled around, and the pain in his eyes hit Janine like a cold slap. "No, you know what? I need some space!"
His mother continued after him, but Peril held her arm. "No, leave him be. He needs to be alone."
Reluctantly, Janine acquiesced.
Frustrated and hurt beyond words, Jamie traveled down the foyer, across an oriental rug, past a handcarved hat-stand, and opened the front door, not caring where he was going.
He gasped. An elderly woman in her early seventies, dressed to the nines, stood on the front step in mid-knock.
"Honey," she began, her voice overcome with emotion.
"Grams," Jamie said, the tears he'd held in breaking free. He immediately embraced his grandmother. "It's so good to see you."
Grams hugged him back fiercely. After several moments, she pulled back and held his face in her hands. She couldn't believe it. Her lost grandson, standing before her, alive!
"Let me look at you," she exhaled. "Are you all right? You're not hurt, are you?"
Jamie shook his head. "No." He hugged her close again. "I've missed you so much."
"Oh, darling!" Grams led him into the foyer and sat him down on a little forest green bench. She gently dashed away the tears flowing from his eyes. "What's going on?"
Jamie sighed. It would be a relief to confide in his Grams -- they had always been exceptionally close, and were so much alike in several important ways.
"I'm just trying to do what people except," he explained, breaking down. "I'm trying to be myself. Why isn't that enough?"
Grams laid his head on her shoulder and rocked him back and forth, like she used to when he was small. "Oh my heart, it's enough. It's wonderful. I would not accept that I might have to live out the rest of my life without you."
Sitting up, Jamie wiped a hand across his flushed face. "I'm sorry."
"My heavens, you don't have to apologize for anything. You've come home and found so many changes."
Jamie groaned, and started pacing the hall. "You don't know the half of it." In one breath he explained how stressful things had been since his return.
"I can't even begin to understand what happened to you," she confessed. "We've all had an awful lot to digest. You've got to make so many adjustments." She reached out and pulled her grandson down to sit beside her once again.
"Grams, you always said that things happen for a reason, right?" Jamie searched her face for an answer. "What did I do wrong? I keep trying to figure it out."
She stroked his hair soothingly. "Listen to me, darling. Everything's going to be okay. We will fix this." Jamie looked up, and saw the deep concern in her emerald eyes. "I'm so worried about you."
Look what I'm doing, upsetting her, too, Jamie thought. Quickly he pulled himself together, and wrapped his arms around her. "You don't have to worry about me any more," he said, trying to put some strength back in his voice. "I'm home now."
"To my eternal relief and joy." She sat back and caressed his cheek. "Now, where's that young man who found you?"
Jamie issued another deep sigh. "He wanted to give me time to reconnect with you all. I want to do the right thing, but I also want to be with him." His eyes suddenly lit up. "Grams, he's such a great guy. He's the most incredible man I've ever known."
Grams nodded, and patted his hand. "Logic and reason fly right out the window when love gets involved. When the time is right for you to be together, you'll know."
With a lopsided grin, Jamie said, "Thank you."
Taking him by the arm, Grams led him toward the front door. "Come on, let's move it!"
"Wait, where are we going?" Jamie asked, confused.
"You're certainly not getting any rest around here. You're coming back to my place, and I'm not taking no for an answer!"
[Next Episode: Angel of Mine]
TITLE: Surfacing Chapter Five: Someone To Watch Over Me
AUTHOR: Chad Moore
FANDOM: XF
DATE: October 27th, 2001
SERIES: Dangerous Undercurrents and Conundrum
E-MAIL: Mulderholic@webtv.net
FEEDBACK: Yes, please! Always welcome!
RATING: NC17 (Chapter 5 - finally!!)
CATEGORY: M/O
ARCHIVE: Yes, please
KEYWORDS: Slash, Romance, Angst
WARNINGS: WIP
SPOILERS: This story takes place after "Existence," with references to past seasons.
DISCLAIMER: All familiar characters belong to CC, 1013 and Fox TV; any others were conceived in my warped imagination.
BETA READER: Bertina
MEGA SPECIAL THANKS: Goddess Michele
DEDICATION: For Neige and Vyper
Chapter Five: Someone To Watch Over Me
A chilled wind rustled the fading leaves of the large pecan trees ringing Josephine Bailey's home. The bright taxi pulled up into the lane and deposited its passengers on the rocky driveway. Grams owed a hefty fine from the airport drive, coupled with the stop at her daughter's.
Jamie breathed in the night air, and gazed at the familiar yellow paintwork. The one thing that had not changed. It was a comforting sight after the rather strenuous day. Taking the suitcases for his grandmother, Jamie followed her up the front steps. A security light detected their presence and switched itself on, temporarily blinding them. Fishing out her house keys, Grams led the way inside.
"Now, where is that lamp?" she wondered aloud, feeling around in the darkness. When it flickered on, she found Jamie staring around the room, a haunted look in his eyes.
Jamie felt as if he'd stepped back in time. Just about everything in the den looked exactly as he remembered: the green plaid sofa, the antique dresser complete with television sitting on top, the orange rocking chair, the homemade shelves packed with the children's books he and Peril used to read.
Moving closer, Grams insistently took one of the cases. She simply could not stop looking at Jamie. In her heart, she'd always known he was alive somewhere. She just wasn't prepared for his appearance. Looking like the mirror image of the day he left home in 1983. It was quite a shock. She had been expecting a slightly older Jamie, maybe with darker hair and a few lines beginning around the eyes. He didn't look a day over nineteen!
Well, frankly, she didn't care. Just having him alive and standing in her parlor, made up for the shock.
"Jamie, do you want to get settled into the guest room?" she asked.
Lost in thought, he blinked at her. "Sure." He followed her through the little kitchen and up a narrow flight of stairs. "I bet mom's gonna have a fit that I came home with you," he opined grimly.
A soft humming sound came back, which always meant that Grams was seriously thinking about or heavily disapproving of something.
Opening the first door on the left, she turned on an overhead light. Jamie held his breath. The guest room still had its blue shag carpet, and the huge four-poster bed. Grams walked over to a window seat, to crack open the window. Jamie's favorite star-shaped wind chimes tinkled in the light breeze.
"Some fresh air," Grams told him.
Jamie smiled. "Grams, I know you must be done in from your trip."
"Nonsense." She shook her head. "But if you want to rest for a little bit, that's fine."
Jamie nodded silently, and moved toward the window seat, somehow drawn to it. This was the place where he'd daydream as a child. Through the darkness, he could just make out the lake some distance in the backyard, and he immediately thought, 'Gosh, how many summers did I spend leaping off that dock?'
"You know, I think I'd like to take a walk outside," he said, turning and heading for the door.
"Do you want me to go with you?" suggested Grams, not really wanting to let Jamie out of her sight.
Cocking his head, Jamie paused and gave her a soft kiss on the cheeks. "I'll be just fine, Grams."
"All right, darling." She watched him as he stopped again on the threshold. He turned with a crooked smile. "Thanks for everything," he said, and then he was gone.
*****
Crickets chirped as Jamie walked down to the dock. He sat on the edge and gazed up at the silver moon framed by bright stars in the cloudless sky. Shivering a bit, he watched his breath float away.
All at once the wind ceased, and the nighttime seranade stopped. A light chill ran up and down Jamie's spine. He had the feeling that he wasn't alone, like someone was watching him. It was the same sense he'd had at the cemetery with Peril. He wasn't scared because the feeling was comforting.
Just as quickly, a breeze ran over him, and the crickets were joined by a trio of bullfrogs. Jamie felt at peace here. He stared out onto the flat surface of the water then up at the sky. Maybe someone up there was watching over him. He hoped so.
Mulder's voice floated to him on the wind. He wanted so much to help, but Jamie had resolved to deal with everything himself. He stopped looking out into the cool, dreamy waters. The answers were not there. Not in the water, but within the depths of himself.
*****
In the next week, Peril moved in across the hall from Jamie. Although the rift within him was slowly healing, he still felt disconnected from his family.
Peril was starting to believe Marc's comment that her cousin had been taken by aliens, and only recently returned to Earth. Cultural references went right over his head. One evening, while eating grilled cheese sandwiches with Grams and watching MTV, he peered at the screen and wondered aloud, "What's with all these boy bands?"
Thinking it would do him some good, Peril enrolled them both in a Tae-Bo class at the local gym. At one point she had to reassure Jamie that Tae-Bo was just a fancy-schmancy name for kickboxing. After an initial bout of nerves, Jamie entered into it with enthusiasm, taking out his frustrations on punching bags. He was getting good, too good in fact, as Peril had to pay for damages after he knocked the sawdust out of a bag one morning!
She was curious when he just shook off the incident, and repeated, "I'm ready. I'm ready for anything they throw at me."
His relationship with his mother remained strained, to say the least. Their conversations were short and terse. Peril finally decided to stick her nose in and help one morning after Tae-Bo.
Peril, dressed in a black and white tank top with purple sweats, walked into the kitchen with the morning newspaper in her right hand. Behind her, Jamie in a grey tee shirt and shorts, breathed heavily.
"I mean how do I make her understand? She's got it in her mind that Mulder was the cause of my disappearance -- which is so totally wrong!" He walked toward a cabinet and reached to get a glass.
Peril opened the refrigerator to get a bottle of orange juice.
"And Mulder, who is still wonderful, great and drop dead gorgeous," he continued, moving to the breakfast table where Peril was pouring a glass of orange juice, "just wants to give me time."
Peril looked up. "Do you realize that you've been fussing ever since we left the gym?"
"Really? Well, I haven't been *fussing* -- I've just been talking."
"Non-stop." Peril replaced the bottle of orange juice in the refrigerator.
"Well, so, you're my cousin. I have a problem. This is the part where you are supposed to be understanding."
"Jamie, I am understanding. You're in love with a great guy, your mom is being unreasonable, and you're dealing with some trauma that you don't want to talk about."
Jamie rolled his eyes.
"I get it. Totally! But what I don't get, is why you won't let me help you."
"Help me?"
Peril drank some juice. "I could always take Mulder off your hands." She smiled wickedly.
Jamie smirked and sighed. "Hey! That's not an option!"
"Look, you're stuck. You've got too much on your mind. You need help...assistance... a mediator."
"Like I don't already have 'in desperate need of therapy' tattooed across my forehead."
Peril wrinkled her nose. "No! What I mean is, why not let me deal with Aunt Janine. That way, you can concentrate on feeling better. Besides, I won't charge you a hundred bucks an hour."
Jamie sighed. "No, Peril! I can't let you do that."
He walked away. Peril turned her head. "Why not?!"
"Because... it will only make things worse. And I can't expect someone else to solve my personal problems."
"But that's the beauty, you don't have to, I'll do it for you," she said eagerly, then noted his determined look. "I just want you to feel better sooner, Jamie. How can you do that when your mom's breathing down your neck? When everything's fixed, that means you and Mulder can get back together and all's right with the world!" How could he argue when everything was so clear?
"I said I'll handle it, Peril!"
And that was that. Mr. Stubborn insisted on worrying with everything himself. Even though he seemed to have perked up, a part of him remained closed off. The only time the old, familiar Jamie appeared was whenever Mulder called and they would talk for hours. But Peril knew that Jamie was not discussing what ever had happened to him, what was really bothering him. That was a closed subject.
*****
Mulder couldn't sleep. He got up off the bed and went to stare out the window at the moon, half-obscured by steamy clouds. Jamie dominated his thoughts. Mulder missed him painfully. His heart ached with longing. Chewing on his bottom lip, he leaned on the sill and closed his eyes. His body resonated with the agony of being apart from him.
He'd called Jamie earlier, and they'd joked and laughed, and Jamie seemed to be getting his equilibrium back, but Mulder sensed that there was still something troubling him.
Jamie alone could put an end to this with a simple decision. 'He'd better make up his mind soon,' Mulder thought, reaching under his shirt and rubbing his chest, 'before I implode!'
Mulder turned and eyed the telephone sitting solemnly beside the bed. He couldn't stand it! He had to hear Jamie's voice again. Climbing onto the bed, he reached over and began to dial the now familiar number.
After a couple of rings, an exhausted voice answered. "Hello?"
"Hey, did I wake you?" asked Mulder, feeling guilty.
"No, I was up," Jamie reassured him.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, just an attack of insomnia," he sighed. "What about you?"
Mulder licked his lips. "I'm missing you."
Jamie's breathing went up a notch, which Mulder had worked out meant that he was smiling. Thinking about the grin spreading across his face sent electric shocks through Mulder's system. Instinctively, he reached down to his boxer briefs, already beginning to bulge outward.
"I was thinking about you, too."
"Oh, yeah?" Mulder's voice became thick and husky. His hand disappeared into the tight confines of his underwear, wrapping it around the warm hardness of his shaft. "I wish you were here right now."
Again, came the sound of Jamie smiling. "What else do you wish?"
'Mmm, did he have to make his voice so teasing?' Mulder thought as he slowly stroked up and down. "I wish I was holding you in my arms," he continued.
"So do I," Jamie replied.
His statement sparked a glimmer of hope in Mulder's heart. He knew that Jamie was still ajusting to his new life and wasn't quite ready for more changes. Maybe things would be different soon?
"I can't believe I'm still awake," continued Jamie, his voice shaking Mulder out of his reverie. He could hear Jamie leaning forward. "I spent most of the morning and the best part of the afternoon at the gym. You'd think I could get a little sleep."
Mulder nodded, a deep groan escaping his lips at the thought of a hot and sweaty after-workout Jamie. The grip on his cock intensified while he imagined kissing Jamie all over, running his mouth down his neck, washing all of his troubles away.
Pressing his head back against the pillows, Mulder cradled the receiver on his shoulder, and caressed his rock hard penis. Jamie continued talking and Mulder mumbled short words of agreement. His body tingled and felt as if it were on fire. The sound of Jamie's seductive Southern voice alone would send him over the edge at any moment.
He could picture those delicious lips taking his throbbing cock all the way inside, Jamie's tongue boldly licking every inch. Mulder started to pant.
Jamie paused in the middle of telling him about how he'd started to jog to and from town. "Mulder, are you all right?" he asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, yes..." he exhaled. "Please... keep talking..." Thrusting wildly into his clenched fist, Mulder pictured Jamie's beautiful blonde head sliding up and down, making love to him...
With a low moan of pleasure, Mulder arched his back and he came with tremendous force. The telephone slipped from his shoulder, and he lay on the bed for several moments just catching his breath, the vision of Jamie atop him burned into his mind's eye.
Jamie!
Mulder reached down and retrieved the phone in a trembling hand. "Jamie," he panted, "I love you." Wishing him a good night and sweet dreams, Mulder said good-bye.
Exhaling, he stared up at the ceiling. He was brimming, nearly overflowing with sexual desire. And not just physical need, there was also an emotional need there, an urge of the heart, to touch Jamie, to love him, to make him Fox Mulder's forever.
*****
By week's end, Jamie seemed be doing a lot better. He went for regular walks, spent lots of time writing in a blank book Grams bought him, and was quickly becoming the star of the gym.
Peril constantly dropped hints for Jamie to catch about reuniting with Mulder. She knew she was getting closer to her goal the night she waltzed into the living room, with a glass of tea in her hand, to find Jamie sitting on the floor, his legs splayed out beneath the coffee table. Fanned out before him were several white forms.
"Hi, Sweetie. What's all this?" She picked a paper at random and scanned it. "College applications? Jamie, this is huge."
He nodded. "Biggest thing I've done since I've been back."
Sitting on the couch, Peril selected the one which seemed to hold her cousin's interest the most. It was for Georgetown University in Washington, D.C., which was where Fox Mulder lived. As she opened her mouth to comment, Jamie turned and continued. "I never finished and now I have the chance to."
Peril narrowed her eyes at his suddenly flushed face. "Jamie, are you okay?" She reached out and felt his forehead. "Honey, you're burning up."
"I know, tell me about it." Jamie had always been a little hot natured, but the fever had started a few days ago, the night of Mulder's husky-voiced call to be precise.
Peril hurried into the kitchen and came back with a a wet towel. "Sweetie, um, I think you need to call a doctor."
He grimaced at the thought of going to the doctor. "No, I don't feel sick. I feel hot... aroused." His cheeks went warm. Peril's eyes widened as she handed the towel to Jamie. "It's just... these dreams."
"Still having nightmares?" He'd actually confided in her one afternoon about them.
"Uh... Yes, but the one last night... it was a sex dream."
Jamie had her attention.
"It's not like I haven't dreamt about sex before," he quickly explained, "because I have, you know. But this... this was incredibly hot. It felt real. Soft music, candles, satin sheets..."
Peril took the towel from him and started wiping it across her own forehead. "Alrighty. I get the point."
"But then the nightmares started up again. Each and every night, Peril. What's wrong with me?"
"There's nothing wrong with you. Your dreams are a metaphor for extreme sexual frustration. Trust me, I should know." She winked. "Now can I guess who starred in it with you?"
"Oh, look, here's Grams!"
Grams walked inside, ever on the go. The woman could not sit still to save her soul. If she wasn't outside doing yard work, she was hopping in the car to run errands.
"What are you two up to?" she asked, eyeing both her grandchildren curiously. When Jamie and Peril wore those same expressions when they were younger, you never could tell.
"Nothing," Jamie smiled, getting to his feet. "Gotta go!" He blushed straight through, thinking that his Grams had overheard his sex talk. As quickly as he could, he hustled up the stairs.
Peril just laughed and motioned for her grandmother to join her. "Wait till I tell you..."
*****
From his vantage point on the window seat, Jamie meditatively stared out at the lake. The moon created little silver crescents across its placid surface. Jamie exhaled. It was his heart's deepest wish to be with Mulder again. He would give anything to have his gentle teasing, his advice again...
Jamie's skin burned hotter as he imagined how much nicer that advice would be coming directly from Mulder's pouty mouth, rather than a phone. To be able to gaze deeply into those soft, warm eyes.
The feeling of arousal slammed into him, mixed with a powerful, intimate love that Jamie had been holding back because of his fears. A hint of sweet incense rose up out of nowhere. The wind chimes sang, although there was no breeze, and Jamie felt a comforting, almost mystical feeling flowing over him.
Somehow he knew that everything was going to be okay.
He wanted -- no, he needed -- to put the horror of his possession behind him once and for all. It had already taken away too much time, and he'd spent enough of it brooding and being away from the person he loved the most. He was going to get back what he once had, and as the Wicked Witch said, "Woe to those who try to stop me!"
He resolved himself. Tomorrow morning, he would call Mulder. He would either ask him to come here, or Jamie would offer to fly to him. One way or another, they were going to be together again.
*****
Dreamily, Jamie came downstairs the next morning having worked out everything he wanted to say in the shower. His heart throbbed excitedly. A rich smell of coffee wafted up to meet him, which meant that Grams and Peril had been up for some time. Pushing up the sleeves of his blue sweatshirt, Jamie headed toward the kitchen.
He didn't actually have Mulder's phone number, because Mulder had always been the one to call him. 'Somehow he seems to know when I need him the most,' Jamie thought. He needed to dial information first.
Then the telephone rang.
"Hello?" Jamie braced for a possible long, scolding conversation with his mother. Who else would call this early?
"Hey, you!"
It was Mulder! "Y-you must be psychic!"
He laughed. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I was just getting ready to call you."
"Well then, I saved you a long-distance charge," Mulder replied. "You sound good."
Jamie nodded. "I'm feeling a lot better. Actually, much better than I have in a while." He took a deep breath. "Mulder, there's something I have to tell you--"
The doorbell rang.
Aargh! Jamie mentally cursed. "Hold on, someone's at the door."
Another insistent chime echoed back. Holding the phone on his shoulder, Jamie peeked inside the kitchen but there was no sign of anyone. He walked around to the stairs and called, "Peril? Grams?"
"Why don't you go answer it," Mulder suggested. "I can wait."
But Jamie couldn't. He was bursting at the seams to tell Mulder everything he was feeling. When neither his cousin or grandmother responded, Jamie stalked toward the front door. 'Where could they be?'
"Looks like I'm gonna have to. Now where was I?" He reached for the brass handle, turned it and opened the door.
"You were about to tell me something important."
Floored, Jamie looked at the portable phone in his hand, then in surprised shock at the person standing on the doorstep. "Mulder?!"
He smiled back. "Jamie, it's Fox, remember?" The moment was priceless. Mulder's heart sped up seeing Jamie standing there in disbelief, breathing deeply, eyes wide and colored tropical green.
"How did you--"
With a lopsided grin, Mulder waved his cell phone.
The phone in Jamie's hand slipped through his fingers. A smile stretched from ear to ear. "Oh, I don't care how. I'm just so happy to see you!" He jumped into Mulder's arms, hugging him tightly. Mulder placed a gentle kiss on his parted lips.
A voice cleared its throat. Then repeated the sound again. Reluctantly breaking contact, Jamie turned to find both Peril and Grams grinning at them from the stairs.
"Glad you could make it!" Peril waved at Mulder.
Jamie looked from her to Mulder and back again. "Wait a minute... you knew about this?"
Peril displayed mock-innocence. "Who me? Never! What about you Grams?"
"Don't look at me," she chuckled.
Jamie squinted his eyes at them.
"Well, don't just let that handsome young man freeze out there, Jamie!" Grams called. "Bring him in."
Mulder gave Jamie a knowing look. Holding Jamie in his arms, Mulder could've been in the middle of Antarctica and he'd have been sweating.
Sitting in the parlor, Grams immediately engaged Mulder in conversation. She insisted that he have a snack and something to drink. At one point, she even got out old photo albums and Jamie wanted to hide under a rock when she showed Mulder the baby picture of him running around without a diaper!
Jamie sat back in his chair and stretched. Mulder tried unsuccessfully to keep his eyes off Jamie's chest. 'He's obviously been working out,' Mulder thought, his mouth watering.
"Will you walk by the lake with me?" asked Jamie, anxious to be alone.
"Sure, I'd love to."
Excusing themselves, they left the high-ceiligned parlor, walked through the kitchen, and out onto the back porch.
Jamie stood for a moment, just gazing at Mulder, illuminated in the sunlight. Mulder titled his head, and pursed his lips. "Are you going into trance?"
Being next to Mulder, that was easy to do. "No," he said, quietly, and a little sound came up from Jamie's throat. "I'm just..." he murmured. "I can't believe you're actually here." His hair fell forward, making him look even more like a little boy.
Mulder held out his arms into which Jamie moved and then they were face to face. "I'm glad to be here holding my angel," he whispered.
Their lips met, and Mulder could feel Jamie's nervous heart pounding rapidly against his own. Then he felt the long loneliness that tortured them both melt away.
[Next Episode: Saturate Me]
TITLE: Surfacing Chapter Six: Stella Maris
AUTHOR: Chad Moore
FANDOM: XF
DATE: October 29th, 2001
SERIES: Dangerous Undercurrents and Conundrum
E-MAIL: Mulderholic@webtv.net
RATING: NC17 (Chapter 6)
CATEGORY: M/O
ARCHIVE: Yes, please
KEYWORDS: Slash, Romance, Angst
WARNINGS: WIP
SPOILERS: This story takes place after "Existence," with references to past seasons. DISCLAIMER: All familiar characters belong to CC, 1013 and Fox TV; any others were conceived in my warped imagination.
BETA THANKS: Bertina
SPECIAL THANKS: Goddess Michele
DEDICATION: For Neige and Vyper
Chapter Six: Stella Maris
Mulder and Jamie strolled along the footpath, hand in hand.
"You know, I can picture you growing up here," said Mulder, breathing in the warm autumn air. "I've always wanted to settle down in a place like this."
Tall reeds growing beside the lake swished past their legs. Jamie led him onto the dock. "Peril and I used to spend every summer here." He pointed out into the water. "Grams used to say we were gonna sprout fins from swimming so much."
Sitting down, Mulder immediately removed his shoes and socks, and rolled up his jeans. Jamie smiled and did the same. Soon, they were both dangling their legs over the edge, playing in the surprisingly warm water.
Mulder turned and just gazed at his face, lit up by the sun. "Now I wanna hear what you haven't been telling me."
"Basically, I still feel a little screwed."
"Screwed?"
Jamie gave a short laugh. "Oh, I've been hanging around Peril way too much." He sighed, not really wanting to get into this. He knew if he started, it would all end in tears. "It's just my family. They all feel bad that I don't feel better." He searched for a way to express his feelings. "My mother wants me to be the same person who left home eighteen years ago, and I just can't."
"Expectations can get too high, you know?" Mulder put an arm round his shoulders. "Plus, you're being way too hard on yourself."
Jamie nodded and looked up into his eyes. "You're the one thing in my crazy world that makes any sense."
Mulder's grin just about split his face. Jamie leaned into him and closed his eyes. He felt comforted, safe. It was the same feeling he had during his walks when he knew someone was watching over him. God, it felt so good.
"I don't wanna talk about my mom and her hang-ups, and I don't wanna talk about the past," Jamie stated, leaning into Mulder. "I want this time to be about you and me."
"Mmm, sounds good." Mulder wrapped his arms around him. "I want to start right now."
Jamie turned to look at him. "Do you have any suggestions?" he laughed, delightedly. "My calendar is wide open."
"When's the last time you went skating?" Mulder suddenly asked.
"What? Huh?"
Getting to his feet, Mulder pulled Jamie up. Their wet feet splashed onto the dry dock. "C'mon!" he exclaimed. "After that, then we'll head on over--"
Jamie held a finger to his lips. "Shh, don't jinx it."
Mulder's smile broadened. Jamie was as superstitious as ever. Mulder held him close, their noses touching. "There's nothing but good times ahead for both of us," he promised.
*****
"Are you sure this is safe?" Jamie wondered, eyeing the jet black rollerblade in his hand, and the one already on his foot, skeptically. It didn't look a thing like the skates he remembered, in fact it resembled more of an iceskate.
Mulder finished lacing up his own, and grinned. "Of course." He took the one from Jamie and examined it. "Didn't you know these were aerodynamically designed with alien technology for maximum speed and efficency?"
He said it so straight-faced that Jamie thought he was serious. Then he burst out laughing. "Give me that!"
Sliding it on, he reached out and Mulder graciously took his hand and helped him up. Almost instantly, Jamie's feet flew out from under him and he fell back into Mulder's waiting arms.
"I've got you!" Mulder's husky voice told him. Jamie felt a shiver run through him. Picking Jamie up, he turned him around to face him."I've always got you," he whispered, reassuringly.
Keeping a firm grip on Mulder's arm, Jamie followed him past a group of kids playing indoor basketball --which Mulder eyed enviously -- and out onto the slippery skating rink floor. At that moment, the DJ up in his glass booth decided to play a Genesis song. As Phil Collins' mellow tone echoed out around them, Jamie seriously wanted to forget skating and fall into Mulder's strong arms again.
*****
The mid-afternoon sun warmed Grams' front porch, and Mulder and Jamie stood there gazing into one another eyes. On the drive back, Mulder had wanted to crawl into Jamie's lap so badly, like he'd been hit with a raging fever. At one point he thought he was going to have to literally sit on his hands!
"That was the best time I've had in like... forever!" exclaimed Jamie.
"Same here," Mulder grinned back. Being with Jamie made him feel like a teenager all over again, with the added libido. "And it's not over yet."
Jamie arched an eyebrow. "No?"
"I want you to put on your something stylin'," he pursed his lips in thought, making a delicious sucking sound in the process, "something dark and sexy, because I'm taking you out tonight." Mulder reached out and began to kiss him. "Tonight then?" he asked.
"Tonight," Jamie agreed, slightly dazed. He watched Mulder move down the steps and away toward his rental car. Jamie sank against the front door. A dreamy smile played across his tingling lips.
>From within the Lumina, Mulder smiled as Jamie went back inside. He leaned his head back and took a couple of short, deep breaths. 'We're so damn compatible, it's mind-blowing,' he thought. 'We fit perfectly together, and I'm more sure about that than I ever was. We've got everything two people need to make it together.'
Starting the engine, Mulder pulled out of the driveway, determined to make this a night neither one of them would ever forget.
*****
>From her place on the sofa, Peril rushed into the hall as soon as Jamie appeared. There was a glazed look in his eye and he seemed to be a little out of it.
"Jamie, so how did it go?"
"Hmm?"
"That good, huh?"
He nodded, off in orbit. "Um-hum. We have a date tonight."
Peril folded her arms. "Sounds like you two are becoming an item again." She gave herself a mental pat on the back.
"We're working on it," he grinned, his enthusiasm boiling over. "We're getting stronger, Peril. Stronger than ever. I mean we're like--" He caught his breath, trying to still the butterflies in his stomach. "I'm afraid... I don't wanna say it!"
Shaking her head, Peril chuckled. "You're something else, Jamie."
"Okay! I might not be home for breakfast in the morning." He leaned in and whispered, "Is that too soon?"
Could he get any cuter? Peril wondered. "Honey, that's wonderful!" She gripped his arm. "I'm amazed you've been able to restrain yourself this long!" Leading him toward the stairs, Peril pointed. "Now go get ready."
*****
Walking down the hallway, Peril checked her watch. It was half past seven and nearly time for Mulder to pick up Jamie. She went to knock on his bedroom door when her cousin's voice echoed back from inside.
"Every time I see you, I love you even more. I can't imagine my life without you."
Peril lightly knocked and peeked her head inside. She found him standing before a dresser mirror, seemingly talking to himself.
"Jamie?" He turned with a start. "Were you just telling yourself how much you love love you?"
"What? Um, no." His cheeks turned pink and he broke out into a nervous grin. "It's not like that at all."
Peril nodded knowingly. She'd heard Jamie practising what he wanted to tell Mulder earlier that morning. She eyed him. "Hey, you'd better get ready!" He was still wearing his bulky sweatshirt and jeans.
"I can't decide what to wear!" he groaned, motioning toward the closet.
"Oh, sweetie! A gay man and he can't find anything to wear? Must be the Southerner in you!" Peril hurried over and flicked through the clothing assortment. Within minutes she'd picked out a perfect outfit.
"You're going to look so hot in this!" She held up a silk, light blue shirt, dark tie with matching blazer and pants to him. She frowned at his expression. "What's up?"
Jamie took the offered clothes. "It's been a really long time since I've been out on a date with a really great guy..." That was an understatement! "What do people do nowadays?" He was seriously nervous. After all, he was eighteen years out of practice.
Turning around while he began to dress, Peril pressed a finger to her chin, deep in thought. "Well, there's something called going out to dinner for one..."
"Wow! Really?" He exclaimed in mock-surprise while slipping into the shirt.
"And I've even heard that some people even go out to the movies."
Jamie pulled up and fastened his slacks. "Man, I didn't know you could have so much fun."
"It's a dying art."
"Okay, you can look now." He finished tying his tie and spread his arms wide. "It's the 21st century Jamie."
Peril turned, and the sight of her handsome cousin took her breath away. "Jamie, Mulder's going to melt when he sees you!"
"You think?" He walked over to gaze at his image in the mirror. He wasn't too sure of his new haircut, which Peril had insisted on. He ran a hand through it.
"I'm positive," she said, straightening his tie. Handing him some cologne, Peril stepped back as he dabbed a little on his neck. She still couldn't get over how young he looked, and she wished she knew his secret. As she was about to ask, the doorbell rang.
"That's him!" Jamie said, full of excitement.
Grabbing the blazer, he put it on and hurried downstairs, hotly pursued by Peril. They stopped mid-way to find Mulder standing in the hall talking to Grams. Jamie completely forgot to breathe. Mulder looked too gorgeous for words in his elegant black, fitted suit.
Mulder looked up and his eyes glittered the moment he saw Jamie. "Wow, you look like an angel," he said, meeting Jamie at the bottom of the stairs.
Jamie blushed. "You keep it up with this angel stuff, and I'm gonna sprout wings," he whispered.
They stood like that for several moments, frozen in time.
Grams' voice broke through. "Just let me get a picture of you two!"
"Grams!"
"Come on, get close to him!" Grams motioned with her hand, and Mulder, ever the sport, pulled Jamie close and smiled.
Mulder leaned in and told him, "I have something sweet up my sleeve for dessert."
This had the intended effect as Jame grinned. "I bet." Blinded by the flash, Jamie blinked. "Let's go," he said, taking Mulder's arm. He crinkled his nose at Peril and Grams who were wearing wide smiles.
"You two have fun!" Grams called.
"We won't wait up!" Peril added.
After the door closed behind them, Peril turned to Grams. "We did it. It's really happening!"
*****
It hadn't taken very long for Mulder and Jamie to be seated at the Stella Maris. Sitting across from each other, Mulder smiled at Jamie in the candlelight. He was in awe of the beautiful restaurant which also doubled as a hotel upstairs, which just happened to be where the former FBI agent was staying.
Painted along the dining room walls were celestial landscapes of ships sailing wide blue seas, a multitude of stars dotting the deep indigo of twilight, and a lighthouse to guide the way.
Mulder gazed lovingly across at Jamie,