Summary: Mulder makes a decision.
Category: Angst, RST
Disclaimer: Not mine. Chris Carter owns them.
Series: Fallen, Starlight, A Prayer in the Dark, Reaching for Someone
Fox Mulder lay on his battered leather couch with one arm over his face. His sobs had finally tapered off, leaving his eyes puffy and swollen. He felt as though his heart would break at any second. He had awoken from a light sleep to realize that once again, his mind had produced another Alex dream. This one had been far more detailed than he ever could have imagined. He sighed wishing that his heart would let him think about something other than the elusive double agent. Mulder sat up and placed his head in his hands. His thoughts were sluggish as he began to filter through his dreams. He was aware that obviously Alex meant far more to him than he would have ever admitted to before.
Mulder rose from the couch and padded to the kitchen. He pulled a beer from the fridge and gulped half of it down. He winced and returned to the living room. On his way back to the couch, his mind registered two things. One, he had rapidly drying semen on his groin. Two, there was a note tacked to his computer.
He placed the forgotten beer on the coffee table and reached with a shaky hand to the note. He pulled it off the computer and held it before his face gingerly. The note read:
There's always some truth to dreams.
Mulder felt the tremors in his hands grow stronger. His whole body shook as he read the short note. He sat down abruptly and closed his eyes. His brain slowed down as one thought entered his mind on repeat. 'It was real. It really happened.' He left out several quick breaths and began to compose himself. Mulder reviewed all that he could remember. He was dammed sure that he had indeed, gone running after waking up from a particularly realistic dream involving himself and Alex Krycek. After that, things got a bit hazy. He remembered seeing a shadow in a parked car and he remembered running as hard as he could, trying to sort himself out. He could just barely remember falling and waking up in someone's arms feeling safe for the first time in years. 'Was it Krycek? Was he the one that held him?' he thought.
He scratched aimlessly at his leg and decided that he was in dire need of a shower. Stripping off his clothes, he adjusted the spray to as hot as he could stand it and stood directly under the nozzle. He let the water pour right over his face and down his back. His muscles were very sore for some reason. Bits and pieces of the dream came to him slowly. He saw Alex holding him, brushing his hair back from his face. He saw their kiss happen again in slow motion. His body remembered laying Alex down on the ground and rubbing against him. 'That would explain the come' Mulder groaned.
What had he done? Did he really do what he thinks he might have done? With Alex Krycek?
Mulder's head begins to pulse with the beginnings of a killer headache. He rubs his temples and leans on the tiled walls. If what he thinks happened, then most likely Alex had brought him back here. That would explain the note. Mulder turned the water off and dried himself off. His mind keeps wandering to his dreams. He wonders how to get in contact with Alex. He sits down and thinks. He knows that there isn't a damn reason why he shouldn't try to find him. But the fear is so great.
After a few more minutes, Mulder finished toweling off. He slowly pulled his navy blue work suit out of the closet. As he went through the motions of dressing, he let his mind wander. Where would he even begin to look for Krycek? He had a sinking feeling that he might have to wait for Alex to seek him out. With that knowledge, Mulder finished dressing and headed off to work. Halfway down the hall, he stopped, turned around, and without realizing with, walked back into his apartment. He picked up the note and tucked it into his wallet. He felt better knowing that he had it on him.
Mulder spent the better part of the day absentmindly staring at expense reports while his thoughts ran idly towards tracking down Krycek. He was running through all his possible contacts when he realized that Scully had been talking to him and was waiting for an answer.
"Sorry...what was that Scully?"
"You haven't heard a word I said, have you?" she snapped.
"Umm sure I was listening Scully...I just started to think about something else at the same time." He said sheepishly. He did feel bad but he just couldn't seem to keep his mind on work.
Scully sighed. She wished she knew what he was thinking. She never seemed able to completely crack his brain patterns. She frowned as she took in his overly pale complexion, knees jumping and distracted look in his eyes and knew something was up.
"Mulder...Mulder! Hey focus for a second here okay? Are you feeling alright?" she said leaning forward and resting her hand on his forehead.
"I'm fine, Scully. Really. I'm just tired that's all." He said impatiently. He glanced at his watch for what seemed to be the hundredth time that hour. Still five more hours to go until he could leave. He couldn't believe how slowly time seemed to be moving. He yearned to just be able to hop out the window and run straight for his computer, to be in solitude. Mulder sighed then attempted to reread the neglected expense report. He had to find some way to write off another FBI issue handgun. Scully resumed her reading and Mulder fidgeted uncomfortably. Four hours, 55 minutes.
When five o'clock finally rolled around, Mulder was up and out of his chair in a flash. He shut off his computer, grabbed his coat and briefcase in one sweep and was heading for the door.
"Bye Scully. See you tomorrow." He yelled as he all but ran out the door. Dana Scully shook her head and turned out the lights. Whatever was on his mind must have been very important seeing that he was so distracted all day long. Mulder was already long gone, having jogged to his car as quickly as his legs would carry him. Sliding up to the car he noticed a piece of paper stuck under his windshield. He looked around the underground parking. Empty. He pulled the paper out from under the wiper. It read:
The truth exists with lies and dreams and all that we keep locked up.
Mulder let out a low whistle. Was this the work of Krycek? He was prone to leaving notes written with deliberately vague sayings on them. He tucked the second note into his wallet alongside the note from earlier. He knew that he had to find Alex. He had to know if everything was real. He wanted to be given a chance to talk to Alex. To see what he would say. Mulder slid behind the wheel of the car. He felt a shudder run through him. What do you use to lure Alex though? What would make him come to Mulder? Would it be easier to draw Alex to his apartment than to spend time seeking him down?
After a few hours of deep thinking, Mulder thought he had come up with something feasible. He was almost certain that his apartment was bugged, so he figured that Alex would probably be watching. And when he does, thought Mulder, I'll make it a show worth viewing.
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