A Prayer in the Dark

by SpookyStarbuck


Title: A Prayer in the Dark

Author: SpookyStarbuck

Summary: A chance to observe and a need to pray.

Category: Angst, Pre-slash

Pairing: Mulder/Krycek

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Not mine. Chris Carter owns them.

Author's Notes: A Prayer in the Dark follows Fallen and Starlight. It's not technically a series but each story sort of takes up where the last left off.

The hallway leading to apartment 42 was dark and strangely silent. If anything it shouldn't have been a surprise at all. I glanced at my watch, the numbers gleaming in the moonlight. Half past 2. Perfect. Right about now Mulder should be twitching away on his couch. I crept closer to the door looming in front of me. Dressed in my usual uniform of all black, I became one with the darkened hallway. My steps were taken with careful precision, taking the extra time to skirt the patches of light from the windows. I slid my lock picking tools into the keyhole. 'Mulder really must upgrade his security system' I thought to myself grimly. It worries me that anybody could break into this apartment in less than five minutes.

I slip inside and quickly shut the door. There he is, sprawled on the couch. Mulder moans in his sleep. I hold my breath, fearful that I've woken him. He thrashes briefly then turns on to his right side. Letting out a shaky but quiet breath of relief, I begin my sweep of his apartment. I replace the extra bugs, courtesy of Smokey's hired thugs, with my own. Several have been tampered with. 'Clever boy' I murmur with a ghost of a smirk. After finishing my cleanup, I find my gaze falling on Mulder.

His breathing has evened out and he looks almost peaceful. He seems to be frowning, a small pout on those plump lips. I am helplessly drawn to his side. The pout deepens and my eyes travel down his body. He's laid out like a sacrifice before me. Soft gray t-shirt and slightly rumpled blue jeans grace his frame. My eyes wander lovingly, savoring this moment, greedily drinking in the sight of Mulder in sleep. I'll think of him when I leave tonight. Remember how he looked as he slept. This chance to be next to him with no pain, no fists, no biting remarks about my questionable morality. In this moment it is just Fox and Alex in the dead of night. As I watch him I become aware of something moving. My eyelid blinks holding back the unshed tears. I want to hold this moment in my heart and never let go.

Fox moans again softly but with certainty.

"Alex..."

My heart stops and my eyes widen. My jaw is hanging in disbelief. Mulder just moaned my name. A million questions run through my brain all circling around a particular one.

Why?

I lean forward, hoping to hear more but terrified of what he might do next. Mulder moans louder and sobs at the same time.

"Alex...no"

Just as my heart had begun to beat again, it stopped. I understood now. Even in his dreams I do nothing but hurt him. I let a tear drop without realizing it. I watch horrified as it lands on his arm. Holding another breath, I wait to see if this is what breaks the moment.

"Alex, please...don't go" he whimpers, shuddering hard. His entire body is shaking and he cries fitfully. Before I can stop myself, I crouch down beside him and whisper in his ear.

"Fox, it's okay. I 'm here. I won't leave".

I sit back and wait to see if anything is going to happen. Mulder rolls onto his back, whispering in his dream.

"Alex, please stay. I...I don't want you to go".

He ends the sentence with a fresh wave of shuddering sobs. I'm torn between my desire to comfort him and the very real danger that he could wake up at any second. I bite my lips, worrying about what I should do when Mulder decides for me. He rolls right onto me.

I hesitantly place my arms around him. He is a tight ball of nerves. I lean over and rub his back while whispering my mother's prayer in his ear. I caress his back in soothing circles, and then give in to my rampant urges to smell his hair. I lightly inhale and the smell is intoxicating. He smells like the fresh breeze, of sandalwood and something indescribably Mulder. I am vaguely aware of the growing hardness against my thigh.

Mulder seems to be relaxing, so I start to ease him back onto the couch. As soon as I begin to move him, he cries out sharply.

"Please...please don't go. I want you...want you to here" he moans.

I let him roll back into my arms, bracing the fake one against the couch. I move forward until I am back at his ear and I repeat the prayer softly.

"Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight".

I cut my words off abruptly. I was about to continue it but couldn't bring the words out. I realized how badly I wanted to finish that sentence and take this burden off my chest. As I crouch there with most of Mulder in my arms, I decide that perhaps its better that I don't finish it. Mulder may be asleep but that could change at any given moment. He seems to be relaxed completely, his face unlined and calm. Even the pout has been eased back.

At this moment, I am happier than I have been in a long time. I have to leave now. I've already spent far too long in this apartment. I reluctantly decide that now should be the time that I leave.

"Alex...Alex...I love you..." he whispers and chokes on a sob.

And with that, my resolve breaks. I pulled him to me tighter than before and finish the prayer. "Starlight, star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wished tonight. Sleep well my Lisa. I love you" I whisper, letting a few of my tears fall. I place a few quick kisses on each eyelid and ease him down again. My heart beating far too fast, and with shaking legs, I retreat to the door. With the door open, I take a look at him. He's smiling in his sleep, a simple smile that makes my heart ache. I let a blank look drop over my face. Then I shut the door and relock it. This night has meant more to me than anything else. My few treasured memories are shelved for a while as I replay these minutes in my mind over and over, As I walk back to my car, carefully watching for any tails, I find myself humming the prayer with a smile. My Fox. My prayer. Maybe he can save me after all. Maybe I can save him.
 

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