Title: Novice - part three
E-Mail: email@example.com Status: WIP
Fox Mulder, Alex Krycek, Walter Skinner and all the other X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from their use.
Eventually this will be M/Sk/K, BDSM, NC-17, and well, we really are almost there. For "part three": M/Sk/K, BDSM implied, mostly D/s for now, angst, NC-17 (to be safe).
This is where I start saying that it's only fiction, no 'How do I get started in BDSM'-guide. I tried to stay as true to fact as a story allows but it really bends reality at some points. Alex is saying some things about the BDSM emblem in this story, the basis for those words can be found on pretty much every website dealing with that exact topic. The versions described in this story do not yet exist, as far as I know, but if anyone has the time and patience to draw them, go ahead. I would really like to see them.
I heard steps descending the stairs and cross the hallway to get to the door. I heard the key turn in the lock and that was the moment when I tried running, but Martin had my arm in a deathgrip which there was no escaping from. He glared at me for good measure and before the door opened to give way for the view on us, I concentrated very hard on my shoes not daring to look up. Martin nudged me, but I resolutely refrained from lifting my head.
Walter. Another nudge from Martin but I wasn't going to do the explaining. No way. After all, he had dragged me there, without giving me the chance of even protesting in the slightest. Okay, protesting I did do but it's not like he had listened to me. I knew this wouldn't go over well. So I stared at my feet. And pouted some.
"Good morning, sir. Could we come in? I think Mulder has some explaining to do." Nudge number three and I could almost feel Martin's warning glare. As well as Walter's curious one.
"Well, do come in then, please. I'm afraid my partner is not quite ready." I could hear the mix of bewilderment and slight amusement in Walter's voice. "Can I offer you something? A cup of coffee, maybe?"
"No, not for me, thanks." Martin declined politely then looked at me pointedly.
"No, thanks," I replied timidly, catching Walter's surprised glance at both me and Martin. I believe it wasn't quite the sort of tone he was used to coming from me. But then, so wasn't I. Walter led us into the living room, then went up stairs, probably to tell Alex they had guests, and I winced at the memory connected to it, all the conversations coming up again, especially the last one. This time Martin and me took place on the couch, while Walter sat across from us in one of the other seats when he came back downstairs and looked at me with a questioning look. I also noticed him giving Martin the glance-over that the person in question was oblivious to. I wondered what Martin's incentive had been to drive me there personally. Maybe he wanted to see me do the right thing, but then, why should he care? Why should anyone care.
"Walter?" Alex called from the stairs. Then stopped in the doorway of the living room taking in all the details and possible connections in one surprised glance. "Good morning, Mulder and...?"
"Martin," my hero replied smoothly.
"And Martin. I am Alex, this is Walter." Alex continued. Then sat down next to Walter with a suspicious glance, not less questioning than Walter's has been. "So what gives us the honor?"
I felt all three pairs of eyes on me, but I kept my eyes turned downwards stubbornly. Martin tried to capture them but to no avail. So he heaved a big exasperated sigh and started talking himself. Well, he had had to drag me there after all.
"Alex, Walter," he nodded politely. "Do you want the short version or the long one with all the juicy details and heart-wrecking moments?"
"Well, give us the short one, maybe it will help shed some light on a situation I am quite confused about right now." Walter replied, altogether too amused for my liking.
"The short one, then," Martin started, obviously enjoying himself tremendously. "I met Mulder in a bar last night, a leatherbar and he was obviously looking for a sexual encounter with someone who'd top him. I didn't mind that and after convincing someone else that Mulder wouldn't be the right guy for him, he came with me and ended up at my house. I saw that he was insecure but he didn't seem unwilling at any point. I was mildly surprised when he asked for a safeword because it is after all not common with merely rough sex encounters, but I obliged. After a little mind topping by me and the beginnings of what would have ended up as anal sex, Mulder panicked and gasped out his safeword. I stopped altogether and we talked. He told me some things that led me to believe that we should pay you a visit, but it's my job to tell you those details, I believe. As an afterthought, I know this all must appear extremely surreal to you, but upon closer review it really is not, at least not extremely so."
"Thank you, Martin," Walter said, obviously in thought. "Let's say that there are not many things that still surprise me regarding Mr. Mulder."
I jumped up, furious. "Gee, don't fucking talk about me like I am not there!" I yelled at them.
"Mulder, may I remind you that you didn't want to talk?" Martin replied softly, having gotten up, too. "Anyway, the rest of the conversation should be between you and those two men. I was only here as the catalyst. And Mulder, do tell them. They will understand, one way or another." Then he turned to the other two. "Walter, Alex, it's been a pleasure meeting you. I'll find the door. Maybe we will meet again, someday?"
And then he left with a last nod to me and I stood bedraggled in front of the couch, feeling very much alone. And without any sort of safety or security to protect me. I stood alone in front of those two men I wanted to love me, those two men who, to put it dramatically, had my life in their hands. I was supposed to tell them things I had been able to tell Martin the night before, in the lovely safety of the darkened sky, but now in the harsh light of the day?
"Mulder?" Alex prodded gently, leaving me time to look up to him. "That you went to that bar...Has it anything to do with what we told you?"
"I guess," I replied cautiously. I didn't know how to tell them without making myself sound like an idiot, without damaging everything before it had a chance to start. And I knew I wouldn't be able to bring everything across the way I felt it, the way I felt it was. I had the feeling that even if I managed to form those sentences they would surely reject me, laugh it off, laugh me off for an idea so absurd. But there was this voice nagging away inside of me, telling me that I would never know if I didn't even give them a chance to understand the situation.
"I guess," I started again. "I am not sure. I mean...hell, I don't know how to start, so maybe this will come out all wrong. When you said that I was acting like a submissive, I ... I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to hear you use that word in connection with me because, because I know what my fantasies look like, I know what I...imagine, I know...all these things, but I...I don't like myself for it. And I thought I could always push them away, shove them deep and far away and call them mere fantasies, fleeting ideas that weren't closely connected to anything real. And then you said it, called me submissive, that...that dreaded word. And I could have punched you for it, for making me feel so weak, like a loser. And I know you want to say something now, but please let me just go on."
I took a deep breath, then continued talking with my eyes on both of their faces. "I didn't, don't like that term. I don't like what it entails. But I know that...that is what I am...in my fantasies. And when I was at home after our conversation it kept nagging away at me, and on one hand I wanted to see, really see what it's like and whether I merely like the idea or whether I like, you know the real thing. And on the other hand, I did it, I went out, to prove to myself what sort loser and pervert I am that I need these sort of things. And when I was at that bar, that guy, Jim, showed up and I was...scared, intimidated and it wasn't like it was in my fantasies. And well then there was Martin and we drove to his house and I wanted to, I wanted to have sex and submit to him and enjoy it and for a while it went okay, but when he was about to ...to penetrate me it just didn't feel 'right' anymore."
I stopped. Not knowing if I had made much sense at all or whether that was not more than some quick thoughts. I wanted to be far, far away. Not there. Most definitely not there standing in front of them.
"What are your fantasies, Mulder?" Walter inquired.
"It's...it's difficult to explain. It's not, I don't know, it's simply not just about the sex. Maybe this really is some ideal, romanticized version of what is reality, but I want to have someone who...protects me, takes care of me. Someone who protects me from everyone and...from myself. I want to feel that I am a...a good person even if I have fucked something up. I want to feel that someone, that someone thinks that I am worth being loved. I want to feel loved..." My voice drifted off.. And it all seemed, to use Martin's words, extremely surreal because for a moment or two I failed to notice the connection between my words and the term BDSM. I felt foolish for having told them these things, for having opened up like that, for having made myself vulnerable.
"What have those things to do with us?" Alex continued, that sparkle in his eyes never fading, that gleam that made me feel as if he really was listening to me.
"I thought, that well, you are...Doms, and I am a sub. And I..." I stopped for a second, then courage left me again. "I see now that it was a foolish idea. Sorry for bothering you today morning, I guess I better get going now..."
"Mulder!" Alex interrupted my tirade and my half-run out of the room. I stopped dead in my tracks. That most definitely wasn't his everyday voice. I turned back around to them slowly when he continued. "To piece it together, you are asking us whether we would play with you someday, or let's say someday soon?"
"I guess," I replied warily.
"Would you sit down again, please?" Walter then requested and I walked back to the couch and gingerly sat down, just as indicated. A look passing between the two made the idea come up that they maybe had talked about that particular subject before. It made me feel at least slightly uncomfortable.
"What do you really want?" Walter asked. "What do you really want from us?"
"As Alex said, I want to...play with you or have you play with me." I couldn't see where he was going with that question.
"No, it is not what you want, and you know it.." Walter said and I was already rising, something along the lines of 'well fuck you then' on my lips, before I saw Walter's calming gesture. He continued. "You want to come here for a few hours every once in a while and have your sexual needs satisfied? You want to come here every once in a while and have someone take the edge of?"
"I want to...submit." I said with that tiny voice again, eyes brimming with tears now.
"Do you want to play? Do you want to submit for the quick thrill?" Alex asked, his voice a notch harder then causing some of those tears to spill over and wet my cheeks
"No, I don't." I replied, then repeated, "I want you to be there and protect me from all that...all the time." By the end of the sentence my voice was a mere whisper.
"Mulder...Fox," Alex went on. "I am sure you know the terms, I am sure you, theoretically know most of the things BDSM revolves around. So what do you want?"
Almost without a sound now, not even a whisper anymore. "I want to be your slave." Then I crumpled on the couch, crying, very hard, waiting for them to laugh. To laugh at such an outrageous offer by someone who barely knew himself. I waited for them to say 'no' and to ask me to forget about everything. I waited for them to show me the door, to say that it is not what they expect in a friendship. I waited for something. Anything. Other than that silence. They let me cry on that couch of theirs. They did not come to comfort me, did not help me in any way, they made me get my tears out and after a while I was back with them, mentally, emotionally...or at least, I thought I was.
"Mulder, would you like to rest for a while maybe and we will continue to talk, to seriously talk about everything once all of us are able to, on a normal, healthy level?" Walter asked, his big brown eyes capturing mine and making me nod involuntarily. I moved to get up and go to my room. I knew that I definitely needed that, to be able to sleep the tears away. To be able to talk later on in a state that wasn't as emotional as the one I was in that moment. They hadn't given me an answer, or rather they hadn't commented on what I'd offered them, but whatever they'd decide for, it would be better than the week before that, it would be better than the years before that. It would be good to know that there was someone who knew about that need of mine, about that need to be able to let go of everything, of the need, of this long search for love, acceptance, praise. It was good to know that there was someone who cared.
I saw how they needed that little break as much as I did. To sort their thoughts, to talk. Maybe they had indeed considered all those possibilities beforehand, but now it was reality, the revelation, my revelation standing in the room and whatever they'd be doing, it would be their responsibility. And I had clearly left it in their field. They were the experts on BDSM and it gave me a good feeling. To be able to leave something in their hands. Maybe it was an easy escape and I had thought it about for a long time, considered those motivations for my interest in that lifestyle, in that 'role'. It was more complex than that, more complex than just a simple line or two, more complex than a simple explanation.
I didn't notice that I fell asleep, but when I made my first conscious thought a look to the clock confirmed it was hours later. I cleared my head a little by shaking it back and forth and got up, went downstairs silently and knocked before entering the living room. Walter and Alex looked at me with calm faces, motioned for me to sit on the couch again. I watched them warily, ready to jump and run at any second. Alex took a deep breath, as if to steel himself, one last look to Walter and then he started, being composed, polite and formal almost all through the conversation.
"Mulder, Walter and I have discussed our position, our attitude towards your proposition in the past few hours. We have evaluated just where we stand, how far we can go and how far we are able to go. You said, you want to be our slave. Now, 'slave' is one of those terms that are used widely meaning all sorts of different things. We will, most definitely, not agree for you to be a slave in the harshest sense of the word."
"But..." I interrupted, despising the show they made out of it, if they ended up saying no anyway.
"Hear me out for a while and let me explain, please. You have no experience whatsoever in the BDSM lifestyle, you have never played, ultimately never been a submissive to a Dominant for even a short period of time. So you have zero experience. It would be foolish of us to allow you to take a position as a slave in this household. Honestly, we do not believe that you would be content as one, meaning that you'd be responsible for all of those household chores, for example. And you would go berserk if that was what we would ask from you. On top of it all, neither Walter nor I have any desire whatsoever for a full 24/7 TPE slave at this point in our lives. On the other hand, we evaluated the possibility of you playing with us, of us being friends with taking a few hours every week to meet in the playroom and you would be able to live out your desires, but you said that you do not desire that and both of us believe that it would not improve your mental and emotional state of mind. Were you able to follow me so far, Mulder?" Alex ended.
"Yeah well, if that's what you wanted to say I can go now right?" I replied shakily.
"I wasn't finished, so listen me out." Alex replied sharply. "As I said, if you ask three people for their definition of slave you will get three answers. You expressed your desire to serve us, to be in a relationship with both of us in which you would take an, by most people's standards, inferior role. Am I correct?"
"Yes," I mumbled more to myself than to either of them.
"We would like to ask you to become our sub. If you accept you will be exactly that 24/7, which really means all the time. Taking the level of your experience into consideration we want to pick a time frame of three months, to give you an idea what a Dom/sub relationship entails. For those three months you will move in with us here. You will treat us respectfully, addressing us as either Master or Sir and you will allow us to make decisions for you, the extent and details of that can be discussed later on. There will be certain things that will be clearly your responsibility but we will not expect you to take care of the household on your own. There will be rules, and according to that punishments and rewards. There will be sex. I realize that that is only the very general outline, but in the end, the relationship is based on trust and certain specifics are to be left for us to decide on and are not up for negotiation. Those are the power dynamics. For the more obvious portion of our relationship you would be fully included as a life partner of both of us. We are not out to use you as a sextoy, both of us find you to be desirable as a person. As a first step, is it an offer you consider desirable?"
Alex looked at me expectantly, my mouth was dry and I had to swallow convulsively, trying to get my voice to work. "It, well, yes, it is."
"May we move on then with what is called negotiation?" Walter asked, watching me slightly amused, upon seeing my flushed face. "Actually Mulder, this process is a lot dryer and a lot less erotic than you or many people believe. It often is surprising to newcomers to what little extent BDSM is about sex and to what a great extent it is about talking."
I forced a smile and waited for either of them to go on. Alex had gotten up and came back with a piece of paper that he gave me. I raised an eyebrow at it but soon realized what it aimed at. That doesn't mean that it didn't make me think for a while.
"Well, Mulder," Alex started to explain. "It is just a way to see where all of us stand to discuss goals we might follow with this relationship, ways we may go. Take it as some basis for everything and as a possibility to see where we stand and what our expectations are. Simply rate it in order of importance, 1 being the most important."
Then he gave me a pen and my mouth formed a full-blown smirk. It was such an absurd situation, to be filling out a questionnaire to agree on a basis for sex. But then, as Walter had said, it was more, or rather I wanted it to be more than just sex and I recognized their precautions, simply to have some ground to stand on. It still was absurd. And it took me an awfully long time to find out just in what order I'd rate the items, but I came up with an end result. I wasn't quite satisfied with the answers but the exact question what I was seeing as most important in such a relationship, had never been one I had thought about for an extended period of time.
What are the most important qualities in a Master?
Decision Making Skills 8
Sexual Skill 10
Sense of Humor 11
Physical Characteristics 12
Authority & Control 4
Attention to Safety 5
Positive Self Image 6
Communication Skills 9
What are the most important qualities in a slave?
Sexual Skill 4
Physical Attributes 10
Desire to Please 5
Communication Skills 11
Sense of Humor 9
Trust in Master 1
Adherence to Rules 7
Positive Self Image 12
Walter and Alex took the paper from my hand when I signaled I had finished and Alex filled in their numbers next to mine. Obviously it was not the first time they were doing it, or they had discussed it quite thoroughly beforehand. Still there were a few points where he stopped and discussed with Walter until they agreed on the rating. When they were finished, he pushed the paper back to me and I skimmed over it thoughtfully, having expected some of it, being surprised by others.
What are the most important qualities in a Master?
Decision Making Skills 8__9
Sexual Skill 10__11
Sense of Humor 11__7
Physical Characteristics 12__12
Authority & Control 4__10
Attention to Safety 5__5
Positive Self Image 6__2
Communication Skills 9__1
What are the most important qualities in a slave?
Sexual Skill 4__11
Physical Attributes 10__12
Desire to Please 5__5
Communication Skills 11__4
Sense of Humor 9__6
Trust in Master 1__3
Adherence to Rules 7__10
Positive Self Image 12__1
I sat back after I had read it and Alex picked up the talking again. "Are you surprised about our choices, Mulder?"
"A bit, I think. I mean, I can see why you would rate a 'positive self image' as so important but I just, I just don't feel it yet, I guess. And I am not much surprised about 'communication skills' after Walter's comment from earlier, and I think also 'sexual skill' then explains itself, but you don't rate 'authority and control' as that important?" I asked astonished.
"Well, no it doesn't have more importance than the items before it. A slave, or submissive whichever term you prefer, chooses to submit to us and once that is the case, authority and control still play a role, but they are not part of a conscious effort anymore and keeping a sub or slave safe and emotionally healthy should always come before the exertion of control." Walter replied patiently. "As for your positive self-image, why do you think it is unimportant for a slave to have a positive self image?"
I grinned wryly. "Well, after all the slave's going to be used and I don't know, I guess a self-image isn't of much importance when you are someone else's property."
"Do you feel you are worth something, Mulder? With all layers such as your former job, and knowledge stripped away, only your basic self."
"Honestly, I don't know," I replied. "I'm not trying to deflect, I just really don't know."
"It's okay. We don't need to go deeper just now. Why did you rate 'sexual skills' rather important for a slave and rather unimportant for a Master?" Walter further inquired, making me see just what he meant with what he had said about talking before.
"I guess, as a Master you just want to be entertained by your, well, slave and want to use your slave, so...he or she should have the skills for that, to entertain you, I mean."
"You do know that we do not mean to base this relationship on using you, do you?" Alex asked carefully.
"You said so, yes, but I am, I guess, not really sure." I admitted softly. I knew how I felt about both of them, now that I allowed myself to consciously be attracted to them....for anything else, for the big word with the L, and a capital one at that, I wasn't ready just then, didn't know them well enough for that. But I didn't know how they felt about me. It was a nice touch that they wanted me as a submissive, but as a person?
They both were startled slightly by my admission, after a careful look to his partner, Walter opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again, visibly looking for the right words. When they came they were a low monotone. "If we planned to use you as an outlet for our needs we wouldn't have offered you the option of a relationship. Anything other than a committed relationship would not work for you and it would not work for us either. There are too many emotional ties we have with each other, good and bad memories, that cannot be simply ignored."
I looked at them blankly. My mind understood their words all too clearly, but I knew and I believe they knew too, that I wasn't at a point yet where my heart felt those words, too, where emotionally the message actually reached me. I didn't sincerely believe they wanted to use me. I doubted they would have gone to such lengths if that had been their goal all along, but I couldn't deny that I wasn't entirely convinced that they really wanted, appreciated me as a person. The doubt must have shown on my face. The two exchanged a worried look, Alex's brows creased, but a slight shake of Walter's head made him focus on other issues again, most probably filing away that certain something for later use.
"Do you have any questions, Mulder?" he then asked. "Anything that is still extremely unclear to you, anything that makes you feel insecure, anything you wonder about? You will always have the possibility to ask us if you don't understand our reasons or our actions, but now, before you actually enter this relationship, is there anything concerning it that doesn't leave your mind?"
"I..." I started slowly, "I wondered, about, you know...safewords or something?"
"Good question," Walter replied with an approving smile that made me beam involuntarily. "You will have a safeword. Just wait a few minutes. Frankly, in a 24/7 relationship safewords are quite unusual, but I believe knowing you have one gives you a safe feeling. Any other pressing questions?"
"Where will I sleep?" I blurted out, my mind spinning up pictures of me naked, chained to dark and wet walls. Walter's chuckle indicated that he at least guessed where my thoughts were going.
"That and all other specifics, such as food, clothes, name, rules, punishments, rituals and a few more minor things, so basically everything that concerns your daily life here, is left for us to decide about. That is part of what these Dom/sub power dynamics are about."
"Oh, okay," I replied slowly. "I guess I don't have anymore questions for now then." I looked at them steadily, waiting for them to start whatever they would start, for some magical words that would mark the beginning of everything. I waited. And breathed. And swallowed a few times with some difficulty. They looked at each other again. A small nod by Walter. A responding smile by Alex. This was the real thing. Get the show started.
"Come here." Alex said softly, looking me straight in the eye. I shakily got to my feet, went around the table and stood in front of Alex and Walter, my eyes downcast. I was afraid of what I would see in theirs, should I catch their looks. I was afraid of everything, of that relationship, those changed dynamics and of myself when I felt my cock responding to even that rather non-sexual situation.
"Undress." Walter ordered and made my heart speed up and my stomach do flip-flops. My body found that spectacle intensely arousing while my mind told me that I was an idiot, perverted, for liking and desiring that. And my mind was also what made me hesitate, made me feel ashamed and I started flushing a deep red. I expected a chuckle or laughing from the two, but there was no sound. They were waiting. Waiting for that acted-out submission that I had given them in words before.
I pulled my shirt slowly over my head, exhaled heavily the moment my face was hidden and then pulled it away and let it fall to my side. My nipples stood instantly erect and goosebumps appeared on my upper body, more from excitement than from cold. My eyes were still focussed on their bare feet when my hands went to the buttons of the jeans I was wearing and slowly opened one by one. All the time there was this voice in me, telling me to run and to leave that, all that, behind as a momentary lapse of rational thought and common sense. But there was also that other part of myself that made me stay and made me unbutton my jeans to free my boxershorts-clad erection.
I flushed an even brighter red when I had pushed the jeans down my legs and wanted to step out of them but encountered my shoes. I shrugged those off clumsily and stepped out of the jeans, only to hesitate another moment. They didn't need to tell me that with 'undress' they had meant everything, but there was that last resistance, that last bit of wall in me that would fall with the shorts, that last bit that meant making my own decisions, being free, being on the same power level they were.
I closed my eyes for a short moment, then took a deep breath and pushed the shorts down and laid them aside, noticing with embarrassment how my weeping cock was rising up to my belly. Then I stood straight.
I waited. They didn't do or say anything for a minute or two, probably they were watching my full body blush develop. I almost started shaking from anticipation and excitement of obviously being studied so meticulously. Finally I saw and heard Alex shifting in his seat. His voice then felt nearer as if he had leant forward.
"Kneel," he said, his voice self-assured but still anticipatory. I sank to my knees in an instant. I'm sure it wasn't graceful or beautiful or anything like that but it did the job. My eyes were now focussed on the floor beneath me, I held onto it as the last sanctuary, the last bit of old reality I knew.
"Look at us," Walter's voice from above, forcing me to leave that bit of old life, of dignity behind, forcing me to give up everything to them. And I looked up. Insecure still and wary and I wasn't sure just what to expect. Both of them held me with their intense, focussed on me only gazes while my eyes switched from one to the other, then to the floor again until I reminded myself that they had wanted me to look up. I found the courage to keep my eyes on them after a minute or two and that's when they started talking again and that time it was really talking business. There are a few situations in our relationship that I will always have saved away in detail and that one, that talk, is most certainly one of them.
"Fox, listen to me now," Alex started and the surprise of hearing my first name used lasted only a moment. "From here on in you are our sub, let's stick to that term for now. You are our boy. You are ours. Mind, body, heart and soul, everything you feel, think, desire, everything you are, belongs to us now. You belong to us now. We will not harm you physically, mentally, emotionally. That is our promise, our vow to you. Your promise to us has to be to give up all those walls, all the defenses you have build, to give us who you are, Fox. We don't want a show, an act, we want you. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful in you, we want it all. And it's your job to give it up and to give it to us."
"As the first thing in this relationship we will give you a safeword and a slowword," Walter continued. "Your safeword is butterfly. Repeat."
"Butterfly," I rasped out, completely taken away by the action unfolding.
"Once again," Walter demanded.
"Butterfly," I repeated.
"Butterfly is your safeword, you will use it if anything we do places you in serious physical or emotional distress. You are not to use it if you are merely uncomfortable with something we are doing. In such case there will be punishment. Once you say your safeword, all action will stop and we will talk about the reasons you couldn't go on. Don't forget the word. Butterfly is your safeword. Your slowword is honeybee. Repeat."
"Honeybee," I said in awe and captured by the intensity of the situation, the intensity of Walter's voice and looks, the knowledge that something big was starting that very moment.
"Again," Walter asked once more.
"Honeybee," I repeated.
"Honeybee is your slowword. If we are going too fast, if you notice that you are merely some minutes away from using your safeword, you use your slowword and we will go slower, check with you, pause if you need a break. Those two words are very important, Fox. Don't ever feel that it is weak to use either of those words. You aren't in this relationship to endure something, that's not what this is about. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, Sir." I replied, almost surprised at how easily the title left my lips. I nearly glowed with pride when I saw Walter's approving smile and from the corner of my eye I could see Alex grinning in reaction to me. His raised eyebrow then also made me shift my attention away from Walter and to him, waiting for his words.
"I mentioned rules at numerous times during the negotiation, I believe and it's now time you get to know what these rules are. The following ones are the most important ones. Should you not understand any of them, do ask, please. Try to remember them, in a few hours when we are through with the initial things, you will write the rules down and all three of us will sign the document. If you want to consider it a contract, go ahead, but it isn't one yet. It will be just as binding though. Okay, number one, you will always be honest with us about your needs and feelings. That includes not putting up a macho-front when you're hurting, that includes using your safeword if you need to, that includes telling us if this relationship becomes something to endure, that includes not lying to us. Honesty, communication is one of those really important things in this."
"Number two," Walter continued. "You will address us as 'Sir' at all times. Alex and I have discussed this, we do mean all times. You have to trust us not to get you into situations where we could possibly harm your reputation for a time when you may not live in this relationship anymore. Also with this, if you notice something we don't see, you tell us."
"Which brings us to number three," Alex took over again. "You will only speak when directly asked a question. You will politely ask to speak if you are unsure about a command or a situation. Either Walter or I will then clarify it for you."
"Number four, you will obey commands and orders immediately, without backtalk or hesitation. That is in some way a trust issue, too. I expect that there will be frequent questions in the first days, but after a few weeks we expect you to know exactly what we mean," Walter said. "Number five, you will remain faithful to us. No other lovers, no other sexual contact with anyone. And it will be us who will either allow or disallow you to meet with other people. Generally we expect you to maintain friendships but there will be times when we will the demand our relationship to come first. And number six, you will not, never, come without permission. You will not jerk off without permission. If you do, we will know and there will be punishment then."
"Have you understood everything so far, Fox?" Alex inquired then.
"Yes, Sir," I replied timidly while my brain tried to keep up with the flood of words and sentences raining down on me.
"Those are what Walter and I refer to as rules. What follows are regulations that simply clarify your daily life here and what is expected of you," Alex said thoughtfully, regarding me carefully, judging whether I was still able to process the information. "Regarding meals and food. During meals at home when we are alone you will eat at our feet. When there are guests or if we are eating out you will wait for us to clarify what we expect you to do. We will not necessarily ask you what you want to eat, but you can speak up if there is something you have an absolute distaste for. We will reserve such things as punishments or discipline devices though."
The flicker of Alex's eyes brought the ball back into Walter's court. "Clothes. Whenever you are in the house alone or with either or both of us you are to be naked. If there are visitors we will clarify what you are to wear, if there is no clarification you will wear jeans and jeans only. If we go out, we decide what you will wear unless we say otherwise."
"You have got an own room, Fox, but you won't have any privacy the way you are used to," Alex spoke. "Your room is next to ours, there is no door that you can close. There will be nothing in the room that we don't know about. We will decide on a day-to-day basis where you sleep depending on your behavior or the general tone of the day. It is either your bed, our bed, the floor in front of our bed or two other places that I will not yet disclose to you. Sleeping in our bed is ultimately a privilege that has to be earned."
Then there was a small break, both of them obviously considering what they had not yet told me while my mind was swirling with images that their words had brought up, scenarios that made a sheen of sweat break out on my naked body and re-focussed my attention for the first time in that talk back to my still very much erect cock. I wondered if that was the normal reaction. I wondered if that was what they expected, whether I was good enough for them. I sincerely hoped so, but some part of me wasn't entirely convinced yet and I knew that it would take a long time, if ever until I'd feel secure enough so as not to second-guess them and their motivations.
"Two more things, Fox," Walter then broke my train of thought. "You will keep yourself, by that I mean chest, genital area and ass, permanently shaved. If you don't, there will be punishment. If you need help, let us know. And, finally, you will sit down half an hour every day and keep a journal on your journey into submission. Before bed you will give it to us to read and if necessary we will discuss problems or worries that may arise within you. Use that chance to honestly convey your feelings to us. We will never punish you for feeling or thinking a certain way. I'd say we take everything else one step at a time."
Alex's nod confirmed the statement and I was almost on my way up from my kneeling position when Walter's stern gaze made me remain where I was for another moment. Alex did the talking again. "One more thing before we show you your room, our bedroom and eventually also the playroom. Every morning and every evening, you will kneel in front of both us, just as you are now and say the following words: I am loved because I am a beautiful human being, worthy of love. I trust, I love you, with all I am, mind, body, heart and soul, worries and mistakes, servitude and submission."
My head mulled over those words, carefully checking them and stopping dead and always ending up at one small detail again that disturbed me. My worries must have shown on my face because both looked at me expectantly.
"May I say something, Sirs?" I asked in what I hoped was a polite way.
"Go ahead," Alex replied easily.
"I understand about the ritual and the meaning of those words, but may I request to be allowed not to say two words because at this point, I would feel that I am lying to you by telling you them twice a day."
"Which words, Fox?" Walter asked gently.
"I honestly cannot, at least not yet, say that I love you. I...I do trust you to a certain extent, well, I trust you enough to ask for this relationship and that is already a big thing for me, but do not ask me to say that I love you because right now you would ask me to lie."
"Thank you for telling us," Alex said and nodded thoughtfully. "You may leave out those words until you feel comfortable saying them. Could you now please repeat the lines?"
I smiled in thanks and then tried to make my mouth form those few words that still felt foreign and strange and not quite real. I desperately wanted to believe them, wanted to believe that what I was saying was really true, but it was too early, far too early for that yet. And so I only made my mouth and tongue form those words mechanically, forcing myself to look at the two of them while speaking, knowing that it is what they'd expected. "I am loved because I am a beautiful human being worthy of love. I trust you with all I am, mind, body, heart and soul, worries and mistakes, servitude and submission."
"Thank you, Fox," Alex spoke, then leaned further forward, his face within an inch of mine. His eyes checking mine, before his lips descended onto my mouth. Warm, was my first thought and a new surge of arousal coursed through my veins and straight into my cock. He let his lips rest against mine for a few moments before his tongue sneaked out, mapping my lips first, wetting then, before opening them with just enough force to let me know that he was the one in charge. When his tongue entered my mouth one of his hands started gliding into my hair. I had my eyes closed, enjoying his hand fisting my hair and his tongue roaming freely in my mouth. I didn't care for the lack of oxygen and the strain he put on my neck by bending my head back slightly only fueled the fire in me.
I made my tongue reply hungrily. It battled with his in my mouth but was quickly shown its place when it tried to sneak over and catch a taste of him, so after a few attempts I let myself be simply ravished and went pliant in Alex's grip, enjoying his attentions and enjoying his other hand going about mapping out my body, squeezing my nipples experimentally a few times, and downright pinching it after those first tentative touches which made me groan into his mouth and my hips bucked involuntarily. That was when his lips left my mine with a wet smacking sound and he leant back into his seat to watch me panting in front of him. My eyes half-closed and glazed over, precum dripping onto their carpet and my nipples throbbing in the absence of touch. His hand left my hair reluctantly and I gave a small mewling sound upon being left completely untouched which made both of them chuckle.
Walter's hand on my shoulder made me refocus my gaze from Alex to him. He had scooted forward also and directly moved in for the kill. His big hand held my neck in a strong grip while his teeth nibbled on my lower lip, at first gently, moving on to serious biting which m de my hips pump blindly into mere air once again, my cock desperately looking for some sort of friction, something to rub against. His mouth than consuming mine and I couldn't do much but passively letting it happen, praying that I wouldn't shoot my load from tongue action alone and without permission at that.
With a ruffle through my hair he sat back, too, after a few minutes and both of them regarded me, kneeling there, sweaty, breathing hard and very much aroused from their few touches. They smiled their wicked smiles.
"Alright Fox, get up. We will give you the tour of the house now." Walter said still smiling that diabolic way and I knew why when I tried to get up and was only able to get my legs to feel a little more substantial with the greatest willpower, still I was extremely shaky when I followed them out of the living room and up the stairs.
It was a foreign, slightly strange feeling to walk around completely naked, to feel the cool air swishing by your privates. I felt bare, and vulnerable and as if I was constantly on display which ultimately probably was the case. Both of them there looking me over frequently which caused my numerous blushes and in reaction their chuckles at my evident embarrassment. In some ways I felt different, changed. The whole atmosphere had changed. I already couldn't quite remember what it had been like to walk up the stairs and along the hallway with the old dynamics in place. I already was not quite able to picture the two people with their decisive strides, with their very controlled and controlling looks, as anything other than the two people who were now responsible for me and who I wanted to please. I couldn't quite remember what it had been like to sit in their living room and chat amiably about movies and politics, all these things that suddenly seemed very distant and unreal.
They waited for me at the top of the stairs, I obviously had slowed down, completely in thought. I looked at them anxiously, almost cowering in front of them as I reached them. Alex looked at me with what I thought was disapproval and pulled me closer to him by the scruff of my neck. "You will not be punished for breathing, Fox. We want you to be you and not a machine." He then said with a mix of amusement and irritation.
I nodded stiffly and they continued leading the way, along the hallway, passing by my, let's say, former bedroom and going further into the darkness. My eyes were dancing around wildly one moment, only to be focussed on the carpet the very next one while my head was mulling over what was and what wasn't appropriate for a slave, or a sub, or whatever. I liked the term slave actually, it made me feel owned completely, gave me a fuzzy feeling, but they were right, the way they had outlined it I wouldn't be a slave. Still, it was nice saying it. It was nice knowing that those two people would be taking care of me. It was nice. Even if I started shivering from the slight coolness creeping up my feet and settling in goosebumps all over my body. Is coolness something one gets used to? I hoped so considering the prospect of spending at least the following months completely naked.
Alex opened a door to the right and stepped in, Walter gestured me to follow him and he went last. I carefully looked around, not wanting to appear too eager or curious. Their bedroom. Our bedroom, it would be in some way. That was a strange feeling to see the place where I was supposed to really live and breathe for some months, some place I had never been in before but which would be the sole content I'd know in my life soon enough. So I took everything in tentatively. I don't know what I had expected but that wasn't it. I had probably looked forward to a dark, gloomy place, with all sorts of torture devices, machines I wouldn't even know the name of, but this bedroom was downright, dare I say, normal. A pretty big bed, with brass bedposts that showed definite signs of being used for attaching something or rather someone too.
The room was comfortably big, the wall across from the door was a window front, stretching across the complete width of the room. The view was remarkable as this side of the house was facing the backyard, an endless area of grassland, bordering on forest. To the left from where I was standing just inside the room, was what appeared to be a walk-in closet. The bed was against the window front, slightly to the left and a lot of empty space between bed and door as well as between bed and the right-side wall. The wall to my right, the wall with a door that was no door but an open doorway, just as they had promised. My future room, if I assumed correctly. My gaze drifted there now and again, but then strained to stay with the obvious first.
On the first view it looked like the next-best average bedroom, it looked, well, normal, but if you looked closer you'd see those hidden items that identified it easily as the bedroom belonging to someone active in the alternative lifestyle. I first noticed the brass bedposts that showed signs of handcuffs being used. Then there were various hooks on the ceiling just above the bed, tastefully embedded within the charcoal/deep gray coloring. There were also hooks in the bedframe, most probably for fastening someone who was lying in front of it.
I stepped further into the room and turned to look at the wall, that had just been out of my line of sight. Next to the entrance door, there was a photograph of a man in cuffs, lightened out in such a way that it didn't appear to be porn but tastefully done art. That man was kneeling in a certain position, shoulders down, ass up, hands bound on the back, turned towards the camera. I pretty much fell in love with that picture from the time I first saw it. It was perfect. And it displayed everything I wanted to be.
Then there was another item, another picture, a drawing this time that I knew was symbolizing something, but I couldn't decipher just what it was, just what it was displaying. Awkwardly I coughed a little, before tentatively asking.
"Sirs, may I ask a question?" I spoke into the silence.
"Certainly," Walter answered easily. "Go ahead, boy."
"This sign," I said, pointing to the picture that looked like a strange threesome version of a yin yang. "What does it mean, what does it symbolize?"
Alex moved behind me, embracing me from there, his voice, speaking low, softly, near my ear. "The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D - bondage and discipline, D&S - domination and submission, and S&M - sadism and masochism. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of the community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches. In our case it symbolizes even this threesome relationship in its most basic way. It is the third symbolism that gives meaning to the holes in each unit. BDSM cannot be done alone, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However "together" and "whole" individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. Just as you hopefully will be the someone who completes us, whereas we are here to fill the void in you, to be the more you have been searching for so long. As the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved borders here represent the indistinct divisions between B&D, D&S, and S&M. The metal and metallic color of the medallion represents the chains or irons of BDSM servitude/ownership. The curved lines themselves can be seen as a stylized depiction of a lash as it swings, or even an arm in motion to deliver an erotic spanking. The all-embracing circle, of course, represents the overlying unity of it all and the oneness of a community that protects its own. That's what it means. This one here has been drawn by a friend of ours, it's quite beautiful, isn't it? As a matter of fact, it is the most beautiful version I have seen so far."
I gulped, visibly shaken by his quiet, insistent voice. It was beautiful. The outer metal rim, drawn as a chain, the curved lines towards the middle as three men, colored in shades of glimmering gray, bound by their feet to the chain and cuffed to each other by their hands. The background was a mix of light and darker gray, looking like marble with a black lash in full swing. In the upper right corner the words 'For you, in servitude and submission, always' written in black, with a pair of handcuffs dangling from the 'y' in 'always'. At that point I didn't know that I would find myself staring at this for hours, every chance I had, every time I was kneeling in the bedroom, waiting to be summoned or unable to sleep on the hard wooden floor, every time my eyes found that emblem again and I lost myself in it.
Already then Alex had to give me a slight shake. "Come on, Fox, there's much to see still." And blushing furiously I snapped out of my trance and followed them further into the room and finally into my room. Alex switched the light on and gave me some time to take everything in, carefully gauging my facial expression, my reaction to the room. What can I say, this looked more like something I had expected. Yes, that pretty much looked like the slave quarters. The door had been removed leaving a direct view from their bed onto the one in this room. The room was small, There was a narrow, simple wooden bed bordering on two walls, at its footend a wardrobe, a chair next to its headend and a small passage, just as wide as the chair. Nothing else, and there wouldn't have been space for anything else anyway.
"It's small," I squeaked out nervously. "But, it's okay, really," I hurried to reassure them but they had both caught on my slight uneasiness.
"Well, Fox," Walter started. "This isn't a hotel and you aren't a guest. Get used to it."
I nodded swiftly and went to pondering how long it would take me to get used to people watching my every move even as I slept. But then, the sleeping part wouldn't end up being the most intimate of actions they would be watching. Still it's funny that it was what bothered me most about everything.
"Alright, Fox, can we go on?" Alex asked and I nodded. With one last look around the room, with one last stare to the photograph and the emblem in the bedroom I found myself besides them on the hallway. Alex opened the door across from the bedroom door. "The master bathroom," he said chuckling. "But don't worry, it will be the one you'll be using, too."
It was bigger than the other bathroom down the hall I had used on my previous stays, otherwise very much the same, except for steel hooks in or next to all major facilities, such a basin, shower, toilet. There was no question about their use. I really was in for it. It slowly started sinking in. I started shivering again, the tiles of the bathroom being cool. Again that thought whether I would ever get used to being naked all the time.
Alex closed the door again and we remained standing where we were, him only pointing out the other doors and telling what lay behind them. "Walter's study, my study, TV room, I suppose you have noticed we don't have one in the living room. All those rooms are for now off limits for you. Should you ever need either of us and we are in one of those rooms, you will knock and wait in your waiting position, we'll talk about that later on, until someone opens the door. You will not enter. Is that clear?"
While moving back to the stairs Alex went on explaining, "You have seen the guestroom, of course and the guest-bath. And up here that's all. Any questions, Fox?"
I shook my head slowly, only to feel Alex's hand in my hair, bending my head backwards slightly, making me arch my throat just enough to have my full and undivided attention. "Non-verbal answers won't do, Fox. Once again, do you have any questions?"
I choke slightly, squeezing back a few teardrops of shock that threatened to emerge from their hiding place. This had come as some sort of surprise. "No, Sir, no questions." I finally replied and his hand relaxed in my hair, eventually left it completely. He gave a satisfied nod, "That is what we expect. Remember that."
Then the two led me back downstairs again, not losing a word about that small incident anymore. I followed them eagerly, knowing what would be coming next. The one room that made me giddy with excitement and arousal, but on the other hand put the fear of God into me. I wondered what it would look like, if it would be the way it was in my fantasies, if it would have all these instruments, all these things that I saw being used on me, that I could only imagine Walter and Alex using, whether I would almost be hearing the screams many people must have let rip free in that particular room, whether I would smell their tears, their arousal, their cum, whether I would see their spirits floating around. I could already imagine their ecstasy-filled faces, their straining cocks, their pre-cum dripping onto the floor, or being collected by one of my Master's hands and fed to them again, their helpless thrusts and twists and turns as they were bound, their -
"The laundry-room," Walter interrupted my train of thought, leaving me quite dazed, and aroused and almost dripping said precum onto the floor. Amused he quirked an eyebrow at my condition but refrained from commenting on it any further. Yeah well, what if I found laundry rooms very much exciting, thank you? I glared at him from lowered eyes and only took in that room with a swift eye movement, standing outside the door just moments later. Pouting, of course. I saw them exchange a look and a nod and it drove me deeper into pouting mode. My thoughts weren't that of a devoted slave, how I loved that word, towards his Masters anymore, but then, they couldn't very well punish me for thinking. With the realization of that thought I almost pushed out my tongue at them, quite self-satisfied with analysis of the situation and the obvious advantage I was having. I would be able to think all I wanted. Nevertheless their looks made me sweat slightly, made me more than a tiny bit nervous because those looks told tales of years of experience. And I was new at all of that.
They exited room and opened another door. "The basement," Alex announced. At first I only saw stairs leading down and the hallway starting at the end of the stairs. I did not expect what I was seeing. So maybe my fantasies of dark and wet walls, medieval dungeons and torturers with black hoods, candles barely illuminating the walls hadn't been quite realistic, but the walls colored in a light gray? Please? We were talking about BDSM, about sex, about people, namely me, writhing on their knees in front of some big bad guys? We weren't talking about winning the price for the nicest house in the neighborhood. But, I kept my tongue and facial expression in check. I didn't let the smirk show. I was learning after all.
Walter lead the way with me in tow and Alex following close behind. A few steps into the hallway and we encountered another door. 'Doubly protected' I mused while patiently waiting for Walter to unlock and give the way free. He walked in, switched the light on. I timidly stepped in behind him, Alex closing the door behind the three of us again.
On one hand, it wasn't what I had thought I'd encounter in something called playroom, their playroom. On the other hand, only looking at it made my breath speed up, made me stare at everything in open amazement. The walls were painted in a color whose basic shade was a darker gray than that of the hallway, but still far from black. It wasn't only that one color but all different shades of gray mixing into one another. The room wasn't big, at least not so big as to make you wonder whether you'd understand someone whispering from the far end of the room, but it wasn't tiny either, so basically the right size for all the devices, for the lack of a better term, they were storing there. There was a cage in the far left corner. It was what caught my eyes first. Not big enough for a person to stand in and not much space to move around. One the far end again, a bare mattress, five-point restraints embedded into the floor. That was scary, real scary. And from there to the far right corner: a tiled area with wash basin.
There were cabinets, presumably with smaller toys, along the left wall, all closed. Next to the cabinets and in the open an array of several whips, paddles and other swishy-sound making toys which I clearly defined as being for discipline and punishment. The bigger things such as a St-Andrews Cross, something looking suspiciously like a horseback and two benches of some kind, one with a variety of rings and restraints, the other mostly bare were arranged along the left wall. There was a swing in the middle of the room, leaving still enough space to move around it and reach everything else easily.
And there was a dark red, this time almost black, curtain to my right. I shyly nodded into that direction questioningly, my pout easily forgotten and replaced by openly displayed interest and arousal and too much curiosity as to hide it behind a pretense of hurt pride.
"There's another room, smaller than this, where we store certain instruments as for example electrical equipment or also fantasy costumes for when we need it as they are not used that frequently," Alex replied, obvious pride in his voice, while I gulped, stood breathless for a moment, my cock jerking in its erect state. Electrical equipment, oh wow. That was a wet dream come true as they say.
"And that door?" I squeezed out hoarsely, indicating the door some steps next to the one we had entered through.
"Fox," Walter spoke warningly and my head needed the seconds to figure out what he was referring to until he explained it himself, his tone definitely dominant, demanding, masterful. "At this stage into this relationship you may ask questions without asking for permission. All of this is new for you after all, but, and do not take that lightly, or as a gimmick, Alex and I demand your respect, even if you are new at this. You will, at all times, address us as Sir or, if you prefer it, Master. It is one of the few things we don't accept an excuse for. So although you are new at this, we will not tolerate infringements of rules that we have just discussed two or so hours ago. If this happens again then there will be punishment. Do I make myself clear, Fox?"
I nodded, thoroughly chastened, my eyes almost at the point of tearing up. I was giving myself a similar speech Walter had given me, kicking myself for fucking up with something that basic and something that easy. What if I never learned? What if I was just not good enough? What if I really couldn't do this relationship thing?
Walter's hand caught my chin, pulling my face upwards to look at him. "Fox, I'm not mad, I am only reminding you of our expectations and ultimately the status with all it's obligations that you have agreed to taking on in this relationship. Do you understand that, little one? Is that okay with you? Still?"
"Yes," I sniffled, quickly correcting myself. "Yes, Sir, it is okay. It's just. All this is so big, so real and it's just slowly starting to sink in that this really is the real thing, not some fantasy, not some hot internet fiction, that this is it, with the real feelings and smells and sounds. That I won't be able to tune out and click close on the page when I don't feel like reading anymore. So far all we have done is talked and that was good, really good, but now I'm starting to see what it really means, what all that talk really meant. And, don't get me wrong, I still want this very much, but it's scary, at least a bit and I can't deny that I am at least slightly afraid of everything because this is all new, so very new to me. Though I am not trying to excuse my disobedience, my breaking the rules here, as you said I did that and I know that there will be punishment should it happen again. That, as a matter of fact, there should be punishment now if you weren't taking my being new into consideration."
I saw Walter looking at Alex over my shoulder, the two of them in silent conversation, their eyes their only device of communication. I looked down again, feeling it wasn't my place to witness that interaction. Alex came and embraced me from behind, pulling me back against him and with me in his arms spinning us both to face the room once more, the left wall of the room.
"That metal emblem, that plate over there, you notice of course that the basis for it is the same as for the one in our bedroom. But this one here was especially designed to be in the playroom. It shows all of it Fox, all of it. This time the rim is a man stretched impossibly far to reach his feet with his hands, but he reaches it. There are cuffs from his hands and feet, a whip from around his upper body and a string of cum from his cock, all of it running to the middle, connecting there, exploding in a sun with a little black bird flying through it. Leather bands threaded through the holes, pulled into its respective directions and fastened there, hold the plate, the man in place in this room. What you can't see from here, each of the bands has little symbols attached to it stylizing heart, mind and soul. This is what this is about, Fox. That is it.", Alex ended with a surge of hot breath across my cheek.
I shivered in his arms, threatened to be overcome by emotion once more, filled with images and thoughts to last me a long time. And the idea that I'd be seeing that particular emblem every time I'd be strapped to something, every time they would be taking their pleasure from me, to give it back to me in transformed ways, every time I'd be feeling the kiss of their lash, every single one of those times I'd be staring at that emblem, knowing that that was exactly what I was.
"Come on," Alex whispered into my ear. "Let us get dinner and then you'll do this day's task of writing down the rules. After that you'll go to bed, Fox. It's been an exciting day for you with so many things raining down on you, so many things to wonder about, to consider. Let's go upstairs again."
I followed Alex willingly and Walter put out the light behind us, locked the door. And just then that mystery door came to my mind again, but I was beyond the point of caring where it was leading. Or rather I was not caring enough to ask again. I was too tired, mentally tired to care about much besides sleeping maybe. While Alex walked into the kitchen after we reached the ground floor again, Walter led me into the living room and guided me to the couch, pulling me down with him. I was laying half on top of him, my head in the crook of his neck and his hands soothingly stroked my hair and up and down of my back. That was nice. It was not what I would have ever expected especially not when thinking of sentences such as my pleasure and needs being secondary to those of my Masters. I wondered how that fit into the picture, but I chose not to wonder about that for two long, not to finish myself of with dark thoughts about such details. I was almost lulled to sleep by those hands warming my skin, until Walter roused me back to the land of the waking with a light slap to my butt. I came up dazed, looked at him questioningly.
"Get up, Fox. Dinnertime," he said as way of explanation, and I more crawled than jumped to my feed stiffly, waiting until he led the way with the impression that it would be unseemly for a slave to lead the way.
Walter sat next to Alex at the table and I stood in the doorway, unsure about how to proceed. I was sure about having to sit on the floor while eating, but how and where?
"Sit here," Alex solved the problem for me, pointing at a spot just between the legs of his and Walter's. I stepped into the kitchen and awkwardly lowered myself to the floor, staring at the wall below the table when I sat, the surreally of this becoming more than apparent once more. Alex placed the plate with an omelet in front of me and I stared at it uncomprehending for a second before I gathered that I would not get any silverware. Fortunate that it wasn't too hot, I started eating slowly, switching between blushing and being at ease with the situation.
I felt the eyes of the two on me when they had stopped eating and I wasn't finished yet. The blushing began to take over. I bore their looks with pretended easiness and heaved a big sigh when finally all of the omelet had disappeared into me, too, and leaned back. As if on cue Walter took both of their plates and put them into the dishwasher while I followed swift with mine. They had said those things about participation in the household and I really wanted to be part of it, just to prove to them that I am worth it, I wanted to do more than that minimum they expected but I wouldn't try that until I was sure they wouldn't react to angrily. So for then I satisfied myself with the basics.
"Sit, Fox," Walter directed and pointed to the chair where he had previously sat. I obeyed. Slowly. Alex put a blank notepad and a pen down in front of me and spoke, "Write down the rules, Fox, as well as those words you've already repeated today. We'll check it over when you're finished and if things should be unclear then we will talk about it. I hope you will use the time not only to put the rules down onto the paper but also as a chance to reflect on them and what your life will be like with them in place."
With that they left the kitchen and me to ponder the rules, remember them, remember the details, what they entailed, left me to remember the images that came with them, the various situations my mind had already produced. I realized that besides the fact that the sheet of paper would be a constant reminder of what I had to remember, this simple recapitulation of the rules, of their words reinforced them already, made them more vivid than simply the spoken word, made them more real to a certain extent.
Being honest about needs and feelings would be one of the difficult ones to tackle. I wasn't sure if I would be able to do that, tell them if I was hurting, tell them directly if something was wrong, and I wondered whether I wouldn't slip into those silent phases, in which I was telling myself that no-one understood, that no-one could understand anyway. I knew that that was one of the reason they rule was in place. They knew my behavior, knew the patterns I followed, the sometimes self-destructive courses I was taking and they wanted to avoid that. But still, it was only a rule. It was only words and I wasn't sure when the time would have come for it to make 'click' and be really in me.
The Sir at all times was an easy one. Well, my slip-up from that hour or so before that did happen nevertheless, but generally, I probably would have even preferred Master and I knew I would be working that in at all possible times, too.
To be only allowed to speak when spoken, too, was one I on first few tended to see as easy, but I knew I wouldn't be able to keep silent during certain discussions and I was sure that it would be one of the rules I would be catching punishment more frequently. That day it had been easy. With the excitement of everything, the newness, I really had been too overwhelmed to say much, but there'd be a day when it wouldn't be new anymore. And from then on, I just knew that I'd have to keep my tongue in check.
The same with commands and obedience. It would be quite simple if those commands were simple and if they were nothing everything in me protested against, but what if they weren't? How would I react then? Could I do something I had a heavy dislike for? Would I be able to win against myself? To put them, basically, above myself, just like that?
Actually that made me wonder about punishments again. About the feel of a hand spanking me, a whip on my ass, or a cane or a paddle. I wondered what it would be like, how much it would hurt or what sort of hurt that would be. And then, the sex, if course. What would that be like. I had some experience, some really only, and now I was supposed to sexually satisfy two fully potent men? And what if I just couldn't do that, what if it wasn't enough for them, what if they'd just send me away because I didn't meet with their expectations? What if...?
I shook my head to clear it. 'the Rules', I reminded myself and focussed back onto the sheet of paper in front of me, away from emptiness my eyes had lost themselves in.
To obey immediately would be not that difficult with certain practice and experience. I was sure of that. And the two final ones: to stay faithful, was such an ironic rule regarding my past sexual experiences, really not much meets it nicely. Not to jerk off and/or cum without permission...I called that manageable. So that I finally ended up with one page in neat hand writing.
that I, Fox, the submissive of Sir Alex and Sir Walter will live by for the period of at least three months, starting today.
Rule #1: I will always be honest about my needs and feelings with my Masters. Rule #2: I will refer to my Masters as 'Sir' at all times. Rule #3: I will only speak when spoken to. I will ask for permission to speak should I have a question. Rule #4: I will obey each and every command without hesitation or backtalk. Rule #5: I will remain faithful to my Masters in mind, body, heart and soul. Rule #6: I will not jerk off and/or cum without permission.
My safeword is butterfly.
My slowword is honeybee.
The words I will tell my Masters every morning and every evening are the following:
I am loved
because I am a beautiful human being
worthy of love.
I trust you
with all I am,
mind, body, heart and soul,
worries and mistakes,
servitude and submission
I hereby acknowledge the rules and words I am to live by, including the regulations that aren't to be listed but are present in me at all times.
I read it over a few times carefully, then took it, got to my feet, left the kitchen and stopped in the doorway to the living room where my Masters were sitting, quietly talking to each other. I knocked softly, not wanting to disturb a discussion unannounced, or even listening in on something that my ears weren't supposed to hear.
"I am finished, Sirs," I told them shyly, holding the sheet of paper for them to see.
"Come here, Fox," Alex commanded and I walked over to them, sinking to my knees when Walter pointed at the floor, holding the piece of paper out to them. They read it over carefully and finally nodded satisfied. Alex took a pen from the table and signed it with his neat staccato handwriting. Walter read it over once more and finally also signed, making me release the breath I wasn't aware of holding. They had accepted. And now it really was signed and sealed. I was glowing, I'm sure of that.
"You will keep that in your room, it will be pinned to the wall next to your bed. Whenever you feel insecure, or tired of it all, or just angry with us, you have the chance to look at it, to remind yourself what it really means to you, to focus again on the basic idea.." Walter spoke, his voice intense, capturing me completely.
"Well, little one," Alex continued, his hand stroking about my half-closed eyelids, my slack cheeks. "Let's get you into bed. You look tired."
"Yes, Sir," I replied, my voice low and sounding hollow and indeed tired next to his. They both stood up from their seats and I followed them slowly, up the stairs again, down the hallway.
"Get yourself ready for bed, boy," Walter commanded, pointing to the bathroom and blushing I remembered the regulations for the bathroom routine, so after entering the room I left the door open, checking over my shoulder whether they were watching, but with a mixed feeling of disappointment and relief I noticed that they weren't. I turned and went about washing and brushing my teeth, amazed at my face in the mirror. I was thinking that I did not look that different, that I generally looked just the way I had the days before. But it felt different. All of it, even though it had not sunk in yet, even though it all seemed unreal still, even though I was far from really being in the mindset of a sub. It still felt different. I felt...owned. And I wasn't sure whether I was thinking of that as a good or as a bad thing.
Just when I was preparing myself to piss, my penis already in my hands, I caught two shades in the doorway, my head swiveling around, my fingers still clasped around my cock, uneasily staring at them. I briefly closed my eyes and willed myself to turn back and concentrate at the wall I front of me.
Counting the seconds.
One to twenty.
Until finally a small stream managed to trickle from my cock, making a splattering sound in the bowl that made me cringe embarrassed. When I was finished I shook off, the color rising once more and I turned to them, my eyes shyly averted, my hands clasped on my back. Their eyes were on me, from head to feet, remaining on the middle of my body for an awfully long time.
Eventually, they gave the way free and I moved ahead of them into their bedroom, again standing unsure, my eyes moving uneasily across the walls, ending up being focussed on the emblem. They let me stare at it for a few more minutes, gave me that time until they moved into the room. They came to stand in front of me and I dropped to my knees, my hands shaking, my voice speaking of physical fatigue and mental exhaustion.
"I am loved because I am a beautiful human being worthy of love. I trust you with all I am, mind, body, heart and soul, worries and mistakes, servitude and submission." I repeated those words to them, bowing my head at the end, hoping that I was displaying a position that symbolized the submission I really was feeling that moment. I wanted to tell them so much, tell them in words what I was feeling, tell them about that longing that I had felt before and which had just disappeared, at least for then. I wanted to tell them that I was endlessly grateful for the chance they were giving and even though I might end up not showing that an awful lot some days, that it would always be true. The basic feeling wouldn't change. I wanted to tell them all that, but I only bowed my head in silence. The emblems glowing behind my closed eyelids, a constant reminder of what I was and what I wanted to be.
"You may get up, "Alex spoke, his voice thick with emotion. And I stood. I looked at them carefully and they both regarded me with expressions that told me they had deciphered the bow, at least partly. They knew. They could see it in my eyes. It all appeared to be there. And I smiled a small smile before my eyes dropped once more, this time the tiredness clearly showing.
"Go to bed, Fox," Walter said smiling. "Tomorrow will be a hard day, harder than today in fact. You will learn many things that are new to you, some that may demand an attitude adjustment. Maybe you'll hate us at the end of the day, maybe you really will, but I really hope that we'll be able to give you what you're looking for."
"Yes, Sir," I barely whispered and turned and moved into my room, stopped short for a moment upon seeing the list of rules I had written down earlier pinned above my bed. I touched it lightly with a smile, then drew back the covers and slipped into the bed. Alex turned the light out and I was sound asleep before they had even left the room.
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