Fight The Muses

by Lady Midath

Date: Friday, April 04, 2003 1:52 AM

     Fight The Muses
     by Lady Midath
     Fandom: X Files
     Pairing: M/K maybe
     Guest character appearance: Lady Midath
     Rating: PG Humour
     Archive: If you really want
     Spoilers: Probably
     Status: Finished
     Summary: Complete nonsense. Does this count as a Mary Sue?
     Disclaimer: I don't own them and I only borrowing them for a
     little while. I'll put them right back where I found

Fight The Muses or The Trials Of A Fanfic Writer

Cue ordinary suburban home. Midnight...

A woman sits in front of her computer, glasses perched on the end of her nose. Hair frazzled from her constantly pulling it in frustration

Chapter One

Mulder and Krycek were bonking like bunnies....

Alexmuse "Why are we bonking like bunnies?

Lady Midath "Because I say so."

Alexmuse "But what if Mulder and I don't feel like bonking like bunnies, and what is that anyway? Bonking like bunnies. Man talk about a stupid term."

Lady Midath "I just so happen to like the term 'bonking like bunnies'. Okay?"

Alexmuse, still grumbling "Well, I think it's stupid."

Lady Midath "I don't care what you think, now where was I? Oh, that's right. Mulder and Krycek were bonking like bunnies. Krycek groaning at each thrust..."

Alexmuse "And that's another thing, why do I always have to be on the bottom?"

Lady Midath "Because you like being on the bottom."

Alexmuse "No I don't."

Lady Midath "Yes you do."

Alexmuse glaring at her "No I don't!"

Muldermuse just showing up "Hey, what's going on in here? Why all the shouting?"

Alexmuse "I'm sick of being on the bottom all the time. Why can't I ever be on the top for a change?"

Muldermuse smugly "Because Lady Midath likes me better, that's why."

Lady Midath, tiredly "No I don't, I like you all the same. You both know that."

Alexmuse sticking his tongue out at Muldermuse "Ha see, she doesn't like you better."

Muldermuse punching Alexmuse "Yes she does, that's why you are always on the bottom, so there."

Alexmuse whining "He hit me, you always let him hit me. It's not fair."

Lady Midath rolling her eyes "Muldermuse, quit hitting Alexmuse, you know how easily he cries."

Alexmuse big green eyes filling with tears "No I don't."

Muldermuse "Yes you do, you big crybaby."

Lady Midath yelling "Will you two knock it off, I'm trying to write a story here and your bickering is driving me crazy!"

Alexmuse sniffling now "Well can I help it if I'm damaged and sensitive and needs lots of TLC?"

Muldermuse "Ha, you're only sensitive because that's the way LM writes you, we all know you are an invertebrate scum sucker whose moral dipstick is only a couple of drops sort of bone dry."

Alexmuse sarcastically "Gee how clever of you remembering all those big words."

Muldermuse, beaming and very pleased with himself "Yeah, it's great having a photographic memory."

Lady Midath "Guys, guys, can we please get back on track here, I have this fic due and..."

Waltermuse, just appearing to add to the fun "Hey everyone..." Sees what's written on the screen and stops dramatically "Are...are you writing a fic, without me?"

"Alexmuse and Muldermuse's eyes both swivel in the direction of Lady Midath now*

Lady Midath "Uh, no. I was just about to have you walking into the room..."

Waltermuse pointing at the screen "But in the header, under pairing, it say...M slash K. Not M slash K slash Sk." Stares at her accusingly

Lady Midath gulping ""Okay, okay, you sprung me. Yes I was going to write an M slash K. I'm sorry." Looks down at her keyboard in shame

Waltermuse "So, that's the way it is, is it? Use me for your Past series and for your crappy Redemption Series, then just toss me aside like a used tissue. Fine."

Lady Midath drawing a deep breath while being made to feel like total slime "Look Waltermuse, I'm sorry, you know how much I care about you but I just thought that this story would be better suited for a M slash K pairing. That's all."

Waltermuse glaring at her with huffy indignation "After all I have done for you. Who is it that always has to be the strong supportive one in the threesomes huh? Me, that's who. Who is it that ended up getting shot in the Past series to save Alex? Me. Who is it that saved Mulder and Alex in 'Dreams'. Me again, and this is the thanks I get."

Lady Midath looking up from examining her nails "Huh, sorry, did you say something?"

Muldermuse grinning "It's okay, Waltermuse is just being a prima donna. As usual" He adds under his breath

Waltermuse turning to glower at Muldermuse while Alexmuse nervously ducks behind him "Watch it Muldermuse, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have gotten out of that cave. You and Alex would have ended up as plant food, remember?"

Muldermuse exasperated "Look, will you quit your complaining, there's been plenty of fics with just you and Alex. Remember Caught, Captured and Trapped? I never even got to make an appearance and you had all the fun handcuffing Alex to your bed. Did I get to handcuff Alex to my bed? No, I didn't. You got all the fun there."

Alexmuse "It wasn't fun for me."

Waltermuse and Muldermuse together Shut up Alex."

Alexmuse ducks back behind Muldermuse once more

Lady Midath "Oh for, look will the three of you stop fighting. I need to concentrate on writing this story and the three of you are driving me up the wall."

Both Waltermuse and Muldermuse subside into ominous grumbling, glaring at each other while Alexmuse slips out from behind Muldermuse and goes to peer over LM's shoulder

Alexmuse "Can't I be on top for a change...please?"

Lady Midath throwing her hands up in the air "Oh all right, anything for a bit of peace... Chapter One. Krycek was in the middle of ravishing Mulder when..."

Muldermuse doing a doubletake "Hang on, how is it that I'm suddenly getting ravished?"

Waltermuse snidely "Ha, serves you right."

Muldermuse whining now "I don't want to get ravished by Alex, I'm the one that's supposed to do the ravishing. I always do the ravishing."

Alexmuse smugly "Well Foxy I guess it's my turn now. I suggest you just lay back and enjoy it while you can."

Muldermuse rounding on Alexmuse, fist clenched, hazel eyes sparking dangerously. This of course only serves to turn Alexmuse on and soon and he leaps on Muldermuse somewhat like a rabid gerbil and soon the two of them are bonking furiously on the floor much to Waltermuse's amusement. LM in the meantime is writing all this down for future fics

Alexmuse face flushed with exertion "Now, as I was saying..." His words are cut off as Muldermuse pounces on him, more bonking follows. LM is still typing furiously while Waltermuse has wandered over to the couch to catch the latest football scores

Waltermuse "Have they finished yet?"

Lady Midath, leaning over to check the action "Almost, Alex is nearly unconscious."

Alexmuse mumbling "Mmm, not, juss fine." Collapses in a puddle of sex sated rat

Muldermuse "Damn, I think I broke him." Leans over to take Alexmuse by one limp arm and shakes it, loud snores issue from Alexmuse

Waltermuse snorting derisively "Typical, one god bonk and he's out like a light."

Muldermuse sighing "That boy simply has no staying power."

Lady Midath sternly "Well, what do you expect? You and Walter keeping pouncing on him every five seconds. The trouble is that neither one of you have any restraint." Adding a hearty 'thank god' under her breath

Waltermuse and Muldermuse look at each other and grin

Lady Midath rolling her eyes in exasperation "Don't even think about it. My carpets are stained enough as it is."

Muldermuse whining "But we're bored, there's nothing to do.*

Waltermuse "Yeah, there's absolutely nothing on tv, except for some old reruns of the Brady Bunch."

Lady Midath, surprised "I thought you liked the Brady Bunch?"

Waltermuse "I did until that nut had me drifting off the floor and doing somersaults in mid air. Didn't do my image of surly stoic AD any good I'll tell you."

Lady Midath, distracted "Well find something to do while I try and finish this fic."

Waltermuse and Muldermuse in unison "We'll help you.*

Loud groans from LM

Waltermuse excitedly "Oh come on, it will be fun. You can write me as a Assistant Director by day and a hot sexy male model by night who solves crimes and always get the girl."

Lady Midath drily " I am a slash writer remember?"

Waltermuse "Always gets the guy then.*

Muldermuse "I can be his devastatingly sex-on-legs pouty lipped side kick."

Lady Midath's moans become louder as she begins to bang her head against the desk "All thump I thump want thump to thump do thump is thump finish thump this thump fic" thump.

Waltermuse "I don't think that's very good for the wood grain."

Muldermuse "Did we say something to upset her?"

Alexmuse "Snoorrreee."

Lady Midath "To hell with it, I'm turning this into a Garak slash Bashir story, they never give me any trouble."


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