A Fic About Nothing

by Lady Midath

Disclaimer:No, not mine, darn


Rating:PG, humour


Spoilers:Not really

Summary:Sheer nonsense

Cast Of Characters

Fax Moldy:Hunky FBI Agent

Doona Scuzzy:His long suffering partner

Annex Checkout:Even hunkier triple agent

AD Skinhead:Surly Assistant Director by day and hot daddy male model by night

The Lone Gunnuts:A trio of dateless geeks by day and for that matter, by night as well.

Old Smoky:An evil Syndication stooge who doubles as a smoke machine for various rock concerts and magicians stage performance.

Now on with the story....
Fax Moldy running into his decrepit office located in the cellar of the FBI building : "Scuzzy, Scuzzy, I have just received some information on an alien space craft that's going to land in Kneepitt New Jersey tonight."

Doona Scuzzy, rolling her eyes: "Again with the aliens. Here we are up to our armpits in missing persons and drug smuggling and you want to run off after some stupid aliens. What is it with you, do you want to be abducted and probed with cold sharp metal objects?"

Moldy:"Well since you put it that way..."

Scuzzy: "Look Moldy, if you really want to go chasing your little green men..."

Moldy: "Little gray man actually."

Scuzzy: "Little gray men, then go right ahead but I have something more important to do tonight."

Moldy obviously shocked: "More important than tracking down aliens. Scuzzy, what the hell is the matter with you?"

Scuzzy: "I'm sorry Moldy, but I have an appointment with my angst coach tonight. He says that I am ready to upgrade my angst level from slightly depressed to outright suicidal. Isn't that great? And I owe it all to you Moldy."

Moldy, slightly miffed that Scuzzy's angst level has outstripped his own: "Oh well, if your angst coach is more important than me..."

AD Skinhead popping his head around the corner: "That's okay Moldy, I'll go with you."

Moldy shaking his head emphatically: "Uh huh, no way sir. No offense but last time we went into the woods together, you lost me, remember."

Scuzzy: "Go with him sir, please go with him."

Skinhead: "Gee, one time I let you get abducted, just one time and you never let me forget it."

Scuzzy: "Yeah Moldy, at least he dug you up after you died, after all, AD Skinhead could have left you there to decompose."

Skinhead: "Do you know how hard it was to get help digging you up. Agent Dogface refused and all Agent Raver would do is stand near your headstone making whale noises."

Scuzzy: "And I'm not even going to mention the smell..."

Skinhead: "Yeah, and what was up with those whale noises, creepy."

Scuzzy: "I have no idea but if she keeps it up she's going to end up as sushi on someone's dinner table."

Skinhead: "Hmm, I thought I saw a Japanese fishing trawler following her home."

Moldy throwing up his hands: "Okay, okay, I'll go by myself, that way if I get abducted and probed than there won't be anyone to blame but me. Are you both happy now."

Scuzzy: "Uh oh, someone's getting snippy."

Moldy, sulking now: "Am not."

Skinhead; "Watch it Scuzzy, he's about to go into full pout mode now."

Moldy going into full pout mode: "No I'm not."

Scuzzy and Skinhead together: "Oh yes you are."

Just then Annex Checkout saunters in through the door, one hand tucked in the pocket of his badass leather jacket, the other hanging straight down by his side. He takes in the scene with his usual devil may care patented I'm a bad boy so take me to bed and fuck my brains out sneer. Both Skinhead and Moldy's trousers tighten uncomfortably while Scuzzy glares at him in a jealous rage.

Scuzzy: "What are you doing here Checkout?"

Checkout, turning his smoldering green eyes on her: "I'm here to provide plot points and give the fanfic writers what they need. May I also remind you that this is a Cube story so my presence here is obligatory."

Scuzzy's fist tightened: "That's what you tell us ratboy, but how do we know it's the truth?"

Checkout: "just take a look at the addy on the top of the screen."

Moldy craning his head up to look: "Oh yeah, http://www.Alexkrycekisasexyrat.com. He is telling the truth Scuzzy."

Scuzzy muttering under her breath: "Gee, how about that, a first time for everything."

Checkout: "Don't get excited Scuzzy, I'm only here because Smoky the Smoking Man sent me."

Moldy stepping forward his face twisted with pain and rage at hearing the name of the man that he hates. He can feel his angst levels rising even as we speak. In fact his angst levels are now going from PG to NC17 with additional warnings attached.

Moldy: "You treacherous rat bastard..."

Checkout: "What it Moldy, you know what that kind of talk does to me."

Scuzzy, aside to Skinhead: "Great now they are both going to start at it like a couple of rabid weasels on heat."

Skinhead shrugging: "I can deal with that."

Scuzzy rolling her eyes, she tend to do that a lot actually: "I am so out of here. I have an appointment with my angst coach and I'm late as it is."

Skinhead following Scuzzy out of the door: "You're angst coach, is he they guy that I saw earlier hanging around the elevators. The one that was wringing his hands and moaning something about badfic and it's place in society?"

Scuzzy: "Yep, that's him alright."

Both Moldy and Checkout watch them both leave then turn to glare at each other. Soon the air crackles with their unresolved sexual tension until Moldy, finaly overcome with lust, agnst, rage and the desire to get to the end of this story leaps on Checkout, who taken completely be surprise, staggers back, then lands on his ass under the weight of turned on FBI agent.

Moldy: "Wanna fuck?"

Checkout sighing heavily: "Like I have a choice?"

Moldy: "Listen do you want to get to the end of this fic or not?"

Checkout thinking hard, his cute little brow furrowed under the strain of thinking while being crushed under the weight of a still turned on FBI agent: "Umm, okay then, but be gentle."

The scene now closes with the sound of our two heros indulging in hot monkey sex all the while unaware of the hidden camera filming their every move.

The Lone Gunnuts sitting around their computer watching Moldy and Checkout having hot monkey sex while eating popcorn: "Wow, look at Moldy go... think Checkout's going to be walking straight tomorrow?"

And now our little story about nothing is done.

Readers: "Thank God."

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Lady Midath