WHO TAKES THIS MAN?
by unChuck - unchuck@bigfoot.com

Dana Scully nervously applied her lipstick and checked her makeup in the mirror for the fourth time in the past ten minutes. She fiddled with her hair, desperately trying to get every last one in place, but it was a battle with nature that she was quickly losing; each time she managed to get one hair to take up it's proper position, another defiantly jutted outwards. Her hands shook nervously as she fought every last one of them. If this wasn't over soon, she was going to have a nervous breakdown.

She took yet another long look over herself in the mirror. She didn't look half bad in her simple cream-colored suit, it showed off her deep auburn hair quite nicely. But still, she was never going to be satisfied, she was never going to reach the perfection that this moment required. How on earth had she let him talk her into this? Why? Why had she said "yes," it would have been much simpler to have said "no" and not to have involved herself in this whole mess. If only she were back in the lab, scooping out the entrails of some corse, that would be much preferable to this.

"Come on, Scully, you look great!" Mulder did his best to reassure her, but it didn't seem to be working.

"You're sure? I feel like a giant cream-puff, Mulder!" Scully pleaded with the man for some bit of reassurance that this wasn't going to turn into a disaster. God, she hated weddings.

"You look beautiful, Scully. At this very moment, you're the most exquisite woman on the planet. Now how about we go take a walk down the aisle?" Mulder was grinning from ear to ear. She knew Mulder loved her, he really did, but putting her through this was sheer torture.


Somehow, Mulder had managed to get her out of the waiting room. They were now standing side-by-side at the back of the small but ornate church. She looked over at her partner; he was dressed immaculately in the finest tuxedo that Giorgio Armani made. What was it about a tux that made a man look so good? Mulder was reassuringly holding her hand as if to will her through this.

As the music began, they both took a deep breath and made their first hesitant steps forward, down the aisle. Mulder was such an incredible person, helping her through this when he must have a thousand other things on his mind. The two had never been as close as they had been in these past few weeks, with this surprising decision, and then all the plans to make. Yes, at this point, life could not have been more perfect.


Dana wanted to reach out and smack Mulder. As they walked down the aisle, he was humming along with the music. "Dum dum da-dum, dum dum da-dum..." As she looked up the row of pews she saw the small collection of their friends and family plus a few coworkers from the agency. At the altar of the church stood the pastor, in full religious regalia. To the left was Kim, Skinner's dedicated secretary. To the right was Skinner himself, looking very dashing in his new tux. Black and white suited the man; he looked so strong and powerful in the simple combination, he was even giving Mulder a run for his money in the looks department today. She was amazed at how calm and collected Skinner looked, but then that was the way he always looked, like the Rock of Gibraltar - steady and unmoving. He gave her a little wink as she and Mulder proceeded up the aisle; his little gesture relaxing her.

"Mulder would you stop that humming!" Scully whispered under her breath.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I'm a little nervous too."

After reassuring herself that Mulder was going to keep quiet, her eyes returned to the front of the small church. Standing beside Skinner was the slim form of Alex Krycek, who seemed to be staring blankly out into space, and yet he had the biggest grin on his face that she could imagine a mouth capable of producing. It was quite the sight.

Just then, she and Mulder reached the front of the church, and the music quietly faded away. The reverend cleared his throat as he prepared to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen I welcome you here on this day of celebration..."

Within a few seconds, Scully's mind began to drift. She'd been to hundreds of weddings before and they all seemed to follow the same basic format. The pastor would begin to speak, "Welcome... yadda yadda yadda... Do you take this man... yadda yadda yadda... I do, I do... yadda yadda yadda... You may now kiss... yadda yadda yadda..." Oh, but she skipped a part, where he says...

"Who gives this man away?"

Dana snapped back to reality as the reverend cleared his throat, trying to get her attention. "Who gives this man away?"

"Oh, I do, Father." Dana nervously said her line and reluctantly took up her position next to Kim. She looked over at Mulder, standing there so handsome. He smiled sweetly at her and then took his position standing beside his betrothed. God, she hoped this would be over soon. She was, after all, in Hawaii, one of the few perks of this whole wedding thing. She'd have a few days to spend at the beach before heading back to Washington, just enough time enjoy the local beaches.

"Do you, Fox Mulder, take this man, to be your lawfully wedded partner. In sickness and in health..."

Dana again drifted away from the ceremony and became lost in her thoughts. It had been five years, five swiftly moving years since she had first met Mulder and become his partner. Since that time they had become close friends. When she first met him, she had considered him something of a looney tune, always going on about flying saucers and little grey spacemen. But in the five intervening years he had nearly won her over to his side. She still doubted much of what he believed, but that was the way they both liked it - Mulder always out in left field somewhere and her always trying to pull him in to a more realistic position.

Early on in their partnership she had fantasized about, well not fantasized - how would Mulder put it? Yes, "considered the possibility" of the two of them being together. But she had soon realized that it would never be. It wasn't that Mulder didn't love her, she knew in her heart that he loved her as much as she loved him. It was just that Mulder needed something that she could not give. But Mulder had found someone, some man that could fill this void in his life.

Since the two men had acknowledged their feelings for each other, Mulder had been a changed man. No more sleepless nights, no more haunting nightmares. She had been amazed at the change in her partner. Slowly, all his fears and doubts had melted away. He was still pursuing his cases, still carrying on about oily space aliens and strange plots involving killer bees, but now there was something else in his life, a new, positive influence.

"And do you, Alex Krycek, take this man, to be your lawfully..."

"I do!"

"Excuse me, Alex, but I need to finish all the vows first, before we get to the I do's." Dana could tell that the wrinkled old man was unhappy about being interrupted. He too had been through this ceremony a million times, and it appeared that Alex had made him lose his place.

"That's okay. I do, whatever he wants," Dana watched as Alex pointed to a chuckling Mulder standing beside him, "whatever he wants, I do."

Dana watched as the minister glared at the two men standing oh-so unreverantly in front of him. He looked like he'd rather be out in the parking lot smoking a pack of Morley cigarettes. "Well then, with the power vested in me by the Church of the Consortium and the State of Hawaii, I now pronounce you life partners. You may now kiss each other. If that's what you fellas do, personally I find this whole thing disgusting, but who am I to..."

Dana let out a small laugh as she watched the pastor walk off in a huff. As she turned back, she witnessed Mulder and Alex's first embrace as a married couple. Their lips entwined as the two held each other tightly and they completed a long, passionate kiss. Skinner walked over beside her and took her hand in his. He silently brought her hand up to his mouth and gave her a little kiss on the back side of her hand. Dana decided that maybe this wedding thing wasn't such a bad idea after all.



No, no, wait a minute, that's not how it happened! Here's what REALLY happened...


Dana wanted to reach out and smack Mulder. As they walked down the aisle, he was humming along with the music. "Dum dum da-dum, dum dum da-dum..." As she looked up the row of neatly arranged chairs, she saw the small collection of their friends and family plus a few coworkers from the agency. At the front podium of the church stood the minister, in his drab, but formal suit. On the left side of the podium was Kim, Skinner's dedicated secretary. To the right was Skinner himself, looking very dashing in his new tux. The strong black and white of the tux suited the man; he looked so strong and powerful in the simple combination, he was even giving Mulder a run for his money in the looks department today. She was amazed at how calm and collected Skinner looked, but then that was the way he always looked, like the Rock of Gibraltar - steady and unmoving. There was even a light shining down from a skylight above him that give the bald man a heavenly halo. It was the crowning touch on his immaculate appearance. As she looked into his eyes, he gave her a little wink. This kind little gesture relaxed her as she, and the still humming Mulder, continued up the aisle.

"Mulder would you stop that humming!" Scully whispered under her breath.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I'm a little nervous."

After reassuring herself that Mulder was going to keep quiet, her eyes returned to the front of the small church. Standing beside Skinner was the always rakish Alex Krycek, who seemed to be staring blankly out into space, and yet he had the most severe frown on his face that she could imagine a mouth capable of producing. He must have been practicing the look for years; it was so expertly painted on his face. It was quite the sight.

Just then, she and Mulder reached the front of the church, and the music quietly faded away. The minister cleared his throat as he prepared to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen my name is Father Frohike, and I welcome you here on this day of celebration..."

Within a few seconds, Scully's mind began to drift. She'd been to hundreds of weddings before and they all seemed to follow the same basic format. The minister would begin to speak, "Welcome... yackada yackada yackada... Do you take this man... yip yip yip... I do, I do... wubba wubba wubba... You may now kiss... yadda yadda yadda..." Oh, but she skipped a part, where the minister says...

"Who gives this man away?"

Dana snapped back to reality as the minister cleared his throat, trying to get her attention. "Who gives this man away?"

"Oh, that would be me." Dana nervously said her line and with great relief that her part was over, she took up her position next to Kim. She looked over at Mulder, standing there like something out of BRIDE Magazine. She had been so embarrassed when Mulder had uncovered her secret stash of bridal magazines at her house one afternoon. He had teased her endlessly, and yet somehow managed to waste the better part of that Saturday flipping through the pages, looking for just he right setting for his own fantasy nuptuals.

He smiled sweetly at her and then took his position standing in front of the minister. God, she hoped this would be over soon. She was, after all, in Hawaii, one of the few perks of this whole wedding thing. She'd have a few days to spend at the beach before heading back to Washington, just enough time to get a bit of a tan.

"Do you, Fox Mulder, take this man, to be your lawfully wedded partner. In sickness and in health..."

Dana again drifted away from the ceremony and became lost in her thoughts. It had been five years, five swiftly moving years since she had first met Mulder and become his partner. Since that time, they had become close friends. When she first met him, she had considered him something worthy of a psychology textbook, always going on about flying saucers and little grey spacemen. But in the five intervening years he had nearly won her over to his side. She still doubted much of what he believed, but that was the way they both liked it - Mulder always somewhere out in deep space, and her always trying to pull him back to earth.

Early on in their partnership she had fantasized about, well not fantasized - how would Mulder put it? Yes, "considered the possibility" of the two of them being together. But she had soon realized that it would never be. It wasn't that Mulder didn't love her, she knew in her heart that he loved her as much as she loved him. It was just that Mulder needed something that she could not give. But Mulder had found someone, some man that could fill this void in his life.

Since the two men had acknowledged their feelings for each other, Mulder had been a changed man. No more sleepless nights, no more haunting nightmares. She had been amazed at the change in her partner. Slowly, all his fears and doubts had melted away. He was still pursuing his cases, still carrying on about shape shifters and strange plots involving killer bees, but now there was something else in his life, a new, positive influence.

"And do you, Walter Skinner, take this man, to be your lawfully..."

"He does!"

"Excuse me, Mulder, but Walter has to answer that question for himself!" Dana could tell that the Frohike was unhappy about being interrupted. He obviously had spent a great deal of time memorizing his lines and it appeared that Mulder had made him lose his place.

"That's okay. I do, whatever he wants," Dana watched as Skinner pointed to a grinning Mulder standing beside him. "Whatever he wants, he gets." She laughed under her breath as the soon to be married Skinner let out a deep sigh.

"Damn straight!" Mulder chimed in.

For some odd reasons, these words caused Krycek to burst out laughing, causing Skinner to give the Russian triple-agent the evil eye.

Dana watched as Frohike glared at the group of men standing oh-so-unreverantly before him. He looked like he'd rather be out in the parking lot hot-wiring the limo or cracking everyone's cellphone codes. "Well then, with the power vested in me by the Church of the Lone Gunmen and the State of Hawaii, I now pronounce you life partners. You may now kiss each other. If that's what you fellas do; personally I find this whole thing weird, but who am I to..."

Dana let out a small laugh as she watched the squirrely little man walk off in a huff. As she turned back, she witnessed Mulder and Skinner's first embrace as a married couple. Their lips entwined as the two held each other tightly and they completed a long, passionate kiss. Alex walked over beside her. He was trying to get on her good side, with that slimy little grin of his, but she wasn't buying any of it. She still didn't know why Mulder had invited him, him of all people! But still, love does crazy things, and Mulder seemed to be in a forgiving mood since he and Skinner had fallen in love. Besides, Alex was still wearing those handcuffs that they'd put on him in Washington. How many days had it been since they'd left D.C.? Three? Four? Dana decided that maybe this wedding thing wasn't such a bad idea after all.


Okay, that's the end, unless of course there are other folks out there that wanna marry Mulder???