Still Haven't Found...

I hate how you confuse me.

Goddammit. I mean, that...that kiss. What was that? I figured you for the mindfucking type, but that was pushing it. It had to be some kind of game. Was that your assignment? Mix my head up so I become ineffective?

Dammit. I can't stop thinking about it.

Completely normal, I tell myself. The result of not getting any for the past three years. A perfectly ordinary male need to dominate. Except it's not really convincing. Damn you. Your lips were so soft. I keep wondering what colour your eyes are. Normally colours mean nothing to me, just things I get wrong on ties, or so I hear. But I wish I could see the colour of your eyes. The grey they appear to be, to me, looks wrong; it doesn't quite mirror the soft moth's-wing eyelashes, reflect the black of that jacket you wore properly. I'm guessing they're green, dark. I don't know. Why am I thinking like this? Sometimes I wish it hadn't turned out lik

e this. Why did you have to betray me like that? It could have been different. It could have been okay for me to need you like this. It could have been alright for me to dwell on your eyes and your leather jacket and your body. I wouldn't have to burn like this. I could love you. It could have been different.

No. It couldn't. Goddamn rat.

If you had to kiss me, why couldn't it have been on the mouth? Bastard. I hate you.