Disclaimer: Aren't mine.
Ratings: PG; S for Silly
Pairings: M/K
Plot Summary: Plot? Well... Mulder and Krycek want a happy end.
I had the idea for this story soon after my Shipper friend Baerbel told me with frustration that this month at Gossamer Archive most of the fanfic had been unbearable kitschy stories with Mulder and Scully marrying and having children. At least, this can't happen with slash stories.

Mulder + Krycek = Happy end ?
by Ratwoman

"You're sure she lives here?" Mulder asked.

"I can find out almost everything." Krycek answered and proceeded with picking the lock. "That's why Cancerman tried to kill me twice."

With a click the door opened and the men slipped into the flat, stepped through a short corridor and entered a room, where a woman with short dark hair, in her early twenties, was sitting on a table and trying to find some sense in the book she was reading.

She looked up at the intruders, her brows rising with surprise. "YOU?"

"Are you Ratwoman?" Krycek asked.

"Y...yes," she answered, rising to her feet. "What do you want from me?" she added eagerly.

Krycek just looked at her a bit irritated because she was almost as tall as he himself, so Mulder took over the talking.

"We want a happy end." he simply said.

Ratwoman blinked her eyes, puzzled. "A happy end?"

"Yeah, you know, our relationship is always so frustrating." Mulder explained. "Either I can't sleep with him because he's my enemy and I think I have to hate him, or we do sleep with each other and I feel guilty afterwards..."

"Or I just yearn for him but I know it's useless because he has all reason to hate me." Krycek added. "Or we sleep with each other once but then separate without knowing if we'll ever meet again, 'cause of all the people trying to hunt me down."

"Even if we meet regularly, Krycek always has to leave in the morning and I can't even be sure wether there'll be a next time or wether he'll be dead soon." Mulder said. "So whatever happens, in the end we're never happy."

"And you want me to change that?" Ratwoman asked frowning.

"We thought, you're a relatively new fanfic writer, perhaps you could start a new wave of stories with happy endings for us?" Krycek said, batting his long lashes, fully aware of how much she loved his eyes.

"Perhaps we run away together," Mulder suggested, pulling her out of the contemplation about Krycek's eyes. "You could let us take the next plane to Tahiti, where we marry under the southern sun and live happily together with different names."

Ratwoman started to giggle.

"If you don't like that," Krycek said slightly annoyed. "How about Mulder finds out that I'm absolutely innocent, that I was just in the wrong times at the wrong places, then I help Mulder to bring down the Consortium and to find Samantha, then we fight back the alien invasion and we'll be celebrated as heroes," Krycek voice became more and more enthusiastic, "and then, when everything is over, Mulder and I get married, Scully is the bridesmaid, Skinner the witness at marriage ceremony,...-we could even adopt children!"

"That's even worse!" Ratwoman exclaimed.

"Please!" Mulder begged with his best puppy dog look.

Ratwoman ignored him and began reluctantly: "I don't want to claim that I can speak for every Mulder/Krycek relationshipper, but: we don't want you to be happy."

"And I thought you like me!" Alex replied pouting.

"I do like you." she replied. "Why else should I have chosen this pseudonym?"

"Prove it!" Krycek demanded.

"I certainly won't write a story with the two of you marrying." She answered. _Because I love the tragedy too much. As you already said: you, Mulder, love the man who killed your father, and you, Alex, love the man who has no choice but to hate you." Slightly condescendently she added: "The most tragic thing in Mulder's and Scully's relationship is that they don't tell each other how they feel, but they could come together if they really wanted to. But you two," she said enthusiatically, "no chance."

"And I thought you just like it because of the hardcore sex." Krycek remarked.

With a grin Ratwoman answered: "Well, that's the other reason."

"So you won't write us a happy end." Mulder resigningly summed up.

"No, I'm afraid not." Ratwoman answered.

The men turned to the door.

Krycek looked back thoughtfully, then he asked: "Will you at least let us have more of that hot steamy sex?"

Ratwoman shrugged her shoulders. "I'll do what I can." she promised.