My Very Bad Day Written By Alex Krycek Aged 40 1/2

by Lady Midath

Lady Midath's Fan Fiction

Disclaimer:Nope, don't own 'em, and I never did.

Fandom:X Files


Rating:R for, discipline, humour, um...bad fic?

Archive:If you really want it, just let me know where it's headed.



This little snippet if purely for fun
This has not been beta-ed but I did
use my spellchecker.

This is what happens when you spend the week nursing a sick preschooler and you spend the whole time watching Play School and Sesame Street and reading children's books to try and keep her amused.

My Very Bad Day written by Alex aged 40 and 1/2

It wasn't my fault you know. I want to start by telling you that. Everything that happened was not my fault.

Oh Walter and Fox think it was, I could tell by the way they were both looking at me. But. It. Was. Not. My. Fault.

There, I wrote it down just like I wanted too. Well okay I know I'm supposed to be writing lines. Fox and Walter said that I had to write down a hundred and fifty times, I must learn to do as I am told and make good choices from now on.

Huh, try writing THAT a hundred and fifty times, I'm going to wind up with a writer's cramp that won't go away until I'm collecting my social security.

And beside, I don't see why I should have to write lines. After all Walter already spanked me...and so did Fox. I don't see why I should get punished twice, or is that three times? I'm not sure.

I don't see why Walter has to be so strict all the time. Okay, I know he's an Assistant Director with the FBI, and I know that he likes to be the alpha male here but that doesn't mean that he's the boss of me.

Boy my butt hurts. He can be really mean with that paddle and all because I broke the fridge. And that was an accident. And I didn't mean for all the other stuff to happen as well. I think it was just bad luck, although Walter and Fox does not think so.

Walter says it's going to cost a lot of money to get the door fixed because it's all dented. Then he glared at me. It wasn't my fault that I wanted to open my tool box to fix one of my tracking devices that I use for surveillance and stuff. Only I lost the key and I couldn't open the lid up. So I thought if maybe I used the the fridge door to loosen the tool box lid a little. Was it my fault that the hinges of the fridge door broke, and the door handle snapped off?

Gee what was the big deal anyway. It was an old fridge, it would have broken eventually anyway.

I tried to tell that to Walter but he was too busy spanking my behind with his hand. Boy that really hurt. Not as much as the paddle, but it still hurt.

After he spanked me he sent me to my room, but I sneaked out and went down to the garage to sulk, I mean work on my motor bike.

I have my very own motor bile. It's a Kawasaki 750. Walter and Fox bought it for me for Christmas. I really wanted a Harley but they said that I had to wait until I was older.

I don't see why I can't have one now, after all I'm big enough to ride a Harley, and I have a really cool looking black leather jacket and everything. Sometimes I think Walter and Fox can be really mean.

So there I was, out in the garage playing, I mean working on my motor bike when Fox walked in.

He looked really mad. I asked him what was wrong and he asked me if I had used his computer this morning.

Well I had, what was the big deal. Fox's computer was better then my one. He had the latest pentium and I was stuck with a model that was two years old.

I asked Walter to buy me a new computer and told me that he would when I could prove that I was responsible enough to look after it. Well I am responsible enough. Walter's just mad because I accidentally spilt orange juice on his brand new lap top and shorted it out. But that wasn't my fault. Our cat Snowball bumped my arm and that's how the juice spilled on it. But Walter was still really mad. He didn't spank me but he made me go straight to bed without any dessert and it was strawberry ice cream. My very favourite. Walter can be so mean sometimes.

"You deleted all my files Alex!" He yelled at me.

"No I didn't!" I yelled back, then my face went all hot and red. Uh oh I think I might have when I went to delete some porn stuff that I had downloaded, Oops.

I told him I was sorry but Fox would not listen to me. Instead he grabbed me by my real arm and marched me back inside the house.

Walter was in the kitchen making lunch for us. He looked up when Fox dragged me in through the backdoor.

"What are you doing down here Alex?" He asked, he sounded really annoyed. "I sent you up to your room."

Fox told Walter about the computer files that I accidentally deleted. He was very upset.

I tried to tell them both that it was an accident but neither of them would listen to me. Instead Fox dragged me into the living room, saying that I was in for a very hard spanking.

I started to cry but he didn't care, he just put me over his knee and whacked my bare butt as hard as he could. It really hurt. I kicked and yelled but that didn't stop him, not at all. Then after he spanked me, Fox gave me a cuddle and told me to go up to my room and take a nap.

But I didn't want to take a nap. Instead I decided to climb out of my bedroom window and shimmy down the trellis. After all, I'm an assassin, I'm very good at doing stuff like that.

It was such a nice day, I decided to talk a walk down to the park. It was not very far and besides can cross roads all by myself. After all I'm an assassin AND a triple agent, I can do all kinds of stuff all by myself.

I took a walk down to the park making sure that I crossed the road before I got to the house that had the big mean dog. I like dogs, but this one was big and mean, I did not like him, not one bit.

So I crossed the road all by myself and and walked down to the park. And guess who was there. The Smoking man. I don't like the Smoking Man, not one bit. I tried to sneak past him but he saw me anyway.

"Hello Alex." He said, blowing smoke in my face. I tried to ignore him but he insisted on following me around trying to get me to talk to him. He even offered me candy I told him very politely that I was not allowed to take candy from Consortium Members, strangers, and women called Marita and Diana.

Suddenly he got mad and grabbed me by my good arm. "You are coming with me young man." He told me. I got scared and tried to pull away but suddenly I heard a yell. I turned around. It was Walter and Fox. Boy they both looked upset.

The Smoking man let me go and walked away really fast. I was glad, I did not like the smell of his Morelys. They really stink.

Walter gave me a big hug. "Are you all right Alex?" He asked me, he sounded really upset.

I told him I was. Then Fox gave me an even bigger hug. "Let's get you home." He said. Fox sounded upset as well.

I asked them how they both knew that I had gone to the park. Walter told me that he had gone up to my room to make sure that I was taking a nap when he saw that I was gone. Being an Assistant Director with the FBI made him very good at guessing where people went when they ran away. That and the fact the old Mrs Dample had seen me and called and told Walter that I was walking to the park on my very own. Nosy old busybody. See what happens when I go trick or treating this year. Boy the trick I'm going to play on her....

When we got home, Walter made me stand in the corner for twenty whole minutes. I started to cry but he didn't care. He and Fox said that I should not have run away and that I was in BIG trouble.

I tried to tell them that I didn't run away, I just didn't want to take a nap, but neither of them would listen. So here I was with my nose stuck in the corner in the living room.

Then Walter came and got me, he was holding the big wooden paddle that he made when we all started living together. I started to cry even harder. I did not want to be paddled.

Fox pulled my jeans and boxers down, then made me lie across his lap and Walter paddled me really hard.

I yelled and kicked but Walter paddled every inch of my butt until it felt like it was on fire.

Boy I really hate that paddle.

After the paddling was over both Walter and Fox gave me a big cuddle, they both told me that they loved me very much, but they were both very disappointed with my behaviour. That made me cry even harder.

I told them both that I was sorry about the fridge and the computer and leaving my bedroom to go down to the park when I was supposed to be taking a nap. And I promised them both that I would never ever talk to the Smoking Man ever again.

So that's why I am supposed to be writing lines but it's boring and I don't feel like doing it. I'd rather be outside now, using my brand new infra red binoculars that Fox brought for my birthday, they are my very favourite. They are even better than the survival kit for triple agents that Walter gave to me for my birthday as well.

Suddenly Fox came up to where I was sitting (on a very sore butt) and gave me a glass of milk and a plate twinkies as well. I prefer oreos, I think that most assassins eat oreos rather than twinkies. They are easier to eat when you are skulking around dark alleys and car parks.

"There you are Alex." Fox says giving me a kiss. "Now hurry up and finish your lines. Walter is nearly finished cooking dinner. It's your favourite, pot roast."

"Okay Fox." I tell him. He gives me another kiss and then he walks into the kitchen to help Walter. I know that both he and Walter love me very much even though they punish me. I love them too, although sometimes I feel like taking that darn paddle and smashing it splinters. Or maybe mailing it to Siberia. That would be good too.

Oh well, now where was I? Oh that's right. I must learn to do as I am told.... THE END
Boy, I bet you all glad that's over

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