Always And Forever
by Lady Midath
Lady Midath's Fan FictionDisclaimer:No, I do not own any of these characters and no profit
is being made.
Rating:NC17 for m/m sex, angst and some language Archive:Sure thing, just let me know where it's going Spoilers:None that I am aware of
Thank you to Ursula for her wonderful beta reading This has been written for the Full House Slash Archive anniversary Summary:The pain of love, hurt and betrayal Always And Forever
Alex sat under the giant elm, his back pressed against the thick rough trunk. He had been sitting there for most of the morning, watching as the sweet early morning sun made it's way across the cloudless blue sky.
Alex looked up and smiled as Mulder lowered himself down onto the ground beside him.
"What are you doing out here all by yourself?" His lover was asking. Alex could see concern written clearly on Mulder's face.
He smiled, reaching out to gently reassure his lover. "I just came out here to think, that's all."
Mulder returned his smile with one of his own. "I woke up and you weren't in bed, I got a little worried." He finished the sentence with a shrug, a little embarrassed at his admission.
Alex chuckled. "Still scared that you are going to wake up and find me gone?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
Alex glanced at Mulder, noticing that all trace of good humour had fled the other man's face.
"I'm not going anywhere Mulder, you should know that by now."
"I know." Mulder replied softly. "But still I can't help worrying, I love you so much Alex and if anything were to happen to you..." he let the rest of the sentence trail off. Alex could hear the throb of emotion in Mulder's words and sighed. How often had he had to reassure his lover that he was not about to up and disappear. That he was here for the long haul.
"Mulder, you know how much I love you..." He began. Mulder looked directly at him, his hazel eyes deep with thought.
"But is it enough?" Mulder asked. "Am I enough?"
For an answer, Alex leaned forwards and kissed Mulder on his mouth, enjoying the taste of the other man's sweet salty lips.
Mulder returned his kiss, exploring Alex's mouth with his tongue. Finally they broke the embrace, Alex could feel himself becoming hard now. He grinned at Mulder, noting how his eyes had lost their troubled look and had become bright with pleasure.
"Does that answer your question?" He asked. Mulder nodded. "Sure does." He replied huskily.
Moving abruptly, Alex got to his feet. He held his hand out to Mulder who took it and he helped him up.
"I have an idea." Alex said with a grin. "How about we continue this conversation in bed?"
Mulder laughed and agreed, he really liked that idea. TWO
"Hmmm, don't stop." Mulder murmured, "that feels so good." He sighed and wiggled under the insistent probing of Alex's tongue.
He licked and tasted Mulder delicate flesh, working his way around the the tiny astrix of anus and down towards his balls.
"Oh god, yesss." Mulder moaned as Alex continued lapping at the hot salty skin. Finally he made his way down to the erect penis jutting up from the dark tangle of hair between Mulder's thighs.
An almost agonized whimper told Alex that his sweet lover was close now. He took Mulder's penis into his mouth, running his tongue up and down the slick shaft.
He sucked the hard cock, tasting the pre cum that had begun to dribble from the tiny slit at the very tip. Mulder groaned, colour suffusing his face as the urgency of his climax grew inside him.
Suddenly Alex released Mulder's cock and rolled the other man onto his back, lifting his legs up so that Mulder's ankles were resting on Alex's shoulders.
"Open your eyes and look at me." He commanded. Mulder instantly obeyed. He looked up into Alex's face as the younger man entered him, seating himself deep within the hot depths of Mulder's backside.
"Oh, Jesus, oh shit..." Mulder gasped as he felt the long slow thrusts as Alex moved inside him. He reached up to clutch at the other man's shoulders as wave after wave of sensation hit him.
Finally he felt the full force of Alex's orgasm shuddering deep inside him. Mulder groaned as his own cock spurted in sympathy. Alex chuckled as he slowly withdrew from his sweating and completely sated lover.
"Enjoyed that did you?" He asked as he popped a gentle kiss on the tip of Mulder's nose.
"Mmmm." Mulder answered sleepily. He snuggled against Alex, resting his head against the other man's chest. "That was the best."
"I always aim to please." Alex replied with a grin. He laid fully stretched out against the rumpled sheets enjoying the feel of Mulder's sweat slicked body against his own.
"You know what today is?" Mulder asked suddenly. Alex shook his head no.
"Our anniversary." He replied. "We have been together exactly one month today."
Alex laughed and hugged Mulder even closer to him. "You mean to say that you have actually been keeping track?"
Mulder nodded. He looked up at Alex, his hazel eyes shining with happiness. "Sure, don't you? It's important to remember anniversaries and stuff."
"Well I guess you're right." Alex replied with a grin. "I promise, from here on in, we celebrate every anniversary. How does that sound?"
"Perfect." Mulder replied content to be laying in his lover's arms, feeling the warmth of his body and hearing the slow beat of his heart.
"I love you Alexi." He murmured sleepily, his eyes already closing. Alex smiled down at him, marveling at the way fate had brought them together. When he had first been assigned to the X Files, he had no idea that he would end up falling so completely in love like this. Secretly he was still marveling at his good fortune.
"Love you too Fox." He whispered, gently nuzzling Mulder's sweat tangled hair. Inhaling the heady scent that was his gorgeous young lover.
"Always and forever?" Mulder asked, nearly asleep now.
"Always and forever."
"How could he have done this?" Mulder asked numbly staring at the cigarette butts in the ashtray of Alex's car. He knew dammed well that Alex didn't smoke.
Slowly, his hand trembling he picked up one of the butts. He didn't have to see the name printed on the white paper of the cigarette to know it was a Morely, But there it was all the same.
Mulder swallowed hard, trying desperately to fight down the well of shock and grief and anger that threatened to completely overwhelm him.
"Oh Christ Alexi." He whispered hoarsely. "What the fuck have you done?"
Blindly he dropped the cigarette butt, turning away from the damming evidence.
"Bastard." He wept, the tears coming fast now. "Bastard, bastard, bastard."
Quickly he climbed out from the car, slamming the door hard wanting only to be as far away from it as humanly possible.
Mulder turned and walked away, head down, unable to see where he was going and truth be told, no longer caring. He only wanted to get away from this final and most bitter betrayal.
His pace quickened as he headed down the street until finally he broke into a run.
Alex closed his eyes willing the tears to recede. He sat next to the Smoking Man numb with pain and disbelief. How could he have been so careless? How could he have forgotten to clean the ashtray out? And now his own carelessness had condemned him.
He had meant to to tell Mulder the truth. He had meant to tell him everything. That he had been recruited by the Consortium in order to sabotage Mulder's work. But something had happened to Alex, something that he had never counted on. He had fallen in love with the handsome young FBI agent.
He turned to stare out of the car window, barely listening as Spender berated him for his carelessness in allowing Mulder to discover Alex's deception.
"All the trouble that we went to in order to make sure that you were able to get close enough to win Mulder's trust." Spender fumed as he lit yet another cigarette.
"How the hell could you have been so careless? Have you any idea what your stupidity has cost us? What you have jeopardized?"
Alex did not answer, he knew only too well what it had cost him. The only man that he would ever love.
"Well, there's nothing to be done now." Spender continued as he steered the car down the quiet tree lined street. His hands gripping the wheel hard enough to whiten the knuckles.
"We will just have to alter our plans somewhat, see what we can salvage from this whole goddammed mess."
"I'm not doing this any more." Alex said flatly as he continued to stare out of the window.
Spender glanced at him pale eyes coolly regarding the younger man. Alex turned his head to meet the older man's gaze. Spender was looking at him the way a cobra would stare at a mouse, mesmerizing it.
Alex felt a cold feeling unfurl in the pit of his stomach. He knew that right now his life was not worth squat, but then he found himself wondering if he really cared any more.
Perhaps a quick death would be preferable to a life having to serve this venal and detestable old man. After all he decided, a life without Fox Mulder was not really a life worth living at all.
"You will continue the work Alex." Spender told him flatly. "And you will continue to take your orders from me. Is that understood?"
Alex said nothing, after all there was nothing that he could say. The life that he had tried to build for himself was over now. All he could do was pick up the pieces and find away out from under the mess that he had made for himself when he had decided to work for the black lunged son of a bitch sitting in the car next to him.
Suddenly he made his decision. He would disappear, go far away and hope that one day he would be able to return and perhaps heal the rift between him and Mulder.
I love you Fox, the thought came unbidden. Alex swallowed back his pain. I love you now and I will love you always and forever.
He lay on the cold concrete his blood pooling underneath him. He was dying, he knew that but he could accept that. After all the things that he done. The lives that he had taken the hurt that he had caused. Didn't he deserve to die?
"Hold on Alex, the paramedics are on their way."
He looked into the face of the man that he had loved, still loved, then looked away.
Mulder continued to hold his hand, his fingers digging into Alex's flesh as if trying to will death away from the wounded man.
"Stay with us Alex, please just stay with us. Stay with me."
Alex could hear the plea in Mulder and was touched by it. Was it possible, after all these years? Could Mulder still feel anything for him, anything at all?
Alex could hear Skinner's voice dimly in the background. Bastard had shot him, twice no less. He was the reason that Alex was lying here now, listening the the sound of his own heartbeat as it slowly wound down. Shock, blood loss, extreme physical trauma. The words chased each other through his head. Did not matter which one it was, what it added up to was the fact that he was dying.
Suddenly Alex heard the wail of sirens in the distance. Help was on it's way. He turned back to stare into his former lover's hazel eyes gratified to see concern there. Behind him, he could see Skinner's bald head hovering over his shoulder, light glinting off his wireframe glasses.
"What day is it today?" Alex croaked out. Mulder frowned. "Uh, Tuesday." He replied.
Mulder turned to glance at Skinner, uncertain now. Then he turned back to Alex once more.
Puzzled, Mulder told him. Alex listened to the answer, then smiled.
"Happy anniversary Fox." He whispered. He watched as colour suffused Mulder's face.
"Alex..." He replied haltingly, then stopped.
"You haven't forgotten have you?" Alex asked. Unable to speak, Mulder shook his head.
"Good." Alex have Mulder's hand a weak squeeze. "That's good."
A sudden commotion behind them caught both Mulder and Skinner's attention. The paramedics had finally arrived.
Pushing both the men aside, the paramedics quickly attended to the man lying on the parking lot floor. Alex watched detached as they worked to save him.
Finally he felt himself lifted onto a stretcher and placed into the back of an ambulance. He looked over, catching sight of Mulder's worried face. He smiled at him, then closing his eyes, passed out.
Ignoring Skinner, Mulder flashed his badge at the paramedics and then climbed into the back of the ambulance. The doors were slammed shut and sirens wailing, they headed towards the hospital.
Mulder watched helplessly as the paramedic worked tirelessly on Alex, stabilizing him while they got him to the hospital.
To Mulder the trip seemed to take an agonizingly long time, but finally they arrived. A trauma team was waiting, on standby. As soon as the ambulance pulled up, they swung straight into action.
Mulder watched numbly as the gurney with a still unconscious Alex lying on it was raced down the hospital corridor, surrounded by white coated doctors and nurses.
Mulder followed them, only stopping when one of the nurses gently restrained him.
"I'm sorry Sir but you are going to have to stay here." She told him, her voice kind, but firm.
Mulder nodded, to close to tears to be able to speak. The nurse showed him into the waiting room. Mulder settled down to wait, hardly noticing how uncomfortable the hard plastic seats were.
He had no idea how long he had been sitting there for. Time had seemed to lose all significance for him now.
He looked up as Walter Skinner sat down beside him.
"Are you okay Agent Mulder?" He asked. Mulder was touched by the concern that he saw in his boss's mild brown eyes.
He nodded. "Yeah, I am." He replied, his voice dull with exhaustion. He looked over at Skinner, with red rimmed eyes.
"Do you think he's going to be all right?" He asked. Skinner shook his head.
"I have no idea Fox." He replied, using his agent's first name. "I checked at the front desk just before. They are still working on him."
Mulder glanced at the bigger man, his face a portrait of pain and defeat. Then looked away again.
"Can I get you anything Fox?" Skinner asked gently. "Coffee or... something?"
He shook his head.
"Okay then." Skinner sat back against the chairs molded plastic frame, his hands laying loosely in his lap. Together both men waited.
It wasn't until nearly three hours later that one of the doctor's entered the waiting room. Both Skinner and Mulder got to their feet. The doctor walked over to where they were standing, his face grim.
"You are both friends of Mr Krycek?" He asked.
"Yes, I am." Mulder replied impatiently. "Look doctor, how is he?"
"Mr Krycek has sustained life threatening injuries, at the moment he's on life support." The doctor replied. "I am afraid the next forty eight hours are going to be critical."
"Can I see him?" Mulder asked. The doctor nodded. "He's still unconscious, but you can have a couple of minutes with him."
"Thank you." Mulder told him.
"Come, I'll show you which room he's in." The doctor replied.
"You go ahead Mulder." Skinner said. "I'll wait for you here."
Mulder followed the doctor down the pale green and yellow corridor until they came to Alex's hospital room.
"Remember, just a couple of minutes." The doctor told him. Mulder nodded, then slowly walked into the softly lit room. His eyes were fixed on the still figure lying motionless in the middle of the bed.
"Alex." He whispered, reaching out to touch one pale hand. The skin was cool to the touch.
Mulder noted the tubes and wires that seemed to be attached to every spare part of the young man in the bed.
"Why Alex? Why did it have to come to this?" Mulder's words were a hoarse plea. "It didn't have to be like this for us. I loved you Alex, I still do. Even after all that's happened, all the treachery and the lies. I still love you and I can't lose you." Mulder stopped, hot scalding tears finally overwhelming him.
"I was so angry that day." He said after a few moments as he lifted his hand to wipe the tears from his face.
"That day I found the cigarette butts in that goddammed ashtray. I was so hurt, I felt so...betrayed." He continued. "I should have confronted you that day Alex, forced an explanation from you. Perhaps if you had told me what the hell had been going on..." Helplessly he trailed off.
"I love you Alex," he said finally. "I thought I could hate you, but I was wrong. I love you." Then a memory whispered to him, something gentle and distant. Mulder leaned over and gently kissed the cold pale cheek hoping for some reaction. A flicker of an eyelid, a twitch of that finely shaped mouth but there was nothing.
Mulder turned to leave the room, then suddenly turned back again. The memory was closer now, clearer. Alex sitting under an elm tree. The sun shining on his raven dark hair, reflecting in his eyes bright with laughter.
The memory hit him almost like a physical pain.
"You have to live Alex." He spoke the words with soft urgency. "You see, I love you... I know it sounds crazy but it's true. I do love you and I had remembered that today was our anniversary. The first day we met. I remembered our anniversary just like always. I do love you and what's more, I need you Alex. Always and forever."
Alex sat under the giant elm, his face turned up towards the cloudless blue sky. He liked sitting out here, enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun.
Suddenly he heard the sharp crunch of leaves as someone approached. He turned around, smiling when he saw who it was.
"Hey there." Mulder said cheerfully. "Dinner is nearly ready."
"A bit early for dinner isn't it?" Alex asked mildly. Mulder grinned at him.
"I thought that we could eat early tonight then spend the rest of the evening in bed. After all what better way would be to celebrate out anniversary?"
"Another anniversary?" Alex replied with a laugh. "How many are we going to celebrate?"
"As many as we possibly can." Mulder told him.
"And what's this one for?" Alex asked him with a grin.
"Well today exactly three months ago, you came home from the hospital." Mulder replied. "So I thought we would have a special dinner to celebrate."
"Then a bout of long hot sex?" Alex's voice was hopeful. Mulder chuckled. "But of course my darling."
He bent down and helped Alex to his feet. The younger man leaned against his lover and partner as they made their way back to the house.
Even though Alex's recovery had been nothing short of miraculous, he still had a long way to go regaining his strength back again.
The doctor had explained that Alex's recovery would be long and painful. Mulder had then resigned from the FBI and stayed at home to look after Alex full time. Now Mulder earned his living doing consultancy work, something that he was able to do from home.
Alex worried sometimes that his convalesce was holding Mulder back from doing his true work, but Mulder had reassured him that he was doing exactly what he wanted to do. Caring for Alex.
Every now and again, Scully would call in to visit more often then not with William and John Doggett. Sometimes Skinner would call in as well, quite often with some news or juicy bits of gossip from the Bureau.
All things considered, it was a pretty peaceful existence for the both of them and one that they were both reasonably contented with.
Mulder carefully helped Alex into his easy chair, fully aware of how fragile the younger man still was. Then he walked over to the small leather and mahogany bar to pour them both a drink.
He handed a glass of vodka to Alex, then held his own up in a toast.
"To us." Mulder said with a smile.
"To us." Alex echoed, then took a mouthful of the fiery liquid. Then he lifted his head up slightly.
"Mmm, something smells good."
"Pot roast." Mulder told him. "And for dessert..."
"Me." Alex replied lifting his eyebrows suggestively. Mulder laughed. "I was going to say, your favourite. Chocolate cake with royal Dutch icing, but I could be persuaded to chance my mind."
"Okay, chocolate cake with royal Dutch icing first, then me." Alex conceded, his eyes sparkling with a mixture of pleasure and mischief.
"Mmm, sounds good to me." Mulder replied. He leaned over and kissed Alex lovingly on his mouth. "And just think how good you are going to taste covered in Dutch chocolate icing."
Alex's grin widened. "I have an idea Fox." He said, his voice suddenly husky. "How about we forget the pot roast and go straight to the cake, hmmm?"
Mulder returned Alex's smile, that sounded far to good to pass up. "You're on." He replied.
Taking Alex by the hand, Mulder led him upstairs, watching as his beautiful young lover walked beside him. The limp was still pretty bad, but the doctor had assured Mulder that with time and physiotherapy it would improve. The worst of the damage had been the loss of Alex's arm when they had both been in Tunguska but Alex had eventually learned to live with the loss.
But his soul was healing, slowly but surely. That was the important thing, both their souls were healing. The sheer power of their love for each other was what strengthened them both. It fortified them against the vagaries of the world.
Mulder knew they still had a long way to go, but he knew with time and love, they would both make it. After all, that's what they both had. Time and love, always and forever.
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