Title: Lucky SOB
Author: Bertie
Fandom: XF
Date: 6/24/01
Series: none
E-Mail: bermille@earthlink.net
Rating: PG-15
Category: Parody or badfic, havent decided
Archive: sure
Warnings: Prepare to be a little nauseous
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.

Alex lay sprawled across Walter's bed looking quite edible in absolutely nothing at all. Unaware of it, small cherubs fluttered about him, farting their sweet scent all over him, preparing him for his lovers. They ensured that his odor was just right and that his lips were just the right shade of pink and that his thick dark lashes were just right.

They stayed clear of only one section of the beautiful adonis stretched across the bed, and that was his truncated arm, where a big fat, demon sat smoking a cigarette on his lunch hour and hissing at the fluttering fat farts flying all about him.

Just then Walter appeared at the door, looking like a Nordic warrior come home from killing a dragon, ready to do some ravishing of his sweet lover. He gasped at the sheer beauty of his erstwhile lover, Alex, on the bed. He was shocked to find him there. For Alex had left him and had not told the warrior when he would return. The cherubs farted nervously, sensing a tension in the room, but then were calmed when the big warrior bent and captured Alex's sweet pink lips with his own.

Walter pulled back to stare at the vision of loveliness before him as the ravenwing lashes fluttered open and jade shot their arrows straight into his heart and down to his sizeable cock pressing painfully against his britches.

"Oh Alex, I have missed you so," moaned the pained warrior, his desire for the vision before him pouring from every pour of his body and every syllable of his speech.

"Walter..." the voice husky as if having toked on a doobie a moment before. "I have missed you two, my big strong rutting lion."

Walter smiled coquettishly down at Alex, making cooing noises and kissy faces at his lover.

Just then ominous music wafted about the apartment when Mulder appeared at the door. He looked like a sleek angel having just returned from a quick sprint across the length and breadth of DC, making it back in time for the lovers' reunion. He smelled faintly of cherub farts and roses.

"Alex! Your home!" he cried and threw himself into Alex's outstretched arms, sucking the younger man's tongue down his throat.

Walter stared in awe at his beautiful lovers sharing each other as he watched. He was one lucky son of a bitch.

Later, after they were all sweaty and nakid together on the bed, the cherubs were looking a little worse for wear while the demon on Alex's stump was smiling evilly and singing the cherub's wings when they came too close.


Archived: July 04, 2001