Title: The Dinner
Author: Bertie
Pairing: M/Sk/K
Date: 6/30/01
Series: from a list challenge
E-Mail: bermille@earthlink.net
Rating: PG-13
Category: Snippet
Archive: sure
Summary: nah
Warnings: food fic
Disclaimer: Don't belong to me sadly
Note: For Mick who asked for it over on slashmulder list:)

Mulder sat waiting for some dinner. He had come home after a grueling day of rushing after aliens and felt a need to chow down. Krycek, who had been actually at home when the supposed clone Krycek was killed, was in the kitchen preparing dinner for his two hearty eating lovers, since he was out of work.

They were used to the third party of their trio to be a little late, what with last minute board meetings and Krycek look alikes lurking in the halls, Walter usually came pouring in after the other two had a long extended make out session on the couch before moving it upstairs.

Mulder called into the kitchen from the dining room, "Hey what's cooking in their, babe?"

He heard something indistinct in the kitchen, so he sighed, and dragged himself over to the kitchen to ask what was said.

There was Krycek in his "Love to Cook" apron and an oven mit covering his hand.

"What was that earlier?" he asked.

"If you want to see what's cooking come look for yourself!" growled Alex.

Mulder stared in shock. "Hey, no reason to be snippy, Alex. What? Is it that time of the month?"

Alex, without even stopping to breathe, clocked Mulder right across the puss.


"Maybe you can finish dinner, mister!" And with that, Alex marched out, taking the only oven mit with him.

"Well fuck!" moaned Mulder.

He moved over to the stove and saw that the pasta looked done and some sorta sauce was bubbling nicely on the stove top. There was a large pot ready to have what looked like chopped broccoli added to it. Mulder was at a loss. He turned the burner off for the sauce and pasta and added some water to the pot and put it on the stove to boil. He shrugged. "This ain't too bad, what is Alex's problem anyway?"

A timer went off and he opened up the oven to find that the chicken was nicely browned and ready to eat. "Yummy," he murmured and looked about the kitchen and found a kitchen towel and used that to take the chicken out of the oven. He set it on the cabinet to cool a bit then brought down a serving tray drained the pasta, poured it onto the serving tray and poured the sauce then added the chicken.

"Hmm..." he saw the water boiling and added the broccoli to the pot. He took the serving tray to the table and added a serving to one plate then another serving to another plate. He took the tray back into the kitchen and put serving tray in the oven and saw the broccoli was boiling nicely. He turned the burner down and went in search of Alex.

"Alex? Come on and eat before the sauce gets manky..."

Alex lay on their bed, dejected and looking sorry for himself.

"Come on, babe...the dinner is delicious. Come on and eat with me, please?"

Alex lay frozen in the middle of the bed. Mulder, not wanting to miss an opportunity, trailed a finger down a bare foot.

"Stop..." Alex groaned, his toes wiggling. Mulder continued. "Mulder, if you want to continue breathing, I suggest you stop!"

Mulder absolutely refused to stop. "Well, clearly you asked for it!" And with that Alex jumped up and pounced on Mulder, pulling him down on the bed and tickling Mulder where it hurt the most, under his arms. In no time, Mulder was crying stop, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Cry baby." laughed Alex.

"Right! You asked for it buster!"


Meanwhile, Skinner had come in downstairs, smelling something delicious wafting from the dining table. He set down the bottle of Glenfiddich he had just bought and sat down and began to eat since it was so nicely sitting there ready to eat. He totally ignored the other plate of food but did wander into the kitchen at some point and noticed that broccoli was lightly broiling on the stove. He shrugged, turned off the stove, drained the broccoli, poured the contents into a bowl and sprinkled some Mrs. Dash over it.

He went back to the table and served himself some broccoli, then put the bowl back into the kitchen. He sat quietly and finished eating his dinner. Thankful that Mulder and Alex were mysteriously absent, and not really caring at the moment.


"What the fuck was that?" whispered Alex.

"What was what?"

"That noise."

"What noise?"

"I do believe our lord and master has come home and is eating your dinner as we play up here."

"You can tell that? How?"


Mulder snorted. "Yeah, I believe you."

"I will prove it to you. I bet right now Walter is lying on the couch as we speak, the TV playing on low and he is snoring."

"Let's go see..."

They scrambled off the bed, avoiding the strewn clothing, and tiptoed down the stairs and peered into the living room. The TV was on, they could tell, and a suspicious looking pair of feet were seen sitting atop one end of the sofa.

"Man, you know your ADs really well, Alex! So, should we pounce on him or ignore him and eat some food?"

Alex had a sudden vision of Mulder and himself being thrown against the wall in anger and shook his head. "I think eating is what's on the agenda for now."


They tiptoed past the dozing AD and Alex smirked at the empty plate at Mulder's side of the table. "Looks like you need to go get yourself another plate, Mulder."

Mulder shrugged and went in search of another plate. He served himself some more and brought the bowl of broccoli with him.

"Want some?" he asked

Alex nodded and Mulder added some broccoli to Alex's plate. Alex stirred the broccoli in with his fettucini and ate enthusiastically. Mulder sat quietly, liking to seperate his food, keeping the broccoli just so away from the pasta.


Walter snorted and woke, looking around and pushing up his glasses that had slipped down his nose. He rose and stared at two completely naked men staring back at him from the dining room. The two naked men looked at each other for a second then made a dash for him. The AD did not know what hit him...


Archived: July 04, 2001