Alex Krycek and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by Rose Campion

Alex Krycek and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Warning: bad fic or humor or something like that. Yet another in the series I'm calling "My First Slash Readers". A slashy salute to my favorite children's books.
Disclaimer: This story is shamelessly stolen from both CC and company and Judith Viorst. You loved "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" as a kid too. Admit it! I'm not making a penny off this. In fact, I shelled out a bunch of cash just to buy a copy of "Alexander and the etc." today. Archive: No, thanks. I'll put it up where I like. Rating: PG. Maybe PG-13 for some bad words. Pairing: Fox and Walter and Alex
Second warning: Not betaed. Any mistakes are strictly my own. I got some good comments on the last one, so I thought I'd subject you all to another one.

I came back from an assignment very late last night and had to crawl into bed with my two snoring boyfriends and when I was on assignment I had to get a short haircut for cover and they didn't know. Then when I woke up, Fox took one look at me and whacked me on the head and said, "You got that dumbass haircut again!" Then I dropped my only clean sweater in the sink and I could tell it was it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast, Fox had the last cocoa crunches and he found the spy ring decoder kit. Walter said, "Why don't you have a bran muffin?" I settled on another box of breakfast cereal, but all it had in it was breakfast cereal.

I think I'll move to Australia!

On our way into the city, Walter got to drive and Fox got to ride shotgun. I had to sit in the back. I said that if I didn't get a front seat, I was going to be carsick. Neither of them even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It's hard work, being a double agent and assassin and Walter cares for me, so he always packs me a lunch. But what double agent brings tuna fish on whole wheat from home in a brown bag? Skulking in alleys and eating on the run is more like what we do. Besides, I know Walter remembered to pack a cupcake into Fox's lunch. But guess who's boyfriend forgot to put dessert in his lunch?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At work, I ran into Marita Covarrubias, that black lunged, cigarette smoking bastard and the Alien bounty hunter. I thought I'd already killed that black-lunged bastard. Twice. I thought I sent you to hell, I told him. I hope the next time I see you, that cigarette blows up in your face and sends bits of you flying all the way to Australia.

It definitely was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

After work, Fox and Walter and I all went to the dentist and Dr. Fields found a cavity just in me. Come back next week and I'll fix it, said Dr. Fields.

Next week, I said, I'm going to Australia.

On the way downstairs the elevator door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for Fox to go get the car, Walter was kissing me hard and he accidentally made me fall where it was muddy and when I started crying because of the mud and because it was such a horrible day, Fox said I was a crybaby. And while I was punching Fox for calling me a crybaby, Walter scolded me for fighting with Fox, but didn't scold Fox for fighting with me. Unfair! I think Walter loves Fox more than he loves me.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I told the both of them. They didn't even answer.

So we went to the shoestore to buy some new sneakers. They were all out of black in my size. All they had left were white and red with blue stripes. What kind of double agent wears sneakers that are red with blue stripes? Walter told me to get them anyway, but he can't make me wear them.

There were lima beans for dinner and I hate lima beans. That's the last time I'm letting Fox cook dinner.

An Ed Wood movie was on the TV and of course Fox had to watch it. I hate Ed Wood.

When we went to bed, Fox stole my pillow and Walter stole all the blankets. The cat wanted to sleep on top of Fox and not me.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Walter says some days are like that.

Even in Australia


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