The Cozy Cactus

by Maggie M

Title: The Cozy Cactus
Author: Maggie M
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Date Archived: 03/05/02
Category: UST
Pairing (Primary): Mulder/Scully/Krycek
Pairing(s) (Secondary):
Crossover Fandom (if any):
Crossover Info (if any):
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Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
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Series or Sequel/Prequel:
Notes: Many thanks to Myriam, the best beta in the world. :)
Disclaimer: They're not mine.

/The Cozy Cactus. Stupid name. / Alex thought looking at the bright, green neon with the broken letter T and at the chipped paint on the wall. /Ah, what the hell, it's a good place as any to get a drink/, he decided and pushed the door.

He was greeted by the woman's laughter. It was a loud laugh, the laughter of a person who is completely and utterly happy and having plenty of fun. It scattered above the heads of the patrons and filled every corner of the room.

Alex looked unconsciously in the direction of the sound and froze. His eyes widened in shock and his jaw dropped to the floor. The sight before him was so unbelievable that he almost felt compelled to rub his eyes, convinced that he must be dreaming. He blinked a few times, but the view didn't change. And what a view it was.

There, sitting on a table, with crossed legs resting on the chair, was Special Agent Dana Scully surrounded by a large amount of empty bottles and a bunch of horny men looking at her hungrily. Uptight and always oh-so-serious Dana Scully in her white blouse unbuttoned so much that he could see her bra and with such a sexy, mischievous glint in her eyes. Strong and calm Dana Scully, laughing so hard, that she had to lean on her hands not to lose her balance. Strict and systematic Dana Scully with a come-get-me look in her clear cerulean orbs and parted moist lips inviting kisses.

She bent slightly forward in another attack of laughter and her blouse parted even more, giving Alex a very good view on her round breasts squeezed in an elegant white bra. Alex held his breath and his cock jumped a little in his pants. She looked absolutely, eminently fuckable. She looked like a wet dream come true, like a character straight out of Mulder's porn collection.

Speaking of... Alex looked carefully, but he didn't see Mulder in the circle of men surrounding the redhead agent.

/Where are you, Fox? / he thought amused. /Did you leave your pretty partner all by herself, drunk and helpless, with all these wild and hungry men around?/

As if on cue the door in the back opened and Special Agent Fox Mulder in person walked a bit unsteadily up to the table.

Alex's heart started to beat faster as he was trying to control the sudden wave of emotions at the sight of the man who was invading his dreams quite frequently lately. Mulder looked as delightful as his redhead partner, disheveled, with rolled up sleeves and tousled hair, eyes glazed over. Was it really just five days since Alex saw him last time? Was it really only five days since he kissed him?

Mulder approached the table, smiling at Scully and fighting with his refractory tie and in Alex's head the movie started to play. The movie he'd watched so many times in the last five days.

/He bends his head and touches that spot on Mulder's cheek, so close to the mouth, with his lips. He presses them hard into the skin, the scent of Mulder's aftershave invading his nostrils, making his cock grow painfully hard in a matter of seconds. His mouth itches to move a bit more to the right, to claim those succulent lips, to feel them open under his assault, soft and warm and moist. He wants to push his tongue into Mulder's mouth and curl his fingers in Mulder's hair. But he just let his lips stay for a moment longer in that same place, now heated by his breath and then lets go./

Uh...oh.... That was not a good idea. /That was definitely a very bad idea/ Alex thought, his cock swelling rapidly in his jeans. He was really pathetic, sporting an erection at the memory of the one short kiss. And not even on the mouth.

Mulder lost the fight with his tie, tore it from his neck and threw it on the table. He eyed his drunken partner up and down and then looked around at the men standing there and drooling over Scully's half-naked breasts.

He caught Scully by the hand and pulled her off the table.

"We're leaving" he stated, throwing the coat on her arms.

"We are?" Scully asked petulantly, raising her eyebrows.

"Yep. Now." Mulder said, pushing her before him.

Scully sent one more dazzling smile to the men at her table, shrugging and mouthing "Sorry..." and allowed Mulder to drag her outside.

Alex followed them, careful not to be seen, smiling as he picked up Scully's jacket off the floor and Mulder's tie from the table on his way out. He wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to do, but he was sure as hell it would be fun. A little harmless Mulder-teasing, who could resist such a temptation? With an added benefit in the form of a very pretty agent Scully with her sexy lips, which Alex wanted to kiss more and more. /I wonder if that would make Mulder jealous. And of whom? / he thought chuckling softly. Lucky for him, Mulder was too drunk to be really effective if he would like to indulge in his favorite punch-Alex-first-ask-questions-later hobby.

The walk didn't take long. Mulder's car was parked just around the corner. Scully leaned against the hood as Mulder was trying to open the door. Without much success. Alex watched, amused, as Mulder dropped the key for the third time. Had he really wanted to drive in that state? Alex shook his head and decided it was time for his performance. The title of the scene: the bad guy catches the heroes unguarded. Oh, things were looking up, indeed. For him, of course.

"I think you need a helping hand, Muuulderrr" he drawled, stepping into a circle of light from the street lantern.

Mulder turned violently, dropping the keys again and Scully jumped, startled. Alex flashed them his most seductive smile and handed Scully her jacket.

"You left this in the bar" he said, not mentioning Mulder's tie, which was resting safely in his pocket. So, he was pathetic all right and he wanted to keep that small piece of silk that smelled like the guy he was secretly in lo..., lusting for.

Scully accepted the jacket, her wide, surprised eyes glued to Alex's face. Alex looked at Mulder, tensing involuntarily, waiting for his reaction.

Mulder gave him a good once-over, starting from his feet, and then his gaze traveled slowly up to Alex's face. Alex felt, with embarrassment, heat creeping up on his cheeks, hoping that it was too dark for them to notice it.

Mulder's lips stretched into a smile.

"Hiya, Alex" he said.


"I was wondering when you'd show up again." He added, looking smug.


"And you, Scully" he said, turning suddenly to his partner "you should thank Alex for your jacket."

/Ok, who is this guy and what did he do with Mulder? / Alex thought almost in panic, fighting an overwhelming urge to run or to draw his gun. Mulder returned his gaze to Alex's face, making Alex squirm under his intense stare.

Scully giggled, breaking the silence. She attempted a few wobbly steps until she was standing before Alex and took him by the hand, shaking it energetically. Alex gape at her, too stupefied to do anything more

"Thank you, Alex" she said, letting go of his hand, but continued to stare at his face.

Ok, now they were really scaring him. Not to mention that the four eyes fixed on him started making him really nervous. The desire to tighten his fingers around the cold metal of the gun and bring a sense of familiarity into the whole situation was almost impossible to resist.

Alex fidgeted with his hands, feeling weirder with every passing second. Where was that fun he was supposed to have? And why the hell were they so quiet all of sudden. Let somebody say something already.

"You were right, Mulder..." Scully said.

Thank you.

"Of course, I was" Mulder said with satisfaction and then frowned. "About what?"

"His eyes...they're really beautiful..."

"Told ya..."

Mulder and Scully grinned at each other and unanimously stared at Alex's eyes again.

Uh..., this wasn't exactly the talk he had in mind. And, wait a second, they were talking about his eyes?

"You were talking about my eyes?" Alex blurted out. /Oh great, really intelligent, smart-ass. /

Mulder nodded.

"About your eyes, an' 'bout your mouth, an' 'bout your ass..." he asserted gleefully, sliding his eyes over the mentioned parts of Alex's body and stopping at his groin.

Ohhhh, fuuuck.../Not good. Not good. / Alex thought in alarm as his cock responded happily to Mulder's hot glare, growing even harder and tenting the fabric of his jeans. He unconsciously took a step back and Mulder beamed at him, his hazel eyes glittering in the yellow light. Against his better judgment, Alex looked straight into them, falling deeper and deeper until Mulder started talking again, breaking the enchantment.

"I told Scully about our kiss, you know"

Our kiss?

"And I told her how beautiful your eyes are"

You did? They are?

"So green and so dark with desire and so beautiful...Errr, said that already"

Oh, Jesus...

"And Scully said" Mulder continued while Alex was trying to regain his composure "that I was exagra...exgge...exaggret..." he stopped and caught his breath.

"That I wasn't telling the truth." He ended victoriously.

"Did not!" Scully protested.

"Did too. You said 'that's bullshit, Mulder', that's what you said." Mulder poked Scully's chest with his finger.

/Bullshit? Scully uses such words? / Alex thought, finding with relief, that he could think straight again, despite all the breathtaking revelations he heard. The discomfort abated and amusement won over as he listened to their conversation.

Scully looked crushed and looked at Mulder guiltily.

"Did I? Oh, I'm so sorry, Mulder."

Mulder waved his hand.

"S'okay. I forgive you. Cuz now you can see by yourself."

They exchanged grins again and then got back to staring at Alex. To his surprised, the discomfort of staying under the intense, double stare didn't return. /Right, and who are you trying to fool, Alex, my boy? Admit it, it's really pleasant to have them both look at you with admiration rather than accusation. That's a nice change. And you'd like it to stay that way, wouldn't you? Yeah, dream on, malchik, and have a nice awakening once they sober up. /

Ah, what the hell, he decided. He could enjoy the moment while it lasted, basking in the heat of their attention, which for once wasn't painful. He would think later. Right this moment life was really beautiful and couldn't get any better.

Scully sighed with pleasure.

"I wanna fuck him," she announce aloud to the whole street.

Ok, life definitely could get better.

"Yeah, me too" Mulder agreed cheerfully.

Much, much better, indeed.

Alex was desperately trying to think of something witty to say, but the only thing on his mind was /Fuck. Fuck! They want to fuck me. They want to FUCK me. They. Want. To. Fuck. Me. / as his rockhard cock was straining to jump from his pants and salute.

Luckily for him Mulder wasn't waiting for his reaction. He turned to Scully with a suddenly concerned look.

"You're not angry, Scully, aren't you? You know I wanna fuck you first."

He turned to Alex again.

"Hope you're not offended, Alex, it's only cos I wanted her for a bit longer than I wanted you, not that I find you less pretty than Scully. You are very, very pretty, Alex."

/Sure, Mulder. Whatever you say, Mulder. Could you repeat once more what you said earlier? Because I think it was something about you fucking me, but I could have been mistaken, of course. /

Scully made a strange sound, which sounded to Alex very much like a strangled cry. /And if you don't start controlling yourself right now, it's very likely that you'll repeat it after her. Want to be humiliated as well? /

"Oh, Mulder, you are so... so... so.... I love you" Scully said sappily, looking at her partner with gooey eyes.

"Love you, too, Scully"

They hugged and kissed. They were having a bit problem with coordination, though and Scully's lips landed somewhere on Mulder's chin and Mulder kissed the air right above Scully's ear.

"So, to recap..." Mulder said merrily, "First I fuck you, Scully, then I fuck Alex and then you can fuck Alex."

Here it is again. Fuck and Alex in the same sentence. Could they really mean it? Like really really? Like in 'take Alex to bed and fuck him' meaning?

"But I wanna fuck Alex first" Scully pouted "Then you can fuck me and Alex."

Mulder pursued his lips, thinking.

"Oh, ok.." he agreed at last "You'll fuck Alex first."

"Thank you, thank you!" Scully shouted with joy and another sloppy kiss landed on Mulder's jaw.

"So, we're going" Mulder announced and bent to pick up the car keys, which were lying at his feet where he'd dropped them.

We are? Where?

"Where?" Alex asked, trying very hard to banish the word 'fuck' from his mind.

"To my place, of course, so we can fuck you, Alex" Mulder explained patiently.

Scully covered her mouth with one hand, smothering giggles.

Ok, Alex, think now. And not with that head, you horny idiot, with the other one, the one on your shoulders.

As alluring the vision in his mind was, he knew he couldn't really succumb to the temptation. Sure, he could fuck them both tonight, or get fucked, whatever. They were both eager and drunk enough to do it. But he really didn't want to get shot first thing in the morning, when they recover and realize what they did. Well, maybe they wouldn't shoot him, who knows, but he wasn't ready to test his theory. And, and that was the most important thing, he wanted them both, yes, he could admit it now, but not like that, not in a drunken haze that would numb their reaction. He wanted them sober and conscious of every touch and every caress and every kiss he would bestow upon their bodies and now was definitely the time to end this train of thought before he came in his pants and humiliated himself in front of them.

Alex took a deep breath and snatched the keys from Mulder's hand.

"Hey!" Mulder protested.

"I'm driving" Alex said firmly and opened the door. His hands were trembling.

/Relax, Sashka, relax/ he chided himself. /You drive them home, put them to bed and that's the end for tonight. Easy task, no need to be nervous./

"Ok, get in" he gestured.

Scully threw him a smoldering look.

"I'm sitting beside you" she said seductively.

Mulder caught her by the hand before she managed to open the door.

"No, you're not. I'm sitting beside Alex."

Or maybe not so easy.

"And why is that?" Scully asked, trying to free her fingers from Mulder's grip.

"Cos that's my car!" Mulder said triumphantly.

Scully snickered.

"Phew... That's a reason. Alex wants me to sit beside him, don't you, Alex?" she batted her eyelashes at him.

"No, he's not" Mulder said, trying to push Scully from the door.

That's it. Alex had enough.

"Both in the back. Now!" he shouted.

Both agents looked at him with identical, surprised expressions. But they stopped fighting and hastily got in the backseat. Alex smiled to himself. /It seems someone needs a strong hand/ he thought, sudden wave of arousal making his cock twitch.

Scully threw Alex an adoring look and rested her head on Mulder's shoulder.

"He's so bossy. I love it" she said dreamily.

"Yeah, me too..." Mulder agreed, making himself more comfortably in the seat.

If Alex thought that would be the end of the conversation, he was a long way off.

His two passengers chatted the whole way to Mulder's apartment. As if that wasn't enough, they talked about Alex. That his eyes are like big, bright emeralds, that he looks soooo good in leather and that this whole bad boy attitude really suits him. Only they didn't use the word 'attitude'. Too difficult for a drunken tongue.

Alex sighed with relief when he finally parked. His hand hurt from gripping the steering wheel tightly and his cock was so hard that it ached. He found somehow the last remnants of his self-restrain and got out of the car.

He didn't have many problems with getting Mulder and Scully out of the car and hauling them to the elevator. They listened to his every word, obviously content for now with looking at him with lustful eyes. It was a bit distracting, but he managed.

The problems started when they arrived at the door. Alex got the key from Mulder's pocket, opened the lock and pushed the agents inside. He thought that maybe they wouldn't notice him leaving. That was a really stupid thinking.

Mulder caught him by his arm before he was able to take one step back. Who could have thought the drunk could have such reflex? Scully pulled hard by the back of his leather jacket.

"Where are you going, Alex?" she asked, astounded. Mulder just looked puzzled.

Alex gently tried to free his hand.

"I have to go" he said, hoping it would be enough and knowing at the same time that it was futile.

"But we wanna fuck you" Mulder said and Scully vigorously nodded in agreement.

Alex sighed, hoping this time that all Mulder's neighbors were fast asleep and wouldn't be awakened by this silly conversation out in the hallway.

"Not tonight" he said, untangling himself from their hands.

"And when?" Mulder asked instantly, both looking at him with anticipation.

Errrrr...What should he say?

"Tomorrow?" Scully asked, her voice hopeful.

"Yes, tomorrow" he agreed.

Scully caught him by the tail again.

"You promise?" she asked, suddenly really serious, her gaze fixed on Alex's face, looking for confirmation.

Oh, fuck... What now? If he says yes, he will have to come. Not that he didn't want to. He did, with all his heart. And other parts of his body. But he still wasn't sure of their reaction once their brain are working without the booze as the fuel.

He felt a hand on his cheek. Mulder's hand. Mulder turned his head, so now he was looking straight in Alex's eyes.

"Promise, Alex" he said.

Damn. He was lost and he knew it. He melted in Mulder's hot gaze, Mulder's touch burning his skin. He would say anything to make it last.

"I promise" he said breathlessly "Tomorrow."

They both smiled at him. It was really nice. He could get used to seeing them both smiling at him.

"And now a goodbye kiss" Mulder said.



"You can't leave us without a goodbye kiss" Mulder said, as if that explained everything.

"Absolutely not" Scully hurriedly supported her partner.

She pushed herself in Alex's arms and looked up.

"Me first" she announced.

She slowly licked her lips, making a good show of it.

"Kiss me, Alex" she whispered invitingly.

And he did, pressing his lips to hers, finding them hot and moist, just like he was imagining earlier. He felt her teeth nibble on his lower lip and pressed harder, pushing his tongue inside and sighing with pleasure as she submitted without hesitation.

When he released her, she leaned against the wall, breathless, looking delicious and ravishing with her lips red and swollen. Mulder stared at her, charmed and fascinated for a good few second before he finally turned his attention to Alex.

"My turn, now" he said.

Alex's heart skipped a beat at Mulder's voice, full of passion and desire. /Like in my dreams/ he thought.

"But not here, this time" Mulder touched the spot on his right cheek, the same spot Alex had kissed five days ago.

"Here" he said, pressing his forefinger in the middle of his lips.

Alex lay his hand on the nape of Mulder's neck, gently pulling him closer. His heart was racing as he brushed his lips against Mulder's. Just the lightest of touches, nothing more. He knew that if he kissed Mulder for real, hard and violent, demanding and possessive, as he always dreamed of, he wouldn't be able to stop. Not now, not ever. So for now it had to be only this, a delicate and modest, feather-like kiss. A promise for more in the future.

They parted. Alex fought back the moan rising in his throat. He swallowed hard, his gaze locked on Mulder's. Mulder touched his lips with his finger again, the look in his eyes intangible.

"" Scully sighed, dewy-eyed, her voice ecstatic "That was soooo beautiful."

"Do it again" she demanded.

Alex laughed, he couldn't help himself. That feeling he was experiencing now, what was its name again? Surely he must remember, he felt something like that in the past, a long, long time ago. Ah, yes.... Happiness. That was it. He almost forgot.

"Now be good and go inside" he said to both of them.

"Yes, Alex" Scully said obediently, looking sweetly at him.

Alex imagined instantly that voice moaning 'yes, Alex' in the throes of orgasm, sexy, red lips parted and gasping for breath. It must have shown on his face, because Scully winked at him, whispering "Tomorrow" as her fingers played with her hair.

"Yes, Alex" Mulder repeated after her in a husky voice, his eyes twinkling.

He stroke Alex's cheek in a brief caress.

"Goodbye, Alex and see you tomorrow" he said.

"Goodbye" Alex breathed, a lump in his throat and took a step back, closing the door.

He listened until he heard the lock turning. He pressed his palm flat against the door, feeling it solid and hard and real under his fingers. Yes, he always knew 42 were his lucky number. He smiled again, the visions in his head growing more colorful and exquisite with every minute.

/Tomorrow/ he thought /I never heard a more beautiful word. /

The end.

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