Home · Quick Search · Advanced Search · Submissions · F A Q · Contact
Slashx: 24 July 1998
Archive/X: 27 July 1998
"Turnabout"
By Viridian5
RATING: NC-17. If m/m interaction bothers you, leave now.
SPOILERS: "Anasazi," "Paper Clip," "Travelers"
SUMMARY: Krycek finds out that being completely in Mulder's power isn't all that bad.
DISCLAIMERS: All things X-Files belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen, and 20th Century Fox. "I Only Have Eyes For You" by the Flamingos. I'm just sharing and not making a cent off any of this, I swear! No infringement intended. Suing me would be a waste of time and a mean thing to do. I have no money. At all.
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Would you? That would be great. All feedback can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com or Viridian5@altavista.net
NOTES: This one is *totally* Te's fault. I was talking about a different story concept entirely when she said she supported my idea of doing an "Addictions" what-if with Krycek as the one in the cuffs. That wasn't my idea, but it is now... You don't have to read "Addictions" for this, because this is not the same story, but you can consider this a companion piece. I, of course, would prefer it if you read everything I wrote, thanks. All smoking descriptions courtesy of Te, my intensely talented beta-reader and former smoker. I am seriously allergic. I in no way condone the behavior depicted below. Except, perhaps, for the anal sex.
======================================
"Turnabout"
By Viridian5
======================================"I'm taking a ride with my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
He knows where he's taking me
Taking me where I want to be
I'm taking a ride with my best friend
...
Promises me I'm as safe as houses
As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers
I hope he never lets me down again"
- "Never Let Me Down Again" by Depeche Mode--------------------------------------
As streams of sweat flowed down his skin and made his shirt stick to his back, Mulder couldn't believe that Krycek had chosen a car with no air conditioning. Being forced to choose from the selection offered by Middle of Nowhere, Pennsylvania shouldn't have made that much of a difference. *One* of those cars should have come equipped with A/C. Between the noisy, sluggish engine and the lack of air conditioning in a freak 90-degree heat wave, this piece of junk hadn't been worth the two minutes it took Krycek to hot-wire it. It also stank of cigarette smoke, making Mulder crave one desperately.
//My lost love... I'm over that. Long past. Bobby has no power over me anymore.// But the smell permeated everything. Mulder imagined he could peel the upholstery away layer by layer and still find material infused with that horrid, lovely odor. //I *want*-- I don't want to remember.//
Even at 7 pm, the wind that came in through the four open windows baked him. Mulder fought the temptation to accelerate to try to cool the air coming in. If he noticed pursuit, then he would speed up. He saw no need to unnecessarily break laws.
To his great relief, the tape player worked, and Krycek had some good cassettes in his knapsack. The only five radio stations that came in clearly in this mountainous, backwater part of the state were country/western. Mulder believed that country music had subliminal messages hidden in it to force its listeners to conform to some redneck template. Well, he didn't seriously believe that.
Though he sometimes wondered...
Mulder looked over at his passenger. Krycek still hadn't come to. Mulder hadn't seen any no signs of concussion when he'd last checked, but an hour of unconsciousness worried him. In a few minutes he would try to wake his former partner up.
Krycek's head rested on the open window, so the wind blew through his sweat-damp hair, currently free of the styling products he'd abused while Mulder's partner. It begged to be touched... One of the advantages of this old car was the sturdy, well-anchored door handle, which Mulder had looped his former partner's handcuffs around. As bad as he felt about it, he told himself that Krycek would have no compunctions about doing the same to him. The older man knew he'd gotten a lucky shot in, although he also admitted to himself that he had gone a little too far in smashing Krycek's head against the car hood once the triple agent had started to go down.
Krycek was a killer and a traitor, but what Mulder had done had been mean. Wrong. He hadn't enjoyed it all.
Really.
He had Krycek in his custody at last. Too bad the Consortium agents had made it necessary for him to flee with the rat bastard.
Mulder wondered how Scully was holding up with their rental car, wondered if any of the operatives had tried to pursue her. When he spoke to her on the cell phone ten minutes ago she hadn't seen anyone, but that didn't mean anything. He worried about her but figured she had a better chance of getting away unmolested if she weren't in his company.
Thinking about his partner brought Mulder's thoughts back to his ex-partner. He grabbed the younger man's leg and shook it. "Krycek!"
Krycek came back to consciousness sluggishly, but his eyes gradually cleared and showed a potent combination of rage, pain, and disbelief. Especially when he saw the handcuffs. "What--How the hell--" he rasped. Sweat glistened on his skin and made the swollen black-purple bruise on his forehead sparkle.
"I got a lucky shot in," Mulder said.
Krycek smirked at the cuffs holding him to the door. "I didn't realize you were so kinky." He sat back with an attitude of perfect, relaxed comfort.
"There are a lot of things you don't realize about me."
That seemed to set his former partner back a little. "Where are we?"
"Near Exit 29 on I-80 in Pennsylvania. Mile Run."
"Why didn't you just leave me?"
"After all the time I spent looking for you? You killed my father, you stupid son of a bitch. I have plans for you."
"Going vigilante on me, Mulder?" Krycek taunted.
"Not yet. When I get there, you'll know." As a bead of sweat dripped into and stung Mulder's left eye, he asked, "You couldn't steal a car with air conditioning?"
"Oh, shut up." Krycek had an odd look on his face though. Mulder desperately wanted to ask but didn't. He refused to give the traitor any footholds into his mind.
After that they rode in silence until Mulder pulled off the highway at Exit 22 for Snow Shoe, Pennsylvania. Mulder appreciated the irony.
He didn't owe Krycek a damned thing but still said, "We're stopping for gas and supplies. *You're* staying in the car." He stopped the car at a gas station/convenience store island.
"Sure thing, Mulder. It would be hard for me to go anywhere with the cuffs on, anyway."
"Thanks for understanding, Krycek--"
With a lightning speed that left Mulder surprised he found himself grabbing Krycek by the hair and ramming his head against the dashboard, knocking him out cold. "--you lying son of a..." Breathing hard, Mulder stared at his ex-partner with mixed emotions he couldn't untangle. //That felt so good... I'll think about it later.// The older man eased Krycek back against the seat and posed him so his former partner looked like he was sleeping. A person walking by would have to come right up to the door to see the cuffed hands.
//I had no choice. He was lying to me. He would have made trouble or escaped any other way. I had to knock him out.//
Why did Krycek have to look so angelic when unconscious? Young and innocent and sweet and vulnerable... and sexy... and vulnerable. Sweat gleamed on his smooth skin. Mulder had dipped in to lick a drop of sweat off Krycek's temple before he even realized what he meant to do. He kissed the purple-black bruise on the younger man's forehead, tracing the small lump with his tongue.
Mulder shuddered. //This is worse than I thought. Definitely time to get out of the car!//
Away from the cigarette smell, Mulder felt more centered, more himself. He had been reverting without even realizing. //Damn you, Bobby. "You'll never leave me, will you, Fox?" They executed you years ago, but *you* stayed with *me*.//
Mulder pumped the gas, then went into the convenience store section to pay for it and get some supplies. They wouldn't last long in this heat without provisions. He wanted to ask about places to stay overnight as well. The engine noise and sluggish feel of the car suggested severe transmission problems. He didn't want to get stranded in the middle of nowhere.
When Mulder walked inside, the air conditioning hit him like a wall of dry ice, such an intense contrast after the heat that he felt ill. It felt like the air sucked the moisture out of him. The lights felt too starkly white, the colors of the interior too bright. He wanted to return to the dimness of the car.
He chose a cooler, a bag of ice, some sandwiches, some ice cream, and a few drinks. A large billfold he'd liberated from Krycek would handle the cost. When Mulder reached the counter, he saw row upon row of cigarette packs.
Bobby had shown him how to appreciate cigarettes. The feel and sound of the crinkly cellophane that wrapped the box. The squeeze to pop the top open. The touch of the cylinder between his lips and the warmth, the flare of fire //I hate and fear fire, really I do, hate and fear its deceptive beauty...// at the end of a lighter to ignite it. The flow of the smoke drifting through his body like the gentlest stream. The head rush.
Quitting had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do, but it was necessary for both his health and sanity. He'd had to quit to exorcise Bobby McCain.
When Mulder paid, he also bought a pack.
The heat smacked him like a giant hand when he walked out. He felt light-headed and nauseous, but he couldn't do anything about the weather. Mulder thought of cold things, like his father, and walked to the car with his bags.
Two cars had followed him all the way down the highway but hadn't taken the exit. They were probably waiting for him to get back on.
Mulder knew the Consortium kept a dossier on him. Why else would they have him under constant surveillance? They no doubt had people who analyzed his profile to figure out his next moves.
//They can predict me as I usually am. But what if I let myself be someone else?
//You mean someone like who you were when you were with McCain? Aren't we just making excuses since it's happening anyway?
//Shut up. Channeling a serial killer can be useful.// He knew why it was happening. The deep-down permeation of smoke and the dimness of the car reminded him of the house, and having Krycek in his power spurred him in a certain direction...
He put his purchases on the front seat and checked on Krycek, who was still out cold. Mulder started to unbutton the younger man's shirt. Not really because, even unconscious, his former partner looked uncomfortably hot, but just because he wanted to. Mulder felt something dark move within his brain when he saw that his captive wasn't wearing an undershirt. He smiled and pulled the shirt loose from the tight jeans. As he looked down at the bare, glistening chest, images and possibilities exploded across his mind. Things he could do with Krycek. Things he could do *to* Krycek... //This isn't me!
//Of course it is. Sit back and enjoy the show.//
Dizzy, he smelled Krycek, his own arousal, and cigarettes. His mind swirling with overload, Mulder ducked in under the younger man's arms and took one rosy nipple in his mouth to suck on and play with. It quickly hardened at his touch, and it wasn't the only thing. Mulder rubbed himself against his former partner as he nipped and sucked, enjoying the taste and feel of salt and skin.
Panting, Krycek came to and looked down. "This is more my speed, isn't it?" he gasped. His eyes had a look of dazed pain to accompany the lust.
"Hi," Mulder said. "Do you mind?"
"No, but it would be better if you took off the cuffs. I could do more for you." Krycek oozed sincerity along with lust.
"Not yet."
Mulder looked over at the store and saw the cashier watching. He grinned at the man, who paled and quickly turned away. //I like this.//
But it brought him back to business. "We can't do this here." At Krycek's growl, he continued, "I'll just move us along a little and stop elsewhere. I don't want any distractions."
Mulder dumped the ice into the cooler and filled it with the goodies he'd bought. Seeing that his skin had started to burn, he retrieved the suntan lotion he'd seen earlier from the door pocket and put some on his arms, wincing a little at how hot it was. //The sun kills...// A visibly frustrated Krycek turned down his offer to share it. Mulder took a good look at the Pennsylvania map he found in the glove compartment and plotted out his new route. The Consortium expected him to get back on the highway, which was a perfect reason why he shouldn't.
Before he got back on the road, Mulder popped an ice cube into his mouth and another one into Krycek's. As he sucked on it and felt the cool liquid drip down his throat, his plan came together.
Mulder drove on Route 144 for fifteen minutes until he found a suitably secluded place to stop. With the foliage shielding them from the road, no one would notice them.
The heat in Krycek's eyes made Mulder smile. The older man took an ice cube out of the cooler and put it between his teeth before climbing back onto his captive's lap within the circle of arms cuffed together. Mulder applied the ice to the small lump on Krycek's forehead before slowly trailing it down the side of his face to his throat and then chest. It was a bit awkward, but his captive seemed to be enjoying the feel of his fumblings too. His former partner shivered at the cold trail and the feel of water sliding down his skin.
Mulder kissed him and sighed as their cold, wet lips met, so different from the sweaty heat of the rest of their bodies. As their tongues danced, Mulder felt the hips beneath him shift almost rhythmically. The older man unzipped his captive's jeans and started to pull them and the underwear away until Krycek made a protesting sound.
"What?"
"This is leather we're sitting on. We'll stick. That wouldn't be much fun."
Mulder grinned. "You don't think having hot leather welded to your skin is a turn-on? Hold on." He picked up the suntan lotion and started to massage it into the skin of Krycek's back, ass, and legs. His former partner groaned as Mulder stroked the heated lotion into the skin with increasingly ruthless caresses, moving towards the insistently hard cock. The older man stroked and pulled it with long, slick fingers. The smell of coconut hung heavy in the air, reminding Mulder of childhood trips to the beach.
Then he stripped himself down, not easy to do in the circle of Krycek's arms sitting on his lap. His captive once again seemed to enjoy his gyrations. Once he was naked, Mulder squeezed out more suntan lotion and stroked it into himself, knowing from experience just how to move his fingers to give himself the most pleasure possible. He moaned and moved shamelessly against his ex-partner.
Krycek watched, mesmerized. "Oh, God, what did I do to deserve this?"
"You don't deserve this," Mulder said before he removed his fingers and impaled himself on Krycek's cock. He rocked and slid himself up and down to increase the friction, grinning as the old springs of the seat started to squeak. His captive bucked and thrust into him with a strength that almost made his teeth rattle. "I want it harder!"
As Krycek complied and started to bite at his neck, Mulder swore he could feel every atom in his body move, every neuron spark. As sensation burned through him, he heard the breeze whisper through the trees around him and wished he could make out the true color of the lush foliage around the car. He couldn't judge, but he thought it would be the same color as Krycek's eyes. His former partner's long ago FBI profile had called those eyes green, an abstract concept. As Mulder came hard, for an eternal, lightning-seared moment he almost expected everything to turn to Technicolor, his colorblindness cured by one mind-blowing fuck. The younger man shuddered in orgasm soon afterward. Panting, they melted against one another.
//It's been too long...//
A few minutes later Mulder carefully reached for his pants and pulled the cigarettes and a lighter from a pocket. When he saw the look of naked want, a muted version of the previous lust, on his captive's face, Mulder asked, "You smoke, Krycek?"
"Used to." Krycek's low, husky voice made Mulder shudder, which made the younger man shiver in turn. "The smell in this car... You do?"
"Used to." Mulder peeled the plastic away and opened the box, taking a moment to savor the smell. "Do you want one?"
"You have to ask?"
Mulder took two out and put one between Krycek's swollen, invitingly-opened lips. He pursed his own lips around one and smiled as sense memory flooded back. He lit first his partner's and then his own. The head rush and pleasurable tingling through his whole body made him shudder. From the way Krycek's cock twitched inside him, the younger man must have felt the same thing. The smoke diffused through him until he slowly blew it out. He followed that with two perfect smoke rings, one after the other. //Some things you never forget. What a surprise.//
Krycek stared at him with a look of slightly dazed fascination. "Not that I'm complaining, Mulder, but where did this come from?" He smiled when Mulder briefly held his cigarette for him.
"I wanted to do it. And you can call me 'Fox.' I know you want to." He sighed and blew another smoke ring. "Not Du Maurier, but they'll do. For now."
"What do we do next... Fox?" Krycek grinned. "And you can call me Alex."
"Our pursuers might figure out where we went. The car's transmission won't last much longer. We have to go to ground." Mulder slowly disengaged from Krycek, then cleaned up and dressed them both. He left his ex-partner's shirt unbuttoned.
The younger man smirked, then put an earnest expression on. "You can uncuff me. I'm not going anywhere, especially not when you're being so... obliging."
Mulder shivered at the words. //I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you...// He quickly recovered. "Wuss. I wore handcuffs for a whole week once." He stroked the side of the other man's face. "I like them on you." He took Krycek's cigarette and stubbed it out for him.
Mulder turned the car on and got back on Route 144. He knew what he needed to find.
***************************************************************
Alex Krycek stared at Fox Mulder. //Just when you think you know someone... Who are you, right now?// His last encounter with his former partner had been brutal, with a wired and drugged-up Mulder about to shoot him after beating the tar our of him. Krycek rather liked him violent, as long as that violence got directed elsewhere. They'd always had a jittering tension between them, but Alex had never expected it to lead here, to a kinky tryst on old leather. //Not that I mind. Is he still on something? I wonder if I can keep him like this.// The older man didn't even look quite the same, his face settling into expressions that didn't seem familiar and his body into a looser posture. His body...
His body had been exquisite.
//So I'm handcuffed to the door. I don't like it, but I can deal with it until I can talk him into letting me loose. He reacted when I said I wouldn't go anywhere. I just have to use that. I've been in much more unpleasant situations.// Mulder's hand idly strayed onto Alex' thigh and stroked in circular patterns. //*Much* more unpleasant.//
Mulder picked up Route 53 in Moshannon. Alex wondered if he had some destination in mind. "Are we heading somewhere, Fox?" The name still didn't sound right rolling off his lips, even if he did like it better.
"I know what I'm looking for." He wouldn't say anything else.
When Mulder brought out a cold drink for himself, he occasionally let Alex sip from the straw, furthering the surreal atmosphere. //I kind of like this. When I get loose, I'm going to make you feed me, you sick bastard.// Mulder knew the words to a surprising number of the songs on Alex's tapes. The agent sang softly under his breath, stopping once in a while to smoke, and fondled his passenger's denim-clad thigh, sometimes straying a little higher.
//Reminds me a little of me, right now. Oh, God.// Alex felt all thought disintegrate under the growing need for Mulder to stop the damned car and finish it.
He didn't. The tease. If this went on much longer, Alex would rip off the door handle, grab Mulder, and fuck him until he begged for mercy. Then go right on fucking him.
Rustic scenery passed in a blur. Wild areas choked with trees. Rolling acres of pasture land. Cows. More cows than Alex had ever seen in his life. Small towns with small homes. Signs talking about how the Lord either loves or punishes his children. Dirty sheep. Run-down signs for tourist attractions. "See our caves by boat!" //I'm going insane here, Mulder!// More forest.
As the sun started to descend in a bright, rainbow sherbet sky, Alex winced away from the blazing ball of orange fire that stood in the sky precisely in front of his face. Mulder put his own sun visor down, then asked, "Is the light bothering you, Alex?"
"What do you think?"
He grinned and put Alex's down too. "We'll be stopping shortly. We'll be in Drifting soon."
"There's a Drifting, Pennsylvania?"
"The town after that is called Drain Lick."
"I don't want to know."
"Is there anything you want, Alex?" Those long fingers kept stroking.
"I want you to blow me, damn it!"
Dark, mysterious eyes smoldered at him. "Why didn't you say so?"
//You're kidding, right?// Mulder found another secluded spot and parked the car. //Maybe not. I really like this dream.//
Mulder undressed Alex again and tongued the weeping head of his former partner's cock. "You still smell like coconut," the older man said against the sensitive skin as he slowly, lovingly, devoured his treat.
Just as Alex reached the edge of orgasm, the older man gripped the base of his cock hard to stop him. "I need some things from you, Alex." He kept licking and nipping, though.
"What!" Alex gasped.
"Skinner got attacked in a stair well recently. He said one of his attackers looked a lot like you. Do you still have the digital tape you took from him?"
Pleasure and pain merged into a new entity that razored through Alex's whole body. //I'm going to die. Can't tell him. It's my... only bargaining chip. Oh, God, finish me...//
"I can tell that's a yes. Next, I want you to promise you won't try to escape."
Alex was proud to be able to rasp out a rough, "What?"
Mulder's warm mouth engulfed and toyed with Alex's cock a moment. Then he pulled back and said, in a voice that sounded like the coldest steel, "I want you to promise you won't try to escape." He started to suck again.
"Yes!"
"Yes, what?"
"I promise! I promise I won't try to escape."
Mulder let go and let Alex explode into his mouth. Desperate and angry, Alex thrust with as much force as he could, but the older man took all of it without much strain and kept his former partner's bucking hips under control. When he finally stilled, Mulder--with a bright, mischievous look on his face--finished sucking and kissed him on the lips.
"Now will you take the handcuffs off?" Alex panted. //I hate you. I love you. I don't know who the hell you are right now. I like this...//
"No." Mulder dressed him up again and got the car back on the road.
As night fell softly with the blue-white radiance of a rural full moon, Mulder pulled the car off Route 53 just on the other side of Drifting and onto a weed-choked dirt road. Only a keen eye or a person intimately acquainted with the area would see the path. Careful scrutiny revealed small cabins amidst the trees. Despite the unseasonable heat, it was only early May and not yet time for the summer people to come up. Thus, the majority of the cabins were unoccupied.
Mulder stopped the car and got out to investigate the tiny summer homes. He took his suit jacket and Alex's backpack and leather jacket with him. As he left, he said, "Be good, Alex." His white shirt and pale skin glowed in the moonlight.
//*Sure* I will.// While this new Mulder intrigued Alex too much for the triple agent to seriously consider escaping, he at least wanted the handcuffs off, putting the power balance back where it should be. //Then I'll give you what you're begging for, "Fox."//Alex couldn't reach his lockpick or wrench the door handle loose at all. He started to rummage through the door pocket for something he could use as a pick, but Mulder returned too soon. The federal agent got back in the car and drove them further into the woods.
They stopped at a small summer home that could have been a cover feature for the serial killer version of Better Homes & Gardens. The trees shielded it from even the vague dirt path. Plenty of space to bury the bodies in. Silence and shadows draped it. Had Mulder chosen it for just those reasons?
Mulder stopped the car and walked over to the passenger side. He looked in, eyes dark and gleaming. Mesmerizing. "You have two choices. You could spend the night in the car, or you could behave and go inside with me."
//What are you really asking, Mulder?// "Don't worry, Fox. I won't take off." //For now.//
"Remember, you promised."
//I'm not going to forget that any time soon.// "I remember. I won't try to escape."
"I'm opening the door."
Despite being prepared for it, Alex still almost came tumbling out. He just managed to break his fall and maneuver himself into a sitting position on the grass. His legs had fallen asleep. That would make it harder for him to do anything effective. For now.
As Mulder leaned in to unlock one of the cuffs, Alex realized that his former partner didn't even smell quite the same. Under the smoke smell and the coconut of the suntan lotion, something had subtly changed.
Mulder gently eased Alex's arms away from the door, but the rush of restored circulation still made the younger man hiss. Then the federal agent put the cuff back on the bare wrist.
"But that's not necessary! I'm behaving myself!"
Mulder turned a stunning, wry smile on him. "Right now you couldn't escape if you wanted to. It'll take more of a show of devotion than that to get these off."
Mulder helped Alex to his unsteady feet and propelled him to the door. The younger man leaned shamelessly against his captor, partly to exaggerate his disability and partly because he enjoyed it. //I am such a slut. And so proud of it.// The heat of Mulder's body provided a delicious contrast to the cooling night air.
It seemed that the federal agent had picked the lock on the door to get in the first time. Alex saw small rooms haunted by the ghosts of furniture past, the dusty, white drop cloths glowing faintly in the moonlight streaming in through unshuttered windows. Mulder had already uncovered one of the chairs and sat his former partner down before he closed the door behind them. Then he turned a few lamps on and started to putter around the house, removing dust cloths before briefly disappearing and coming back with towels and sheets. And a thin rope and a knife. Alex's mouth went dry with a tangled emotion he couldn't name. Who knew with this Mulder?
"I'll be outside for a little while," the older man said. The low lamplight made his face a striking puzzle of shadows and light. "I want you to remember that I have your gun and mine. I also have no compunctions about using either or both of them on you if you try anything stupid."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm putting up a clothesline. We need to air this stuff out. It's been sitting in closets for months."
Alex fought off both a stupid disappointment and a mad giggling fit. His mind put up the image of Mulder, in a bizarre display of domesticity, hanging sheets and towels out on the line to air out in the moonlight. He lost it and laughed until he cried.
"I'm glad I'm keeping you entertained." But Mulder smiled. He took another look at the steak knife in his hand. "These people have no idea how to care for a blade. Too dull. It'll take me forever to cut anything with this." He flipped it up in the air. It spun a few times before he casually caught it by the handle. "If I take awhile, I'm struggling with the rope."
//Where have you been all my life?// "Sure." As Alex watched Mulder leave, he decided that waiting for his strength to come back wouldn't be a problem. He had more than enough to keep him interested and pass the time.
***********************************************************
Twenty minutes later, Mulder returned to the cabin with the cooler from the car and started to stock the refrigerator. All this brought him back to childhood summers at the beach house... and *that* brought his usual self bobbing back up.
//What the hell are you doing?
//Making myself at home.
//And those bouts with Krycek in the car?
//Making myself at home.//
The ringing of his cell phone interrupted the inner struggle. "Fo--Mulder."
"Mulder?"
"Yeah, Scully, it's me."
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. What's going on?"
"No one followed me."
"Some people followed me, but I think I lost them. I'm holed up for the night."
"What about Krycek?"
"I have him cuffed and under control. He tried to give me trouble a few times, but it was nothing I couldn't handle."
"Where will we meet up?"
//I'm not going back! I like it out here, and I have Krycek all nice and cuffed. They're not taking me back again!//
Flash of memory: //The horrible yellow-white light streamed in from broken windows as I picked up the knife. Its razor edge gleamed. I thought of all the knife training that Bobby had given me recently, once he'd come to trust me, took the cuffs off. It made me happy that I could use it to defend him.
//"Get out of here, Bobby! I'll hold them off. They'll be gentler on me because I used to be one of them, but they know you're a cop killer, among other things."
//Bobby's dark eyes scanned my face for betrayal and subterfuge but found only honesty. And love. "But so are you now, Fox. I can't let them take you." //
"Mulder?" She sounded worried.
"I don't know yet. I didn't leave my pursuers too far behind. I'm hiding out now. I think I might be better off if I continued that for another day."
"Alright, Mulder." She didn't sound convinced.
Mulder turned off the phone without a good-bye, as usual. No reason to act any further out of character. He knew she suspected something, but she would never find him out here.
He glanced around the cabin and tried to think of what would make it more home-like. Memory hit again: //I stood in the kitchen, my abductor's hand clenched tight and painful on my cuffed wrists. I still couldn't navigate well through the dimness in the house, but that didn't matter with the man shoving me in the proper direction.
//The door was open, letting in fresh air that cut through the cigarette stench and blessed sunlight that streamed in like a scythe of yellow-white through the murk. But it might as well have been on the other side of the moon. I still felt woozy and couldn't quite control my legs. I also felt the coiled violence in my guide. I didn't know who he was or why he'd kidnapped me, but I didn't want to find out too soon how much my life meant to him. I intended to play along until I could make an escape.
//I couldn't see him entirely. The sunlight exposed only part of his head. I saw it glance off a high cheekbone, sparkle off one eye the color of black coffee, glint off dark brown-black hair, glow on selected sections of moon-pale skin. I briefly saw an orange flare from the tip of his cigarette, highlighting a sensual mouth, before it went dark again. Even with my eye for faces, I doubt I could describe him to a police artist or identify him from a line-up. I chose to see that as cause for hope. He might let me live.
//A cat carrier sat on the table. The small calico cat inside it had slept, warm and purring, on my chest earlier as I was lying on the bed, cuffed to the headboard. It reminded me of Punkin, one of the neighborhood cats from my childhood. If I had a bad feeling before, it worsened now.
//My abductor forcibly sat me down at the table, then opened the carrier. The calico inside made an immediate run for the door. "Do you see, Fox?" Oh, shit. This wasn't a random kidnapping. "You can love something, care for it, and it will still run from you as soon as it can."
//When the cat reached the doorway, I saw a flash of bright, blinding silver come slicing down, disturbing the paths of the dust motes that had floated peacefully in the sunbeam. The blade screamed as it fell, scything through the air. I knew what was coming. I tried to steel myself against it and look away, but my captor forced my head back around to watch. The calico's brief, high-pitched screech almost got lost under the solid thunk as the blade went right through, splattering blood flying, and buried itself in the floor. I flinched at the sound and the thought of how sharp and heavy it had to be to slice through bone that quickly. The half of the cat I could see twitched for a minute, then went still.
//A flood of bile rose in my throat. Only years of time served at crime scenes kept me from vomiting.
//"But in my world, you get properly punished for that, Fox."
//Angry and horrified, I forgot good sense. "My name isn't Fox! It's Mul--"
//The open-hand slap knocked me into the wall. He'd done that little wrist-snap that made the blow to my face sting even more. "*Fox,* every exterior door and window is rigged. But you knew that. You understood me, even though you never met me or knew my name." He smiled and stroked the raw area of my face he'd just slapped. "You *understand.* You created the FBI's profile on me."//
"Fox? You okay?" Alex asked. He looked like he wanted to crawl right inside Mulder's mind to see what made it tick.
Mulder shook his head. He hadn't had a flashback in years, but he could deal with it. He had before. "I'm fine. Let's go car shopping."
**************************************************************
When Mulder drove them into town, if you could call it that, at least he didn't reattach the cuffs to the door. Alex hoped it indicated a greater degree of trust. The ancient car whined throughout and bucked a few times, but it still worked. For now.
They cruised down empty streets illuminated by the full moon, at once revealing and concealing their surroundings. Reflectors on the sides of and in the road sparked white, red, yellow, green, or blue from their headlights. Sometimes the route clung to the top of a ridge, leaving almost sheer drops on either side. The metal guard barriers were crumpled at points, telling tales of people who had lost control and paid dearly for it. The cool air streaming in through the open windows brought the thick sweetness of clover and honeysuckle and the tart, tomato-like scent of freshly mown grass into the car. Once in a while a hint of pine drifted in.
Grinning, Alex put his head on Mulder's shoulder. //No harm in kissing up a little. No harm at all...// The older man kept on smoking silently, but smiled a little in return. Once in a while he stroked the side of Alex's face.
They found a residential street and chose a different vehicle from there. The cuffs didn't slow Alex down at all as he broke into and hotwired the car.
"I need you to drive the old one until we can ditch it," Mulder said. "You know the way back, so I'm letting you drive in front of me, where I can see you. If you try to drive off, I'll shoot out the tires. If you try to run, I'll shoot out your knee."
//Oh, baby.// "Tease." Alex got into the driver's seat and started off, with Mulder in the new car behind him.
Alex quickly got bored. They had left the cassettes at home, the scenery became monotonous after awhile, and he didn't have Mulder to play with. He started to drift into a trance-like state.
Suddenly the car slipped gears, running at a kind of neutral, before bucking and lurching forward at high speed. Alex became abruptly alert as adrenaline hit. He saw himself flying toward a curve with a cliff on one side and a sheer drop on the other. He steered for all he was worth and stayed on the road, although he felt two of the tires leave it for a while. If he hit the brakes at this speed, he would lose all control of the car. Worse, he felt the steering start to go out. //But that has nothing to do with the transmission! Damn it!// He could now barely control the vehicle.
Finally the car sputtered to a halt at the side of the road near one of the metal guard barriers, one of the smashed ones that would provide no protection at all. A few feet more and he would have sailed off the edge, eventually hitting bottom and having the dashboard forcibly introduced to his brain.
Breathing hard, Alex rested his head against the steering wheel. Mulder's car screeched to a halt on the shoulder behind him. The older man jumped out and rushed to the window before looking in with such obvious concern that Alex almost melted. He would have if his nerves hadn't been strung so tight.
Mulder smiled. "Great going, Alex. If we run it off the road here it'll be like throwing it off a cliff."
"Are you patronizing me?" Alex panted.
Mulder graced him with a warm look: "I wouldn't dream of it."
Once Mulder got everything he wanted out of the treacherous heap of junk, he pushed it off the side of the road. It fell and hit with a satisfying crash but, to Alex's disappointment, didn't burst into flames. It amazed him to see what looked like a similar longing on Mulder's face.
Mulder shook his head. "It's better this way. The wood's too dry. If it blew up, it might take the whole area with it. We don't need that kind of attention. The guardrail was crushed before we got here. Maybe no one will notice for a while."
As they got into the car, Alex still vibrated with adrenaline and reaction. Mulder got into the driver's seat and turned on the radio, switching through a few country stations before a familiar eerie intro led to: "My love must be a kind of blind love / I can't see anyone but you."
"Fox." Alex moved over on the seat and kissed the older man, the combination of adrenaline, a song he loved on the radio, and the presence of one of the sexiest, most screwed-up individuals he'd ever had the pleasure to meet sitting next to him proving too much to resist. Having his wrists cuffed together only slowed him a little as he undid Mulder's pants. He noticed that his former partner had the steak knife, sheathed, tucked into the waistband along with his gun. It excited him even more.
Alex ran his tongue along the vein on the underside of Mulder's already hard cock and grinned at the strangled sound it elicited. As he played with it with his tongue and teeth, applying every trick he knew, he also stroked his partner's balls. "Doo wop, shoo wop," Alex sang against the throbbing flesh at his lips. Mulder, who was very vocally appreciative, writhed against him. Alex briefly thought of being cruel, of toying with him as revenge for the similar trick earlier, but couldn't bear it. He wanted this too much.
"Please," Mulder moaned as he stroked Alex's hair.
"You are here, so am I. Maybe millions of people go by, But they all disappear from view, And I only have eyes for you..." the radio prompted.
Unable to wait any longer, Alex took him in deeply and sucked hard. It thrilled the younger man to be here, draped across the front bench-style seat of a stolen car, hands clenched on a steak knife and cuffed together, mouth full of and intimate with a seriously disturbed and beautiful man who also happened to be one of his worst enemies. //This is my life. Don't you wish you were me?//
Mulder's body moved against Alex like the ocean as he came. Alex finished with a few long licks, then maneuvered himself onto the older man's lap and kissed him deeply.
"Escape? Why would I want to do that when I have all this?" Alex brought up the knife. His lover's eyes narrowed but showed no fear. Fox might be able to disarm him anyway, even if Mulder couldn't. But the younger man had something else in mind. He managed to awkwardly slice a shallow wound across his wrist above the metal cuff. The blood looked almost purple against his skin in the moonlight. He carefully slid the knife toward the passenger door, out of reach.
He offered his wrist to Mulder, who looked at him with dilated eyes before setting his lips to the laceration and suckling. Alex arched back against the steering wheel, barely retaining the presence of mind to avoid the horn, as his lover's expert tongue stroked along his skin and teased the wound. He felt an incredible pull, as if all the blood in his body could be drawn out by the man beneath him.
His pleasure only increased as he felt Mulder undo his jeans and start to fondle him. Alex could swear he felt linen--soft, yet rough at the same time--caress his skin. He managed to open his eyes to look down. He saw that the hand that so inflamed him had been wrapped in a handkerchief, perhaps to keep things neat during the inevitable orgasm. //This is some time to get fastidious, you lunatic.// He started to laugh. Then he could only moan as Mulder brought him off.
Exhausted but satisfied, Alex finally collapsed against Mulder and kissed him, enjoying the iron taste of his own blood on those lips. "Did you like that?" the younger man asked. //I could get used to this.//
"Oh, yes," Mulder panted. "You're beautiful." They spent a mindless but very enjoyable time afterward just kissing until the older man said, "We have to get going." He shifted Alex's legs up onto the passenger seat into a kind of side saddle position, then proceeded to start driving with the younger man still on his lap. Any inclination toward mischief got lost as the younger man slipped into a contented sleep, nuzzling at Mulder's neck as he drifted off.
***********************************************************
//I was having one of my nightmares again, the one I could never quite remember the details of afterward. Just bright lights, someone screaming my name, terror, paralysis, and failure. But this time it had changed in the middle as I felt something start to stroke me. I usually didn't get physical sensations in my dreams, but this felt so good I decided to just go with it, especially since it chased the nightmare away.
//I couldn't see my lover through the bright light, but the touch that brought me to life was expert, knowing. The person stripped my pants off with slow sensuality. I wanted to touch back, but even in the dream I couldn't move my arms. Had I been cuffed so long in real life that I was starting to find it natural?
//My lover's tongue trailed down my chest until it wrapped around my cock. After a few teasing flicks, a hot mouth drew it in, all the way in, and started to suck. I whimpered and then moaned as slick fingers entered me and stroked along my prostate. I hadn't had a man since college or wanted one, but you never forget... My lover synchronized the sucking and thrusting, making me writhe from the double assault.
//I whimpered again as the mouth and fingers left just before I came. His cock thrust in with a long, hard stroke that made me scream for more and brought me awake. I opened my eyes on the most complete darkness I'd ever known. It breathed and had a weight. I couldn't see anything at all, only hear... and feel. My traitorous body moved from the thrusts of the body covering me, forcing pleasure on me, making the chain of my cuffs jangle against the metal headboard. It felt so damned good, and the terror only sharpened, heightened the experience. I heard the harsh panting of my incubus, my unseen demon lover.
//It had to be Bobby.
//Lovely. At least I was enjoying my own rape. I had to get him off me, had to. "No," I tried to say forcefully, but it came out as a moan, a teasing yes. "No, please..." He was so good... Please don't make me feel this...
//"Shh. It's all right, Fox," he said in a husky voice that made me shiver. "There's nothing to be afraid of."
//Stop. Please stop. Please don't. Please. Please don't stop...
//I still couldn't see him. I could only feel him moving against me and within me, sweat-slicked skin to skin. Every slide further teased my cock, trapped between us. My hands clenched and unclenched above the cuffs. Pleasure sizzled along my nerves as he touched me in all the right ways. How the hell did he know? I fell over the edge screaming. I felt his whole body shudder as he exploded into me.
//He kissed me and tousled my hair. "You were so good, Fox. Feel better?"
//I wanted to scream at him. For... How many days? Without the sunlight or clocks or a TV I couldn't tell... for... Forever he had kept me cuffed, waking and sleeping. Watched me at all times when he wasn't telecommuting, at which point he cuffed me back to the headboard. Hit me whenever I did something he didn't like, which seemed to be all the fucking time. Called me "Fox" despite all my protests, which earned me more slaps. Bathed and fed and dressed me like I was a baby. Now this, raping me while I slept. Making me enjoy it...
//I wanted to scream. It came out as "Guh."
//"Now I have to clean you up again. I think you'll sleep better after this." He kissed me, then walked to the bathroom. When he turned on the light, it briefly revealed his silhouette before he closed the door behind him, leaving me in darkness again. I heard the water start to run.
//He... he thought he was doing me a favor with this...//
Mulder awoke in bed next to Krycek, who sleepily turned over and asked what was wrong. Mulder stroked his hair, told him it was nothing, checked the cuffs, and told him to go back to sleep. Alex nuzzled his neck before dozing off.
Prior to today, Mulder hadn't had a man since Bobby. No desire to. He'd more than made up for the lack today.
The dreams and memories left him confused. He couldn't decide how he felt about them. The five months in a mental hospital hadn't cured him so much as taught him to tell the doctors what they wanted to hear and repress the memories so he could try to resume his former life.
So it wouldn't hurt so much after they'd executed Bobby.
Mulder repressed that and let sleep drag him back down again.
//I moved in rhythm with him, surrendering to his strength, to the pleasure he brought me. "Why do I do this, Fox?" he asked with a teasing tone as a particularly thorough thrust made me gasp my appreciation. He had no trouble talking and fucking at the same time.
//"You do it to maintain your connection to me. You do it to show your power, to reaffirm your role as dominator," I gasped.
//"And why else?" He nibbled at one of my nipples just as his cock caressed my prostate again.
//I moaned. "Because you love me."
//"You're such a good Fox. And why do I still have you in handcuffs?"
//"Because it excites you. Because, again, it keeps the power relationship a certain way. Because it lets me escape responsibility, lets me enjoy whatever you do to me without guilt, because I'm helpless in your hands. Because you love me."
//What sense I had left wanted to keep those handcuffs. I didn't know what I would do if he took them off. I would be forced to make a decision, and live with it.
//"Because they protect you," he said. He did something to my cock that made my head explode. He kissed me madly as he came, whispering, "Good Fox, lovely Fox..." I've never gotten so much praise in my life.
//For no reason, I started to cry. I did that sometimes. I hoped it wouldn't upset Bobby. He didn't slap me as much as he used to, but tears could set him off.
//But Bobby was in one of his tender moods. He stroked my face and said softly, "Don't cry, Fox, you've come so far already. I know I'll be able to take the cuffs off you soon. You're almost perfect."
//"Do you trust me yet?" I didn't know what I would say next until the words came out. "I'll never leave you"
//The flash of his smile cut through the dimness. I had gotten used to the murk of the house. He kept it dark because sunlight could kill now. People had so fucked up the environment that the sun, the source of all life, could kill you now. So we lived in our own dim world, a carefully controlled environment, far away from the tainted, unreliable world outside. Colors weren't a part of my life anymore, but I'd gained a greater appreciation for shapes. People told me that I couldn't see the full range of colors, anyway.
//As Bobby lit my cigarette for me, I pondered the other parts of his philosophy I agreed with. People were endlessly disappointing and treacherous, lying and destroying their way through their ephemeral lives. So true. People leave you. That... was very true.
//Bobby didn't like it when people left him. He killed them for it. Then he ate the organs to keep those people close to him forever and either dumped or embalmed the rest of the corpse. He kept his favorites in the garage.
//I told myself that I did all this and agreed with him while I looked for a way out. Bobby could be dangerously homicidal. Duh. But I hadn't really considered escape for a while.
//I had long ago given up on any rescue attempts being made. Everyone had to think I was dead by now.
//My old life seemed so far away. I didn't know how long it had been since Bobby had kidnapped me. Time meant nothing in here. He treated me like a pampered child, took care of me in ways my family never had, praised me extravagantly when I was good...
//And that's all it took to make you his bitch?
//In some ways, I couldn't imagine going back to my old life. I had no responsibilities here. I didn't have to keep doing a job that ate me up inside, looking at mutilated bodies and crawling into the minds of maniacs.
//Now you live with one. He has you broken and trained. You're a textbook case.
//But he doesn't kill anymore, not since he brought me here. He says that if I stay with him, he may never do it again. He only killed out of despair and loneliness. My presence here put an end to that. Wasn't that worthwhile? Such a small sacrifice to save lives.
//He says he loves me.
//"Hey, Fox, blow a smoke ring for me. I know you can do it."
//I pursed my lips and shaped my tongue exactly the way he taught me and watched as a perfect ring flew out. It drifted and flowed in the dimness before slowly breaking up into tiny wisps.
//That's beautiful, Fox!"//
Mulder woke up again feeling despondent and desperately horny. He turned to Alex and took one tender nipple in his mouth. The younger man awoke with a smile, more than ready to go again. After a tempestuous bout of lovemaking, as Mulder started to fade out into sleep again, Alex asked him something and he answered without thinking. It disturbed him on some deeply buried level, but he couldn't quite wrap his exhausted mind around it.
***********************************************************
Mulder awoke to the ringing of his cell phone and reached over Alex's warm bulk to get it off the table. "Fox," he said into it. He only heard a strange hissing, then a click and nothing.
A bolt of terror shot through him. He used *69 to find out what number the call came from and let it dial.
"Scully."
He sighed in relief. "Mulder. I just got the weirdest call from your number. Some kind of interference."
"Everything's fine now. Do you know if you lost those men yet?"
"I don't know yet. I figure I'll stay here today just to make sure."
"All right." She then asked him a lot of questions about the car he saw and how many men he thought might be inside it. It took a while with her interrupting every few minutes to ask another question. Finally, she said, "Keep in touch and let me know, Mulder," before clicking off.
As Alex woke, he stretched and yawned like a satisfied cat. His cuffs hit the headboard. Grinning, he asked, "What's on the itinerary for today?"
"I give you a bath, dress you up, then cook and feed you breakfast, for starters."
"And some people have to pay for this kind of treatment."
***********************************************************
At 1:00 Mulder heard the rush of a lot of cars coming up the dirt road. He got out his gun and checked on his knife. He smiled darkly as he remembered surprising his "rescuers" with it all those years ago.
"Give me a weapon so I can defend myself, Fox!" Alex said. He still wore the cuffs.
"Wait, they're not Consortium, I see Scully with them." Mulder found himself loading his gun and stopped himself. Was he going to shoot his own people?
//They're the enemy! They're going to take you back!
//That's Scully! My partner and friend. Those are cops with her. She doesn't mean me any harm.
//Then why don't you ask yourself how and why she found you?//
When he turned to look, Alex had disappeared. A killing rage overtook him. //I know, Bobby; people are treacherous and endlessly disappointing.// Mulder waited for a few minutes. Alex still didn't come back.
//You broke your promise. The next time I see you, you're dead.//
***********************************************************
When Scully came up, Mulder asked her what the hell was going on. He hadn't fooled her as well as he'd thought, because she had been suspicious of how he sounded on the phone and expected the worst. She'd tricked him into calling her on his cell phone this morning so she could get a trace on him. She seemed disappointed that nothing was wrong and even more disappointed when he told her that Krycek had escaped.
Mulder buried his Bobby-self again. Once he got into the car with her, he didn't even feel the urge to smoke anymore. But deep inside him something raged. And waited.
***********************************************************
Alex opened the folder his contact had brought him. It hadn't been easy getting the Robert William McCain file. It seemed that a lot of people would prefer the whole affair stayed buried.
Mulder had been moaning for Bobby in his sleep. In the exhaustion and afterglow, the older man had just thoughtlessly answered Alex's question about who Bobby was. "Bobby McCain, my lost love."
Alex felt a pang at the thought of how he'd run out on Mulder two days ago. He didn't have a choice, not with more clear-headed members of the FBI at Mulder's doorstep, but still... It certainly had been great while it lasted. Alex would try to make it up to him someday.
Bobby McCain had been big news a few years back. The cannibal killer who'd stalked the nights looking for a mate, killing and eating the ones who didn't measure up. He'd cut a swath through four states.
Alex had always found it odd that the media never revealed the name of the profiler who helped bring McCain down. Now he knew that the ISU had threatened and bribed everyone to keep things quiet and Mulder's reputation safe. Alex could see what the media would have done with the real story.
Alex scanned through the file notes. He read about the bodies, empty of all organs, that police occasionally found, then Mulder's kidnapping and two-week stay at Chez McCain. It turned out that Mulder's mentor in the ISU never gave up on him and used Mulder's existing profile and his own talents to track the killer down to a house in South Orange, New Jersey.
Mulder didn't want to be rescued. Gone seriously Stockholm, he'dused a knife to slash up five members of the rescue team. Some investigators thought he might have lured two members of the team into the many traps the house had been equipped with. No one knew for sure on the last suspicion.
Mulder spent five months in a mental ward, supposedly being deprogrammed. McCain was extradited to a state with a death penalty, tried, found guilty, and executed.
Alex looked at the pictures attached to the file. McCain had been darkly handsome. He had pale skin, dark brown-black hair and eyes, and a high-boned, striking face. The eyes compelled, suggesting danger and madness. Alex felt a bolt of want flash through him.
But Bobby's Fox appealed to him even more. A very pale Fox Mulder with fading bruises stared resentfully into the camera with rage-filled, madly green eyes. He had blood splattered on his white T-shirt.
Now that Alex knew the specifics, he knew that Fox would want him dead for skipping out on him.
That only added spice. Alex had to have him.
**********************THE END***********************
"Turnabout II: The Perfect Kiss"
By Viridian5
11/4/98
RATING: NC-17. M/K, M/Other. If m/m interaction bothers you, leave now.
SPOILERS: "One Breath," "Anasazi," "Paper Clip"
SUMMARY: Sometimes it's impossible to go on like nothing happened...
DISCLAIMERS: All things X-Files belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen, and 20th Century Fox. I'm just sharing and not making a cent off any of this. No infringement intended. Suing me would be a waste of time and a mean thing to do. I have no money. At all. Bobby McCain is mine. Touch him without my permission, and I'll gut you, then kill you.
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as you ask me first.
FEEDBACK: All feedback can be sent to Viridian5@aol.com
NOTES: If the flashback in "1. FALSE LIGHT" seems familiar, it's because I submitted it in rough form to the lists in July under the title "Turnabout Flashback: A Night Out." I've had the kernel of this story in my head since July, and it's done at last! Woo-hoo! One less ghost haunting my brain... So this one's for Te, who started the ball rolling again by really wanting it. She's also my information source for all smoking and cigarette-related matters. I'm seriously allergic. Thanks to Holmes for showing me the way to so many resources on Stockholm Syndrome, mind control, and exit counseling. A huge thank you to the great and powerful Feklar for beta above and beyond the call of beta.
======================================
"Turnabout II: The Perfect Kiss"
By Viridian5
======================================"Now I know the perfect kiss is the kiss of death."
- "The Perfect Kiss" by New Order1. FALSE LIGHT
"Oh, I'll empty you;
I'll empty you,
As empty as a boy can be..."
- "Icing Sugar" by the Cure------------------------------------------------------
Mulder sat in his kitchen, idly flipping and catching a knife. It flew in hypnotic arcs and occasionally gleamed in the stray beams of morning sunlight that crept under the drawn blinds. He should be getting ready to leave for work, but he had gotten lost in the past again, something that had been happening to him more and more in the last week. Since Krycek...
Prior to his day and a half with Alex, Mulder had gone for years without a flashback. Now, they pulled him under again.
//Sitting on the floor near his chair, I snuggled in closer against Bobby's leg. "Almost done, Fox," he said with a grin. His computer cast moving shadows and light along his face. He telecommuted for his job, and work couldn't be set aside for love, no matter how true or intense.
//The waiting only made my excitement grow. We would be leaving the house tonight. *We*. I didn't care about the outside anymore, not when so many lying, treacherous people wasted its tainted space, but allowing me to go out with him suggested a new level of trust. He knew now that I wouldn't try to escape anymore.
//I touched the sheathed knife I had tucked in my waistband at the small of my back. Bobby loved knives, one company's in particular. Handles made of the same almost-indestructible material as bowling balls and football helmets, full tang, with the patented double-D design that had a sharp edge on every side of every tooth of the serrated blade. Dishwasher safe. They cut so cleanly and quickly.
//The knife training he now gave me also showed his growing trust. I liked to wear one as a reminder. That he let me also showed trust. He wore knives too.
//One long-fingered hand stroked my hair, moving in hypnotic circles, then trailed down my spine to the knife. I had learned to tell simply from his touch whether I had pleased him or not. Right now, I had. I quivered at his touch, his approval. He undid me so easily.
//Why not? He made me what I am.
//Bobby logged out, then got our jackets. He put mine on me. He still did everything for me, fed and dressed and bathed me, the same as when I was still his prisoner, still cuffed and helpless 24 hours a day. It made me feel treasured.
//The sleeves of the leather jacket, one of his, still smelling faintly of him, hid the marks on my wrists. Even with the padding, cuffs worn nonstop for a week left damage. The back of the jacket would hide the knife.
//He led me out into now-unfamiliar night air to the car, an old, huge, black Cadillac. He belted me in ever so solicitously. I settled into old leather upholstery and the strong cigarette smell, not so different from the one in the house.
//Bobby put a Du Maurier to my lips, grinning in the darkness when I caught one of his fingers and briefly sucked on it along with the cigarette. He gave me the lighter, another show of faith. Feeling a lump in my throat, I lit my own cigarette--delighting in the momentary, controlled flare of the fire I had always feared--and blew a smoke ring to make him happy.
//South Orange, New Jersey at 1 a.m. was far from deserted but lacked the density of people that Bobby hated. Yellow forsythia on the sides of the roads almost glowed even at night. Sign lights and streetlights blurred in my newly-sensitized eyes, now accustomed to the dimness of Bobby's house. If I saw the sun again, it might kill me immediately now, as if I were a vampire risen too soon from the dusky sanctuary of my coffin. As opposed to slowly, as the sun slowly killed us all with its once benign light. People had done that, made the sun deadly, through shortsightedness and greed. Only people shit where they live, as Bobby sometimes said.
//So Bobby went out grocery shopping in the dead of night. Even reclusive serial killers needed to eat.
//I immediately hated the 24-hour supermarket we stopped at. Bright, white fluorescent ceiling strips made the white walls glow and shimmer, hurting my eyes. How the hell did I ever accept this as normal? Bobby looked as uncomfortable as I felt, even as he stalked the aisles like a tiger on the hunt.
//I did take advantage of the light to look at him, since the house's dimness rarely let me see him entire, just in pieces. His eyes matched his hair, all a rich brown-black. I admired the prominent cheekbones you could almost cut yourself on. Lush, sensual lips that felt like heaven when pressed against your skin. His teeth... The lighting made his moon-pale skin glow. Dangerously handsome.
//Lately I had seen my own skin starting to pale to match him. It gave me a bright joy to think that my body had begun to change along with my mind, both transforming to better suit my love.
//So, in a scene of lunatic domesticity, the serial killer and his once-victim, now willing lover shopped together. He touched me occasionally, gestures that had a nervous still-there? quality that touched me, especially when still-there? became oh-yes and gained me a smile. He kissed me while we stood in the frozen food aisle, with my back against one of the cold doors and his tongue in my mouth, with his body pressed in all its heat against mine, our breath steaming in those rare seconds when our mouths parted.
//How could I ever go back?
//When we reached the checkout line, the bored looking cashier scanned our items in, while Bobby watched the monitor. Finally, he said, "That's on sale. The wrong price went in."
//"But the scanner says this is the price."
//"The scanner is wrong. Someone must not have reprogrammed it."
//Dim, bovine eyes looked us over with annoyance. "I'll have to call my manager." She used her microphone to put out a call for her supervisor. Meanwhile, we waited. And waited. She started to stare at us with such hatred. The bitch.
//I became ever more aware of the knife at my back. This bitch kept us here, in this horrible light, waiting, because Bobby was too smart to let the store cheat him. She had the nerve to try to make it out to be his fault.
//I thought of cutting a smile in her neck to make up for the one she should have had on her face for us, her customers. The image made me breathe a little faster, a little harder.
//I kept my face a bland mask, a talent from my past life that still served me. I couldn't kill her. Bobby didn't do that anymore, and I shouldn't start. Besides, this place was too open, and it might have security cameras.
//I felt Bobby looking at me and saw him smiling. He knew. Of course he knew. And he approved.
//The manager finally came by and fixed matters. As soon as we could, we walked quickly to the car with our bags. It started to rain as Bobby drove, and I smiled as the colored lights outside made the water droplets on the windows into tiny masterpieces of color and movement. Having Bobby trust me meant that I could sometimes go out of the house and reacquaint myself with color. My smile widened.
//Bobby used his remote control to open and close the gate for the car. Once he parked in the second garage, the one we actually used for the car, he turned to me and said, "You've been so good, Fox. So good because you kept faith with me." He leaned over and undid the fly on my jeans and pulled them down, carefully putting my knife aside. "So good because you thought of killing that bitch." He pulled my boxers away to reveal my already-hard cock. "So good because you knew why you shouldn't, and controlled yourself." He took it in his hot, wet mouth, at first teasing it with his teeth, before he deep-throated and starting to suck me with an irresistible pull.
//He was so good, knew my body so perfectly... This time I saw colors for an entirely different reason. I let myself make all the noises I wanted to, because I knew he liked that. After I came in a rush and he sucked until he had milked me completely, he asked huskily, "Do you know what I want to do now?"
//"Yes." I took the slick out of the jacket's interior pocket. I knew, and I wanted it as badly as he did.
//"My good, beautiful Fox, I do love you."
//I know, but I would never get tired of hearing it.
//He slicked his fingers and penetrated me, starting with two. My time with him--however long that was; I didn't know--had left me a bit sore, but I didn't mind. The slight pain gave the pleasure more edge.
//His fingers started to glide in and out in a hard, ruthless rhythm. I shamelessly spread my legs to give him easier access, even as I thanked his good sense in having a car the size of a boat. And a cock the size of... The feel of his knuckle scraping my prostate made me groan and remember to appreciate his fingers too.
//When he felt he'd driven me crazy enough and heard enough of my begging, he removed his fingers, sat back on the seat, and took off his own jeans. Then he pulled me onto his cock, neatly impaling me. If I had thought he had been ruthless and rough with his fingers, I now knew better. His frenzied thrusts echoed through my whole body, and I screamed my appreciation. My head hit the roof a few times. I moaned on every stroke and rode him even after he hit orgasm shuddering and crying my name.
//"Fox, I have something for you," he said when he could finally speak again. Before I could protest, he opened a shallow cut on the side of his neck with my knife. "I want you to drink from me."
//I needed no other encouragement. I put my lips to his blood and suckled with the single-minded need of a baby at its mother's breast. Warm and thick and raw, it sizzled on my tongue, even as the iron taste reminded me of the smell my hands used to get from using a childhood swing set. I teased the cut with my tongue just to feel him shiver. His heart pounded into my skin.
//I vaguely felt him slice open my wrist but knew instantly when he started to suck on it. I moaned against his throat. It left me in an awkward position, but the sensation left me completely unable to protest. We made a circuit, sharing one of Bobby's favorite things, until I started to feel woozy. He pulled away from my wrist and turned my head away from his cut. I breathed in great gasps, overwhelmed and dizzy.
//He licked his blood off my nose, and I chuckled. Bobby held me close and let me drift to sleep in the protective circle of his arms.
//I'm yours, Bobby. Yours forever.//
Mulder felt the knife resting lightly atop his wrist as a familiar and loving weight. Shuddering and smiling, Mulder opened his eyes to an empty kitchen. Bobby had been executed by lethal injection years ago, been killed by the last poison society had inflicted on him. Alex had run out a week ago, breaking his promise to stay. Mulder was completely alone.
Screaming, he threw the knife at the wall, focusing all his rage and pain in one place... The knife hit its pinpoint target perfectly with a deep, satisfying thunk! before sinking in to the hilt. Some things you never forgot.
//I'm Mulder again now. Fox died even before Bobby did, when they took me away from him. This is my life, and I was bearing it just fine before Alex... before *Krycek* brought this all back to me. I got through it last time, and I'll get through it again. Alone...//
Mulder closed his eyes and slowed his breathing back to normal. Once he'd shifted his face into a perfect blank mask, he put on his coat and left for work.
******************************************************
2. DIMNESS
"He has always been so strange,
I'd often thought he was deranged.
Pretending not to see his gun,
I said, 'Let's go out and have some fun.'"
- "The Perfect Kiss" by New Order------------------------------------------------------
As Alex Krycek studied Mulder's apartment, he shook his head. He'd never realized why Mulder kept his apartment and office so dim before. //God, Mulder, McCain really fucked you up bad. I wonder if you even realize...//
But Mulder had fucked Alex up in turn. It took only a day and half to hook him, addict him to Fox's strange brain and incredible sex whenever and however he wanted it, with the icing being that Fox always wanted it too... Hooked him on company and the thought of having a partner in all things... That time had also brought Alex's craving for cigarettes back in full force. Currently, it was for a lack of anything better to wrap his lips around.
He'd even picked up the Canadian brand Fox had mentioned, Du Maurier. They were subtle, yet strong, and even the paper reeked of ostentation. Plain white, and perfect in their firm roundness. //Much like you, Fox,// Alex thought with a bitter grin. Bobby McCain probably saw their unusually honest and direct warning indication--"Cigarettes can kill you."--as another reason to use them.
Alex's fingers stroked the red, black, and gold package in his pocket. Since they were about twice as expensive as regular cigs, he only smoked them once in a while. He'd had one before coming over.
The apartment's battered look--far worse than when he had last seen it as Mulder's partner--and the knife embedded in the kitchen wall suggested a soul in torment. //Are you missing me as badly as I'm missing you? You probably want me dead for the way I skipped out on you, but I had no choice...// Alex rapped the hilt of the knife, but it was embedded so deeply in the wall it didn't move. //Face it, Sasha, you were never interested in the easy things.//
Alex let himself out of the apartment and locked the door behind him. He'd set the bait, putting his plan in motion. He would see Fox Mulder again tonight.
One way or another, they would finish it.
******************************************************
3. FOG
"This friend of mine would fall apart"
- "The Perfect Kiss" by New Order------------------------------------------------------
"Good night, Mulder," Scully said, temporarily breaking him out of the abstraction that had consumed him almost all week.
The dullness faded from Mulder's hazel eyes, and, for a moment, he was fully *here*. "Good night, Scully," he said before he got his coat and left.
Just a banal scene, reenacted daily by co-workers across the nation. But most co-workers weren't staking out their peers, as Scully intended to do for the third night in a row.
She wished she could blame someone for things being this way, but there were too many candidates contributing too many pieces. The Consortium, for drugging Mulder's water to drive him insane and discredit him, for having his father murdered, for trying to kill him as well. Alex Krycek, for befriending him, betraying him, stealing the DAT tape Mulder had seen as his Holy Grail, then doing... whatever he had done to Mulder a week ago. Hell, just for being his rat-like self. Robert William McCain, for doing hideous things to Mulder six years ago, things she'd only found out about three days ago. That anonymous government employee, for sending her the file that told her what McCain had done and asking her to keep an eye on him, stop him from straying.
She wished to God she'd never seen that file.
Despite all the blacked-out lines, it told her more than enough about Mulder's kidnapping in 1989 and what a deranged serial killer had done to him for two weeks. Those black-outs were both blessing and curse: blessing in that she didn't have to read the actual details of the emotional, mental, physical, and sexual abuse her partner had faced, but curse in that they prompted her to imagine... The medical report still made her sick, but the pictures, taken right after they got Mulder back, were especially disturbing. The photos showed the madness in his eyes as well as the bruises and shallow slashes covering his body.
Mulder had survived by becoming just what his captor wanted. Gone Stockholm, he'd tried to fight off his rescuers. The Violent Crimes Unit got him released from the institution after five months, not because he'd healed or put the incident behind him, but because they'd wanted his profiling and case-solving talents back in use.
Thus, Mulder had been abused by everyone.
The person who'd sent her this file had implied that last week's escapade with Krycek had shaken something loose in Mulder. As much as the information in the file >had horrified her, she had disagreed until she saw the note about Mulder developing a smoking habit during his captivity. Mulder had smelled strongly of cigarettes when she met up with him; it had mystified her at the time.
God knew Mulder already had more than enough excuses for a breakdown. Factoring in a regression to a traumatic experience Mulder had never fully recovered from could be the last straw that would break his mind.
She didn't know what the mysterious sender of the file expected her to do for Mulder. At work, she tried to draw him out of his fog and occasionally succeeded. At night, she staked out his apartment to see if he went anywhere, but he didn't; he just paced violently for hours inside, getting even less sleep than usual. She herself was working on so little sleep that Mulder had noticed something wrong, which she chose to see as an encouraging sign.
As Scully drove a few car-lengths behind him, she wondered if she would be able to do anything for him tonight.
******************************************************
4. TWILIGHT
"When you are alone at night,
You search yourself for all the things
That you believe are right.
If you give it all away,
You throw away your only chance to be here today..."
- "The Perfect Kiss" by New Order------------------------------------------------------
Mulder knew he was losing it. He'd even smelled Du Maurier cigarettes in his apartment when he came home tonight, which was impossible. He tore the safety seal off a bottle of water and took a deep swig. He wondered how that old woman who'd killed her husband was doing tonight. He and Scully had brought the drug-tainted water to the authorities' attention, but that poor woman would have to live with the guilt for the rest of her life. //I *know* how she's doing tonight.//
Mulder wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered. At work, during the day, he could bury his problems under the rigors of his job, but at night, while home alone, shards of the past kept slicing through his shields. Memories successfully repressed for years forced themselves on him. His brief time with Krycek had left him caught in a twilight state between the Fox he had been for Bobby and the Mulder he had become to cope with life, with the FBI... with everything.
He helplessly remembered how it felt to have Bobby shave him with a straight razor, standing molded against his back, holding him, stroking the long blade of the razor gently, carefully //lovingly// over his skin. How the terror that caused him in the early days gradually changed to pleasure and a feeling of security. He remembered Bobby smiling at him guilelessly and saying, "Did you know my middle name is 'William' too? It must be fate."
The next flash pulled Mulder under. //Maps littered the dining room table. Bobby stood behind me, nibbling at my ear, with left arm around my waist and right hand gripping my wrist, stroking with his thumb. My wrists still bore reddened chafe marks from my week in cuffs. He guided my hand over the maps until he would stop us and ask me to tell him where we landed.
//I always picked the closest exotic-sounding place names; they sounded like spells and made me wonder about their origins. Askew, Mississippi. Comity, New Hampshire. Spaces Corners, Pennsylvania. Loose Creek, Missouri. Bar Nunn, Wyoming. Big Sandy, Montana. Lovelock, Nevada. Ypsilant, North Dakota... My eyes traced the colored lines of roads, and the numbers made me think of an alchemist's formulae: Route 49 + I-59 = Route 11...
//"We can go anywhere we want, Fox. Anywhere at all. We'll travel the arteries of this country of ours and tease out all its secrets. We'll take over the world. Where do you want to go?"
//I thought of riding the roads in Bobby's big black Cadillac, free to go anywhere we wanted. That "we" was so special to me. I never had to be alone ever again. "I want to be wherever you are, Bobby."
//His mouth felt like a fever against my neck. "Sweet Fox... In another day and a half, we'll be gone from here, like a caterpillar leaving its cocoon to become a butterfly."
//The thought of leaving the house forever frightened me. It was my world. But Bobby made even terror arousing. If he wanted me to see the country, it would be a good thing.
//"You're a poet, but I like caterpillars too."
//"You do?"
//"They're fuzzy."
//His lips teased the short hair at the nape of my neck. "Fuzzy like this?"
//"Not quite," I moaned.
//His lips teased the short hair at the nape of my neck. "Fuzzy like this?"
//"Not quite," I moaned.
//He laid me down on the table, amid the crinkly maps, and started to unfasten my jeans. By his choice, I never wore underwear. Considering the way we were, it was only practical. I immediately spread my legs.
//His tongue toyed with the slit on the head of my cock. I whimpered, begging for more, and once again was amazed that he always knew what I wanted, the moment I wanted it.
//The maps rustled restlessly under me. The knife sheathed at my back pressed into my spine, and it was a good pain to go along with the wet fire licking at my cock. He was too good to me...
//"Why do you even bother dressing me?" I moaned.
//"Because it's so much fun undressing you."//
Lonely and disgusted with himself, Mulder pushed that memory away, but another immediately rose to take its place.
//We had fallen asleep with Bobby still inside me, filling me. He was so hard, so big... He completed me. I stretched in the warm dark, thrilled to feel his heat down the length of my back and the softness of the sheets beneath us.
//I had felt hollow for so long, I had stopped thinking about it. Until Bobby had shown me, I hadn't seen how to be happy, how to find joy in knowing your place. I had a place now. With him. Forever.
//"Fox..." he sighed against my hair.
//"I didn't mean to wake you, Bobby. I was just happy."
//"And I'm happy you're happy. There's something I want you to do for me, Pretty."
//"Anything. You know that."
//"I want you to fuck me."
//I turned his words over in my mind to see if I could find any alternate meaning. We'd *never*-- "What?"
//"I want you, *need* you, to fuck me. I want to feel you everywhere. I was saving myself for someone. Now I know it was for you."
//Tears stung my eyes. "Bobby..."
//"I want you." He pulled out of me and turned me to face him. "Give yourself to me."
//Deliriously happy and scared out of my wits, I feverishly set my mouth and hands all over his body. I knew it so well, but now I tried to know it differently. I would be his first, and I wanted it to be as incredible an experience for him as it was for me. Soon I had him hard and whimpering my name, begging me for it.
//I slicked my fingers and stroked in one at a time. He was so tight, but he pleaded for more. "Give it to me, Fox." So I did in a slow, gentle caress, but he urged me on with his hips until I was pistoning my hips and pulling his cock at the same time. I still couldn't believe what I was doing, but he felt so damned good...
//We came together, screaming, before curling up to sleep.//
As if the only memories Mulder had of that time were good ones. If he couldn't stop them from coming... While he had one so dark and painful he still couldn't access it, he found a smaller cruelty from the earlier days he could punish himself with...
//I woke up with my head ringing and the rusty taste of old blood in my mouth. As I struggled against the ropes that kept me tied to a chair, I choked under the heavy stench of incense, dust, and rot. I opened my eyes and saw my captor, his face an impressionistic rendering in white and long black under the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling.
//"Will you behave now, Fox? If I keep losing my temper, I might hit you too hard and kill you without meaning to."
//Wouldn't that be a shame? The last time he'd clocked me, it had been for protesting his use of my hated first name. I'd already learned not to do that... "I'll behave," I said, my voice rasping from my dried-out throat. The sound hurt, and made my head spin worse.
//Then I got a good look at his surroundings. I'd figured he had a trophy room. I was currently sitting in it. Corpses of men and women with dumbly staring glass eyes and skin like paper surrounded my captor and me like a thicket. One woman was so close to me I could see the thread that sewed her lips shut.
//I fought down bile. I'd seen things like this before, spent time among the mutilated dead as part of my job. But then, I had always been able to leave when I wanted...
//He smiled. "Just think. These are the ones who didn't disappoint me too badly. The ones who really pissed me off I ruined too seriously to preserve. But you profiled me, so you know what I'm capable of." He stroked my hair, and I fought a shudder. "I'm going to keep you, Fox. It's your choice how."
//I knew exactly what he was capable of.
//I had to survive. The ISU would be looking for me; *Patterson* would be looking for me. If I kept my head down, figuring out ways to avoid setting my captor off, I might still be alive when my rescue came for me. Just play along, and keep my thoughts to myself. I... I didn't want to end up like this...
//He set the bulb swinging, and the jerking light, alternately revealing and concealing, made shadows leap on eye sockets and under cavernous cheekbones. It made the dead seem to move... I hated that scene with Mother in the basement in _Psycho_...
//He grinned. "Yeah, I saw that movie too." The swinging light made thick shadows bleed down his face from his eye sockets.
//I swallowed, revolted by the feeling that he'd read my mind. "I'll be good," I said softly. Anything to survive. "I'll be very good."
//"I'm sure you will, Fox. You're so smart. But I know this is sudden, so I want to make sure it sinks in." After he left the room, I heard a bolt lock fall into place. He left me alone. With the dead. Staring at me.
//At first I thought he'd be right back, but as time stretched, I realized that he wasn't coming back. Maybe not ever. Maybe he decided to skip some of the usual steps to keeping me as a trophy...
//I didn't know how long I was in there before I started to see the corpses moving even after the light had gone still, or how long before I started to scream.//
Shrieking, Mulder picked up a knife and threw it at the wall. It sunk in an inch away from the other one. He stared at it until it stopped quivering, using the sight to calm himself. //Damn you, Krycek. You promised, and you left me anyway... and I'll kill you for that. No, not for that! No, I'll kill you *because* you brought all this back to me, and I'll do it as myself.//
Mulder heard someone by his front door, then the sound of fleeing footsteps. Gun in hand, he raced over, opened it, and looked out. He saw a child turn the corner. //At least I'm not so wired that I shot first. Shit, I'm a mess.//
A newspaper had been left on his doorstep. When he picked it up, a slip of paper fell out. It had a time, an address, and a single letter on it. "K."
//This is the last night of your miserable life.//
******************************************************
Scully watched Mulder get into his car, deviating from the routine she'd seen the last few nights. He'd changed into a black leather jacket, boots, and blue jeans. In light of the pictures of him and Robert McCain in that file, she couldn't help seeing his change of clothing as a bad sign. //I always liked the way he looked in jeans and leather. Have they always been a bad sign? God damn that file...//
She pulled out of her spot to follow him.
******************************************************
5. DARKNESS
"Then came by a friend of mine
Suggested we go out together."
- "The Perfect Kiss" by New Order"A shiny love song, a quick incision"
- "Valentine" by the Sisters of Mercy------------------------------------------------------
Alex smoked and paced the warehouse floor. So many things could go wrong tonight. If he didn't juggle Fox and Mulder just right, he could end up very messily dead. //Maybe I'm being too negative. If I can just get him here, get him talking...// Alex took a long drag on his cigarette. //Sure, maybe I can get Mulder to see reason for the first time in his life.// Alex ducked just as a bullet whizzed overhead. //Then again...//
"Mulder, I just needed to talk to you, explain what happened last week!" Alex shouted from behind cover. Mulder was less likely to kill him than Fox.
"That's funny. I'm just here to kill you," Mulder answered. The next shot scraped the edge of the crate Alex hid behind.
"I understand! I know what happened to you!"
"You don't know shit."
//Well, Sasha, you got him here... in a full, irrational temper. What now?//
Mulder waited for Krycek to pop up and start shooting back, but it didn't happen. //How the hell am I supposed to kill you if you won't reveal yourself? Why aren't you firing back? Trying to make me crazier...// Mulder stealthily moved toward the crate Krycek hid behind.
***
Hearing gunshots, Scully drew her own gun and went into the warehouse.
***
//You betrayed me, you helped them take Scully, you killed my father, you made a promise and you left me... I'm going to kill you. Try to hurt you until you hurt like I do, then kill you. Kill you, and then the pain will stop...// At that moment--the worst possible moment, as always--the memory Mulder had repressed the hardest broke loose.
//"That's very good, Fox. You're a natural with a knife. Beautiful. Remember, it's best to slash, because a stab may not kill, and then you might lose your weapon."
//I glowed under his praise and touch as he moved me through the knife exercises. My wrist movements were already noticeably smoother and more supple. His pride in me filled the empty spaces. He loved me like no one else in my life had ever loved me.
//"I can't wait to see you do this with a person, Fox. You haven't lived until you've seen skin split like ripe fruit, giving you its treasures, under your blade, until you've seen the light fade from a person's eyes because of you. There's nothing more intimate, and I want to share it with you. I'll have to find someone for you. When we move out--"
//I suddenly felt so ill and so lost I could only tackle the bad things one at a time. "Move?"
//"I want to show you the world."
//"But, this is home..."
//"We'll make a new home. It'll be an adventure."
//"And you want me to kill people?"
//"I know you wanted to kill that cashier last night. I was so proud."
//"But I didn't, and you said you were proud that I didn't. Bobby, you said you didn't have to kill anymore!" I cried. "Because of me! Because I stayed! You promised, but now you want us both to kill!"
//I never saw the slap coming. I slammed into the wall before tumbling to the floor, my head ringing and the taste of my own blood in my mouth. He hadn't hit me in such a long time. Horrified, I looked at him, and he looked so cold and so angry.
//I made him angry, made him hit me again, disappointed him... "I'm so sorry!" I shouted. "Please! I was wrong! Please don't leave me, don't hate me. I was wrong..." I would beg shamelessly if I had to.
//He sat down next to me but refused to touch me. "You were doing so well." He found my knife and sheathed it but wouldn't give it back to me. Oh, no...
//"I was wrong, Bobby, please forgive me. Please don't hate me..."
//"I don't hate you," he said softly, and I almost died in relief. "But I think you need some time to think about why I'm so angry." He pulled me up roughly by my arm and dragged me through the house by it. He stopped by the basement door.
//"Please, Bobby, I learned my lesson. Let me stay with you," I whimpered, beyond shame. "Don't send me to the basement. My father used to send--"
//He threw me through the open door. It seemed like I fell forever, bouncing off a step here and there, before hitting a dusty, carpeted floor. Winded and too stunned to hurt yet, I couldn't move. When he closed the door, all light left with him. I didn't mind the dark usually, but that was when I had him, warm and breathing, next to me. This darkness was too huge, too thick, too empty.
//I would do anything I had to, to get back into his good graces. Anything...//
******************************************************
Alex's stomach dropped when he heard the sob. //If I caused his breakdown, I'll never forgive myself.// Then a weight slammed him into the side of the crate and stole his air. Mulder, knife in hand, looked at him with glittering, almost mindless eyes. The older man bashed him against the crate with the strength of the insane.
"Fox, Mulder," Alex gasped. "You don't want to do this. This isn't you."
A little sense came back to Mulder's eyes, but not enough. He turned Alex's face with the side of the knife. It looked brutally sharp, so well-honed it could cut through skin and bone before the victim even realized it. "I'll do whatever I have to," Mulder said.
"Mulder!" Scully suddenly shouted, breaking Mulder out of his trance. Alex had never been so happy to hear that bitch's voice in his whole life. Before Mulder could turn on him again, he bashed the agent's head into the side of the crate, knocking the nut out
"I'm so sorry," Mulder whispered before he went under.
Alex sighed, but he had half-expected things to go like this. As he dragged his prize away, he ignored Scully's desperate calls for Mulder. //Good luck finding him.//
***************************************************
6. LIGHT
"You're delicious
Dreaming
Slack jawed
Green eyed
Rub my nose in
Icing sugar
Smooth as
When this cold and deadly
Blade
Kisses the fruit
So soft
And gently breathing
Under your skin"
- "Icing Sugar" by the Cure------------------------------------------------------
Mulder came to in a bed wrapped in a secure, warm weight. //I'm not alone. Not alone...// One of his hands stroked through thick, soft hair while the other clenched in the T-shirt the man he held wore. He hadn't been restrained in any way, no cuffs or ropes. The lump pressing into his side and the pressure he felt as he flexed his wrists confirmed that he still wore all his weapons, the gun in its shoulder harness and knives in their sheaths at his wrists and back. It was an ostentatious show of trust. Only his jacket and boots had been removed.
Alex Krycek breathed against his neck. "Now do you see? I didn't want to run, but I was sure the other feds would take me in, and I couldn't allow that." Alex smelled of leather, metal, gunpowder, blood, Du Maurier and other cheaper cigarettes, and just of *Alex*, which Mulder remembered from their days as partners and from a too-brief idyll together a week ago. "I missed you."
It hurt, but it was a clean pain to say, "I missed you too, Alex." //And I almost killed you.//
Alex kissed him and stroked the length of his back through the dress shirt he still wore from his day at work, the only remaining remnant of Special Agent Fox Mulder here right now. "I know I can't be Bobby for you, Fox--"
Mulder thought of his last flash at the warehouse and shivered. "I don't want you to be Bobby. I was helpless in Bobby's hands; he could make me do anything, anything..." Alex sat back, watching him with bright eyes. Mulder sat up to meet him. "I didn't become the Fox he wanted, couldn't without him. I don't know what I am. But I want to find out, and I think you can help me..."
"I don't want you helpless. I want *you*."
"You know exactly what to say," Mulder said softly.
"It's a gift. What do you want me to call you?"
Alex knew enough to see how that mattered. Mulder wished he knew who he was right now. "Mulder. Fox. Both, neither. Make something up."
"A challenge. I do like challenges."
Their mouths met in a tangle of heat and want, exactly as Mulder remembered it from a week ago, but this time with both of them unfettered, with no dominance games. As they pressed together hungrily, Mulder arched as he felt the gun harness being slowly, sensually, unbuckled before it slid off. He took off Alex's T-shirt so he could toy with rosy nipples that had already gone hard to greet him.
"Nice knife sheaths. They look professional. Where the hell did you get these things?" Alex asked as he nibbled at Mulder's neck.
"It's amazing what you can order through the mail." Mulder took out a knife and smiled at the need shimmering in Alex's eyes.
"Cut me, Mulder. I want you to. I want you to mark me. Taste me. I miss your tongue. Please..."
"Soon. I want to play a bit first." Mulder traced Alex's body with the flat of the blade, warmed from being so close to his own. Alex closed his eyes and arched under the taunting caress of heated steel sliding over his skin with such a steady hand. The threat of mutilation from a misstep only seemed to inflame him more. His tongue flicked out over his wet, swollen lips as the metal rubbed against one nipple. Mulder wondered if he had looked //like such a whore// like that when Bobby had done the same...
//Bobby's gone forever. This is now.// Mulder shallowly sliced Alex's neck and watched in fascination as the blood slowly flowed down the younger man's chest in a red trickle. He licked the blade clean, savoring the raw, rich taste, while Alex shook like a racehorse waiting at the gate for the excitement to start, impatient to fly... Mulder lapped at the liquid that had pooled in the younger man's navel before licking up the muscled chest in hard strokes. Once he was confident he had gotten every spilled drop, he tongued the well it came from, teasing. He gloried in the iron richness spreading through his mouth, the source and cause of the pulse that beat so fast and strong under the smooth skin that caressed his lips. It became his pulse too.
Alex, lost in a blood and pleasure haze, bucked hard against him and made small begging noises deep in his throat. It made Mulder feel like he owned this man, but also like he was owned in turn. //I almost ended his life without ever knowing this feeling.// Mulder held the younger man tightly and started to suck at the wound in earnest, desperate to intensify the connection. He moved the flat of his knife up and down the other man's spine faster and faster. Alex gasped out encouragement or endearments in another language.
Mulder felt Alex unfastening both their jeans, freeing their cocks from an increasingly uncomfortable confinement, before stroking them both ruthlessly. He could feel the pulse that thundered through his and Alex's bodies also throb through their cocks and saw light bleed into his head at the edges of his vision. He heard and felt Alex convulse in orgasm before he fell into the brightness himself.
Alex shivered in his arms as they lightly stroked against one another. "Oh, God, Fox," Alex gasped as he unbuckled, with every indication of pleasure, the knife sheaths. Mulder let Alex do it; it made him feel cared for. "Did Bobby really do everything for you?"
"I see you read the file. You must have some contacts to have gotten the classified version," Mulder said and smiled as Alex stiffened. "It's okay. Yeah, he did. Fed me, dressed me, chose my clothes, bathed me, shaved me, brushed my hair, wiped my ass, held my dick for me..."
"Sorry, Mulder, but I want you to know that's really not my style. Well, maybe I'd like to do the feeding and bathing bit. Actually, the shaving, dressing, and hair-brushing might not be bad either..."
Mulder had noticed that Alex tended to go a little scattered after sex. He found it oddly endearing. "You want to try the 'bathing bit' now?"
Alex smiled and pulled him out of bed. The bathroom, done in unfortunate shades of yellow and green, looked run-down and ancient, but clean. They seemed to be staying in a cheap hotel. In the light Mulder could see that he'd irreparably stained his white shirt with blood and semen. //I'm messy with Alex...//
Alex smirked. "You're a sloppy eater, Mulder. Maybe I should get you a bib."
"You weren't complaining a few minutes ago."
Alex's eyes glazed for a moment in memory before he started to strip Mulder, trailing his fingers over the skin he bared as he did so. He sighed as the older man reciprocated, and they were soon hard again and rocking against one another. He led his lover into the tub and turned on the spray. They shrieked as what felt like ice water drilled into their skins before he adjusted the temperature to something warmer. That first shock of cold was always a painful jolt, but Alex knew it sensitized the skin. His nerves buzzed pleasurably now, and every touch felt magnified.
Mulder stroked shampoo into Alex's hair and massaged his scalp, surprising him. He hadn't really thought they would be seriously washing one another when he'd agreed to the shower, but the older man's deft fingers felt so good. He did the same for Mulder. Rinsing off felt like performing an odd dance, the two of them dipping under the spray before coming up again. Then repeat, rinse, conditioner, rinse...
Alex was still laughing at the absurdity of it all when Mulder started to rub him all over with soapy hands. Again, Alex reciprocated, and they moved within one another's arms, slick skin to skin, mouth to mouth, erection to erection. The feel of the spray and the caresses sent pleasure sizzling through them.
Alex's hands played along Mulder's spine and stroked down his ass. Mulder groaned, then laughed as the younger man outside the curtain for a tube. "I like a man who comes prepared," Mulder said.
"Consider me your own personal Boy Scout." Alex gave himself a generous dollop before stroking two fingers up into Mulder, whose body rippled at the invasion. "You like that?" Alex asked.
"Yes, but I want more; I want *you*..." To underscore his point, Mulder grabbed the tube and stroked slick all along Alex's cock, alternating light touches with grasping pulls.
Unable to take anymore, Alex turned Mulder around and thrust in. Their last session had taken the edge off for him, so Alex decided to play a little. He took the older man with slow, gradual strokes, pulling almost all the way out with only the tip of the head still in, then pushing all the way in. The satiny warmth caressing his cock was just too good to rush this.
Mulder panted and tried to hurry things. He wiggled enticingly. He begged, using the words "please," "faster," and "Alex" in endless variations. He contracted his muscles around Alex's cock, trying to force the issue, which almost worked. In the meantime, it was sweet torture.
Alex stroked Mulder's cock once. "Naughty, Fox."
"Just fuck me, you bastard!"
"Say the magic word."
"I'll kill you!"
"That's not it."
"Please let me come, or I'll kill you," Mulder gasped.
"Close enough." Alex started to move, thrusting feverishly, and synchronized his strokes with the movement of his hand on Mulder's cock. Mulder came almost immediately, crying his name. The feel of the older man's body spasming against and around him wrung an orgasm out of him right after. Mulder leaned, panting, against the wall, and Alex leaned, also panting, against Mulder.
//Christmas came early, this year, and I'm still unwrapping my present.// Alex laughed weakly. //And I have Scully to thank for it and my continued existence.//
Mulder *squeezed*, and Alex almost blacked out. "What's so funny, Alex?" He sounded exhausted.
"Just trying to figure out who I should write my thank you note to."
"Mmmm."
Alex turned off the water and toweled them both dry. Mulder leaned heavily against him and sighed happily. He dragged the older man back to bed and curled possessively around the shower-warm body like a dog with a favorite bone. That image just made him laugh again. //Mine, mine, mine, mine, *mine*.//
But Alex couldn't sleep. He still couldn't quite believe that Mulder was here, tangled with him, sleepy and satisfied. He also worried about Mulder's mental state. //Well, more than I usually worry.//
Alex slowly stroked his lover's wrists and thought of spending a week in padded cuffs. He'd only been in cuffs for a day and a half, and he remembered how crazy it had made him, even despite the fun of having Fox taking care of him. In all ways.
Alex fell into a kind of sensual, meditative trance, caressing Mulder's wrists, so he didn't know how long it was before the older man murmured, "Alex?"
"Shit. I didn't mean to wake you up. You need some sleep," Alex whispered into his neck. //You look like you wore yourself into the ground over the last week.//
"'Sokay. I'm not really awake." Mulder's dreaming voice sounded soft and breathy, arousing even in its monotone.
"So I can take advantage of you?"
"I thought waking or sleeping didn't make a difference to your talents." Mulder rubbed his cheek against Alex's drying hair. "You're wondering about me."
"Wouldn't you, if you were me?"
"Am I supposed to be able to follow that now?"
"No."
"Do you really want more details?"
Something avid inside Alex leapt at the thought of secrets. He loved secrets... The file only had the highlights of Mulder's five-month stay in the institution. "Only if you want to give them." //Tell me, tell me, tell me...//
"It might be healthy for me to share."
"Sharing is a good thing."
"Thank you, Elmo. Ow! Pinching isn't a good thing..." The pinch failed to banish the soft sleepiness from Mulder's body and voice. Not that Alex minded. Sleepy Mulder made a nice, warm armful. "I'll tell you about the moment when I knew I'd turned the bend. Gone Stockholm."
Alex snuggled in closer. It was almost like getting ready for a bedtime story, though he doubted that any parent would tell the type of tale Mulder was going to get into.
"Bobby was raping me for the fourth time since I'd came to at the house. Rape because I didn't want him to, but the bastard always made me enjoy it once he started. He did everything for me, touched me almost 24 hours a day, so he could read me perfectly and knew exactly how to handle my body to get the desired response. Exactly. He was so good, knew what my body wanted before my conscious mind even did. It only made him more demonic to me, like some incubus or vampire come to drain my life...
"I tried to avoid doing anything to agitate him while still trying to keep my mind my own, but I could feel myself slipping. I knew he was training me, but it was so hard...
"He particularly enjoyed fucking me, so hard and deep and thorough." Alex felt himself getting hard and tried not to be obtrusive about it. It might upset Mulder. "I was lying there, cuffed to the headboard, moving and moaning under him like a depraved slut." Being unobtrusive got much more difficult. "I know all about how the body reacts to stimuli, but it didn't make me feel any cleaner. Lost under the pleasure, I tried to keep myself together by reciting my name, badge number, and birthday inside my head, but I kept losing track with each thrust.
"He realized that I wasn't all there and lost it. He started to slap me so hard my head rocked with each blow. I hit the headboard a few times. He was screaming at me, saying that he owned me and I damned well better be with him. Just when I started to blur and fade under the pain, he stopped and started to feverishly apologize.
"'I'm so sorry, Fox,' he said. 'I'm supposed to be strict but fair, not beating the shit out of you. I overreacted. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you.'
"He looked so distraught, and I started to say that it was okay, I was fine. Some part of me still had enough sense to be horrified that I was comforting my abuser for abusing me too hard, but that part had become too small and quiet. The sight of him in pain caused me pain.
"That made him so happy, and he rewarded me in his usual way: by going back to reaming me and giving me the kind of orgasm that blows the top off your skull. It was the beginning of the end for me." Mulder stroked Alex's cock. "I want you."
Alex's breath caught. "You're asleep."
"So I want you in my sleep. Take me."
"Take *me*."
That woke Mulder up a bit. "Alex?"
Alex took a tube of slick from the dresser and warmed a dollop in his hands. "I'll even do all the work." He rubbed it all over Mulder's stiff cock before straddling the heaving body beneath him. He looked deep into the other man's blazing eyes before impaling himself, smiling at the groan his action elicited. He pulled himself up a little, then slid back down the hard shaft, repeating the motion over and over, slowly gaining speed as Mulder began to thrust. Alex whimpered at the friction and pressure as they started a rhythm, and the older man's thrusts became harder.
Mulder started to stroke Alex's cock with an ease and confidence that usually came with familiarity. One of the advantages of fucking a man who had an eidetic memory? The deft touch, the bucking of the body beneath him, and the sweet, heard strokes of Mulder's cock within combined to make Alex scream as he came. Mulder soon followed.
As they rested side by side, sticky with one another, Mulder gasped, "You're beautiful, Alex. Thank you. Alex?"
Alex had gone out cold, looking sweetly innocent in his exhausted sleep. Mulder grinned and let himself sink down too.
******************************************************
7. STORM
"It seems like I've been here before.Confusion sprung up from devotion,
A halo that covers my eyes.
It sprung from this first estrangement;
No one have I ever despised.
Is this the way that you wanted to pay?
Won't you show me, please show me the way?"
- "Everything's Gone Green" by New World Order------------------------------------------------------
The phone rang almost as soon as Dana Scully reached the office. Even though she knew Mulder would be more likely to contact her through her cell phone, she still quickly answered it with a hopeful, "Mulder?"
An unfamiliar voice said, "I'm afraid not, but I know where you can find him."
"Thank God. I can get a team to--"
"No, Agent Scully, this has to be you alone."
"I'm tired of these games--"
"If you care at all about Fox Mulder, you'll play along. You don't know what you might find when you get there. I don't either. It may be something that could get him reprimanded, fired, jailed, or institutionalized."
"Maybe he needs to be institutionalized. Maybe it would help him."
"With his enemies, do you really think he'd survive?"
"You know about the--"
"Yes. Only he can do this job right now. He would be the first person to put his welfare on the line to find the truth."
//That's what I'm afraid of.// "I don't like this or trust you--"
"You have no choice. Only you could remind him of his duty, to justice, to the truth, to his sister, to *himself*. It's the only way you can get the Mulder you know back. He's with Krycek right now. Just think of what Krycek could do with Mulder in this state."
Scully's mouth went dry at the thought. Mulder in the grip of another killer, the man who'd murdered his father... "Give me the location."
"I can do better than that."
******************************************************
Mulder awoke to the sound of a phone ringing, comforting in its familiarity. Just conscious enough to know that it sounded wrong for his cell phone, he picked up the phone beside his bed. A man's voice babbled something incomprehensible at him. "Mmmmm?" Mulder answered.
Alex took the receiver away and listened for a moment before he reached over Mulder to put it back on the hook and got out of bed. "I'll be right back, Fox. I don't want anyone tracing us." Mulder made a soft, aggrieved, fretting sound, so Alex kissed him. "Right back, I swear."
Alex reached for the wrong pair of jeans at first and was forced to wonder how a man reaching his late thirties could have such slim hips. //Not that I'm complaining, mind you, not at all...// He pulled on his own jeans, a T-shirt, his jacket, and a gun before heading for the door. He took one moment to look at Mulder, who currently appeared to be nothing more than a tortured twist of sheets, a long and elegant neck, and a spiky shock of chestnut hair. //Right back.//
Alex found a payphone five blocks away and called. "Kolya, what the hell are you calling me for?" he asked in Russian. He still checked in with Kolya once in a while, but Kolya calling him suggested something dire.
"Your supervisors are wondering if you've fixed your little problem and gotten back to your assignment," the man answered in the same.
"No. The old bastards decided I'm superfluous and tried to kill me. I don't see that changing anytime soon."
"Vasilyevitch wants to know how you're going to spy on the Americans if you can't get anywhere near them."
"I realize that's a problem," Alex said, keeping the growl from his voice only with great effort.
"Maybe if you had something of value to offer them, that would change."
For a moment, Alex thought of Mulder... //No.// "I'll think of something." Maybe he'd have a shot if he found another way of using the DAT tape against them. It was worth some thought.
"If you don't make things right, Sasha, the Americans aren't going to be the only ones trying to kill you."
"I understand that."
"I'm running interference for you, fighting for you, but I don't have that much power. Don't disappoint us." The phone clicked as Kolya hung up.
Alex spent the walk back calming himself; he didn't want to bring this homicidal rage back home to Mulder. He'd achieved the proper attitude by the time he opened the door, but that changed when he looked into the room and didn't see the older man. //Oh, shit, what--//
"Hi, Alex."
Alex spun to see Mulder leaning against the wall behind the door with a knife in each hand. He didn't have to ask what Mulder had intended; if he had been anyone else coming through that door he'd be dead right now. Instead, Alex asked, "You got dressed?"
Mulder actually only wore his jeans. "Unless I was going to offer an intruder my body as a distraction or bribe, yeah." He yawned, and the sleepy heaviness returned to his eyes now that he knew it was safe.
Too bad Mulder was wrong. Alex started to pack his and Mulder's meager belongings. "We have to go. You can sleep in the car."
******************************************************
Scully watched Krycek drag a dazed and worn-out looking Mulder out of the building. She waited until the traitor had settled Mulder into the car before screaming, "Don't move, Krycek!"
Of course he moved and went for his gun. Now feeling completely justified using lethal force, Scully smiled a little as her finger pulled the trigger. Krycek managed to move, turning an intended heart-shot into a shoulder wound. The impact staggered him, but he picked himself up, ran for cover behind the edge of the building, and returned fire.
When Scully ducked behind the open car door, she saw Mulder coming to in the passenger seat. He asked, "Scully, what's--"
"Stay down, Mulder!"
******************************************************
As blood gushed down his chest, Alex realized a few things. One, Kolya had betrayed him. He had another name to put on his hit list, and he would have to lay low for a while after this. Two, his wound was too serious to keep this gunfight going much longer. He could already feel himself getting light-headed. That bitch could shoot. She'd gotten the drop on him so easily he felt like a total ass, and she'd obviously intended to shoot to kill, despite every feeb regulation to the contrary, from the very beginning. Three, killing Mulder's treasured partner in front of him would lose his affection, maybe forever.
Conclusion: he would have to run and abandon Mulder. Again.
//Godammit! I can't keep doing this to him. I'll be back when I can, Fox, I swear...//
Working purely on adrenaline, Alex pushed aside a box, revealing an open basement window. He slid through and put the boards back up behind him. No one would realize where he'd disappeared to, and he could use the other exit to get himself out. He would be able to save his hide.
His heart... his heart was another matter.
******************************************************
When Krycek had stopped firing for five minutes, Scully decided to check the alley out. It would have been nice to have Mulder as backup, but he looked too lost, and she wasn't sure if she could trust him with it. "Stay there, Mulder!" she said. She saw it as a sign of something very wrong when he obediently complied.
She ran along the wall before giving the alley a quick eyeballing and going in gun-first. She searched it for ten minutes, but the bastard had disappeared without even being considerate enough to leave a blood trail.
Mulder came running up, gun in hand. For a moment, from the look in his eye, she thought he might use it on her. Then he was Mulder again and asked, "Where--"
"He disappeared. I know I hit him, so we should put out a notice to local hospitals--"
Mulder looked so torn. He couldn't even speak, just look around in distress. It broke her heart.
"Mulder... I know about Robert McCain." His eyes squeezed shut. "Whatever happened with you and Krycek is a direct result of what McCain... did to you. You're not to blame." He couldn't look at her. "Mulder, I'm here to support you. And so is someone else. The person who tipped me on your location said that the work you're doing to reveal the conspirators and uncover the truth is vital."
Scully could almost see Mulder patching an identity together in front of her. He looked more like himself afterwards. "Thanks, Scully." His voice sounded thick with an emotion she couldn't identify.
"You're welcome, Mulder." She prayed they'd never have to talk about this again.
******************************************************
Mulder sat in the passenger seat and ripped into himself. But what could have done? Shot Scully? Shot Alex? Left with an impossible choice, he'd gone passive. Just like Bobby had trained him to.
Mulder kept swinging from rage to despair. //What I most want, I can't have.// As much as it hurt that Alex had run again, Mulder certainly couldn't blame him. Alex had been given an impossible choice too.
Mulder thought of searching for Alex, but Scully's ambush would make him go deep into hiding. All attempts to find him right after Scully's abduction had been fruitless. It would probably be the same this time too. Not that it would stop Mulder from trying.
//But what would we have done anyway? Would I have turned outlaw with him, or gone on a killing spree as his partner, as Bobby had intended? We have no future...//
Mulder looked at Scully, who'd gone in alone to try to save him. She couldn't have known he didn't want to be saved. She'd mentioned his quest for the truth, and he thought of all the things that went along with that: loyalty, duty... and Samantha.
//I'm wearing one of Alex's shirts, like I wore Bobby's-- I forgot who I was, got lost in someone else *again*. I can't keep letting this happen.
//But I miss Alex already...//
******************************************************
8. SMOKE
"There'll be times
When my crimes
Will seem almost unforgivable.
I give in to sin,
Because you have to make this life livable..."
- "Strangelove" by Depeche Mode------------------------------------------------------
"Does this get us even?" Patterson asked.
"Not yet."
"I should have guessed." Patterson took on a defiant look. It was rather amusing. "Fox needs help. I don't care what kind of handle you think his trauma gives you on him. It's been mutating in his head for years now, and only God knows how it has twisted in that time."
"I talked him out of killing me once. I know exactly how to handle him."
Patterson walked out in anger, but he would do what he was told next time too. Fox Mulder was one of his exploitable weaknesses.
Fox Mulder seemed to serve that purpose for a number of people.
He was also a master of bad timing. He was supposed to have fallen for Krycek while they were partners. Once that happened, Alex would have revealed his true nature slowly, drawing Fox further into the web. The right dash of Bobby McCain's killer instinct combined with Fox's brains and bond to Krycek would have eventually made him a valued Consortium operative.
But events had moved too quickly and forced Krycek to alienate him. Fox bonding with a free-agent Krycek now didn't suit his plans at all.
At least as they were now. //But I'll find a way to exploit this. Everyone and everything is vulnerable to manipulation...// He took a long drag on his cigarette and settled back to consider possibilities.
**********************THE END**********************
For more Viridian5 fiction, visit The Green Room at http://members.tripod.com/~drovar/viridian/
|
Home · Quick Search · Advanced Search · Submissions · F A Q · Contact |
|