20 September 1998
Title: Buzz Me
Author: Lil' Sailor, a.k.a. "Ted"
Addy: LilSailor@webtv.net
Disclaimers: Alex and Fox belong to Chris Carter, FOX, and 1013 productions. I'm just borrowing them for a while and promise to return them safe, unharmed, and satisfied.
Spoilers: Tiny, meaningless ones for most of the Krycek episodes and the movie.
Summary: The boys discuss their relationship.
Ratings Note: PG? PG-13? Very safe.
Author's Note: I've strayed a bit out of my usual genre, here, but this is just a little piece that I *had* to write. All in good fun, with humor slash thrown in. I hope you enjoy it.

"Buzz Me"

Alex sighed, realizing that the early morning sunlight bathing his face was because his lover hadn't closed the blinds properly the night before.

They were still open; Mrs. Wisneusky liked to watch.

He rose quietly and padded off into the next room, sidestepping that board on the floor in Mulder's apartment he knew squeaked. Odd, wasn't it, that he knew that. But all the time he spent here lately was becoming...familiar.

Smiling to himself, he entered the small kitchen, still able to see the sleeping form of Fox Mulder on the leather couch. God, what a night.

He was going to have to hose down those cushions later.

Mmmm...last night. He reached down to grip the round, hard mass in front of him. He stroked it, feeling its slightly hard outside as well as the soft, yielding inside. Alex knew what Fox wanted when he first woke up, and the thought made him tighten his grip. He twisted his wrist slightly, causing his fingernails to gouge into flesh. Yes, this is exactly what he liked. More twisting caused liquid to splash onto the counter.

His eyes were closed now, as he continued squeezing and pushing.

Fox walked into the kitchen, rubbing sleepy eyes. "You always know just how I like it," he cooed.

Alex tossed the orange rind as he placed the glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice down on the counter, and slid it over to Mulder.

"Yep, freshly squeezed."

Mulder downed the juice in one gulp, and returned to the living room. Alex followed, and found him sitting on the floor. Mulder motioned to the couch.

"Yechh," he grimaced.

"I'm not washing it this time," Alex stated.

"Why not? You're the one that always has to..."

"Well, yeah, but I seem to recall you enjoying all those times I..."

"Actually, I'm getting kind of bored, Alex."


"I'm getting bored," Mulder sighed. "Same old, same old. I want something new."

"Like what?" he asked, perplexed. "Aren't you satisfied?"

"I've had other experiences," Fox said simply.

"What?!! You said I was your first!"

"I lied."

"Who?" he demanded.

"You don't know him," Fox said, "He's dead now, anyway."

"What was so great about him?" Alex asked.

"Lots of things...it wasn't just the sex. I worked with him...he had this crush on Scully, which made our sex much hotter."

"I don't understand."

"He used to make me pretend I was Scully..."


"And then we'd snuggle afterwards. *We* don't snuggle, Alex."


"Yeah, and there was always lots of smooching. We don't smooch, either. It's just wham, bam, thank you, Mulder."

"Listen, I gave up a lot to be with you, Mulder, and now all of the sudden I'm not good enough?" Alex sounded upset.

"What could you possibly have given up?"

"Do you think I would stay with that Montana right-wing extremist group that rescued me from the silo for no reason? You may not know it, Mulder, but there are a *lot* of homosexual right-wing extremist groups. The sex was great."

"You're kidding."

"No, and if they hadn't been shipping nuclear devices and what not, you never would have found me again. That FBI raid on the warehouse was pure luck. I was perfectly satisfied where I was. *More* than satisfied. I *ruled* those boys. I had any of them I wanted...I was Cock of the Walk."

"In more ways than one, I can imagine."

"Your imagination isn't that sophisticated, believe me."

"C'mon, Alex. Are you saying you gave up a whole *herd* of gay, Montana white boys to come back to me?"


"Well," said Mulder, "that was then, This is now. I'm just ready to move on."

"Who would want you?"

"What do you mean? Plenty of guys would take me in a second."

"Oh, c'mon, Fox. I've seen you naked. You're no club-tailed dragonfly."

"Hey!! Don't use our horny code word like that!"

"That is *such* a stupid code word, anyway. How did you ever come up with "Buzz me like a club-tailed dragonfly?"

"I thought it was original," he pouted.

"Whatever," Alex sighed. "I have no idea what I ever saw in you in the first place. I should've guessed with that red Speedo."

"The water was cold," he retorted.

"Yeah, well, if you do want something new, where would you go? Skinner? You know what I told you about those annoying grunts of his."

Mulder nodded his head.

"The Lone Gunmen? Four's a crowd, Mulder, and Langly would claw your eyes out if you even *looked* at John. And don't even tell me you'd lower yourself to have sex with *Scully* for Chrissakes." Alex shivered.

"I never thought about it," he said.

"Liar," Alex hissed. "Maybe you thought about it before you met me, but I know you could never stoop to *hetero* sex now. God! And that Danny guy you always talk to is straight. So where would you find pleasure? You know I'm better than anything you could ever see on your gay porno tapes."

"I guess," Fox admitted.

"You guess? Look at this!" Alex pulled his boxer shorts down to his thighs. "You'll have nothing better, sweetie, *believe* me. And I've been with the entire roster of the Montana National Freedom Fighters!"

Fox looked up at him and grinned, licking his lips. Then he looked down at the floor again.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I think I may be working too much or something..."

"I know," Alex said, kicking away his boxers and sitting down next to him on the floor. "I remember what you said about the Ice Queen trying to kiss you."

"Can you believe it? She thinks I'm actually attracted to her. Is she blind?"

"Well, those puppy-dog eyes of yours get *me* every time."


"Yeah! And it always turned me on whenever you slapped me around."

"That FBI raid on the warehouse was better in more ways than one. You have no idea how hard it was to keep from jumping on you the minute I knew it was you in that truck. But, of course, Scully was there..." he growled.

"I know...the sight of you in black SWAT gear...all tight and constricting...that hard helmet..." Alex purred back in his ear.

"Alex, I think I may have overreacted. I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"How can I ignore those eyes, baby?"

"But do you promise we can snuggle more often?"

"Of course we can snuggle! And there will be plenty of smooching, too. Just get those silly thoughts out of that Oxford-educated brain of yours," Alex's eyebrows rose, "and Buzz me like a club-tailed dragonfly."

"Mmmm..." Fox hummed, rolling back onto the sticky leather couch, "it's a good thing we didn't wash up after all..."



21 September 1998
Title: "Buzz Me II: Sailing" (1/1)
Author: Lil' Sailor, a.k.a. "Ted"
Addy: LilSailor@webtv.net
Category: Vignette, Humor, M/K slash
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: The End and The Movie
Disclaimer: The Boys don't belong to me, and I'm returning them slightly used, albeit happy.
Summary: A follow-up to "Buzz Me". The Boys reconcile; didja ever wonder exactly *why* we have been seeing so much kissy-face between Mulder and Scully lately? A slashy explanation.
Author's Note: If you were wondering, I have decided to be brave and have listed my name. Well, not my real name, but it'll do. Please send any comments not to Te, but to my new addy listed above. Thanks.
And of course, the obligatory Dedication: To Te, because she believed in my talent and coaxed the Lil' Sailor out of me.

"Buzz Me II: Sailing" (1/1)

"It's always better after we fight," Alex grinned. "Wipe your chin."

"Mmph. Sorry. You taught me better than that."

"I sure did."

He relaxed and eased back onto the sticky cushion, making room for Mulder beside him.

"I'm sorry about making fun of you before, Fox. Heat of the moment."

"I *like* those heated moments," he said, grinning.

"Well," Alex admitted, "I know when to say I'm sorry." He ran a fingertip over Mulder's thigh. "And I also know that the Little Sailor comes to a *full* salute when sufficiently coaxed."

Fox laughed. "The Little Sailor also enjoys the motion of the ocean."

"Good to hear it, baby. So no more wandering thoughts?"

"I promise. C'mon, we were made for each other!"

"You really think so?"

"All my problems and all your problems kind of even themselves out, when you think about it."

"Hmm," Alex said, "but remember, all I have is the loss of one arm and some various underworld dealings. *You* have Scully, and she's in a class by herself."

"True," Fox admitted thoughtfully. "But I do pay her back for the hell she's put me through."

"Ooh, give. Give."

"Well, remember I was telling you how she was trying to kiss me in the hallway outside my apartment?"

"I thought *I* was the only one who kissed you in the hallway outside of your apartment."

"Oh, you are, you are," Fox answered. "You're also the only person who can throw me against the wall in a fit of passion with only one arm, but I'm getting off track here. She *tried* to kiss me."


"I *totally* strung her along, saying things like, "You make me a whole person" and "You kept me honest."


Mulder began laughing as well, and wiped a tear from his eye as he continued.

"I know! I know! And she believed me! The only reason I said that was so she wouldn't quit the FBI."

"She was going to quit?" asked Alex.

"Yeah, and I figured I had better do something, because I need to keep her busy with the X-Files while I'm boinking you on my couch."

Alex's hand moved into Mulder's lap. "Do you think she ever guessed I was hiding in your bedroom the night she was over here complaining about--oh, what was it *this* time--that Diana Fowley woman being shot?"

"No, she doesn't even know I *have* a bedroom!"

They both broke out into laughter again, at Scully's expense.

"What is up with that Fowley woman, anyway?" wondered Alex.

"Oh, I asked the Gunmen to string Scully along to make her jealous, and I had Frohike describing Diana as my "Little Chickadee" and crap like that. Diana and I never had a relationship...she's the biggest lesbian this side of creation."

"How did you get Frohike to go along?"

"A dozen long-stem red roses and my favorite gay porno as a gift."

"You're such a flirt," Alex said. "The porno wasn't "Dr. Diggles and Dr. Cummings in Hornyville Hospital," was it?"

"No, of course not. That's *our* special movie, Alex."

"Damn right," he smirked. "Well, what about what you were telling me about the talk you had with Diana, alone, in that hospital room?"

"All for show. I knew Scully was walking down that hallway, and I asked Diana to grab my hand. The more Scully thinks Diana and I are involved, the more time I have *you* all to myself."

"For snuggling?" Alex teased.

"Much more than that, Alex," Fox said slyly.

"Why don't you just tell her about us?"

"She's been through a lot lately, and I still have a *little* respect for her. If I were to tell her about all the gay sex going on around here, from Skinner to the Gunmen to the time we had with that Kritschgau fellow..."

"Yeah," breathed Alex, remembering.

"If I told her all about them and *then* how I like to sneak you into the office early in the morning with me...her mind would explode."

"Did she ever notice the stains on your swivel chair?"

"I don't think so, but the stains on my desk calendar are another matter..." Fox answered, placing his own hand over Alex's in his lap.

"I see your point about Scully," Alex mused, his hand warm and happy where it was. "It's better she doesn't know. Besides, it's much more exciting to think she may use her key and walk in on us..."

"She'd see a *lot* more than snuggling and smooching, I can tell you that!"

"Maybe she would like to watch..." Alex offered.

"No, I don't think she's as open-minded as Mrs. Wisneusky. In fact, I *know* she isn't."

"Too bad," Alex purred, his hand in motion now in Mulder's lap, "she's missing quite a show..."

"Yesssss...mmm...quite a show..." Mulder moaned. "Alex...I think the Little Sailor is ready to set sail again..."

"We are *never* going to get this couch clean..."


Lil' Sailor
Apologies to the *real* Drs. Diggles and Cummings, though I highly doubt they read XF slash. Maybe during rounds...



11 October 1998
Title: Buzz Me III: Lunch (1/1)
Author: Lil' Sailor, a.k.a. "Ted"
Addy: LilSailor@webtv.net
Rated: PG-13
Category: V, H, M/K
Disclaimer: Alex and Fox are always happy when I return them to their rightful owners, CC, 1013, and Fox Productions
Distribution: Archive anywhere, but no ATXC
Summary: An in-office lunch snack for the Boys

Buzz Me III: Lunch

Mulder straightened the various piles of papers and folders on his desk, and shifted in his chair, ready for what he knew was going to come next.

Comfortable was a relative term when you were sitting in an uncomfortable, FBI-standard desk chair. He tried though, and shifted again, making the chair squeak.

The smile on his face was one of giddy anticipation. The pencil he was holding began bouncing in time with his rapid heartbeat. Sometimes, just sometimes...life was good.

His partner walked into the office, early for this Friday morning. She surprised him, and he jumped slightly in his chair.

"Mulder? You okay?"

"Um, yeah, sure, Scully. You're, um early," he answered.

"Well, I had some things to do upstairs, so I thought I would come in earlier than usual."

"Oh, that's nice."



"Why does it seem like you don't want me here?" she asked.

"Oh, uh, does it sound like that? Sorry. I didn't think...I just didn't expect you in at this time of the morning."

"Is it a problem?"

"Problem? Uh, no, of course not, Scully."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, yes, of course I am."

Suddenly, Mulder flushed, and his eyes rolled in the direction of the ceiling. He bit down on his lip and grabbed onto the sides of his chair.

"Mulder, are you okay?"

"Yep," he squeaked.

"You look awfully flushed this morning. Are you sweating? Why are you panting? Do you feel all right?"

He put up a quivering hand to wave her away when she attempted to come closer.

"Ye-yes. I feel...fine, Scully. No need..." he groaned slightly, "to...to be worried. I'm fine."

She eyed him cautiously. "Well. I need to go upstairs for a little while to talk to Skinner; he wanted to go over some autopsy findings with me. Are you going to be okay by yourself? You're sure you're not sick?"

"Uh-huh," he breathed, inhaling deeply. "Yes, I'm...I'm fine. really."

"You know we have an appointment with that botanist at the Smithsonian later. Are you coming?"

"Not quite," he smiled absently, "but pretty soon...I feel it..." Mulder's eyes refocused on his partner staring at him quizically. "Uh, yeah. The Smithsonian. I'm coming."

"All right," she answered, noticing the strange look on his face, "and don't forget afterwards we're meeting Agent Trehan for a working lunch to discuss the Kensington case."

"Not with your teeth!!" Mulder hissed softly at his chair.


"I said, uh, 'That would be a treat.'"

"Mulder, are you positive you're not sick?"

"Of course, Scully. Would I lie to you? I just haven't been...sleeping well lately, is all."

She opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "I'll check back with you later."

"You got it," he replied.

At the sounds of Scully's heels echoing down the corridor, Alex pushed out from under Mulder's desk and asked, his mouth full, "Ish schee gonn?"

"Christ, not soon enough," Mulder gasped.

"See?" Alex said, running his tongue over his bottom lip, "I told you this would be exciting."

Mulder leaned back in the chair and zipped up. "It's more fun in the car in rush hour traffic."

"Next time I'll ask her to join us," Alex threatened, motioning towards the closed office door.

Mulder sighed. "Would you stop joking about that? Besides, how could you invite her? Your mouth was full," Fox grinned slyly.

"Sometimes I feel sorry for her," Alex admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"She seems so depressed; you'd think she would meet somebody and settle down. Or at least have a relationship with someone. Didn't you mention Diana Fowley was a lesbian?"

"Well, yeah, but Scully's not into women."

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

"You two have been working together for six years, and she has no *clue* about the two of *us*. So how do you know she doesn't have a little girly action on the side? Maybe a fling with Diana will do her some good...loosen her up a bit. She's so uptight all the time."

"I just think I know Scully pretty well, is all."

"You didn't know about me and Marita until I told you," Alex pointed out.

"Alex, you *know* that's a sore spot."

"Just experimentation, baby! She doesn't kiss as well as you, anyway."

"I'm still a little angry about you choosing a blonde."

"C'mon, Fox, she's not a *real* blonde."

"So why did you kiss her?"

"I always liked the way she said your name: Fockssssssssss."

"With that annoying breathy-hiss of hers? Mulder asked.

"I just like hearing someone say your name when we aren't together."

"Was she good?" asked Mulder.

"Oh, her kissing, you mean?"

"What *else* would I mean, Alex? Or are you neglecting to tell me something?"

"Oh, baby," Alex soothed, "yours are the *only* lips I want to kiss. Tender, soft...and I want to kiss them often."

"Even while I'm working here in my office?" Mulder teased.

Alex laughed, a low and throaty chuckle set deep in his chest. He leaned close to Fox's ear.

"It's time for you to do some work now," he whispered, and pulled at Mulder's bottom lip with his teeth. "Shall I clear off your desk first so we don't stain any of your precious X-Files?"

"What does the loss of a mutant or UFO file mean in the scheme of things, anyway? *Some* things are more important, you know."

"I just thought I'd ask first..."

"You were always so courteous," he purred back in Alex's ear. "But if we do it here, you have to promise me something."

"Anything," Alex agreed, climbing up on the desk.

"You heard what Scully said about the working lunch date with Agent Trehan?"

"Well, my mind *was* occupied with other things at that moment, but yeah."

"More than your mind was occupied," Mulder said. He leaned across the desk, placing his hands on either side of Alex so he couldn't move. Soft lips brushed his lover's cheek.

"Do you know that little French restaurant on 10th Street--across from Ford's Theatre?" Fox whispered.

Alex nodded.

"Meet me there half an hour early...the table by the large potted palm, in the back by the bar. Have any idea why I like this restaurant so much?"

"No," Alex said.

Fox ran his hand through Alex's close-cropped hair. "It has nice, long tablecloths. Perfect for some before-lunch under-the-table fun..."


Lil' Sailor